Chapter 14 – Elsa's Limits
The next morning, Gerda helped Elsa into a blue dress of soft cotton with a white embroidered collar, and then led her to the couch in her sitting room, sat her down and tucked a patchwork quilt in around her. Elsa let her do it, drawing comfort from the quilt's softness and the cheerful bright yellow, red and blue blocks. A fire crackled in the hearth. There was no sunshine today. Gray clouds brooded outside her window, wind whipping the waves that crashed against the castle island. Those same heavy clouds had wrapped around the mountaintops while they dumped their load of snow. Elsa assumed Kristoff was up there, as far away as he could get, relieved to be caught in a physical storm instead of an emotional storm.
Lieutenant Almar, her bodyguard, was in the room instead of waiting in the corridor. He tried to remain inconspicuous, except for when he had to make a circuit of the room, checking doors and windows. It was strange to have his green uniform, sword and solemn face as a reminder of the danger she was in, while knowing that he had no way to defend her from her greatest danger. None of them could do that.
Olaf climbed up onto Elsa's dresser and refused to leave. He was quiet, watching Elsa with a face full of somber worry. Other than wiggling his foot snowballs, he was still.
Anna had taken over the Council and the crisis. She'd left strict instructions that nothing be allowed to bother Elsa today. Still shocked at what she'd nearly done to herself, Elsa hadn't argued, knowing she wasn't in any condition to make decisions. She'd merely watched Anna turn into a strong, confident leader and bossy sister and felt relieved that someone else could take over. She wasn't entirely alone.
"All right, dearie, I got this one started for you. Hold the rags like this, then it's nothing but a regular braid, but leave out the tag rag so we can weave it into a circle, see?" Gerda sat next to Elsa with a basket of rags and the beginnings of two rag rugs. "Then we just weave in another rag when one strand ends. Try to fold in the frayed edges as you go, so they're all underneath. It makes a nicer rug."
Elsa watched her, then tried to copy her. She'd scared Gerda last night, ranting about how her hands could do nothing but freeze and destroy. Always practical, Gerda had taken her literally and shown up that morning with a project. Elsa was going to learn to braid a rag rug because she didn't have the heart or energy to refuse Gerda, who was clearly anxious to do something helpful.
"Very good, your Majesty," Gerda complimented her. "Now pull out this rag here. The braid only has to be a few inches long before we start the knots. No, dearie, it's this one, see?"
Elsa looked from her braid back to Gerda's, studied it, then picked up a different strip of fabric. This was supposed to be more relaxing than running a country, but it was every bit as intricate.
"That's right. Now, it goes under while you're pulling this one through at the same time. It's more of a half-hitch knot than a braid here," Gerda said, her fingers pulling the fabric around and into a tidy knot.
Elsa tried to copy the motion, but she had a fabric strip in the wrong place and the knot pulled out smoothly into nothing.
"This one was over instead of under. It's an easy mistake to make; we all do it," Gerda assured her. "Here, put the green one here under the striped one and try it again."
This time the knot snarled instead of lying flat like Gerda's. Elsa picked it back out, trying not to cry. It was so easy for everyone else, and so hard for her. She'd spent her entire life with her hands in gloves, and she couldn't catch up with everyone else no matter how badly she wanted to. These past few months, she'd started to relax and think she belonged here in Arendelle, but yesterday the ice had thrown her differences back into her face and laughed at her for thinking she was like them. She couldn't even tie a rag into a knot, much less be part of the human race.
With Gerda holding the strips in place, Elsa managed to do the knot correctly.
"Just right, dearie!" Gerda complimented her. "Now we do it again."
When Elsa snarled the next knot, she froze the braid. "Oh!" she cried out, and dropped it as if it was a snake.
"Ach, dearie, it's just a little bit. Don't you worry about a little bit like that," Gerda pleaded with her, taking the icy braid and warming it in her hands. "See, it's melted already."
Elsa took it back only because Gerda wanted her to try again. But she was relieved when someone knocked on the door. Almar drew his sword and opened it, sheathing his sword again when he saw who it was.
"Lord Councilors Rodmund and Gustav to see you, ma'am," Almar told her.
Elsa handed the braid to Gerda and put on her blue linen gloves. Gerda patted her knee as she gathered up her rag basket. She set the basket on the dresser next to Olaf as she left the room.
They came in hesitantly. "Good morning, your Majesty," Rodmund said. "How are you feeling today?" He tugged on his gray jacket that had a tendency to pull awkwardly over his paunch, the gold-tasseled shoulder epaulettes marking him as the third-highest ranking authority in the kingdom.
"We've been worried about you," Gustav said. He was wearing a dark blue cutaway coat with pewter buttons over a white shirt.
"Please sit down. I'm sorry I'm so useless right now," Elsa said, folding her gloved hands over the bright-colored quilt on her lap as her councilors pulled the upholstered chairs closer to her couch and sat down.
"You don't need to worry about that. Princess Anna has taken over and is proving herself quite competent," Rodmund said.
"He's understating things," Gustav said, clearly proud of his star pupil. "Princess Anna is a force to be reckoned with."
"I can imagine," Elsa said. "Did Oslin survive? Have you talked to him? I want to see him."
"We've talked to Oslin and gotten as much information from him as he possesses. He was quite willing to talk, actually. There's no need for you to see him," Rodmund said.
"I still want to see him," Elsa repeated. She had to know why he'd done it.
"Your councilors unanimously recommend that you not see him," Rodmund said.
"I'm the queen! You can't stop me!" Elsa said, angry at their protectiveness.
"You can pull rank on us if you want," Rodmund agreed mildly. "But all of us recommend that you not see him, including Princess Anna."
"Come now, Princess Anna only said we could talk to you if we didn't upset you. This conversation can wait," Gustav broke in. "We came to tell you we're glad you're still with us."
Elsa studied them. She was twenty-one. Gustav, with his dark hair just beginning to gray at the temples, was more than a lifetime ahead of her at fifty. Rodmund, with his iron gray hair and a face full of lines that traced out a smile even when he wasn't smiling, was even further ahead. Over the years they'd added wisdom and compassion to the knowledge they'd gained, and had gotten better as they'd gotten older. She couldn't understand why people like them wanted to be around someone like her.
"May I ask you something? Will you hear me out and listen and think about what I've said? And if you want to tell me that it's unthinkable and impossible, can you at least tell me why?" Elsa pleaded. "Everyone thinks I'm wrong, but no one will tell me why."
"Proceed, your Majesty," Rodmund said.
"Gerhard is right, I am the greatest danger facing Arendelle," Elsa started. "Just listen! You said you would listen! I don't have control of these strange powers as much as everyone wishes, including myself. You saw what happened last night, and I'm only glad I turned it inward on myself instead of unleashing it on Arendelle again, or any of you. Maybe I should have let the ice finish what it started. I'm so dangerous! Why don't you meet with Gerhard and tell him he's right? Then we can all find a place that's far enough away that I can't hurt any of you again and I can go there. Why not protect Arendelle from me? Why are we fighting Gerhard instead of me?"
To her relief, they didn't object immediately. She could almost see them thinking.
"My first reason is pure selfishness," Rodmund started slowly. "I want to be able to look in a mirror and like the man I see, and I could never do that again if I handed you over to Gerhard. What are your thoughts, Gustav?"
Gustav put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, steepling his fingers. "Your Majesty, would it upset you more if you hurt someone, or if someone wouldn't do what you wanted them to do?" Gustav asked.
"If I hurt someone, of course," Elsa said.
"You understand Gerhard would have chosen the other answer, don't you?" Gustav said. "Even when he was working with us on the Council, I was always a little wary of Gerhard. He's too quick to control people, and doesn't see how he affects others. Quite frankly, I'm more afraid of Gerhard than I am of you; it's never bothered him when he's hurt someone. You have some strange abilities, but you have a good heart. I'd much rather live in a kingdom ruled by you than by Gerhard. I'm not just fighting to defend you, I'm defending myself and my family from someone like Gerhard."
"But I can hurt people," Elsa objected. She held up her gloved hands. "I could hurt any one of you whether I meant to or not."
That drew a laugh of pure surprise from Rodmund and he caught one of her slim blue-clad hands and squeezed it between his own liver-spotted hands. "You can wear those gloves if you don't want to freeze the council table, your Majesty, but I'm not in any danger from you. Princess Anna showed us the limit, don't you remember? It's a heart full of true love; you can't hurt anyone who has the ability to put someone else's needs ahead of their own. You couldn't hurt me even if you wanted to."
Elsa stared at her hand that Rodmund was holding. Something of what they were saying was getting through. She was up against their essential goodness and loyalty. There was nothing she could say about herself and her powers that would change them into the sort of people who would hand her over to Gerhard. Their goodness was the limit on how much damage she could do. That was a strange thought – she'd always thought there were no limits. Still, they were more willing to fight for her than she was to fight for herself.
"But there will still be a battle. I'm not sure I'm worth it. I suppose I lack that instinct for self-preservation that all of you have," Elsa said.
"Ah, but when Princess Anna threw you a lifeline last night, you took it," Gustav pointed out.
"Begging your pardon at the interruption, your Majesty, Lord Councilors, but I've seen you defend yourself too," Almar said with a salute and a bow to excuse his boldness. The three of them turned towards the lieutenant.
He saluted again. "Lord Councilor Bern commanded me and my squadron to accompany him on the search party with Prince Hans after your coronation, and we found you in the palace on the North Mountain. You fought back when those guards from Weselton attacked you, and you were winning too, your Majesty."
"You and Bern were there?" Elsa asked.
"Yes, your Majesty. Lord Bern was the one that brought you back down the mountain so carefully. He was quite incensed when Prince Hans wanted to put you in the dungeon. Prince Hans had to pull his sword and threaten to run him through before Lord Bern would get out of his way," Almar said.
"I don't recall him telling us that detail," Rodmund mused. "I just remember him coming back to the council room and insisting we storm the dungeon and rescue you."
"We were going to do it, too, when you made the effort moot by escaping on your own. There's another act of self-preservation, by the way," Gustav said.
"Even Harold?" Elsa said with half a smile, picturing her white-haired finance councilor with his cane and arthritic knees.
"Especially Harold! It was his idea to steal guard uniforms for disguises. Can't you picture the seven of us tricked out like Castle Guards, storming the dungeon?" Rodmund asked.
Elsa laughed.
"There's that laugh again! We were hoping it would be back soon," Rodmund said with a twinkle in his brown eyes. He finally let go of her hand. "We were going to invite you along too, Almar," Rodmund said to the lieutenant, who replied with a salute and a smile.
Elsa trusted these men to help her run the country. Why wouldn't she trust them when they said she was a good person and belonged with them? How could they be wise about so many things and wrong on this most important thing?
"All right, I'll accept your recommendation. I won't see Oslin," Elsa said. "But can you tell me what he said?"
"He confirmed what we were suspecting. Gerhard has gathered a force of mercenaries and intends to attack soon," Gustav said. "Gerhard didn't share many details with him. He also insisted he was working alone and no other guards are involved. Naturally, we're taking that with a grain of salt; Captain Torvin is conducting a thorough shakedown of the Castle Guards and anyone with access to the castle, looking for more accomplices."
Elsa nodded, feeling stronger as she accepted the fact that she could rely on the people around her. She pushed the quilt off her lap and stood up. "Give me a few minutes, and I'll join you in the council room."
Gustav and Rodmund exchanged pensive looks. "You'll have to take that up with Princess Anna yourself. We're not getting in her way."
Elsa went on, "I wish I'd seen Kristoff before he left. I didn't get a chance to thank him for what he did."
"Oh, he's around here somewhere, just very busy," Rodmund said. "Vilrun swore him in as a Castle Guardsman early this morning."
Elsa blinked in surprise.
They bowed deeply. Almar opened the door for them as they left, passing Olaf who was still up on the dresser, quietly playing with strips of fabric.
Elsa went back into her bedroom where Gerda had left the untouched breakfast tray. Suddenly she was ravenous. She spread jam on a biscuit and poured herself some tea. Even congealed eggs tasted good right now.
It was so strange that they thought she was a good person even though she'd made such terrible mistakes. They kept assuming all she needed was another chance, and lots of love and support. In her mind, a mistake meant she should be banished so she could never hurt anyone again. That's what Gerhard thought too.
Her eyes went wide. That's what her father had done to her. The biscuit suddenly tasted like sand, and she dropped it and cried.