Disclaimer: I do not own The Book Thief.
Please note, The narrator, Death, writes in bold.
Love, Vix
A/N: PLEASE NOTE IN THIS FIC: LIESEL IS NOW 16, BETTINA IS 14, VIKTOR IS 18 AND RUDY IS 16 YEARS OLD!
Chapter 14: A Darkness Inside
Rosa doesn't wait for his next barrage of questions. She only gives one answer. A door slam to the face. Rudy is in complete and utter disbelief. Liesel and Viktor together? When? Where? The third question doesn't come because as he stumbles backward down the front steps he receives his answer. When he turns around. There. Hand in hand, Rudy's eyes are drawn to the two that are holding. Viktor and Liesel. They are walking down the street, brazenly without a care in the world. She is even smiling. That heartless Saumensch. He is spinning and spinning. And he is probably going to be sick. Another rejection. No, not rejection. Betrayal. Hot and fresh in his chest, something seems to be breaking, or even snapping finally. This is just too far, he thinks tortuously as he calls out a name he found himself wishing he could forget.
"Liesel."
Fear registers in her eyes. She is not expecting him so soon. "Rudy." She gasps, her hand goes limp. Viktor's mouth finally stops moving. He lets her hand fall, as she runs and runs into the arms of another. She closes the distance between them. Viktor doesn't follow. Instead, he turns around and leaves. The Book Thief reaches out her hand, desperate and afraid. It stings. Her betrayal. He is not ready to forgive her. There is only three words.
***WHAT THEY WERE***
Don't touch me.
Liesel's eyes burn. "It's not what you think." Rudy does not want to listen. He has listened enough over the years. To her. To everyone. Why should he always have to do what they want him to do. He is even going away to a Nazi School against his will. Once just once could he do what he wants? Viktor's sneering face comes to mind. The arrogant piece of Scheisse. Es stimmt nicht. This isn't happening. Why him of all people? Rudy wants to throw up. Instead, he smiles. "Well, then enlighten me." His voice sounds off. Rudy tunes out her story. He finds himself not caring. Just disgusted. He has been lied to. He has been led on. He doesn't want to fix this. He wants this to break. He wants something to blame. Anything. His attention piques at the word Jew. Never mind, half, that part doesn't matter. Just Jew. Rudy feels something snap. A darkness inside. He doesn't have any words left. Only tears. So he put them in a jar to come back to later when the sun came out again, but right now is darkness. He doesn't have any air in his lungs, but somehow he is still breathing. He gave away his heart to someone who threw it away. No, she isn't a someone. She is a dirty fucking Jew. Isn't it strange how easy love can twist into hate? And suddenly he wants to just hurt her.
"Is it true that you're leaving Rudy?" Liesel asks. Viktor had told her that some Nazis were coming to town, looking for him. His physical abilities and high intellect had drawn the attention of scouts for the Nazi Party. Liesel did not know how Viktor knew they were coming and he would not tell her where he got that information.
***HIS SOURCE***
His mother, Adette Chemmel, would often hire private investigators to spy on her husband in the Nazi Party. Instead, of revealing an affair, she discovered that the Nazi Party would be scouting for new members this week. The Steiner boy's second son would be a likely candidate.
"Yes. I decided to go." Any previous doubts he had before were quelled with this last nail in the coffin. Anything to get away from her. In this moment, he could just not stand her. Yet, he just could not bring himself to ask what they had done. Had they already kissed? Had sex? Did it even matter? Just how much had Viktor taken away from him? Again, dark thoughts to hurt her back crosses his mind. Would it really be so wrong to give in to this darkness? "Please, don't go." Liesel throws her arms around Rudy, shaking with tears. Rudy is like stone in her arms, stoic and unflinching. How can she hug him so easily as if nothing had happened at all? He finds his resentment growing even more. He would get what he wants. Finally. Whether Viktor's had her or not. "I can't say no, Saumensch. You know that." Liesel looks up into his eyes, tears in those brown eyes of hers. Rudy finds himself turning his heart off. "I came to say goodbye." He grabs her hand. "Come on. Let's go somewhere private." Liesel glances at Rudy's house. In the window, all of his sisters are staring at their farewell. Bettina particularly pissed off, biting the forefront of her shirt with uncanny ferocity. Liesel has a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach. No, it's nothing she shakes her head following Rudy.
This is the second time today, the Book Thief is following someone and not knowing where she is going. She wants to ask Rudy where they are headed. But there is something heavy in the air. She can't quite put her finger on it. But she is starting to feel afraid. It is dark outside and there is no one in sight. Liesel recognizes the surroundings: Schiller Strasse. "Why did we go here?" Liesel asks. She knew Rudy wanted privacy, but this is a ghost of a neighborhood. Also, Rudy hated this place because of the Jews that used to live here. They stole business away from his father's shop, Rudy would often complain. Rudy turns toward Liesel, his eyes dark with spite in his eyes. She could not see because of how dark out it is. He ignores her question, leaning in to kiss her. Liesel kisses him back, her hands come up to his face. Rudy yanks them away from him. "Don't touch me, I said!" Rudy shouts at her and Liesel visibly flinches at the anger in his voice. "I'm sorry." Liesel apologizes, confused and scared.
***Warning: trigger warning. Do not read past this if triggered.***
Rudy grabs her by the arm, yanking her to his chest and kisses her again, forcing his mouth and tongue in. Liesel is frightened at his behavior, but her body freezes, unsure what to do. His hands travel lower to her breasts, squeezing hard and Liesel yelps in pain. "Ow! Rudy that hurts-" Liesel struggles, against him, trying to pull away. This seems to anger him even more as he pulls her into the abandoned flower shop. "What are you doing?" Liesel fights against him. He is stronger than her. "I don't want to go in there. I want to go home!" Rudy places his hand over her mouth, pushing her against the wall. "Shut up, Jew." Rudy growls in a voice, Liesel has never heard him use before. So full of malice. Pure hate. He forces her legs apart with his knee, grabbing her wrists and placing them above her head, effectively pinning her to the wall. His hot breath is on hers again and this time she wants to retch. He licks her neck with his tongue. "Rudy please stop. I don't want this." Liesel pleads with him, crying now. What has gotten into him? "You should have thought of that when you were fucking Viktor." Rudy says coldly. "I wasn't! I didn't fuck him!" Liesel cries. "I told you that he forced me." Rudy wants to believe her, but he just can't get her smiling face out of his mind. She was smiling because of him. He couldn't have her, he realized. He saw the pure joy in her eyes directed at Viktor. He couldn't have her. After, all these years of loving her and only her, he is going to lose her to that piece of shit. If he couldn't have her than nobody could. Rudy pushes her to the ground, crawling on top. "Please. Don't." Tears, streaming down her face. Rudy pulls off her dress, gagging her with it. He is through listening to others.
***Warning: trigger over***
The next day, Rudy leaves for the Nazi School for the gifted. Liesel doesn't come out of bed to see him off. Rosa stomps up the stairs, she throws the door open. "Get up you lazy Saumensch!" Liesel pretends to sleep. This infuriates Rosa even more. She marches over, yanking the blankets off of her. "I should take this bed away from you!" There is malice in her voice. Liesel slowly gets up. "Yes, Mama." She follows her, preparing for her daily deliveries. She tosses on a random grey top and a red skirt that's seen better days. Viktor is downstairs waiting for her. "Guten Morgen, Miss Liesel." He says, uncharacteristically polite. It is all a sham though. She is just his slave to do his bidding. Her family is a lie. She herself is a phony. And Rudy... Liesel wilts at the thought of his name. She doesn't want to think of him.
"Where to today?" Viktor asks as soon as they leave the house. Liesel says nothing. "Hey, I'm talking to you. Don't think because I let you off easy yesterday that it's going to be-" Viktor trails off when he looks into her eyes. Her eyes said it all. "Was ist falsch? Sag mir. What's wrong? Tell me." Liesel cringes. She doesn't know why, but hearing Viktor repeat something Rudy has once asked her brings on an onslaught of tears. Viktor tries to hold her. Liesel pushes him away. "Don't touch me." Liesel gasps out, between sobs. She doesn't want to be touched anymore. Never again. "Did something happen yesterday?" Viktor asks, bothered she has pushed him off. Liesel shakes her head no. "Don't lie." He says, placing his finger under her chin, forcing her eyes in his before she has a chance to shrug him off. Brown meets grey. Viktor's eyes are clouds brewing with something she couldn't identify. "I told him everything." Liesel admits, cringing at the memories flooding. "And?" Viktor wheedles. "He... hurt me." Viktor closes his eyes. With his eyes still closed he finally asks, "Do you?" Liesel looks down. "No." Viktor opens his eyes again, looking away, his face unreadable. "Give me that basket." He commands. Liesel hands him the delivery basket without a word. They are nearing the Amper Bridge. When they arrive, Viktor pulls his arm back and throws the basket with all of his might. It lands with a splash into the river, sinking rapidly into the deep river sediment below. Never to see the light of day again. "We're going shopping." Viktor says.