Chapter Fourteen
Sixteen Months Earlier
The blonde leant in and kissed the brunette before opening the attendings lounge door.
"I'm sorry about the weekend," she said and the brunette shrugged. The blonde continued, "I was looking forward to it too."
"I know… it's just frustrating," the brunette replied. "I'll see you tonight."
The blonde smiled, "I'll be late…"
"Tis okay, I have a bottle of tequila to keep my company til you return," the brunette grinned cheekily.
"Calliope, be careful," the blonde admonish.
"Stop sounding like my mother," the brunette ordered. "I will see you tonight."
"Yes you shall," the blonde smiled widely before turning away.
******************
"What are you doing here?"
"Safer out here than in there," the brunette answered her tall neighbour, nodding her head in the direction of her apartment.
The tall man raised an eyebrow and grinned, "Ooo laa laa."
The brunette chuckled, "More like Raa Raa Raa… they're arguing."
The tall man slid down the wall next to her, "Where's blondie?"
She shook her head, "Working… want some?"
He nodded and took the bottle, "You and me, and a bottle of tequila… this could get interesting."
She slapped him, "I am a good girl now."
"Ah but for how long?"
The brunette slapped him on the arm before taking the bottle back, "Just because you manage to be a whore doesn't mean I will be?"
He took the bottle, and drank a healthy dose of tequila before wincing, "How do you drink this stuff?"
"Like this," the brunette stated as she took the bottle back and drank with ease. "I had wanted to go to sleep and wallow but those two had to have one of their 'Christina, you're out of line' conversations again."
"Why wallow?"
"I was really looking forward to getting away this weekend but Arizona wants to do this conference instead," the brunette answered feeling the effects of the alcohol.
"Bad blondie! No weekend of loud, crazy sex for you," he teased.
"There is no crazy sex… just sex," she answered miserably. "It's become almost…"
"Boring…" he interred.
"I was going to say uniform," she laughed. "But yeah, there's no excitement. I was hoping this weekend would be…"
He drank more and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, "That's what happens in a relationship."
"I'm just so bored with her at the moment," she slurred.
****************
The blonde moved slowly up the stairs. Her back was aching from a long day in surgery; her head was beginning to pound from tiredness. She smiled as she heard that voice she loved, and felt a new-found energy to be reunited with her. She stopped as she heard the words being uttered, frowning. She felt the heat of tears in her eyes and the swell in her throat. She shook her head, convincing herself she heard wrong, as she moved faster up the stairs. She dropped her bag.
"Oh God!"
His fingers were in the brunette's hair as they kissed passionately. She moves closer to him, almost straddling him. On hearing the blonde's exclamation, they pull apart. The brunette sees hurt and starts standing up. The blonde tries to run away but feels the brunette's hand on her, pulling her into the apartment.
The living room is empty and its silence heavy on the two.
"I need water," the blonde said, tearing her eyes away from the brunette's flushed face. The brunette nodded and grabbed a glass, struggling to find words. She handed the filled glass to the shaking blonde.
"Arizona, it meant nothing, I was drunk and it just kind of happened… Oh God, I am sorry."
The brunette swallowed before lifting the bottle of tequila to her lips. She saw pure fury in the normally calm blue eyes and dropped the bottle.
The glass smashed against the wall, its shards shattering all over the wooden floor. The bottle of tequila rolls across the floor, before stopping at the foot of the blonde.
"I don't believe this," the blonde whispers harshly. "I can't believe this."
"It was nothing," the brunette pleaded.
"Nothing!" the blonde spat the word out. "If that was nothing, I'm glad I never witnessed something!... I… this… how could you!"
The brunette steps towards the blonde and grabs her arms, searching for the blue eyes. She saw rage and hurt in them, and almost looked away, but instead persisted, "It was nothing…"
The blonde shook her off and looked up at her, "Can you promise that?"
The brunette went to speak but couldn't. The blonde laughed bitterly, "Nothing?"
The brunette grabbed the blonde's hand pulling her towards her, kissing her hard. She ignored the smaller woman's struggle. She put her hands to the small woman's face, kissing the lips, begging to be kissed back.
"I'm so sorry… I love you," she whispered as she pushed the woman against the door. She groaned as the blonde finally returned the forceful kisses. She felt fingers in her hair, and being pulled closer. She placed her knee between the woman's legs, hearing the frustrated growl against her lips. She kissed her again, relishing the feel of their tongues duelling. She pushed the woman's shirt up, allowing her hands to roam the flawless skin.
"God, I love you so much Arizona. It was a mistake… I love you."
The blonde pushed her back, her blue eyes glistening with tears. She straightened her shirt, ignoring the confusion on the taller woman's face. She opened the door, looking back at the hurt dark eyes.
"Sometimes love isn't enough."
The blonde moved quickly, forcing her tears back as she fled the apartment. She wanted to go back but the hurt wouldn't let her. She struggled to put the key in the lock, dropping it several times before finally pushing open the door into darkness. The apartment felt strange, empty and she felt alien to it. It was supposed to be her home but it didn't feel like it. Home was… she couldn't let herself think. Once she closed the door and dropped the key to the floor, she allowed the tears to fall. She pulled her knees to her chest as she slid to the floor, leaning against the door.
"Why?" she sobbed to nothing and no-one.
She ignored the continuous ringing of her phone, knowing who it was on the other end. She ignored the persistent banging on her door an hour later, and the pleads from the other side of the wooden barrier.
*******************
"I can't talk about this anymore," the blonde said as she continued past the brunette, through the corridors of the hospital.
"Listen to me, please!" the brunette begged as she chased her. "I am so sorry… it was a foolish mistake and I meant nothing by it. I want you. I love you…"
The blonde noticed the audience they were gathering and pulled the brunette into an empty on-call room.
"I will do anything to make this up to," the brunette continued. "Please let me."
The blonde sighed, "Callie…"
"Callie?" The brunette repeated, feeling her heart shatter.
The blonde saw the pain, but it didn't defeat the torment she was currently suffering. She whispered, "Callie, it isn't what you did that hurts, it's what you said…I can't forgive nor can I forget what you said."
The brunette looked stunned and watched the blonde open the door to leave.
*************
The brunette was surprised to see the blonde sitting calmly on the couch, waiting for her.
"Hey," she spoke quietly, hoping not to frighten the blonde to avoid her again.
The blonde looked up at her, her eyes tired, her face drained, "We should talk."
The brunette nodded and sat down next to the blonde immediately aware of the discomfort unlike the comfort that was once there. The blonde also aware of such discomfort stood up and began to pace.
The brunette hurt by the move began, "It meant nothing."
"Why did you do it?" The blonde asked calmly.
The brunette shook her head, placing her face between her hands as she sat on the couch. She was tired, her emotions running her ragged.
"I don't know… I was…"
"I swear to God, if you say drunk I am leaving right now…"
The brunette jumped at the raised voice, "I was going to say stupid…"
The blonde sighed and sat on the chair opposite, "Something wasn't working for it to happen in the first place…"
The brunette shook her head yet again, "Don't say that…"
"You know it's true, and I don't know what it is… but you do," the blonde was barely audible.
The brunette didn't speak. She could hear the water dripping from the tap slowly, the sound of a car horn on the street below, a door slam further down the corridor. She looked back up at the waiting blue eyes.
The blonde edged closer to the edge of the seat, forcing the eye contact to continue, "Please, just be honest…"
The brunette felt the ache in her heart and remembered why they were there in the first place. She swallowed, "Everything is the same, and nothing is new… it's just…."
The brunette looked at the blonde and sighed, "I am never excited anymore. There is no more guessing. There are no plans for the future… when we try, you shake it off, asking to wait until tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes…"
"Don't blame me for this… I gave you the opportunity to leave months ago, when we talked about kids but you chose to stay…"
"I know," the brunette nodded. "I know and now I realised that this is it… this is it for you and me… This is you and me in ten years, twenty years…"
"And what is wrong with that?" Hurt was evident in the blonde's voice.
"It's just too comfortable."
The brunette stood up and looked down at the blonde before whispering, "It's just comfortable, there is nothing new…"
"So this is it?" The blonde looked at her, tears pooling in her blue eyes. She watched the dark eyes whose tears had already started to fall.
"This is it," the brunette confirmed and watched with a dull ache in her chest as the blonde shook her head while picking up her bag.
She stood up and went to the front door before turning to the taller woman.
"Calliope, this is all you… just so you know."
*****************
"Paolo, it's Callie," the brunette spoke nervously into the phone. "You still want a doctor?"
The brunette hung up as soon as she got details, and immediately booked a flight with another phone call. She looked around her bedroom before standing with a renewed energy. She pulled a suitcase out from beneath her bed and packed her belongings into it. It was when she had finished she realised she still had clothes that did not belong to her. She stacked them neatly back into the drawers, except for one shirt. She could feel her tears threatening to fall yet again as she inhaled a shirt, before putting it with her own belongings.
*******************
The blonde paced the length of her apartment rolling the unlit cigarette between her fingers. She stared at the phone wanting to pick it up but shaking her head every time she approached it. She paced towards the framed photo of her and the brunette, crying. She wanted to smash it but she knew she couldn't. She let her fingers reach for the necklace the brunette had bought her, feeling anger, hurt and frustration surge through her. She needed air.
She went to the window looking out as the early hours blanketed Seattle. She sighed, watching cars and taxis weave between others. She saw a taxi start its engine and suddenly she wished she could escape. She screamed at the emptiness of her apartment.
She went to the phone and frowned when it went straight to voice-mail. She grabbed her bag and coat… it wasn't too late. She could try… it wasn't too late.
The blonde wrapped her arms around her chest as she surveyed the emptiness of the room. She ignored her body's trembling as she went to touch the bare mattress, before lifting her fingers to her lips. She gasped, and held the sobs in before feeling a presence at the doorframe.
"She's gone… don't know where. She left a note saying Sorry and two months rent up front… I don't think she's coming back."
The blonde nodded before sitting on the empty bed. She avoided eye contact with the other person, turning to the window.
"Everything is gone," she whispered, noting her voice cracking.
"Yeah… and now I need to find another room-mate."
The blonde's head whipped around to her companion, the hurt present in her eyes.
"You could live here… you practically did already, and I know you're not going to bring randoms home every night… or you could. Depends on how you react to heart-break…"
The small woman shrugged before leaving the room. She turned to the now quietly crying blonde, "It would save me so much effort…"
The blonde looked at her, "She's gone."
"Yeah."