You just know me (and Chandler) too well, don't you? ;)
In Tulsa, Chandler is trying to get a cab. He hasn't even listened to all of Ross' rambling. He didn't have to. The first sentence was enough. He broke up with her and it's killing her. He broke up with her and it's killing her. He hears Ross saying this sentence all the time in his head. Seeing how happy Monica was with Simon he can only imagine how she is feeling now. Why the hell did he leave her? What was he thinking? He hasn't thought it through. He thought he was doing the right thing, but he was just being egoistic. He didn't want to watch the two lovebirds but didn't think about the time Monica would really need him. The thought of their fight and his feelings for her cross his mind shortly. But he brushes the thoughts away.
Finally a cab stops right in front of him and he jumps into the car. "To the airport," he tells the driver, breathing heavily.
Yes, she told him that she doesn't want to see him ever again. But that doesn't matter now. Monica needs him and he is going to be there for her. That is the easiest math Chandler has ever done.
Chandler hurries up the stairs of the apartment building that he used to live in. It feels like only yesterday that he ran down the stairs, so sure that he is doing the right thing by going to Tulsa. He had a lot of time to think about at the airport while he waited for his flight to leave and in the plane. He thought about all the things he'd done wrong. The main thing being of course leaving Monica. How dumb was he? He finally realized he had these feelings for a girl and he for once knows that he could spend the rest of his life with her. And what does he do? Runs away. Before telling her about his feeling. That is even stupider than all the times he run away after it got a little serious with a woman. It's the stupidest thing he has ever done and he just hopes that Monica is able to forgive him.
Without even looking at the door of his old apartment, he runs into Monica's. That's the first thing he has to do: see her, talk to her, hug her. There is nothing that is more important right now.
The living room is empty, a fact that would surprise him if he wouldn't just think about the woman he's in love with. He rushes towards Monica's bedroom, opens the door and stops in the tracks. She is not there. Where is she? What happened?
Scared he leaves the apartment and stops in front of apartment 19. He takes a deep breath. Chandler doesn't know whether to knock or not. It's not his apartment anymore and Joey might have another roommate by now who doesn't want him just walking into the room without knocking. After a little while Chandler decides to knock, but he opens the door right after that.
Four pairs of eyes land on him as he walks into the apartment and he smiles insecurely.
"Hey guys," he says.
No one says a thing and Chandler starts to feel really uncomfortable.
"Is everything okay?" He asks alarmed. The fact that Monica wasn't in her room scared him, and now, seeing his friends' faces doesn't make it better. What if she did something to herself? He hasn't listened to all of Ross' story on the phone and therefore doesn't know how bad it got her. "Guys?"
"Y-you're here?" Ross asks, his voice barely a whisper. "Why?"
"You told me to come," Chandler says, wrinkling his forehead. Has it just been a dream? Hasn't Ross called him? Didn't he tell him that Simon broke up with Monica?
"I … I thought … you didn't say anything. And you put the phone away!" Ross has found his voice again and sounds very angry now.
"That was because I was already looking for a cab to the airport," Chandler explains.
Suddenly he has Joey in his arms. His friend slaps him on his back. "I knew you wouldn't just not answer the phone anymore. I knew you'd come to see her."
Chandler smiles at Joey. He had missed his roommate. He didn't let these kinds of thoughts enter his mind in Tulsa, but he really had.
Then the reason why he came to New York enters Chandler's mind again. "Where is Mon? I was in her room, but she's not there. Did something happen?"
"You really came to talk to her?" Phoebe asks, still angry at him.
Chandler nods. "Of course. Thank you for calling me, Ross, by the way."
"I'm glad you picked up and came," Ross mumbles.
Chandler blushes. It wasn't fair not to answer all of Ross' calls. That's one thing on his list of stupid things he has done in the last few weeks.
"So do you know where she is?" Chandler asks again, very impatiently.
Rachel points to the door of his former room. "She … I don't know … I guess she wanted to be closer to you."
Hearing Rachel's words Chandler's heart breaks. What has he done to Monica by leaving her? How can he ever forgive himself for doing that?
Chandler is almost at the door, when he hears Ross' voice again. He turns around to look at his long friend.
"Chandler? She is … you might not … she changed a lot from when you last saw her. And … she is so vulnerable at the moment. Please, if she … if she doesn't want to talk to you, just leave, okay?"
Chandler nods slowly. He would never do anything to make Monica feel bad. But then he remembers that he was the one who has done the one thing that hurt her the most. With his heart beating rapidly he opens the door.
And stops, shocked about what he sees. She is lying on his bed. But Ross was right. She doesn't look like she looked when he left. She is thinner, her face is pale and it looks like she hasn't done her hair in months. Chandler's eyes fill with tears. He can't believe that he is looking at Monica, this super-strong woman, his best friend.
All he wants to do is hug her and never let her go again. Hug her, until the pain that is written all over her face, even though she has her eyes closed, vanishes. Kiss her until she realizes how much she really means to him. But all he can do is stand there and watch her. He doesn't want to scare her. "Monica," he whispers sadly.
Suddenly she opens her eyes and her jaw drops. Her first thought is that she's dreaming or hallucinating. She was doing that a lot lately. She doesn't count the times anymore she opened her eyes and he was there, smiling at her, talking to her. But slowly the reality comes to her mind: He is really here, in this room. Monica gets up quickly, her legs shaking because she was lying in the bed for almost 24 hours a day the last few days, but Chandler catches her in his arms and pulls her closely.
And that's the moment Monica finally feels complete again. She takes a deep breath as tears are streaming down her face. She can't do anything against it, they are just coming out of her eyes constantly.
Suddenly all the pain she felt because Chandler left comes back to her. Anger starts to rise in her chest and she tears away from him.
"You idiot," she screams. "How could you leave me?" She hits him on the chest and Chandler clenches his teeth. She may not look like it, but she still is very strong and her hitting him really hurts. But he can't do anything to stop her, he deserves all of it and, if he's being really honest, he deserves even worse. "I needed you, Chandler!" Another hit. "I needed you like never before. And you … you weren't there." Two more slaps. "You didn't even have the courage to tell me goodbye." Monica's voice starts to sound shrill, but she doesn't stop boxing him. "You didn't even say goodbye." Her hitting slows down and she starts to sob again. "You are the most horrible person on the planet," Monica whispers, hugging herself.
"I know," Chandler sighs and pulls her close again. His heart breaks seeing her like this.
"I missed you so much," Monica whispers and wraps her arms tightly around his waist. It's just a matter of seconds until his shirt is soaking wet from her tears. But Chandler doesn't care. He is just standing there, his arms around her, and runs his fingers through her dark hair. There are also some cheeky little tears in the corner of his eyes. Why did he ever think that he could live without Monica hugging him? Because he can't. He knows that now more than ever. He could never live without her close to him. And, right now, it isn't even important if she's close to him as a friend or his girlfriend. He just needs her in his life.
They stay like that for a while. Suddenly Joey looks into the room. He looks at Chandler. "Are you okay?"
Chandler presses a kiss on Monica's hair and nods slowly.
"Great, we were just wondering because it has been quiet in here for quite a while now," Joey whispers. Before he closes the door again, he turns to his other friends. "She's gonna be alright," he tells them, relieve in his voice. Then he casts a last look at Chandler and Monica and closes the door again.
Chandler smiles. She is going to be alright. They are. He can't believe how lucky they got with their friends. He doesn't know, but he's pretty sure that none of them really left the apartment lately, all too worried about Monica. And he knows one thing for sure: it's very hard to find better friends than them.
"Why did you leave, Chandler?" Monica wanted to ask that question all the time, but didn't know how to start. She and Chandler are sitting on his bed, talking about everything. Well, not exactly everything. They skipped all the delicate questions. Chandler has his arm around Monica's shoulder and she couldn't be happier about it. From the minute he caught her in his arms she knew that everything is going to be okay after all. But there was still this tiny little voice in her head that whispered in her ear: Don't trust him too much, Monica. He just left and he could do it again. In the end she decided to just ask him about it. They were always able to speak about everything with each other.
"I'm so, so sorry for leaving, Monica. I … should have at least told you about it."
"You should have. But you came back and that's what counts. But … why did you leave?"
Chandler sighs. "I had this great job offer and … after thinking about it a lot, I decided to go."
"You know what I mean, Chandler, right? And please don't lie to me."
"Okay," Chandler sighs. He blushes and looks at his hands, not able to look at her directly. "Okay, I'm gonna tell you something now, Mon. And please promise me to not say anything until I'm finished."
"I promise," Monica says. She's really worried right now. What is he going to tell her?
"Okay, here it goes," Chandler takes a deep breath. "I left because I … well, when you realize that you are in love with your best friend, but set her up with another guy, there is not much left than leave. Because it's too hard to look at them kissing, enjoying the time, being happy. It's too much, Monica. And when at that time your boss wants you to run the office in Tulsa, you are more than happy to take this job. Because that way you'll be away from the woman you love, loving the wrong man."
Chandler hasn't looked up since he started talking. He still can't believe that he told Monica all that, but once he started he couldn't stop anymore.
Monica's head is thumping. She can't believe what Chandler just said. She has never heard something as honest as that from Chandler. And she knows what it means, she just can't comprehend all of it just yet. Chandler fell in love with his best friend? But he set her up with someone? Suddenly everything falls into pieces. She's his best friend. And he set her up with Simon.
"Oh my God," she whispers and looks at Chandler. He is still not looking at her. Vulnerability is written all over his face. "Chandler?" She whispers softly.
Chandler lifts his head. His eyes are still on his hands though. Monica puts her left hand on his right cheek and looks at him pleadingly. "Chandler?"
Finally his eyes are meeting hers. They are from the deepest blue and Monica feels like she is drowning in them. He is looking at her, but is still not saying a word.
"Chandler?" Monica repeats. "Did you mean all of what you've said?"
Chandler turns away his head again.
"Hey, Chandler. Look at me!" Monica pleads. "Did you really mean that?"
He lifts his head again, looking at her intensely. "To-totally," he confesses.
"Oh Chandler," Monica sighs and her head falls on his shoulder. She wraps her arms around his waist and just enjoys being near her best friend.
"I … I don't … don't know what … to … say right now," Monica stutters after a while. "It is … too much right now. I … I don't know how I feel about … about all that."
Chandler slides down until they are both lying next to each other. Then he pulls Monica close to his chest again and whispers: "You don't have to say anything right now, Mon."
Monica starts to breathe evenly and calms down quickly. She hasn't slept well or at all in a long time. But she has never felt more comfortable in her entire life. With that thought she falls asleep.