A/N: Epilogue Part 2. Thanks for reviewing guys, I've missed this fic!
"Hey, where's the fire?"
Gabriel's words float into Sam's ears as he sits up abruptly in bed, an ominous feeling suddenly having threaded itself into his entire being. A sickening paranoia suddenly overcomes him, leaving him utterly terrified, with a feeling that absolutely everything is about to come crashing down around him. He knew things were too good to be true at the moment, what with Lucifer's shenanigans seemingly on hold, and the whole both-Dean-and-I-get-our-own-Guardian-Angel thing.
His breath starts to quicken, and he looks around himself wildly, trying to find the cause of this sudden, overwhelming dread. What could it be? Demons? Angels? His hunting skills are still second to none, and he has that gut feeling that something is very wrong, but it doesn't feel like anything… supernatural. Not this time.
He turns to look at Gabriel beside him, finding himself staring into faintly amused, treacly eyes. His eyebrows are raised at Sam's odd behaviour. The cat whiskers, ears and tail are long gone thank goodness, that would have made it difficult to concentrate on the current dilemma, but then again Gabriel's naked-ness isn't exactly helpful.
Sam tears his eyes away, catching sight of Gabriel's knowing smirk.
What the hell have I done, Sam can't help but fret, running over all his latest transgressions in his mind, trying to work out which one he might be about to face the punishment for.
There was the bite of Dean's burger he stole the other week while his brother was in the bathroom. Hardly a prison-worthy crime.
Or the other morning when he used his fake FBI badge to cut in line at Starbucks... yeah, that one he's not so proud of. But how is he supposed to function in the mornings without his one-pump soya mochaccino? He thinks he's pretty safe with this one too; how many people are going to seek revenge on a 6"4 FBI Agent, still grumpy from his lack of coffee?
And of course there's the Great Destiel Plan… but nobody knows about that. Well, besides Chuck and Gabriel. And two girls online. Oh, and Becky. Whatever, the most important thing is that Dean and Cas don't know he meddled in their affairs.
So, if not those things, what could it be that has Sam feeling more uptight than a nun at a heavy metal concert? Groaning a little, he shimmies over in the bed, burying his face in Gabriel's chest and trying to take calm breaths.
"Uh, Sam, I don't mean to pry, but it seems to me like you're having a mild panic attack."
Sam can hear the rumble of Gabriel's voice reverberating through his ribcage. It's soothing somehow. He nods fractionally, not moving except to tighten his grip on the Angel's shoulder. Gabriel chuckles, starting to stroke gentle fingers the top of his hair comfortingly.
"Well, I can't pretend to know what's got you in a tizzy, but I do know that when you're feeling anxious, you should do something you know for sure will calm you down."
Gabriel's words are just soaked in innuendo, and Sam hears it, dripping off every syllable, but he chooses to ignore the Angel's hidden request for more sex. Honestly, you'd think he might be tired after all the kitty stuff. Sam sure as hell is. He's flattered that Gabriel thinks he has such a quick recovery time, but really, he needs a little while.
There's something else that Sam knows calms him down, something he hasn't indulged in for a while now. And actually, Sam thinks, sitting up as Gabriel makes a spoilt little noise, it could be just the thing to help.
"Gabriel!" Sam cries, leaning back down to plant a firm kiss on the Angel's lips. "You genius."
Sam allows himself a moment to just stare at Gabriel's surprised face, his lips still reddened from all the kissing they've done over the course of the morning, and his hair in complete disarray. Sam's glad he's the only one that gets to see Gabriel like this, because now that he has him, he doesn't want to share.
His relationship with the Archangel is somewhat complex, and he doesn't like to get too deep when he thinks about it, for fear his brain will fall out, but Gabriel once spent an entire night explaining to him – under the covers, in between heated kisses and sweat-slicked touches – that he'd done everything, the mystery spot, the TV land, to help him, to warn him of what was up ahead. His methods were unorthodox, yes, but Sam kind of reeled backwards when he thought about the lengths Gabriel - possibly the most self-centered creature he's ever met - went to for him. This whole time… whether he knew it or not, he's basically had his own Archangel watching over him. Crazy.
And to think, once he'd never even considered the idea of him and Gabriel together.
Well, he has two teenage fangirls to thank for that.
With that in mind, Sam grins at Gabriel, kissing him again quickly, and ducking out of his grasp when he tries to hold him in place. Before he can be seduced yet again – Gabriel would likely conjure up a damn stripper pole if he thought it would get Sam in the mood again, which it would – he throws off the covers, jumping out of bed and practically sprinting across the room to grab his laptop.
Suddenly, he's thrumming with excitement. Why hasn't he done this yet? He should have talked to the girls weeks ago! He misses them terribly, what with their crazy, keysmashing ways. He still feels hopelessly concerned about something he still can't place, but the anticipation of talking to two incredibly good friends again is surpassing that feeling. He drags the laptop back towards the bed, and hops in beside Gabriel, allowing a suddenly curious Angel to sidle up next to him, draping an arm over his chest as he stares at the screen, his head tilted.
It takes a while to boot up, and Sam uses the extra minutes to comb his fingers through Gabriel's hair, right where his ears used to be, the Angel's head now resting on his collarbone. He purrs softly, and Sam chuckles; a leftover joke.
"You love it."
Sam smirks a little, because he can't deny it, not after he's spent the last hour moaning and gasping in Gabriel's (real) ears about how much he loves the cat dress up.
He long ago set the Supernatural Society website as his homepage, so as soon as he opens his browser, there it is, shining in all its glory, the greatest fansite in the world as far as Sam Winchester is concerned.
Welcome back, Samfan69!
Finally!, Sam thinks, clicking onto the SlashFanChat and sending out a small prayer that the intense fangirling that Gabriel is about to witness won't scare him away. Well, he already knows that Sam has read fanfiction about himself and Gabriel, so how much worse can it get?
"Samfan69…?" Gabriel asks, still staring at the screen, and Sam can hear the laughter bubbling behind his voice.
Oh, right. That much worse. This is Gabriel. "Shut up, it was late and I wasn't thinking straight. The site suggested the name to me."
"Riiight." There's a pause while Sam scans the screen-names of the people in the chat. "Sam?"
"Uh huh?"
"What are we doing?"
Sam tuts impatiently and shushes him, making Gabriel chuckle. It takes him a moment to find them, but eventually Sam is requesting a private chat with his co-conspirators and all is right with the world.
Samfan69: GUYS!
Samfan69: I missed you two so much!
Destiel4eva: :D
MrsDeanWinchester1997: Yeah, we missed you too, Sam
MrsDeanWinchester1997: *Samfan
Destiel4eva: looool ;)
MrsDeanWinchester1997: hahahaha HA.
Samfan69: …err yeah. So Chuck's new book came out?!
Samfan69: What did you guys think?
Samfan69: Did you freakkkfkl'?
Sam prides himself on his abilities as a typist; he is usually quite impressively fast, as well as typically being almost completely grammatically correct, but Gabriel, apparently deciding he's bored with the situation already, has chosen to distract Sam in seemingly every way possible. Instead of sitting quietly like a good boyfriend/Angel would, he is currently choosing to trail light, teasing fingers over Sam's chest, while sucking gently on the skin of his neck, leaving pretty red marks that will have Sam wearing scarves and collared shirts for weeks. It has, in all, made Sam's typing a little less coherent. Possibly.
Destiel4eva: oh I totally freaked
MrsDeanWinchester1997: I totally did NOT see that coming – Sam doing all that? Seems such a peculiar thing to do.
Destiel4eva: waaay OOC
Samfan69: OOC?
Destiel4eva: out of character
MrsDeanWinchester1997: Using an Angel trap sigil to imprison Cas, who's been nothing but a friend to Sam?!
Destiel4eva: :/
Destiel4eva: dick move for Sam
Samfan69: Woah, woah! Hold on! Sam was doing it for Dean! AND Cas!
Destiel4eva: w/e
Destiel4eva: and the whole clothes shrinking thing – that was SO mean! Poor baby dean :(
MrsDeanWinchester1997: Totally. Sam's a right asshole in the latest book if you ask me.
Samfan69: WHAT?!
Sam blinks at the screen for several long, drawn out moments. Gabriel's sucking and nibbling has slowed to a steady peppering of soft kisses, trailing a path down to his collarbone, and while it's pleasant, Sam is so not in the mood anymore. Are these girls seriously saying that they didn't like the Destiel plan?!
After all the trouble he went to?!
Sam grits his teeth, colouring slightly when he thinks of how he tried to impress these girls with his fangirling skills, and now they just think that 'Sam' is a loser who took it all too far.
No, he thinks. Dean is so happy! He and Cas are 100% meant to be, Sam is sure of it. And the 'Sabriel' is just an unexpected bonus, I mean, who would have thought Sam would get something out of all this too? These girls have got another thing coming if they think that Sam Winchester is not going to defend his own perfect, utterly successful plan – stupid username or not.
Samfan69: Listen you two! YOU were the ones that were convincing me you'd do EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER to make Destiel a real thing!
Samfan69: And now it's happened, like for real, you're just going to hate on the guy – fictional or not – that put effort and time into making it so? You're so hypocritical!
Samfan69: Destiel is something I never even used to consider, but now I don't understand how I could have been so blind! Dean NEEDS Cas, he needs him more than air, because Cas will love him to the depths of his damaged soul, he's seen him at his very worst and loves him anyway
Samfan69: He loves Dean because Dean can't love himself. Dean and Castiel are perfect for each other, it doesn't even matter how it happened. You should just be happy that someone made them see it for themselves.
Destiel4eva: :L
MrsDeanWinchester1997: Wow, you sure sound a lot like a certain 'fictional' character there, Samfan.
Sam pauses, his brow furrowing as he reads 'MrsDeanWinchester's' comment again. What's she getting at?
Samfan69: …I'm just really into cosplay and RP stuff like you said
MrsDeanWinchester1997: Mmhmmm.
Destiel4eva: you know whats funny is that I hatched a plan reeeeally similar to the one sam has in the book with someone on this very site… oooh about a month ago now
Destiel4eva: but of course you remember that, don't you samfan? ;)
MrsDeanWinchester1997: What did you say your name was again? Your REAL name?
Sam stops typing. Gabriel has stopped the attempts at kissing now, apparently annoyed that Sam hadn't responded to it enough. He's started braiding his hair instead now, tying the ends with what feels like tiny strips of colourful ribbon. Sam would probably be annoyed if he wasn't so distracted. What's happening? Are these girls… they couldn't know, could they? About his true identity?
How could they? Sam shakes his head slowly, making Gabriel scold him and tell him to stay still. Could they have been tricking him when they said they didn't like 'Profoundly Bonded'? Messing with him, trying to get him to inadvertently reveal the truth about himself? That seems mad, but…
Samfan69: I… don't know what you're getting at
Destiel4eva: oh but I think you do
MrsDeanWinchester1997: Why don't we start over? I'm Hann, this is Tash.
Samfan69: …hi?
MrsDeanWinchester1997: Hello, Sam Winchester.
Destiel4eva: XD XD XD
"Holy crap!" Sam practically yells, pushing the laptop away from him in sudden horror.
They know! These rabid little teenage fangirls know who he really is! They know he's real and he hatched The Great Destiel Plot with them! What does this mean?
"Calm down, Sammy baby." Gabriel soothes, apparently unfazed by the sudden dramatic uncovering of Sam's online identity.
This is distressing dammit! He was not expecting this. Gabriel's hands slide up to Sam's shoulders and he feels the Angel kneel up behind him on the bed. Fingers dig deliciously into his his tendons, massaging gently, working the tension out of Sam's taut muscles. Knowing the Angel is attempting to relax him, Sam tries to calm himself, to think about this rationally. He leans back against Gabe, letting his head loll against the Angel's chest, losing himself in the sensations of the massage. He supposes that maybe… possibly… this might not be that bad.
He knows these girls. They're not like Becky. Maybe they can keep the secret?
But he needs to know how. How the hell do they know this? Who told them?
Destiel4eva: OH MY GOD HANN THAT WENT EVEN BETTER THAN WE THOUGHT IT WOULD
MrsDeanWinchester1997: Hahaha. Aw, I feel kinda bad. Sam, you okay?
MrsDeanWinchester1997: It's okay we won't tell, we just wanted to mess with you.
Destiel4eva: come on though dude
Destiel4eva: I can't believe you fell for that. Hello? Me not liking Destiel becoming canon? I THOUGHT UP the plan with you idiot
MrsDeanWinchester1997: …I think we may have scared him.
Destiel4eva: pfft. He's not scared he's just processing
Samfan69: Actually I'm a little scared.
Destiel4eva: loool
Samfan69: How…
Samfan69: ...what?
MrsDeanWinchester1997: Long story short, Chuck told us the deal.
Destiel4eva: (sidenote: WE GOT TO TALK TO CHUCK THE CREATOR OUR GOD AHHHHH)
Destiel4eva: im done
Samfan69: I should have known. Why did he tell you?
MrsDeanWinchester1997: He said he wanted our help.
Destiel4eva: plus we're obvs just amazing, trustworthy people
Chuck wants their help? Why? They're just teenage girls! What could he need from them? Sam gasps as Gabriel's clever fingers dance down his spine, making him arch backwards, his eyelids fluttering.
Destiel4eva: Sam, what's Lucifer like?
MrsDeanWinchester1997: TASHA! Jeez, you canNOT ask people that!
Samfan69: What does he need your help with? No offence, but he seems like he's got a pretty good set up with the whole visions-to-novel-writing thing.
Samfan69: And what do you THINK he's like? Peely, sarcastic and a massive douchebag.
Samfan69: Chuck describes him pretty well.
Destiel4eva: huh. Peely.
MrsDeanWinchester1997: Chuck said we have interesting Supernatural theories. He basically said we can just give our fangirly ideas straight to him now instead of going through you.
Samfan69: …oh. ok.
Destiel4eva: duh! We're still gonna talk to you all the time!
Destiel4eva: dude, you're Sam frickin Winchester!
Samfan69: :D thanks guys.
MrsDeanWinchester1997: Sam, I don't mean to pry but… don't you have err… something to get back to? ;)
Destiel4eva: HAHA
Sam smiles and looks up from his monitor. Gabriel, now pouting from the lack of attention Sam is giving him, glares at him from the other side of the bed, arms folded. Okay, okay. Maybe his priorities are a little messed up… he has a naked Archangel in bed with him and he's chatting to two teenage girls online.
Samfan69: Ha, yeah I guess you're right. Gabe's looking a bit sulky.
Destiel4eva: OMG OMG
MrsDeanWinchester1997: 'GABE'! *dies*
Destiel4eva: we are actually the luckiest fangirls in the world – we have a first hand insight into our otp's lives!
Samfan69: lol okay guys. I'm gonna get back to dealing with my prepubescent millennia-old archangel. Speak soon x
Destiel4eva: awwww bye Sam!
MrsDeanWinchester1997: They are SO getting it on.
Sam pretends he didn't see that last comment. He signs out, smiling when he thinks of how his online friends now know everything about him – he doesn't need to hide from them at all anymore, and it feels wonderful.
He can't help the niggling sensation at the back of his mind that he's forgetting something important – something that he initially signed on to the chat to do in the first place, but he can't think of what that was.
He shakes the thought off and leans over towards Gabriel, trying to prise his locked arms apart. The Angel won't budge, still frowning at him for daring to spend time doing something that didn't involve him.
"Gabe, I'm sorry. I really needed to talk to those girls. They're good friends." Sam explains to no avail. Gabriel just glares. Uh oh, Sam thinks, he must be really mad.
He leans further towards the pouting Angel, sliding a palm over his chest and attempting to soften his stony face with a few carefully aimed kisses. In a flash, Gabriel growls, and Sam finds himself flat on his back, the Angel pinning him by his wrists, straddling his waist like a cowboy.
It takes a few moments for Sam to realise that it isn't Gabriel's hands pinning him down, because the Angel is currently raking his fingers over Sam's hipbones, trailing sharp fingers up his waist, tracing the outlines of his prominent muscles. Instead, Sam deduces through a haze of pure ecstasy, Gabriel seems to be using some of those celestial powers he possesses to hold him in place, and he experiments a little, trying to move his arms up, to touch the vast planes of Gabriel's skin above him, but he's utterly bound, unable to move.
Gabriel's hands are rough, scratching across his skin, not enough to hurt, but just so that Sam knows he's being punished. The Angel's mouth is worse, all ferocity and teeth as he kisses Sam, barely allowing him time to breathe. Sam would complain if he wasn't so turned on by it.
He tries again to lean up towards Gabriel, to kiss him, to touch him, anything, but Gabriel has him pinned down fast, and he can only lie, near motionless, as the Angel starts to move. He slides the length of his body over Sam's under the thin covers of the bed, the sweat of their bodies the only lubricant as the burn of flesh on flesh starts to smother Sam completely.
Then the phone rings.
"This better be damn important." Gabriel growls into Sam's phone, grabbing it off the bedside table because Sam is 'a little busy right now'. Sam just laughs quietly, biting his lip and waiting for Gabriel to cut off whoever it is on the other end of the line.
There's a drawn out pause, and Sam wonders what's happening. He stares at Gabriel, the Angel's face still stormy because he was just interrupted in the middle of some awesome angry sex, but then he sighs. His expression becomes passive, then concerned as he listens to the voice in the phone, and Sam starts to get worried. He strains against his invisible bonds, the sinking feeling he felt earlier rearing its head again, twisting his stomach until he feels nauseous.
"Bro, you owe me." Gabriel says, reluctance in his voice, and then, with no more than one of Gabe's trademark finger snaps, Sam is free.
He rolls his wrists around experimentally, frowning at Gabriel in confusion. The Angel just rolls his eyes and clambers back into bed beside him, passing the phone into his newly released hands on his way.
It's with extreme trepidation that Sam brings that same phone to his ear.
"Hello?"
"Hello, Sam." It's Cas's voice, and Sam is suddenly ridiculously grateful. He lets all thoughts of kidnappers and actual devils-in-the-flesh fly out of his brain, and listens attentively.
"Cas, you guys okay?"
"We're fine. Sam, I think there is something we need to discuss, urgently. If you would come up to meet Dean and I at the earliest available opportunity-"
There's a sudden scrabbling sound, and Sam hears voices hissing at each other on the other end of the line. Sam frowns – is that Dean and Cas? Are they arguing again? Why would that be – he thought they were doing great! More than great, actually.
He waits, chewing his lip as the hissing and squabbling continues, and he thinks about what Cas just said. His tone was far from friendly, suggesting he's angry with Sam about something, but what would that be? He's done nothing wrong. Unless…
No. No it couldn't be that. They couldn't know about Sam's shenanigans last month.
Suddenly, there's a loud crashing sound; Sam nearly jumps out of his skin, much to Gabriel's amusement.
"SAMANTHA YOU GET YOUR MEDDLING BUTT DOWN HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW."
"Dean?"
"Who the hell else is it gonna be Sam?!" Dean yells down the phone, and Sam can distinctly hear Cas's voice in the background now, chastising Dean for stealing the phone, telling him he's perfectly capable of dealing with the situation himself.
"I don't… why are you angry?" Sam asks, genuinely confused, and a little scared. Dean sounds really mad. Like, Nair-in-his-shampoo mad.
"LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW, SAM." Dean yells again, and Sam thinks he hears Cas tutting in the background.
"Dean, I don't know. Look if this is about Gabe letting that raccoon free in your motel room, I had nothing to do with-"
"THINK IT'S FUNNY TO SHRINK MY LAUNDRY DO YOU SAM? SAY IT WAS ALL AN ACCIDENT?"
Sam's mouth drops open, wordless. His blood turns ice cold in his veins, and he swears his heart stops beating. He turns to Gabriel beside him, looking faintly amused by the trivialities of human life as per usual. Sam grabs hold of him, horror flooding his every crevice.
"YOU THINK GETTING CAS TO POP HIS WINGS OUT SO I'D GET A BONER WAS HILARIOUS DO YOU?!"
Sam's eyes squeeze shut, thinking of every damn thing he did to get Dean and Cas together, and somehow they both seem to know about them all. Shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
"Oh, now you shut up." Dean continues, and Sam can only listen, breathless. "I READ CHUCK'S GODDAMN BOOK, SAM! The Great 'Destiel' Plot, huh? Oh Sammy, you are in for a WORLD of pain."
There's a faint noise of protestation in Cas's voice from somewhere behind Dean, and then the line goes dead.
"Gabe…" Sam whispers into Gabriel's chest, after he's collected himself a little. "Th-they know… everything."
"So?" Gabriel asks, sounding genuinely confused. He's stroking Sam's hair again; it's kind of nice actually, though Sam's arousal disappeared at the first sound of Dean's angry shouting.
"So, they know that I meddled! That I did bad things to get them together, Gabe!"
Sam sits up, Gabriel's hand leaving his hair and falling limply onto the bed. He's not sure Gabriel understands, and that kills him. He wants to be able to talk about everything with the Angel, to let him share in his deepest troubles and very worst dilemmas.
Gabriel makes an irritated 'hmm' and Sam gulps guiltily, sparing him a glance and remembering that he can read minds. He probably just heard all that. Great. Another thing to worry about.
"Oh for the love of Dad, Sam will you stop?" Gabriel cries suddenly, and before he knows it, Sam is somewhere completely different.
They're sat on a park bench, somewhere Sam doesn't recognise, and thankfully, they're both dressed now. That would probably have alerted some passers-by otherwise.
"Gabe, what…" Sam starts to say, looking around himself wildly, taking in the crisp air, a cool breeze rustling the tall, willowy trees surrounding the park.
"Sam, you need to remind yourself why you did all this 'Destiel' stuff in the first place." Gabriel says, one arm slung casually over the back of the bench, talking in a nonchalant fashion, as though nothing at all has changed. "I mean, yeah, they're mad at you cause they found out, but wouldn't you be?"
Sam shrugs, his mouth open slightly. He's finding it difficult to process what Gabriel is saying. "They were never supposed to find out!"
"Yeah, but they have. And they'll get over it." Gabriel says, shrugging in return. He grins at Sam, and winks, making him blush, which is mildly ridiculous, but he can't help it, he's been naked with the guy for the past two days. "Or do you think that finding out what – or in this case who – got them together will make them any less crazy for each other?"
Sam shakes his head, and then shrugs. He honestly doesn't know. Dean is a prideful creature; finding out that Sam manipulated him and Cas in that way could get under his skin. He could get angry, take it out on Cas, say things he doesn't mean. Hey, Sam's already heard the arguing first-hand.
"Sam, why do you think I agreed to help you out with this plan so readily?" Gabriel asks, and he's actually chuckling a little. The arm on the back of the bench moves forwards, curling around Sam's shoulders and Gabriel leans towards him a little. "They were already hopelessly in love you asshat, you just helped them along. With my help of course."
"Really?" Sam asks, chewing his lip. He looks up at Gabriel, gazing into his whiskey-golden eyes.
"Yeah, I know for a fact you never could have done it without me."
"You know what I mean." Sam says, irritated. He nudges Gabriel with his elbow, prompting.
"Yeah, yeah. They're in love, we're in love. You did everything right, stop fretting."
"Did you just say we're in-"
"Okay, now you need to shut your trap." Gabriel interrupts, and kisses him.
"Cas! He's not just gonna get away with this!" Dean yells, and Castiel is considerate enough to cloak the room, effectively soundproofing it so that other couples staying in the motel won't hear him.
"Dean, I know you're angry about this but you need to calm down-"
"Oh for God's sake Cas, don't tell me to calm down! Sam crossed the line!"
Dean seems extremely angry, and Cas is worried. He's more than worried, he's fearful. This discovery of the extent of Sam's 'plotting' has changed everything, so it seems. And everything was going so perfectly. Too perfectly.
He should have known, really.
"Maybe if we let him explain himself-" Castiel tries, not moving from where he's sat on the end of the King-sized bed, wearing one of Dean's t-shirts now, the word 'Metallica' printed on the front - he doesn't understand the meaning, but it makes Dean happy to see him wear it - and still in his same boxers from before. The book lies beside him, a constant reminder of the secret it holds, the one that is turning Dean into the hostile monster that seems all too familiar.
"Goddamit you should be angry about this too!" Dean storms over to the bed, and for one wild moment, Cas is reminded of the times Dean has thrown him onto the covers in a fit of passion, but instead he just snatches up 'Profoundly Bonded', snarling as he rips it open at a random page. "I mean just listen to this: 'Over the next five minutes, Sam managed to hammer out a plan of how to meddle in Cas and Dean's completely obvious feelings for one another.' Can you believe the nerve?!"
Castiel waits, hands patiently folded in his lap. He's not entirely sure what Dean is trying to say.
Of course Castiel can't be truly angry with Sam. His actions were ill-advisable, yes, and bringing Gabriel into the equation was a downright foolhardy decision, especially considering recent events, but at the end of the day, Sam's 'meddling' had brought Castiel and Dean together.
He can't find it in himself to harbour any qualms with the cause of that miracle, no matter how strange or irresponsible the actions of the instigator may have been.
"Cas, say something!" Dean yells, throwing the book across the room suddenly. It hits the wall beside the door with a thud, a page fluttering free of its bindings. Cas actually flinches, though of course he has no reason to do so. He's just afraid of Dean's anger being directed towards him. "My moronic little brother messed with us! Tricked us again and again so that we'd be misled… so that we'd be fooled into thinking... so we'd end up..."
"Together?" Castiel finishes, his voice barely more than a murmur. He's locked eyes with Dean, staring up at him, his face a mask, as though he's hiding the pain behind it. Castiel waits for a long moment, gathering together the courage for what he's about to ask. "Are you saying that you wouldn't have kissed me, or said what you did, if Sam hadn't 'meddled' the way he did?"
Dean's entire body drains of tension, and he gestures wildly, floundering. "No! Of course I would!" There's a pregnant pause. Castiel feels like he's drowning. "Well, I don't know! It'd be different, wouldn't it? There'd be no reason to! We wouldn't be on a fucking Ferris Wheel- Cas, no wait!"
Castiel has risen from his seat on the end of the bed, and he strips off Dean's t-shirt without a word. He can't listen to this, it's too painful, he's filled with an overwhelming horror, like his worst fear has been realised. He can barely breathe, he can't see properly, something wet is clouding his vision, and it takes a moment for him to realise he's crying, his vessel is crying for him. He feels like he's going to burst out of Jimmy's body suddenly, the skin he's wrapped in feels too tight and he needs to escape. How can Dean be so casually cruel? Ripping the world out from underneath him like it's not even important.
Is Dean actually saying this? Is he actually okay with accepting that those memories they created together were all just an offchance, that they were manipulated by Sam into saying and doing what they did?
Why does it even matter? In Castiel's eyes, what he and Dean have transcends any petty qualms either of them might have about Sam's actions in the past few months.
He pulls on his clothes, ignoring Dean's hand on his shoulder, his name on Dean's lips. He can't listen to him any longer, he'll die if he hears Dean say he never meant what he said on that boat, in that Ferris Wheel, under the covers last night, hands clasped together like they were tethering one another to this spot.
Trenchcoat in place, he turns, facing Dean at last, a sheen of sadness still glistening in his ocean-filled eyes.
"Dean, I'm returning to Heaven." Castiel says, and Dean opens his mouth to argue, to let out more venom-filled words that Castiel doesn't want to hear. He doesn't give him time to speak. "If a night-time ride in a swan boat and an accidental glimpse of my wings were the only things that made you want to be with me, perhaps we should reconsider our decision to embark upon a romantic relationship."
Dean reaches out to grab him by the shoulders, to anchor him here, because his heart just dropped clean out of his body at Cas's words - and oh god what have I done - but his hands close around thin air, and the Angel is long gone.