A/N: This chapter is written under the influence of Evanescence's What You Want. Enjoy!

-C

As expected, it was harder to be around Remus after that, but Jenny found that she did sleep better when she laid awake thinking about the way Remus's lips had felt on her skin, the amazing way it was to have him inside of her...

Was there anything more exhilarating than love?

"James told me what happened," Lily said, brushing Jenny's hair as they all sat up together on the night before N.E.W.T.s going over last-minute things. "With you and Remus. Do you want to talk about it?"

Jenny shrugged.

"Wait, what happened?" Anna asked nervously, trying not to look at Mary's bed, which was what all of them had taken to doing.

"It's really nothing," Jenny lied.

"Don't you say that," Lily said, horrified. "They finally hooked up."

"Oh, Jenny, really?" Anna said with an excited squeal. "Tell me everything!"

Jenny sighed, shaking her head as Lily continued to brush her hair.

"Well, I'll tell you what James told me, then," Lily said with a small frown. "Apparently Sirius was freaking out because he was sure Jenny had fallen asleep with him, but when he woke up she was gone. He thought something had happened to her. So he was freaking out, screaming her name in a panic, and then she finally said something from behind Remus's bed hangings and Sirius, in his rush of terror, opened the hangings without thinking and there she and Remus both were, absolutely naked, obviously having slept together the night before. And then they both said it would never happen again."

"What?" Anna squeaked, horrified.

"It won't," Jenny sighed. "It can't. At least we have the memories."

"Jen-"

"We didn't want to have something happen to one of us," Jenny said thickly, not looking at her friends, "And not know what could have been. We know now, we've had the experience, and I have no doubt that if things were different Remus and I could have been a beautiful thing, but we just can't. It's got nothing to do with his condition and everything to do with the war and you know it. I don't have a choice! I've got to marry Regulus!"

The girls exchanged sad looks.

"He loves you so much," Anna said softly.

"I love him too," Jenny sniffed, trying to hold back her tears. It would do no good to start sobbing like a fool. She didn't want her eyes to be all disgusting and puffy when she started her exams. They would think she'd not slept or something. It could affect her practical scores.

But it was no use. Jenny began to sob uncontrollably, and Lily put down the brush and just held her.

"You should have what you want in life, not what's been handed to you," Lily whispered. "I've never seen such a beautiful love as the obvious love between the two of you. I can't stand to see this, either of you, like this."

Jenny just sobbed, not wanting to think about what life was going to be like when she left Hogwarts and if she would ever see him again.

N.E.W.T.s were a horrible affair, and even more painful because for some reason Mary's name was still on the roster, and every time it was called when people were brought in for their practical exams, almost the entire seventh year held its breath.

It was even more difficult when the N.E.W.T.s were over because then it was just waiting for the train ride back to life without her friends, the hell that would be the rest of her life.

"James asked me to marry him," Lily confided in Anna one night as they shared chocolates and firewhiskey. "He had a ring and everything, belonged to his mum before the Death Eaters got his parents, you know."

"What did you say?" Anna asked, obviously torn between the excitement of the proposal and the absolute tragedy of the news of James's parents dying. They had been such good people.

"I... I said yes, actually," Lily said nervously.

And while Anna congratulated Lily, Jenny whispered a quick word of congratulations and then made her way to the bathroom straight away.

Lily and James were going to get married, which really was a good thing. Jenny truly was happy for them, except... Except she wouldn't be able to go to the wedding of two of her closest friends, and the wedding would mean that Regulus would not allow her to see James after all. James would be marrying a Muggle-born, and that would make him utterly unacceptable.

Jenny was overwhelmed with all of the changes that were about to happen, the way her life was about to turn, and she thought she was going to be sick.

She put on a smile and tried to make it hold, but her lips were twitching with the pain of it and she saw Anna coming in behind her and she rubbed her face, trying to make herself look like she'd been washing.

"Jenny, I know it hurts," Anna said softly. "I... I know you're probably upset you can't go-"

"It's not just that," Jenny sobbed. "I can't go to hers, she can't come to mine, I'll never see James again, Sirius only in secret, and Remus... Anna, if Regulus ever finds out about Remus, I-"

"He's not going to find out," Anna said gently. "You don't have to be strong all the time, you know. You'll always have me, and we'll figure something out together. We always have, haven't we?"

Jenny had to admit to herself that while Sirius had always been her best friend, her favorite friend, the one she thought would always be there for her, understanding her, Anna had been there too, in her way, helping with what she could and leaving alone when there was nothing she could do.

"You're right," Jenny managed to choke out. "We'll figure something out. Together."

The following morning, Jenny sat through breakfast on their last full day at Hogwarts.

"We're leaving," she whispered to Anna and Sirius, who were sitting with her. "We're actually leaving." She picked at her eggs, not looking up at them. "I don't want to go."

Her friends sat there in silence for a moment before Sirius whispered, "It's going to be weird, yeah. Do you know what you'll be doing next year?"

Sirius was referring, of course, to the fact that Jenny's husband-to-be was a year younger and still had school left to finish. She shivered slightly.

"My mother is likely to train me to be a better wife," Jenny grumbled.

Nobody talked of the future, of course, for the rest of breakfast after Jenny had made that lovely comment. Instead, they sat talking about Quidditch, about the food, about what they wanted to do that afternoon, which was too close of a timeslot to be considered the future.

It was decided upon that they would go out to the lake and spend some time on the grounds to start with, maybe go for a swim, and so Jenny, Lily, and Anna went and changed, putting bathing suits on under their clothes, and heading down to the Great Hall to meet the boys.

"Ready?" Sirius said with a grin, not bothering to wait for the affirmative answer before beginning the race down to the lakeside, pulling off his robes as he neared the water and kicking off his shoes theatrically, jumping into the water with a great yell as Jenny had seen him do so many times.

She laughed for the first time since she couldn't remember when as she pulled off her own clothes, kicked off her own shoes in a more subdued way and made for the water.

As she went she saw Remus coming back out of the water again, hair plastered to his head with the weight of its own dampness, droplets of the lake running down his scarred torso. Jenny caught her breath as she recalled running her fingers across those scars not so long ago, as she thought of the feel of his skin on hers.

Had indulging in each other been closure, or just another form of torture?

The thought was rushed from her mind as she reached the water, running into it without hesitation, ignoring the cold of the water as she went from ankle-deep to knee-deep, up to her chest, where Sirius was waiting for her, arms outstretched.

"Jenny!" he cried, grinning. "Come on and give us a hug!"

She shook her head coyly, grinning. He was going to dunk her and she knew it. He'd nearly drowned her once, doing that, but even though he was more careful she wasn't in the mood to get her hair wet.

It was bad enough that she was freezing.

"C'mon," he whined. "I just want to hug you."

"You're not fooling me, Black," she said back, smiling at him.

"Oh?" he asked, raising a triumphant eyebrow, and her face had barely begun to contort with confusion as she felt two familiar arms wrapping around her.

"Remus!" she shrieked, laughing as he lifted her up, preparing to dunk her for Sirius's amusement, and maybe for a bit of his own. "Traitor!"

Those words would echo in her ears years later, but in that moment they were light words, half-serious as she took a deep breath while Remus lowered her into the water, holding her under for just long enough for her to be uncomfortable. But he helped her out the moment she began to struggle against his hold.

"Sorry, Jenny," he said earnestly, still grinning like a first year fresh off the train. "Tradition."

"Since when has it been tradition for you to gang up on me?" Jenny said with a false pout that made his smile dim just a little.

"It's not that…. I mean…." He sighed. "I'm sorry, darling. You know it was only for a bit of fun."

"I know," Jenny teased, wrapping her arms around his neck and watching his eyes grow wide with shock and delight as she wrapped her legs around him underwater. "So's this."

He didn't have enough time to properly register her words before she threw herself backwards, throwing him off balance and letting go just as he hit the water. Sirius roared with laughter, and even Lily, James, and Anna seemed amused.

Remus resurfaced with a mischievous grin that would have looked more at home on Sirius's face, swimming toward her too quickly for her to swim away. She squealed, trying to make her way toward Lily and James, who were holding hands as they treaded water. "James, save me!"

"No, you don't!" Remus cried, wrapping his arms around her as she kicked out at him under the water. She stopped abruptly with surprise and a squeal as he boldly groped her breasts below the level of the water so their friends couldn't see.

Jenny turned rapidly to face Remus and could almost read the lust in his eyes. She found herself moving closer to him, once more wrapping her legs around him underwater, wondering if anything would change at all if she allowed herself to lean forward and just press her lips to his one more time….

"Stop being sappy, you two!" Anna's voice called as they were just about to kiss. "We've got to get back inside, it's starting to get cold out here!"

The spell was broken, and even though Sirius whined for the next ten minutes that Anna was always such a spoilsport, the friends did, in fact, make their way out of the lake, dried each other off, and then headed back up to the castle.

"I've got some firewhiskey in my trunk," Sirius said. "It'll warm us up so little-miss-drama-queen over there will shut her mouth."

The friends followed Sirius up the stairs to the boys' dormitory, and they all sat in a circle as he pulled out firewhiskey.

"Well," he sighed, holding up his own bottle, as he had managed to find a bottle for each of them, "this is a celebration, the last days of doing what we want coming to a close as the responsibilities of the world crushing us into what we need to do as soon as we leave these walls-"

"All right, Black, you're not allowed to give speeches anymore," Lily said firmly, cutting across his words. "You're already depressing me." She raised her own glass. "To the good times we've had at Hogwarts, and hopefully to many, many more."

While they all certainly hoped for many more happy times, they knew that Sirius's words were more likely to be true, but they toasted Lily's speech anyway.

Jenny took a long drink of the amber liquid and felt it burn as it fell down her throat, warming as it went. It was the right choice, as Sirius well knew. It was almost heartening in a melancholy way, and nothing else would have been quite appropriate as the friends sat on the floor of the dormitory, looking around at the poster-covered walls and taking in the fact that they wouldn't be coming back to Hogwarts ever again.

"Do you ever think that maybe we'll make the difference?" James said softly. "Like our graduating group is going to turn the tide of the war?"

Looking down at her empty glass, Jenny said nothing while her friends murmured vaguely in assent.

Of course she'd thought of it, but what she hadn't come to the conclusion of was whether the Slytherins from their year or the Gryffindors would really be the ones making the difference. After all, both Houses were among the strongest and most talented they'd seen in years. Maybe they would cancel each other out and the war would lag on painfully for quite some time.

"Are you okay?" Remus muttered in her ear, and she wished he hadn't because she instantly felt the urge to kiss him. Jenny shook her head, instantly wishing she hadn't because he wrapped an arm around her waist, his fingers delicately resting on her side. She could fell each of them distinctly through her clothes, thinking of what they'd felt like on her skin directly.

It was hard not to cry or scream. She could feel Sirius's eyes on her and she didn't know what to do. She hardly ever knew what to do, anymore.

She rested her head on Remus's shoulder, feeling the exhaustion come over her limbs as she breathed in his wonderful, unique smell. She could almost taste him.

Sirius was saying something, but her eyes were fluttering closed with a tiredness she didn't know she possessed and she muttered nonsense at him, feeling Remus's hand work through her drying hair as she slipped out of consciousness and into the sweet oblivion of sleep.

Jenny woke up in a familiar bed, drenched in Remus's scent, her heart pounding with fear when she realized where she was.

But her clothes were on and the bed hangings were closed around her. She turned onto her side, hoping to see Remus lying there, but he was not. She sighed.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without her," she heard Remus whisper on the other side of the bed hangings. "I sort of want to just take her with me, but it wouldn't be right, would it?"

"To be honest," Sirius sighed, "I'd advise against it now, anyway. Regulus might want her to be happy, but he wouldn't be allowed to take that sort of slight on his honor. They'd all be after you then, and Bella's nasty."

"It's not fair," James said softly. "None of it. I mean, most of us, we chose the futures we have. We might have done something different if there wasn't a war on, but we made these decisions. She's not got any choice in her life at all."

"Do you think...do you think she'll fall in love with him?"

Sirius snorted.

"Moony, if she was going to fall in love with my brother she would have done it years ago. They've known each other all their lives."

"I almost wish she would," Remus whispered. "Just...just to know she's happy."

Jenny put her hand to her cheek and was surprised to feel tears against her fingertips. Regulus would be good to her, if nothing else. And Remus...

Remus would hopefully be too busy with the war to think too much about her. She didn't want him to worry. She didn't want him to wonder.

There would be no loving Regulus, not as she loved Remus, but she would try to respect him as her husband, as was expected of her.

She laid her head back down on the pillow and closed her eyes, listening.

"I love her."

"I know," Sirius said gently.

"No, I...I love her more than anything, Sirius. I don't think I can live without her."

"You can," James said bracingly. "I'll keep you posted on her. It'll just be like watching from a distance, Remus. I'll bet we can even sneak letters back and forth."

"Do you think that the Death Eaters will use her?" Sirius asked softly. "I mean, I know Regulus wants to keep her out of everything, but he's not Lucius."

"And she's a lot brighter than Narcissa."

Jenny smiled to herself. Narcissa was much smarter than everyone thought. She'd failed the important subjects on purpose. Nobody really cared if a woman was good at Astronomy or History.

But Jenny had already taken her N.E.W.T.s. It was too late to start doing poorly at school, to make herself appear useless. Perhaps Sirius and James were right. Perhaps she would be pulled into the mess after all.

"I'm going to bed," Remus muttered, and she rolled onto her side, closing her eyes as casually as possible, careful not to look like she was still awake. She heard Remus climb into bed, feeling the mattress sink behind her where he was. He paused for a moment, leaning over her. Then he kissed her neck and whispered, "I love you," before wrapping an arm around her, climbing under the covers, and falling asleep with his chest pressed against her back.