Chp. 14- Reality Check

Hermione's Thoughts

Hermione's Conscience

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Last Time:

Draco walks past me, and even though he doesn't touch me, I can feel his hands upon my skin...Ghosts of all the times he's touched me intimately. When he's right next to me, I say something that I know I'll regret later.

"What...Aren't you going to call me your little Mudblood before you leave?"

Draco stops, and his eyes search mine, as if saying why don't you drive a stake into my heart. He continues walking, and when his hand is on the doorknob, I throw another insult at him. All I can think about in this moment is hurting him emotionally...Maybe he will finally crush under all this emotion, and realize how important he is to me, changing his ways.

"So was I good fuck like you presumed on the train?"

I can see his muscles tense under his t-shirt and I'm sure he'll look at me again, but this time he doesn't. He opens the door slowly after a few seconds, and walks out of my room.

My heart breaks right in half at this instant, and I collapse to the ground, sobbing loudly.

Now:

I lay there, crying my eyes and broken heart out for I don't know how long. Perhaps it was only for a minute or two, but it could have been several hours.

Finally I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. The girl staring back at me is not one I know. Her eyes are bloodshot from all the crying that clearly shows on her face.

I grab my wand from my table and wave it at my face. Instantly my face looks perfect again. I can still feel the puffiness of my face, but it doesn't show.

Screw sitting around here...I might as well go research that Ridio spell. It doesn't do me any good sitting here, thinking about Draco.

That's right dear! Screw men...You don't need him in your life to make you happy.

Are you sure? I don't know if I'm strong enough to be without him now...

Become a lesbian! Find a nice girl or something then...Just forget about him.

I CAN'T FORGET HIM!

I decide to do something to get my mind off Draco and our breakup. Anything to forget what's happened will be a welcome intrusion. I head to the library to find out more about that spell.

Along the way it is quiet and I don't run into any students, which I am thankful for. Most students are probably out on the grounds, getting as much fresh air as they can before it starts getting colder and snow starts to fall.

Madam Pince smiles at me, and I wave at her, not having the heart to smile anymore. I head down the first aisle, and find the book I had been reading early this week.

Weird Wizarding Dilemmas and Their Solutions is still on the shelf, which I am thankful for. I pick it up, and flip through it till I get to page 243. I quickly find the paragraph I had been looking at, and sit down. My back is against the shelf behind me.

Ridio is a spell known best for getting rid of unwanted attention. Whether it be with a person who is stalking you, or perhaps just a witch that wants your love in return. Before she slips a love potion into your pumpkin juice, you'd better use this spell on her. The only bad thing is that this spell only last for twenty four hours. If you want the unwanted attention to be gone permanently, you'd better use another spell that is of a similar caliber. You'll need to be an exceptionally powerful wizard to accomplish the spell, since it is of much greater strength and power. We don't want to give the spell away, since we're sure many young wizards will be reading this.

"Bloody hell," I whisper softly to myself.

I decide to ask Madam Pince about the spell that will last permanently. She's sure to know what it is and where I can read about it. I close the book, and place it carefully upon the shelf before walking over to her desk. She smiles up at me.

"Ms. Granger. It's wonderful to see you. How can I help you?"

"I'm doing some research, but the book I was looking at wouldn't tell me the spell I want to know about, or where I could find it. It only gave me a similar spell that was of less intensity."

"Oh...Which spell did you look up then?"

"Ridio."

"Ms. Granger, I happen to know that spell, and it's in a book in the Restricted Section. Now I usually don't allow this, but since you're a responsible young lady, and you happen to be the Head Girl, I will allow you to access the book. The title of the book is Complicated Spells for Curious and Clever Wizards. You will find the spell you are looking for in that book. It's called the Liberato Por Eternal."

"Thank you Madam Pince."

Madam Pince gives me a smile, and I quickly head to the Restriced Section. I skim through the books before finally finding a big black tome. The title is scripted in beautiful gold, and the book is covered in a layer of light dust. I blow on the cover, before sneezing. Even though I love the smell of musty old books, I am slightly allergic to dust.

I crack the book open to it's index, and run my finger over the L's. Finally I find the words Liberato Por Eternal and see that it's discussed on page 471. I thumb through the pages before finally coming to an entire page where it talks about the spell. I lean back against the bookcase, and bite my lip as I read over the precautions, movements, techniques, tips, and warnings about the spell.

Liberato Por Eternal is not recommended unless you're an adult wizard with all of your training. If you're not an excellent wizard with wandwork, this spell is not recommended for you. The spell is to be spoke in a slow, clear voice, and you need to make sure you pronunciation it perfectly, otherwise nasty side effects will occur. Liberato Por Eternal is to liberate you of unwanted attention for eternity. You need to be specific when you're thinking of who the person or people are when you do the spell, or it won't work. The wand movements are a . It is suggested that you clear your mind of everything except stuff pertaining to this spell. We can not stress enough how important it is to be an exceptional wizard when using this spell. Possible side effects that are known to happen if the spell is done incorrectly are memory loss, boils appearing upon your body, the attention you were trying to get rid of increasing tenfold, and finally developing affection for the person whom you wanted yourself liberate from.

I sigh before closing the book. I have a big decision to make.

Do I really want to get rid of all this attention? Draco and I are broken up now so perhaps it's not such a bad thing...

Actually now it's probably a good thing. Guys bidding for your time and heart...

I guess I'll check the book out and decide what to do after thinking about it for a couple days. If I'm going to do it, then I'm going to research it some more, practice saying the spell, and practice the wand movements over and over again. I want to get it perfect so I don't experience any of those side effects.

I head over to Madam Pince's desk, and she checks the book out for me. I decide to head back to my room, knowing Draco won't be anywhere near the Head common room today. He'll be avoiding me like the plague.

The walk takes about ten minutes, since I'm walking slow. I greet Cassie, and give her the password before slipping into my room. Flopping down on my bed, I close my eyes and take deep breaths to keep my tears from falling.

This is where it happened. Now I'm not going to be able to stay in here without remembering...

You just need to forget him darling. There are plenty of fish in the sea for Merlin's sake.

Draco is my first love. I don't want to forget him, even if how we broke up will haunt me for years to come. Why did I have to scream those things at him when he was leaving? It just worsened things...

I fall asleep, tired and exhausted from my crying earlier, and researching. I don't wake up till mid afternoon, and I decide to go get some fresh air. Walking downstairs, I pull my hood up, shielding my face for the most part. I want to be left alone, so I decide to walk along the edge of the forest, while most people are gathered around the lake.

There's a breeze that rushes past both sides of me, leaving my face chilled and aching. I barely notice though, since my body can barely feel the pain. My heart won't let me feel...It's defective, and flawed since Draco broke it.

Since he left me, it feels as if he's taken a part of me with him, leaving me empty and cold.

That's what happens when you allow yourself to fall in love...You give yourself to the person, and when you break up, you're left with a big piece of you missing. Pretty soon all that's left is your body, your mind overcome with grief, and your heart broken into tiny pieces that are impossible to put back together again.

"Love stinks," I whisper to no one in particular.

"You've got that right Granger."

I tense before turning around slowly to see who has just replied to my statement. Blaise Zabini is leaning against a tree, just several feet from me. I must have walked right past him, but I wasn't paying attention. He's got a small smirk on his face, and he pushes himself off the tree, walking slowly towards me.

The way he's walking reminds me of a cat stalking it's prey. He stops when he's only several inches from me.

"Trouble in lover's paradise?"

"You could say that," I say softly, looking away from Blaise, "We broke up."

Blaise circles me, taking in everything about me. My red and freezing face, bloodshot eyes, shifty demeanor, and I don't give a fuck attitude. He lets out a low whistle, stopping in front of me.

"Damn...I thought you two would be together forever with the way you acted together."

"So did I," I whisper softly, trying not to break down right in front of this Slytherin, "but things don't ever work out that way..."

"You know you can cry Granger...It's not like I'm going to hold it against you or anything."

I stare up into Blaise's sky blue eyes, and he's staring back at me, intensely. I shiver, as if finally feeling the cold seep into my body. My face is so cold that it feels like it's on fire.

Blaise is making me feel again...Telling me to let it all out. Best to get it over with in the beginning than put it off and never feel again.

Let it out darling...The sooner, the better. You'll be able to move on again...

Move on? Just forget everything that has happened? I don't know if my heart will let me do that...

The tears start to fall now, and nothing is going to stop them. I place my hands over my face, and slump over slightly. I shake and cry loudly, not caring if anyone can hear me or see me.

I feel arms wrap around my waist, pulling me into a warm chest. I wrap my arms around Blaise's neck, crying into his shoulder. His hands rub circles along my back, calming me, and comforting me. I'm crying in his arms for at least half an hour, and when I finally pull back, I'm positive I look like hell.

Blaise gives me a soft smile, and wipes my tears away.

"Even after you cry, you still look beautiful Hermione."

My heart squeezes painfully at this, and I gasp slightly in surprise. I quickly remove myself from his arms, and start to back away.

"I have to go," I whisper, shaking my head.

I turn around and head up to the castle. I can feel Blaise's eyes on me the entire time I'm walking, until I'm out of his sight. I walk up to the Head common room with my eyes upon the ground. I can feel some people walk past me, their eyes staring at me. I can hear whispers, but I pretend I don't.

It's already dark outside by the time I get upstairs, and I walk into my bedroom. I decide to take a quick shower, and strip out of my clothes once I lock the doors. I stand under the shower head, letting the warm water soothe my face. I wash up quickly, just wanting to fall asleep and forget the day from hell.

I walk into my bedroom, wet and naked but feeling slightly better. I slip a big t-shirt over my head, and my wet hair sticks to it. I pull my covers back before settling down in the middle of my bed. I don't want to sleep on one side, because if I do, I'll notice what's missing...

Draco.

I lay there, waiting for sleep to overcome me, but of course what I will to come won't. Draco is the only thing upon my mind, and I hate it. Even when I try to forget him for a couple minutes, my stupid heart and mind won't allow me. He's in every one of my thoughts!

I don't need him...

That's absolutely right Hermione. Maybe if you try to go out with someone else, it will lessen your feelings for him.

Perhaps it's too soon to think about someone else. I need to get over Draco first, and let my heart heal before trying with anyone else.

I roll my head over so my pillow conceals my crying from the night.

I don't need him...

I lift my head, and I can see my reflection across the room.

"I do need him," I whisper to myself, miserable at this realization.

I lay my head down on my pillow again, and cry to myself quietly. I fall asleep like this. Draco haunts my dreams, not letting me forget him even in my unconscious state.

Well that's it for now. What did you all think of it? Please leave me a review with your thoughts. The next chapter is going to have some drama in it since Hermione and Draco are split up. I can't wait to hear from everyone. The Liberato Por Eternal spell is completely of my own creation, along with the Ridio spell.