The next morning, at about half-past ten, Harry heard the sound of the Floo in the parlour flare up, followed by his father's loud voice announcing "HARRY! A GINGER JUST POPPED OUT OF THE FIREPLACE!"

"Oi!" Ron's annoyed voice rang out in response. "Just who the bloody hell d'you think you are?"

"He's Dad, Ron, calm down," Harry said, walking into the room to see his best mate pointing his wand at his parents' portrait. "He's just taking the mickey out of you, right Dad?" This statement was punctuated with a sharp glare.

"Er, right. Taking the mickey, right," James replied sheepishly, earning him a snort from Lily.

Ron was not amused.

"Oh, lighten up, Ron. You're more ginger than Crookshanks, you know it, and you know some prats are going to point it out loudly. C'mon, let me show you around a bit before we collect Draco and head to the party room."

"Party room?" Ron asked, looking confused after being briefly irate at the casual mention of Draco.

"Yeah. Like the Muggles do on football matchdays. The elves are making up some refreshments for us to eat while we listen to the match."

"You're weird, Harry," Ron answered, which made Harry briefly wonder if wizards had ever heard of the concepts of a concession stand or food vendors at sporting events.

Shaking his head in wonder, Harry began showing Ron various things about the first floor of the Manor, before directing up the central staircase and knocking on Draco's room (skipping past the Library, since Harry figured Ron cared nothing for books).

"Is it time, Harry?" Draco asked, pulling open the door. "Hello, Weasel."

"Ferret," Ron replied, taking in with distaste Malfoy's Falmouth Falcons apparel.

"Ready for your side to get crushed again?" Draco asked Ron with a sneer. "Bottom of the league yet again, what a surprise."

"We can't all be the bloody Harpies," Ron shot back. "Besides, your beloved Falcons got trounced last week by the Caterpillars, of all people. You lost to the WELSH!"

"Shut up, Weasel!" Draco hissed. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I do!" Ron said cheerfully, a wide grin on his face. "330 to 60? And your Seeker didn't even notice Caerphilly's Seeker going after and catching the Snitch! He was … remind me again, wasn't he making googly eyes at one of the substitute Chasers?"

"Shut. Up. Weasel," Draco hissed.

"Ron," Harry began, before he too started grinning. "Googly eyes at a reserve Chaser?"

"Yeah!" Ron said, excited. "And the best part was, all their reserve Chasers are blokes!"

Both Gryffindor boys cracked up at that, laughing at the poor Falcons Seeker for a solid minute and a half before being punched by Draco.

"It's not funny," he insisted, looking very disappointed in Harry and Ron, who both continued to grin.

"It's hilarious!" Ron insisted. "He got his team embarrassed because he was trying to get in one of his teammates' pants! One of his male teammates!"

"You think it's so funny, Weasel, you try it!" Draco said, whipping his wand out and silently hexing Ron.

"What the hell did you do, you arsehole!?" Ron shouted at Draco, before he gasped.

"Oh…Harry…" Ron breathed, turning his gaze to Harry, who was all of a sudden terrified.

"Erm…Draco, what did you do?" Harry asked, hands extended in an attempt to fend off Ron, who was now advancing on him with a crazy look in his eyes.

"I told you I was going to get you laid, didn't I?" Draco asked. "Here you go, one Weasel, absolutely dying for you to sex him up."

"That's not funny, Draco!" Harry said. "Do you want me to have nightmares?" Ron was inching ever closer, puckering up his lips and trying to kiss Harry, who was doing his best to avoid this.

"No, I want you and Weasel to apologise for making fun of Youngblood," Draco replied. "It's not his fault that he's gay and that d'Arcy is sex on legs."

"OK, OK, we'll apologise!" Harry said. "Just end the spell!"

"How can you be sure Weasel will apologise and not hex me back?" Draco asked, with a grin as Ron continued to try to kiss Harry, who was now pinned against the wall.

"I'll put him under the Imperius if I have to!" Harry insisted. "Just get him off me!"

"Fine, fine, ruin my fun," Draco muttered, canceling the spell and laughing as Ron fell into the wall.

"You've made your point, Draco. I'm sorry for making fun of your Seeker," Harry said, restraining Ron from going for his wand to hex Draco. "Ron, apologise."

"But he tried to make me snog you!" Ron exclaimed. "You're just gonna let that go?"

"Of course not, Ron," Harry replied. "But the revenge will be more epic if it happens later."

"Oh," said Ron. Harry knew his friend was impatient, but hopefully he had picked up at least something from Fred and George.

"Come on, both of you," Harry said, looking sharply at Ron and Draco. He led them to the room he had shown Draco the night before, and indicated to Draco that he should go tune in to the wireless broadcast.

Moments later, the wireless clicked on and they were greeted by a cheery wizard's voice (which reminded Harry of Ludo Bagman) welcoming them to the match between "the Chudley Cannons at the bottom of the league, against the visiting mid-table Falmouth Falcons who are coming off an embarrassing and mind-boggling loss to Caerphilly at home last week."

Ron sniggered again, and Draco shot him a glare.

"Of course, the biggest news surrounding this match is the new Seeker for Falmouth – Frederick Grey gets the start this week after Rodney Youngblood's pitiful performance last week. Other tweaks to the Falcons lineup include Jean-Paul d'Arcy starting at weak-side Chaser after a training injury to centre-Chaser Gareth Pike and Falmouth Manager Nigel White shifting starting weak-side Chaser Keaton Flitney to centre-Chaser. Strong-side Chaser for the Falcons will remain Wil Fleitch, Beaters are Heartley Rodgers and Guyton Greer, and Keeper is the Bolivian international Raul Gonsalez," the announcer continued. "We'll have the line-up for the Cannons right after this break."

"OK, so explain to me what this means," Harry said.

"It means they're screwed!" Ron crowed joyously. "d'Arcy has only played in three League games since Falmouth bought him from Quiberon last summer during the Cup. Pike led their attack, and I don't know what White was thinking, shifting Flitney to centre-Chaser. He's adequate at best in centre, so Fleitch is going to have to try and lead the team," he explained. "Grey graduated from Hogwarts the year before we got there - Hufflepuff - he's been a career reserve. Only started a couple games for the Falcons, but I think that change is just because the people would be calling for White's head if he let Youngblood play this week."

"Don't be so sure, Weasel," Draco replied. "d'Arcy may not have much League experience, but he's still a strong weak-side Chaser. Flitney only plays weak-side because Pike is so damn good in centre, but he'll be more than 'adequate' while Pike recovers from whatever's wrong with him. Hufflepuff came in just behind Slytherin for the Quidditch Cup in Grey's seventh year. Besides, Rodgers and Greer are the two best Beaters in the League. They should be more than enough to keep your rag-tag band out of goal."

Then the commercials ended and the announcer came back on. "Chudley's starting seven are Dragomir Gorgovitch, the veteran Lithuanian international, Jacob Edleman and Petr Hlak as Chasers: Gorgovitch in centre, Edleman on weak-side, and the Czech international Hlak in his first season in the League on the strong-side. Beaters are Joey Jenkins and Michael Masters, the German international Heinz Kreiner is Keeping, and Cannons mainstay Galvin Gudgeon will compete with Freddy Grey for the Snitch at Seeker. Manager Ragmar Dorkins doesn't seem keen to make any changes to his line-up, surprising considering the closest they've come to victory this season was their match two weeks ago against Wigtown, which they only lost by 160."

Draco looked offended. "You were within a goal of Wigtown!? What the hell, Weasel?"

Ron looked smug.

"Did they test for potions? Were you playing their reserve squad? How the hell!?"

"Yes, they did; no, we weren't, and we're not that bad this year!" Ron said.

"More likely Wigtown's simply gone to pot," Draco said, and Harry didn't say a word.

"Shut up, Ferret."

"Guys, seriously," Harry said. "Behave." Sharp looks were exchanged between all three boys as the house-elves popped in with snacks. It had taken him some time, but once he'd explained pizza bagels, mini-burgers, nachos and salsa to his elves, they were remarkably good at producing them. The drinks could use some work, though. Apparently elves could only get butterbeer, though Harry really wanted to expose his pureblood friends to Coca-Cola and Pepsi.

"What in bloody hell is all this stuff?" Draco asked.

"Food," Harry informed them simply, grabbing a pepperoni pizza bagel and taking a large bite. Taking the time to chew and swallow (as he wasn't sure Draco shared Ron's ability to understand Mouthful), he explained.

"What I just had was a pizza bagel. They're basically bagels, you know what bagels are, cut in half and with each half adding tomato sauce, mozzarella cheese, and some type of meat. These are pepperoni, because that's my favourite. We've also got miniature cheeseburgers, and that big tray with the bowl in the centre has the nachos and salsa."

"And Muggles eat this during sporting events?" Draco asked. Harry nodded, and Draco looked disgusted. "I'll probably gain 30 pounds just by looking at it."

"Draco, you're an idiot," Harry said, taking another bite of the bagel. "Ron, have a burger." Ron, not being the type to refuse food outright, tentatively reached forward and grabbed a mini-burger off the stack, popping it in his mouth. Harry resisted the urge to grin as his friend's eyes lit up.

"OHMYGODTHESEARESOGOOD!" the red-head exclaimed, interestingly enough turning Draco even further off the strange looking food, though he did take a butterbeer.

"Oh go on, Draco, at least try something," Harry encouraged, tossing him a nacho. "Don't be a mood-killer."

Harry's attempt to get Draco to at the very least nibble the food was interrupted by the announcer.

"And the referee has released the bludgers and the snitch…the Captains have done the traditional handshake and we are ready to begin. Both sides in the air now, and there goes the Quaffle! We are underway here in Chudley, with the Falcons seizing the first possession. It's Flitney with the Quaffle, to Fleitch, back to Flitney, nifty bit of flying there to avoid the foul from Edleman…d'Arcy is in the scoring area, takes the pass from Flitney and puts it past Kreiner to make it 10-nil Falmouth early."

Ron swore, Draco looked smug.

"Edleman retrieves the Quaffle and quickly passes it to Hlak, who goes tearing off up the pitch towards the Falcons' hoops…a quick pass to Gorgovitch before a nasty bludger to the gut knocks the wind out of him. It's Gorgovitch attacking with Edleman in support, and a well-executed Woollongong Shimmy followed by a reverse pass has Edleman taking the shot against the Falmouth weak-side hoop, but Keeper Gonsalez makes the save and it's back to Fleitch for Falmouth."

The match proceeded in this vein for a couple of hours, and Draco had been so excited about his Falcons going up 60-10 that he'd eaten the nacho he'd been thrown before the start of the match, and had promptly snatched the tray up and begun to scarf them down. Ron had been incensed when Falmouth had been awarded a penalty for a Transylvanian Tackle by Hlak, who had been called for blatching despite the announcer's pronouncements that no contact had been made between Hlak and Flitney. Falmouth had converted the penalty and gone up 130-50, appearing to have the game well in hand. As consolation, Harry gave Ron more mini-burgers.

It wasn't until the game's third hour, with Falmouth ahead 290-140, that the match began to get interesting for Harry.

"Chudley in a Hawkshead formation, Hlak with the Quaffle and Edleman and Gorgovitch in support…dodge a bludger from Greer, wait one moment, it seems something is going on with Gudgeon and Grey!"

Harry perked up at the mention of the two Seekers. Perhaps they'd seen the Snitch, though it seemed odd that Gudgeon would even make an attempt on it now, with his team down by 150. What even happened in Quidditch in the event of a draw? Would they take penalties?

"Grey diving, Gudgeon in pursuit and gaining. Hlak continuing to press against the Falmouth defence and trying to score a goal. If their Chasers can convert, Gudgeon can win this one right here, right now!" Draco looked disgusted at the prospect.

"We can see the Snitch, thanks to our Omnioculars…Grey has his hand outstretched, he's closing in…will he seal the match for Falmouth here? No! I don't believe it, a bludger comes in from…from I don't even know where and knocks him off course! Gudgeon avoids the collision, closes in and he's got the Snitch! Unbelievable! And…yes, the referee is signaling that Hlak did indeed convert his goal before the Snitch was caught! Chudley wins, 300-290, and the fans here are going crazy!"

The description was apt in the Back Parlour at Potter Manor as well. Ron Weasley was jumping up and down on the sofa he had occupied, screaming his ginger head off in celebration, while Draco Black sat stunned and slack-jawed at the manner of Falmouth's second consecutive defeat.

"A truly spectacular finish here at Chudley! The Cannons take their first match of the season and three points, which puts them ahead of still-winless Montrose in the British and Irish Quidditch League. With this defeat, Falmouth stays level at six points, putting them into a three-way tie at fourth with Kenmare and Tutshill, who still have yet to complete their matches this week. Currently Kenmare leads Montrose 300-90 and Tutshill is ahead of seventh-place Pride of Portree 230-100. In other action around the league, Caerphilly has fallen at Puddlemere 400-230; Wimbourne lost a quick match at home against Appleby 200-20, with the two sides only on the pitch for an hour; Ballycastle is leading Wigtown 70-40, and the league-leading Harpies are off this week. Next for the Cannons is an away match against Kenmare, scheduled to start at noon next Saturday, while the Falcons have their European Cup first leg match against Heidelberg at home on Wednesday, scheduled start for that match is seven o'clock. For now, that's all for the British and Irish Quidditch League on WWN, good-bye from Chudley."

Draco sullenly turned off the wireless, while Ron continued to celebrate by whooping in joy in between mini-burgers.

"Potter, get me away from this hooligan," he said, affronted. "I'm going to hex him again if I don't get away from him."

"You can just go to your room, you know," Harry said. "It's not like he knows where it is."

"But it's only three-thirty," Draco complained.

"And I haven't spent any serious amount of time with Ron since school let out. Go read a book or something and let me have some time with my best mate," Harry said, causing Draco to stomp off. Once the door to the parlour slammed shut, Ron quieted down.

"Finally, I thought he'd never leave!"

"How long were you acting?"

"Eh, better part of five minutes," Ron replied, now munching on a pizza bagel. "I mean, it is Ma- er…Black's team. Why can't I call him Malfoy anymore?"

"Cos he's not a Malfoy anymore. Lucius officially threw him out of the family, off the tree, disowned, the whole nine yards. Made him a no-name for about a minute," Harry said, and Ron sobered up.

"That's…harsh," he said, pale. "Damn, I always knew Lucius Malfoy was a bastard, but even Sirius' mum let him keep his last name!"

"I know, right?" Harry said. "So, how about that Quidditch match?"

"I think we were right to apologise for making fun of that ponce Youngblood," Ron said. "He's a way better Seeker than Grey. Not to take anything away from Gudgeon, cos that was a brilliant end to the match, but there's no way Youngblood doesn't get that Snitch."

"If you say so," Harry replied. "Y'know, I think McGonagall made a huge mistake in naming me Quidditch Captain."

"Oh, it's you?" Ron asked.

"Yeah. Draco got it for Slytherin. I don't know a damn thing about Quidditch strategy, not nearly as much as you do. I remember the five a.m. harangues from Ollie Wood about our strategies and tactics, compared to him I'll look like a fucking first-year. 'Chasers, fly around with the Quaffle, don't get hit by Bludgers, and score. Beaters, hit the Bludgers at the bad guys. Keeper, chill out by the rings and don't let people score, and I'll fly around and look for the shiny thing. Team on three.'"

"Seriously?" Ron asked. "How can you have been around Ollie for three years and me for five without picking up anything about Quidditch?"

"I honestly don't know," Harry replied. "Y'know…would you be too terribly opposed to being a sort of vice-captain and handling the strategy bits?" he asked.

"Seriously? You still want me on your team?"

"You're an alright Keeper when your head's screwed on right, why not?" Harry asked in return. "Besides, I don't think I'd trust anybody else with buying me the time I need to accomplish my mission. That's what best mates are for, right?" Harry grinned as he asked this last question, which led Ron to call him a prat.

"Yeah, sure, I guess," Ron eventually replied. "Vice-Captain is better than nothing, after all. Maybe you can talk Professor McGonagall into giving me a shiny badge too?"

"You already have a shiny badge, Prefect Ronniekins!" Harry exclaimed. "You can't have TWO, that's not fair!"

Ron pouted for a moment before both boys dissolved into laughter again.

"Hey, how's things going at Headquarters?" Harry asked once they were composed again.

"Alright. It's hard to find people around to help me practice swordfighting, especially with Hermione in the Library from dawn to dusk, but I'm making do. Mad-Eye found this old suit of armour and taught me how to animate it so I can practice against that."

"I bet it's easier than I'm having it," Harry replied. "I have the privilege of being trained by Mister Expert Swordsman Draco Black himself. He kicks my ass every time."

"We should gang up on him," Ron suggested. "See how well he can do against two at once."

"That could be fun," Harry agreed. "Let's go get him and find out."

With that, both boys left the back parlour in search of a teed-off Draco Black, resident prat-in-chief.

A/N: So, that wasn't nearly as hard to write as I expected. I'm reminded of Ron's line from the first movie: Quidditch is great! At any rate, next chapter will feature a big meeting and loads of post-nomial letters. See you on 20 May, don't forget to review!