Summary: "To be Reborn, you need to die first." -Lucien Carr
Notes: There might be some errors. I'm heading out to work so there might issues here and there. I apologize in advance if that becomes the case.
xxx"You know me." Cole breathed out, he was sitting – perched on the balcony edge. He jumped down and approached her cautiously. He was evaluating and Ellana let him see everything with a soft smile. "You smile but you're in pain. Envy is hurting you. Mirrors of mirrors on memories. A face it can feel but not fake. I want to help. You, not Envy."
"Cole, where are we? What is this place? The Fade? The Void? None of it makes sense."
"Were inside you. Or I am. You're always inside you." Ellana felt confused at his words. Inside her - like inside her mind? Is that why past memories were being thrown at her?
"Yes. But I'm here, hearing, helping. I hope. Envy hurt you, is hurting you. I tried to help, you were calling out...So I came."
"Thank you, Cole." Ellana told him while he circled her. "You think I would be able to control my own thoughts in my head."
Cole paused, laughing.
"It never works like that."
The sound of a wolf howl, sent chills down Ellana's spine. She glanced behind to where the door frame was.
Outside she could see a shadowy version of the Dread Wolf pacing with bared teeth, six eyes watching for her to re-emerge, waiting to claim her again. "You shouldn't fear him. You love him. You've always had. I was watching. I watch. You still love him. After everything. You can save him. The Dread Wolf calls to you." Ellana shifted her gaze back to the floor, he was wrong.
"That thing is not Fen'Harel. That thing is an Envy Demon. It wants to be me." Cole nodded at her words.
Cole pulled forward. Evading space, he lifted his right hand up and gently touched the side of her face. Ellana's blue eyes met his cloudy ones in wonderment at the sudden display of affection.
"Yes, good. It twisted your memories. It wants you to hate. But that's not you. You don't hate. You forgive, time and time again. You just wanted him to understand." Ellana grabbed Cole's right hand with her left. She was shaking at his words.
He understood.
Cole was the Spirit of Compassion.
She did not want him to continue, she knew what it would entail with such a spirit.
Ellana did not want to forget.
Again.
Ellana gave a sharp gasp, her brain whirling at a new found revelation.
Cole.
It had been Cole.
Cole was the who answered her calls at Fallow Mire.
She had felt him appear as she was crying bitterly, mourning the loss of fallen comrades.
Cole had become the beacon of hope. The last thread she could depend on in an emergency.
'Cole.' She breathed, rising from her broken state of mind. Cole had closed the gap and pulled her into a warm embrace. 'You can't stay.' She sobbed. 'I-I can't bear to lose anyone else. Solas. He's not-I don't know what to do. I can't reach him anymore. He won't let me in.'
'Ellana,' Cole began silencing her sobs. 'I can get you to him. Not in the way he wants you to be but at least you can still salvage this nightmare yet.'
'I don't understand, what are you suggesting?' She asked and he hushed her while brushing fallen tears from face.
'I am Compassion. I will protect you. I have always wanted to protect you. I love you.'
'Cole?' Ellana questioned, he looked like he was crying as well. 'Cole, what are you saying?'
'Please forgive me.' He told her softly, as he pressed lips to her forehead. Her eyes were widening upon recognition but it was too late. Ellana's body was too worn to move from his pulling embrace. His next words entering her mind like a drumming command sending her spirit far, far away. 'Forget.'
"Cole? You-"
"You're right. You need all of you to fight right now. Maybe later."
Ellana swallowed at the implication. She would have to be much careful with Cole this time around. He was harmless, sure, but he did have the ability to make it all go away. She just has to make sure that Cole never felt the need to help her in such a way again.
Lost memories severed her more than saving.
"How is everyone outside reacting to this?" Ellana wondered.
"You're frozen. Envy is trying to take your face."
"But how? How is my body frozen in the waking world? Wouldn't Solas see through it?"
"No. Thoughts are fast. We're here. Outside, the Dread Wolf waits. He is too weakened without his orb. To him a blade is still falling, hanging in the air like a sunset." Ellana's brow furrowed.
So she was frozen in time.
Did that mean she was safe? "No." Cole answered her again.
Ellana paled. So her thoughts weren't safe here. He could hear everything. "Yes. I agree it would be good if you got out. Some thoughts are best left unsaid."
"...So how exactly do I get out of here Cole?" The spirit leads her toward the door where the Dread Wolf still paced.
"All of this is Envy: People, places, power. If you keep going, Envy stretches. It takes strength to push forward. Being one person is hard. Being many, too many, more and more the complications occur. You break out."
"Sorry, could you simplify that?" Cole nodded, smiling at her disarray.
"Become Trevelyan. Leave Lavellan behind. Block old memories. Unravel new ones. Disconnect memory from the nightmare. Escape."
Ellana looked inside herself. Her other mind within her own, Evelyn. A woman who feared no wolves. A woman who simply feared to be rejected by the ones she would come to love. Family rejection burned deep inside. Turmoil welling deep inside as people kept bringing up the fact that she was an icon but truly she was never considered such status. Ellana reached out to the Circle Mage. Huddled in a cornerstone locked deep within the thresholds of her mind.
Never truly wanting to take over – she had given up long before the fight started but Ellana tapped the woman's shoulder causing a head to glance back. Evelyn's eyes met Ellena's in brewing bewilderment.
"Wake up, Evelyn. I need you." Evelyn shuddered at the call but she knew this day would come. "Come on, grab my hand. Let's get you up. It's time to show your parents what a Trevelyan can do."
"That's right." Evelyn responded, being born anew, back into this dreaded reality. She took Ellana's hand and with it thrown back into this so-called nightmare the Elf was experiencing. "Hello." She told the spirit.
Evelyn Trevelyan – was finally reborn.
"Shock. Wonderment. A woman who hid away now faces one of the greatest kind of demons. Yet happiness licks your wounds. Ellana gave you peace."
Ellana.
Yes.
She knew that name.
Her other self.
The one who had come to reside along side once the conclave exploded.
A warm being who would fill her lonely heart and in turn Evelyn accepted the company. Allowing Ellana in and ownership over her body.
Two co-existing spirits melded together to face the same destiny.
Closing the Breach.
Evelyn pressed forward outside, pushing past the wolf. She didn't care for it. It didn't mean anything to her. Just a silly obstacle in her way. Cole followed behind guiding her through flames. Instructing her to imagine water instead.
It was such an easy thing to do. None of this was real. It was the waking world she could not face, but this, this was silly. An illusion at best. Something her parents conjured up to scare her. Similar to her test to joining the Circle. Evelyn had conquered that too.
They didn't think she had it in her.
That showed them.
She was a Trevelyan after all.
"That thing can't help you! I will see more!" A voice came. Its command boomed against the walls, and Evelyn simply shrugged it off. Her inner will would not be undone.
The Demon laughed and without any moments notice she was blinded by white light. The sound of a baby's wail came to mind. Another heartbeat that pulsed alongside hers. Tears sprang up and Evelyn had to push them back down.
"Ellana, stop it. This isn't real." Evelyn sighed but endured the emotions of her ally. She pushed past another displaying scene the Demon presented to her. Claiming allies would curse her name. A farce could not keep her still.
"None of this is real unless you let it be." Cole echoed alongside her as if to keep her motivation locked into place.
"Get out, thing! I am learning."
Evelyn moved forward. A shadow form of hers was currently looming over a standing Revered Mother, Giselle. It was taunting the woman – all the while posing as her. "What do you say to your crimes, heretic?"
"This is a farce, I demand justice!"
"Have it." It told her laughing, "Take her to the gallows with the others."
The demon glanced in her direction as if waiting for a response. Evelyn rolled her eyes and kept going. Pushing the shadow figure out of the way, smoke and mirrors.
Smoke and mirrors.
A chant she could tell herself to survive.
Up ahead she stopped at an unlit Brazier. Cole still ever so close.
"It's dark, but it isn't real. Think of sparks. Bend magic to cause."
Evelyn nodded, looking down at her hands. She knew fire. The fire had been her element of choice.
Within a second, her right hand glowed warmly. An orange mixed red and white light began to take shape and then there was a flame so bright it illuminated the area around them. Evelyn lit the brazier and with it another path opened.
"Keep going up." Cole instructed, pushing her up the stairs. "You're more you then you are Envy, and that tires it out."
"Good." She told him, as they kept going on through this maze. "I think." When they reached the top of the stairs and opened the door. She was blinded again by that light.
And now she was in a forest.
So they escaped?
Evelyn felt pleased with herself, she went to call Ellana back out, but Cole's hand grasped her right wrist and pulled it forward.
"Not yet. Still in the maze. Don't stop now. You're doing so well Evelyn! So strong! Amazing and beautiful!"
Evelyn felt herself blush at his words. It had been a long time since anyone had praised her. She was an abomination – a monster. If Unchained she would create havoc upon this world.
Cole lead her through a burning city.
This, she knew this. Even if it was Ellana's memory.
Val Royeaux was being consumed by flames!
"Why invade Orlais?" She found herself questioning to no one in particular. Cole glanced back at her with a growing grin.
"So your curious?" The Demon greedily asked. It had been eagerly waiting for her to say something. Anything. This world had started to become suffocating. "Shall I make use of that when I'm you?"
"You're letting the Herald see more to sketch her shape, but what she sees makes her stronger."
"Quiet!" It roared, and Evelyn laughed. "I said quiet!"
"Come, Evelyn, the end of the road yet awaits." Cole said to her, and she met his smile with her own.
"Yes."
With that he led her out, out into the open world and she took it with strides.
"Herald!" Ellana heard Casandra's voice. Cassandra was now shaking her, and others had gathered around her. Ellana swallowed. She was out, free. Evelyn had gone and she was back in her place.
"Envy? The demon where is it?" She questioned whilst looking for him, Cole. But the boy was nowhere in sight. Gone from minds eyes.
"It fled." Solas told her.
"Did you see Cole?" She questioned, forgetting where she was. When she was. Solas raised a brow.
"Cole?" He echoed back at her as if it should have some meaning to him. Her eyes widened for a moment and then she looked away from the apostate. Somewhat ashamed for losing herself.
"Nothing, never mind." She turned toward Cassandra and let the woman guide her down the stage. Ellana felt wobbly. This body acting out of sync with her. Probably because of Evelyn's brief return.
"I'm sorry Cassandra. An Envy Demon replaced the Lord Seeker." Cassandra shook her head, and sighed.
"Then the Lord Seeker..."
"Here let me take her." Solas offered, and Cassandra passed Evelyn to the apostate. Letting the Circle mage sling over the apostate's shoulder. There was a grunt and Evelyn laughed.
"Sorry, I guess I'm heavier then I look."
"Or Cassandra's just happens to be a bit stronger than I am." He snipped and she giggled. She had missed this Solas. She found herself snuggling into his neck, and he groaned. "Evelyn doesn't make me drop you."
"Oh Solas," She chided, "Don't treat me like that. I just went through hell in back in my own mind."
"Are you alright?" He questioned, now sounding earnestly concerned for her well being.
"Will you kiss me if I say no?" He growled, and she laughed. "Relax, I was only joking..." She told him, and as she talked to him, her eyes started to feel heavy.
"Evelyn?" He questioned, as she started to feel lighter and lighter.
"Come now...Why must you always be so serious..." Her voice now dropping a couple octaves in a bare whisper. Solas paused, and set her down. Putting the mage, up, leaning, against a wall. She was sweating profusely. She was just fine moments ago.
He reached out and touched her forehead. Evelyn was burning up.
Fever. Just like before.
Hinterlands.
Her eyes were foggy, and her gaze swimming around confused.
"Evelyn, Evelyn look at me." Solas commanded, he was now grasping her shoulders. Demanding attention. At this rate she would lose consciousness.
He had been too hard on her. She just fought off a very powerful demon. "Evelyn please, you must stay awake. I care about you."
Within a snap second, her eyes focused. Eyes becoming sharp like a dragon as they honed in on him, angrily.
"Don't act like you care, Fen'Harel." Evelyn snapped coldly. "You've hurt Ellana more than help."
Solas felt breath sucked from the body but he wasn't able to respond to her unnerving claim, for within that minute, her body fell forward. Head crashing into his right shoulder.
"Evelyn?" Soals called, feeling more afraid in his life then ever before. "Evelyn!"
But she would not respond.
Unconscious.
Evelyn had fainted.