Chapter 14: Failed Chances
Xena held tightly onto Gabrielle's wrists, as the woman struggled to make contact with the warm inviting body above her.
"Xena, you know its kind of hard for me to do anything if you are pinning me down like this." Gabrielle slurred in complaint.
Adjusting herself above the Valkyrie, Xena struggled with her own desires; the position she was currently in didn't help matters.
"Gabrielle, you are not yourself right now. You need to cool off and there is some things that I need to talk to you about." Xena proceeded.
"Talk? Ha! You! Choosing talk over action? I must be in some bizarre machination of reality or I must be in hell." The Valkyrie groused, frustration starting to set in.
"I want to get physical and you want to talk? Time has long gone for talk. Talk is what I wanted from you five years ago!" Gabrielle angrily announced, rolling out from underneath Xena. Xena released her, sensing that her frame of mind had changed.
Rolling off and out of the bed, she stood and looked as straight as she could into Xena eyes. Her eyes and her body wobbled a bit from the seated anger and from the intoxication.
"When I wanted you to talk to me, you kept secrets from me. Your lack of talk led me to a scene of your headless corpse and our lives being stolen from us. All I want is a decent lay right now, to feel something, and you want to give me words?" The Valkyrie spat out and pointed angrily. "Well, Xena, I don't want to talk. Talk to that second voice in your head, because I'm going to find entertainment elsewhere."
Xena sat dumbfounded on the bed. "I think that went well. Don't you?" Xena grumbled sarcastically to Brunhilda.
Gabrielle pushed out of the falcon room as ungracefully as a drunken elephant. Although Xena's actions were technically not a rejection, it felt just like one in Gabrielle's state. To say her life was chaotic was an understatement. Her mind was currently a volatile playground of emotions. One moment she felt fine, other moments she would like to rip people's limbs off, and other times she wants to hide away and cry till she is out of tears.
Wandering back toward Valhalla's dining area she took in the empty hall. Her footsteps echoed throughout making her somber in her loneliness. Everyone had retired to their rooms or the rooms of others. Glancing at the food and drink covered table, she noticed the many untouched cups of mead. She found her intoxication waning, and at this moment, she really didn't want to face reality. She knew something was terribly wrong with her be it physically or mentally, but she wasn't ready to face it. It was quite surprising that she had lasted this long considering her life with Xena and after. A nervous breakdown or similar mental breakdown seems long overdue. Signs of it creeping just around the corner. Her escape; alcohol; speeding up its inevitability.
She grabbed the largest flask, nearby the plate of boar, and began to imbibe. The world around her felt shaky and she found that her eyes were twitching, trying to keep up with her surroundings. She wandered aimlessly and she eventually found herself in Odin's throne room. She had been here before when she had first become a Valkyrie, but didn't take in the sights. Odin saw her approach. He was leaving to retire for the night for some sleep.
"Gabrielle, I see you have partaken in the battle this day and are sampling the food and drink of Valhalla. Are you finding it all to your liking? By the way, good job on retrieving Heinrik." Odin praised.
The comment sobered the Valkyrie for a moment, filling her mind with scenes she had previously successfully blocked.
In Odin's mind, with her retrieval of Heinrik, she had shown quite a deal of sticking to her word and he was quite sure she would honor her promise of performing her Valkyrie duties.
"My throne room is impressive isn't it?" he stated, noticing her mock admiration for its decorative aspects.
All she really wanted was for him to go away; before she threw the flask at him for being oblivious to her discomfort.
"Yes, all the steps and all the ornate trimming, obviously very costly." she said, as her besotted eyes took in the view of the steps leading up to the throne, hoping that he would leave her alone.
Odin smirked at her obvious intoxication and left her to her admiration.
As she drank and took in the delicate trimmings of the throne, and battled with her inner feelings. She noticed a noise behind the silence of the room. It was so faint she thought she might have been imagined it.
Most of the mead gone from the flask, she dropped it on the floor and hunched over, cocking her head, trying to locate the sound and it was confirmed to not be a figment of her imagination. It was a slight constant whistling, and despite her drunk state, she welcomed the distraction. Locating the direction of the sound, she soon walked shakily, attempting to keep her balance, toward the origin of the sound that seemed to be coming from behind the massive steps of the throne and the throne itself.
Xena was taken aback by Gabrielle's lashing out in the bedroom. As a drunk, Gabrielle seemed to have little control over her emotions. Deciding that Gabrielle may need to cool down, she decided it best to let her have some time before she would try to find her.
Brunhilda, has there been any other precautions Odin has been taking? Maybe I can talk to him about the similar Olympus events, maybe he and the Jotun can come to a compromise. Xena questioned.
She was quick to focus on another task, to distract her from her inability to appease Gabrielle lately. Xena had never been one to be able to dwell on feelings. Not to mention, trying to analyze Gabrielle's was a minefield. She was far too complex and Xena was very unsure of who Gabrielle now was. She made a mental note to make it a point to force Gabrielle to spend time with her, and to try to figure out where they stood. She also wanted to know how the years had changed her former lover, maybe help her through some of the changes and the past nightmares.
Xena, the prophecy can wait. The Jotun and the gods of Asgard have been fighting since- well since the beginning of time. Fighting exists for power, as long as power is in other's hands, someone else will want it. Why don't you find Gabrielle before she finds someone else to get her benefits from. Your problem that I notice from watching from the outside is that you are so bent on fixing the problems of others, you don't even fix yours. Brunhilda commented, sure that the words would not be welcomed. She really didn't care, it's not like Xena could harm her.
Xena blew out a breath of air, annoyed by the insight provided by the fresh set of eyes.
I think I better get a survey of Bifrost, I'll go to see Odin, and then I'll find Gabrielle. Xena stated sternly, demonstrating to Brunhilda that her criticism would be partly ignored.
Zeroing in on the sound of the whistling, Gabrielle moved ever closer to the distant sounds. It had taken her through a large narrow corridor that lacked the warrior tool decorations of the other halls and rooms. The whistling and howling got louder as she came closer to the end of the hall. She had to brace herself against the cold walls a couple of times because the mead seemed to be taking effect. As she neared the end, she found a large door. Granted, Valhalla had many large doors, but this one seemed different. Curiosity got the better of her as she approached the sounds, and now the door. It was true that, had she not been intoxicated, and not avoiding reality right now; that she would think twice about what she was doing. However at the moment; intoxication, and avoidance of real life issues, made it all the more intriguing. The mead was making her feel like she was walking in a dream. Movement seemed blurred and some sounds muffled. As she opened the door and entered, her eyes beheld a strange vision. The roof was vaulted and the roofing was so high that it made Gabrielle dizzy to ascertain its bounds. With her jaw agape, she stared for few moments in awe of the height of the room.
When she finally moved her eyes downward. The room was littered with ten large pedestals. Its size no doubt purposefully made to support the girth of the items that they held. On each marbled pedestal sat a shield. Each shield was unique in its own right, made of different materials. Some of gold, silver, bronze, and some of wood. The shields were strangely large, easily more than half her size, and were deformed by battle scars. Dents and scratches were engraved on many of them, some that surely could not have been made by a simple sword. She inched closer to one particular one that caught her attention. It was silver and bright, but marred with four deep grooved scratches across the body of the shield.
The whistling was coming from this shield, she found. Impossibly, wind seemed to blow through the deep gashes on the shield, making Gabrielle's hair dance in the breeze. As she reached out her hand to dip her fingers into the groove, she lost her balance and fell face first toward the shield. She squinted her eyes and braced herself for the collision and the noise that would sure to clamor about the halls, but instead, she found herself falling through the shield as if it were just an illusion. Or rather a wall of cold air. She fell through the shield a short distance; her armor clanging as she hit the ground, finding it soft with some sand. "What in Tartarus?" She asked aloud as she spit the grains of sand that had littered her face. Dusting off her armor, she stood up and took in her surroundings. She found that she was no longer in the halls of Valhalla, but on a tiny island in the middle of a lake.
Gabrielle froze in her survey of her surroundings when she became aware of guttural growling and a breeze of hot air assaulting her back.
Sleeping? He is not to be disturbed? I ought to burst in there and tear into those bossy Valkyries. I wouldn't be sleeping on the job if I were him and knew what was coming. Xena complained.
You know the purpose of his sleep as well as I know. He needs to rejuvenate and recharge after all the recent events. They guard him like the most valuable treasure of the world at that time. After all, he is practically mortal during the process. Brunhilda remarked.
Spare me the history lesson, you forget who you are talking to. Xena answered. Speaking of history, I need to find Gabrielle. Maybe I'll let you do all the history lessons and get her up to speed. Xena said.
A familiar tickle in her spine interrupted her thoughts. The feeling was one that she got when she had a feeling that Gabrielle was in trouble.
"We have to find Gabrielle!" Xena interjected, as several options to locate her soul mate passed through her thoughts.
To be continued in Chapter 15
**Author's note: Thank you for reading, for the reviews, and alert adds. I really appreciate them :)**
-Bifrost: A bridge between Midgard and Asgard. It is said to be a rainbow.