After Christmas and the kiss she had shared with Chuck in Central Park, things had radically but not totally changed. It was too good to be true. She hadn't lived a week like that in years, and she didn't want it to ever end. He had been the perfect guy. Every day since then, he would come to her house and stay until late at night. They wouldn't go out because it was risky, but Blair didn't mind it because it was enough being just the three of them inside her penthouse since her father had left on the 26th.
This Chuck was different than the one she used to know. He was acting like when they faked they were together. He was caring, tender, sweet, and he had also given both Blair and their daughter so many gifts, one of them being a golden bracelet with Audrey's name on it, the same one he had also given to her on Christmas Eve.
Obviously Gossip Girl had noticed that. There were continuous sightings of him getting in and out of Blair's building every single day. The blogger thought it was a pattern and that he was going there because they were having a secret relationship. That wasn't too far from the truth, except for the secret affair.
Between Chuck and Blair nothing serious was going on, at least yet. After their Christmas effusions, there had only been kisses here and there, mostly when Dorota wasn't around. They still hadn't had sex and Blair was glad because she wanted to hold on for a while, at least until she would feel like it. If this thing would go on, let's be honest.
"Dorota, have you told the florist about those peonies I needed?"
"Yes, Miss Blair."
Blair was proud of her maid. "Well done! This means you'll have a free day since it's New Year's Eve. And you can go out with your boyfriend. Have you got a boyfriend, haven't you?"
The woman nodded and turned to leave. "Thank you, Miss Blair."
The brunette frowned. What? "Dorota?" she called her again, and the maid sighed before she looked at her boss again. "Who is your boyfriend? You never told me about that."
She looked down, she could tell she was shy about this. "It's Vanya, Mr Chuck's doorman."
"Vanya? Oh my gosh, I'm really happy for you, Dorota!" she exclaimed, hugging her.
"Yes Miss Blair, I am happy too like you happy with Mr Chuck."
"Mr Chuck what?" asked a voice from behind with perfect timing.
"Chuck!" Blair looked at him with a wide smile. "Dorota was just telling me she's your doorman's girlfriend."
"Congrats. I knew that already. He told me the other week."
Blair smiled widely at Chuck and then at Dorota, subtly ordering her to leave them alone. She did as asked and they were finally alone.
"How is Audrey today?"
She walked towards the counter with bottles so that she could get him a drink. "She's still sleeping. It's early for her. And it's weird because she's usually up and crying for milk at this hour of the day." She stopped talking until she finished his scotch. "What about you, Bass?"
Chuck decided to tease her. "Wonder why you're interested in my mood and health."
She raised an eyebrow, she had noticed his joking smile. "What's wrong with that? You may have a virus you could pass the baby. And that would make me hate you forever."
He sighed. "Sadly for you, I'm completely healthy."
She pretended to be sad for real. "What a pity."
Her expression changed as soon as he leaned in to kiss her. This sudden touch was unpredictable, same as many others she hadn't expected after Christmas. And he hadn't pressured her to go forward, this was very unusual for Chuck. She wondered why. Could it be possible that he was being gentle with her because he felt something more?
Only future would tell.
….
Chuck had invited her to a party at the Palace on New Year's Eve. Serena had organized it, so Blair didn't think twice before confirming she would be going. There would be old and young people, but Chuck's father Bart and Lily Van der Woodsen, would be still abroad.
Blair felt this would make him feel comfortable. Chuck had greeted his father in bad ways before he had left for his vacation with his wife. She was sure he would think twice before attending a party where he would be seeing him.
She had left Audrey with Dorota and she was sure she would be alright. Her mother was also around because she had come briefly to celebrate the new year; her daughter was definitely in good hands. She hoped that nothing would happen like few weeks earlier.
Chuck had picked her up with his limo around 9pm and they went to the Palace in no time since it wasn't that far from her house. The hotel was wonderfully put together. The party planner Serena had hired had set tables and lights the way that should had been organized for that kind of event. She thought that she would ask her about it.
Blair tried to look for her best friend when she arrived. She and Chuck weren't showing any signs to the public that they might be together. They were close, yet very far from each other, at least physically. She knew their hearts might be entwined more than ever.
"Hey, B!" Serena called for the brunette. At least she had found her now.
"Wow, you did a great job, Serena." She commented, looking around her and noticing things she hadn't from the entrance. "It's perfect!"
"I'm glad you like it! I'm very proud of this party" she said as she brushed her forearm. She turned to her stepbrother, then, smiling that he was there. "Chuck, I'm happy that you could come!" she exclaimed, her tone went a little high on the last word. She didn't exactly gesture something to Blair, but she tried to let her know she wanted the details later.
Chuck smiled, looking at Blair and then back at Serena. "As you see, I've found a partner."
The way he said it, made Blair skip a beat. She thought he would be open with Serena, after all she was a close friend – or so she thought giving the fact that they were now parents.
Serena smirked at her best friend knowingly, her suspects were probably founded. "I wish you have fun, then. I have to check a few things. We'll catch up later." She said, then she went away and disappeared in the crowd the same way she'd arrived.
"She smelled something is going on." Blair bit her lip, not realizing what she had said. Damn. She didn't look at her partner, or whatever Chuck was at that moment. She didn't want to see his expression, he would probably bring up the topic – what were they? Were they an item? She feared what he would answer, and this was a little worse than what she was demanding from him not so long before.
If Chuck would have told her he didn't want to have anything to do with their daughter, she would have made peace with her heart and accept it. It had been easier to do it for months, and she already expected that he would do that. But this was different. This was a different kind of commitment. This was Chuck Bass dedicating himself to a woman, a single woman. This was him maturing, giving up his womanizing ways for her. She thought she had to stop thinking so highly of this matter. Sooner or later, she felt things may change with him. But she wasn't sure if for better or for worse.
He glanced at her and smirked. Yes, he smiled so handsomely at her, but he didn't comment on her affirmation. She wanted to know what was going on in his mind, too bad she was hungry and the next thing she knew, she had lead him to the buffet.
Blair ate a lot. She didn't know why on Earth she was so damn hungry. Maybe it was just appetite, she thought. She hadn't eaten properly ever since her baby had been born, she decided it could have been that. It wasn't related to what had happened on Christmas day. No, it couldn't be. That was just an isolated episode and she had been angry then.
Meanwhile, Chuck had left her to greet some businessmen he knew because of Bart. She was sure he wasn't that far from her, and that he was observing what she was doing. He had noticed her changes when she got pregnant and believed she was bulimic again. It wouldn't be hard for him to wonder if she was having problems now. He was good at reading her.
She was too caught up in thinking about him that she didn't realize Serena was right next to her. "Chuck, huh?"
She looked perplexed at her friend. "He's not my partner."
Serena raised an eyebrow. "That's what he said, though. Didn't you hate him? Has something happened while I was away?" she elbowed her lightly.
"No way!"
She didn't look satisfied of the answer but she knew that the brunette didn't want to admit it yet. "I knew it. You like him. And you like him a lot."
Blair blushed and looked away. It was the truth and she was sure Serena was smart and understood. "He... he... I don't like him at all. We're just friends, that's it. He may have spent Christmas Eve and the day after at my house, but nothing else happened. Besides random visits to Audrey, I haven't seen him until today."
"Come on, don't lie to me! I've seen the pics on Gossip Girl. You've kissed next to the duckpond, Blair! You don't kiss everyone there."
She sighed. Caught. Ugh, damn GG. "First of all, I don't kiss everyone. And second, that is a place like another. It was casual that I was there with him and that we kissed. It was a mistake. Chuck knows it too."
Serena wasn't sure. "Don't deny it. You like him!"
Her best friend was being too nosy and she didn't want to think about it. She didn't quite know in which kind of situation she and Chuck were. She didn't want to tell her that they had been kissed more than once and he treated her as if she was his wife or almost. She wished she hadn't to confess her everything and on that night. She just wanted to have fun. She just wasn't ready to talk about those things – her feelings for Chuck and well, his. She had no idea about any of those matters.
She took another appetizer and ate it. She wanted her friend to talk about something else.
She knew Serena wouldn't give up. In fact, she asked more questions and this irate her a little. "Are you playing house like few months ago?"
She faced the blonde with a frown, but then decided it was good as a cover for the moment. "Kind of, kind of. I don't know, S. I can't explain."
Serena was thinking about an answer to give her but it seemed as if she was lost in her thoughts too much to say anything. She was lucky that a waitress called the girl and she had to see what she needed. She wished her goodbye for the second time that evening, and eventually went away, leaving her peacefully alone again.
Once with her thoughts, Blair felt an ache coming from her stomach. It was that kind of pain you felt when you were full. She decided it wasn't a big deal, but that she had to run to the restrooms to check herself out. She could feel the food coming up, and she didn't want to make a fool of herself if she would vomit in the middle of the ballroom.
She did what she had done few days before. Knelt down, looking that her dress wouldn't stain with any liquid, and then poured her soul into the white accessory. Easy. It had been very easy, if someone would ask her.
She felt free and light like she hadn't felt before. Seeing from this prospective, doing this wasn't really bad like she had thought. Maybe she could do it every once in a while, she realized. It wouldn't hurt her figure if she would keep herself this way, would it?
She didn't think about who could have seen her while she run towards the restrooms, until she closed the door shut behind her. She jolted, he was hiding in a darker corner of the hallway that lead to the toilets. He looked like one of those maniacs you saw on movies, the ones that want you to attack unexpectedly and you can't run away because he cornered you in a cul the sac. This image she had before her eyes was similar, except Chuck wasn't a thief and this wasn't a movie. She could walk away if she could.
She decided to play dumb. "Chuck. You don't hide in the dark like that!"
"I was looking for you." He said, his voice detached. He looked strange.
"Well, you've found me. Let's get back to the party" she proposed, walking away from the door of the restroom so that he would not ask questions. But he grabbed her wrist, and she stopped. He had been very gentle, but she still didn't want to make him wonder something had happened in there.
"Did you – did you do that again?" he asked. A simple and innocent question, with no subject. It could have been anything, but she knew what he was talking about. He was worried.
She managed a smile. She didn't want him to catch her. "Chuck, I just went to the restroom. I had to wash my hands and pee. Happy? Or you want to know the details?"
"Don't try to hide it. I saw you."
She frowned, her heart was jumping in her chest. She had to lie to him. She had to find something to tell him before he would understand she wasn't telling the truth. "You are very sensitive, but this is not the case."
He sighed and got closer to her. She could see his eyes sweeten, he wanted her to listen to him. "Blair. Please. We both know that is wrong."
"You're talking like my mother" she rolled her eyes, looking away. She wanted to run.
"Better. You'll understand that it's important for me that you stop that. It's not safe. Bad things may happen if you continue. Have you thought about the baby? There may be problems with the nursing."
She just wanted him to stop talking. "Stop it, Chuck."
"I won't stop until you do stop. If you don't want to do it for me, at least do it for her."
"You don't have any right to talk about her. ANY. I know what's better for her and I'm going to take care of it. And you need to leave me alone."
She was impatient. She just wanted to shrug her shoulders and came back to the party, probably to eat more appetizers to kill the time, but she just stood there, anxious to know what he would answer her. She knew he was right, at least a part of her was aware. But that side was so little compared to the rest of herself, that she didn't dare to obey to it. She wasn't ready to face that. Not that night, not with Chuck.
He was battling with himself, she knew that. He wanted to tell her more, to argue with her, but he just didn't know what to say exactly. He knew that she wouldn't listen.
She saw him nod briefly and then he walked away. He had listened to her, but instead of being happy that he had stopped talking about her problem, she felt melancholic.
She didn't want to get back to the ballroom anymore, she thought. But where could she go? She could rent a room and hide until she would be ready for the new year, or she would call a cab and just leave the party and stay with her baby. So many options, although some of them didn't look the brightest.
She hated that whatever relationship with Chuck might have been ruined by that argument they had had five minutes ago. She liked him, she liked being with him and wanted his presence in her life and above all, in her daughter's. It was a blessing that he had showed her that he cared to be there to take his responsibilities. She didn't want him to change his mind or else, get in her house to see Audrey but to ignore her. They weren't like those divorced couples who had made deals on which day of the week they could see their child. They weren't even a couple.
She decided what she would do when she glanced at the door that led back to the party. She walked towards it but instead of getting through it, she went to the elevator and pushed the button, headed to a random floor. Besides three or four people – a group of sixty years old from Japan, nobody took the lift. She noticed on her phone that it was eleven-thirty, only half a hour to midnight.
Once the group of tourists left the elevator because they had reached their floor, she was completely alone and directed to nowhere. She had pushed a random button and wasn't surprised when she had stopped at the top of the building.
The elevator doors opened to the rooftop. There wasn't anything but glass doors in front of her that lead outside, where a calm wind was blowing. She could shiver already under the lace sleeves who covered her shoulders and arms.
She thought that it had been a bad idea to come up there and at that time. She wanted to find Chuck before midnight and she needed to get back to the party if she wanted to succeed. She would find no one if she remained there. Unless...
She noticed a presence outside. It was a man because she could see the back of his dark suit. He was turned, looking at the beautiful city around him. The landscape from the Palace hotel was marvelous, and Blair decided to venture outside to check the skylines when she noticed that ironically she had found what she was looking for.
Her heels ticked on the rocky surface of the rooftop. They echoed so much that made him turn. He wasn't surprised, she could tell.
"How did you find me" he muttered, it wasn't a question. Just a statement. He didn't want to know the answer, probably he was just relieved she was there.
She walked towards him. It was starting to get colder outside. "I wasn't looking for you" Blair offered, trying to make him think it was the truth. It was hard to lie to him and she had felt it on her skin. Chuck knew her very well.
He grinned faintly. "I thought you would be at the buffet right now."
She knew he was provoking her, and this time she wanted to play his game. She didn't want to get him mad. "Been there, done that. There's no need to wonder and you know it. Just say what you have to say, Chuck."
"Even if I do, you still won't listen to me. I'll refrain."
Blair wanted to prove him she was alright, that it had been just a casual episode. It didn't matter it was the second in one week. She bit her lip before spilling. "You don't have to worry" she said calmly. "It wasn't what you think."
He nodded. "If you say so."
Blair thought he was resigned. He didn't want to fight anymore and he had just fought for a brief moment. She decided that if he really cared for her, he would try to push the truth out of her. She knew she was in denial, maybe he could help her not to be anymore.
This was one thing she loved to hate about Chuck. He was mostly frank, he cared, but at the same time he kept many things to himself and was selfish. He had a double personality. Like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. And she wasn't sure if he would ever show her his true colors. She was sure that he was worried, but he had to show it clearly.
Chuck wasn't talking anymore and neither did she. He was caught by something on the floor, that was were he was looking at. She had to talk, she decided. She needed to say something, even if she had to judge how he was dressed up.
Wrong words slipped from her mouth again. "Why do you care... why do you care so much?" She asked, not meaning to. She wanted to cover her lips with a hand but it was too late, her silent thought had become words.
His hazel eyes looked straight into hers. He meditated his answer for a lot of time. She could not wait anymore and just stand still there at some point, that she thought of cutting the distance between them and just kiss him, touch his lips as if he hadn't accused her that her eating disorder was back. But he was taking time, he was reasoning about what to say.
He sighed, took a deep breath and then smiled. He took her hand and squeezed it. She was expectant when he finally said something. "Because I -" he shook his head, he was chuckling to himself almost. "Well, I -"
Blair's mouth fell open and she just wanted to hear what she thought he was about to say. Those words that she had been dreaded so much to admit to her own self. She believed it was too good to be true.
Fireworks. Fireworks in the distance. Midnight.
She bit her lip and looked at his handsome features paralyzing. Damn fireworks. They ruined everything. Chuck didn't seem like he would continue anytime soon, and this made Blair do what she did. This time she cut their distance for real and kissed him. It was fierce and hard, it was fire, almost as the lights that were brightening up the sky around them.
Maybe it was too early for what she wanted. But with time, probably...
Chuck broke the kiss leaving her unsatisfied. She thought he would unlock their embrace and just leave her there, maybe he was still angry at what happened. But he surprised her. He kissed her again, this time more passionately than before.
"I thought you were still mad at me" Blair complained once it ended.
He smirked, brushing her cheek. "You already kissed me twice, Waldorf. I needed to get even." He whispered, kissing her again.
….
A little while later, they left the rooftop to reach a known place, Chuck's suite. Blair knew what was going to come next, and she wasn't complaining at all. She wanted that. She desired him and couldn't wait anymore, she had waited too long.
He kept kissing her and his kisses were like fire on her body, which he was slowly undressing of the lace she had been wearing that night. Around them, the fireworks were still thundering. The dark room would suddenly turn blue, red or green, and it was awesome. It was like a magic effect, and Blair couldn't ask for better for the first night she would have sex again after a long time where she had to be chaste.
While Chuck was walking his way through her, she thought that it would have been hard to restrain themselves from having sex, if they would have been married. You are supposed to wait a couple of weeks after you deliver, and Blair wasn't sure he would have been up to it. He loved to have sex with her, and now that she had agreed they could make love again, she was aware that she would be tempted to do it again and again that night (and the following days).
Her body moved sinuously with his as the colored bombs outside lit up the sky. His hands run everywhere nobody had touched after he had been the first one, over a year earlier. She found herself excited by the way his thumb graced a soft spot under her breast and her inner thigh. It seemed as if he had never left her tiny figure to herself all of those months when she was expecting their child. His hands always belonged there, all over her skin. And she didn't want his long fingers to ever abandon the inches of her body.
Chuck made love with her the same way he had the first time in the limo. Gently, sweetly, he had pierced into the deepest of her soul as if he had never done it before, as if that was their first time ever and she was still a virgin.
While she kissed him and he kissed her back with such vehemence, she was sure that she loved him. She loved him so much she was afraid one day he could realize that he didn't, and he would leave her and Audrey like she had expected him to do.
She knew he loved her too. And that was what he was meaning to say few minutes earlier on the top of his hotel. He wanted to tell her that he cared, that he was there for them and that he wouldn't left. Things he had already said and was proving, besides for the I love you.
They felt exhausted after they rolled under the silk sheets for a couple of times. They were so tired that they had fallen asleep, and her head lied on his chest. He was holding her waist in an embrace. It was making her feel safe, protected. She wished she could sleep every night like this, and for the second time or third that night, she realized that if they were married, they could have really done that. But they weren't married, they were just Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck, and they had a little daughter. They didn't even know what they felt for each other.
What a pity, she thought. She didn't have the time to ask him about what he wanted to say on the rooftop.
She tried to get back to sleep and smiled at the romantic image that was forming in her head. She would be waking up still in his arms, grinning, and they would make love again before he would order room service and they would have breakfast together. But maybe not the morning after.
She opened her eyes again once she heard someone knocking on the suite door. Chuck woken up and rubbed his eyes, looking at her with a frown. "Do not worry about that, it surely is some drunk party goer who's still celebrating the new year. Let's go back to sleep."
She nodded and closed her eyes shut, but the knocks didn't end.
"Chuck! Chuck! Open the door, please! It's important!"
It was Serena. Blair was alerted when she heard her best friend. She took the shirt Chuck was wearing before they ended up on the bed, and got on the floor. He took his silk robe, instead, and they went to see what the blonde needed at four in the morning. He sworn that if it was stupid, his stepsister would pay. She ruined a moment he had expected for a year and half.
When Chuck opened the door, Serena was crying. He thought she was just drunk and hyper because of the party, but then he realized she was not. He exchanged a glance with Blair and then they expectantly waited for her to talk.
"What's wrong, Serena?"
Serena was shaking, she had barely noticed her best friend was there too. "There has been an accident. My mom, Bart – they had an accident."
Chuck didn't know what to do in that moment. He wanted to stay, oh, he wished he could stay. But his morals told him to go with his stepsister, so he let Serena in and while Blair tried to calm her down, he showered and changed into a very dark suit. When he got back to the ladies, Serena wasn't crying anymore. She stood up when she saw him and was ready to go. Blair had dressed as well and collected the coat and the bag from a chair before the three left.