Disclaimer: I'm not Cassandra Clare thus own none of her characters.

CHAPTER 14 – Desolation

Warning: This is somewhat of a cliffhanger and the next one will be a little late… You've been kindly warned. Also contains some drinking.

"Even if a never-ending sadness steals you away, tell me our hearts can never be separated here…"

Previously: Frantic, he cast a tracking spell on the sweater he was still holding, but got no response. "No… I refuse to believe it…" He muttered and ran outside in a frenzy. 'I have to find him…'

MAGNUS

Passing by a cafeteria, he heard a song that made him freeze in his tracks. In my Place. Suddenly, like a veil had been lifted from his eyes, realisation dawned on him. Even though he'd forgiven the Nephilim, he hadn't understood why he had done what he did. Now he saw. 'You were just scared…' Upon hearing the next lyrics, the rest of the pieces clicked into place, and he realised where Alec must be. 'Are you waiting for me?' Praying he was right, he ran to the subway.

'But this place is huge… What if I'm too late?'

"Magnus!"

He barely registered the voice calling out to him. It wasn't Alec's voice, so what did it matter? He kept running around panicked. 'I have to find him… What if it's already too late? No, no, no, no, no…'

"MAGNUS!" he heard the voice again, close, and felt a hand on his shoulder turning him around. He found himself looking at a pair of crimson eyes. "Niennor?" He stared in confusion, but then shook her hand off. "What? Leave me alone… I have to…" he muttered, lost, turning his back on her. Then he heard five words that made his heartbeat accelerate. "I know where Alec is." He turned around so fast, he felt dizzy for a moment, and grabbed Niennor's shoulders, shaking her "What did you say? What do you know about him?" The other Warlock raised her hands in mock surrender "Calm down. I'm here to help. Listen to me." Magnus let her go reluctantly, breathing heavily. "Your Nephilim came to find me to the Blood Moon, asking for help."

For a moment he was so surprised he forgot about his fear. "So it really was him?" "Huh?" "I… I heard his voice… I thought It was just my imagination…" Her face darkened. "I saw you. And even though he didn't, judging from the ashen colour he turned, he heard you, when you screamed." Magnus' breath caught in his throat. "My… He… Wait! He asked you for help? What kind of help? Why? When? Was he…?" he hyperventilated "Alright?" she completed his frantic sentence and he nodded weakly. "Far from it." she said truthfully. "What have you done to this sweet child, you… you absolute moron?! The kid looked completely broken Magnus! Devastated!" Niennor shouted at him. "His eyes were dead, he was barely standing, and even had trouble breathing. What did you do?" Magnus gasped and his hands covered his mouth as fresh tears fell from his cat-eyes.

"And you're crying. Crying all by yourself… But what am I to do? For I am crying too…"

"Alexander…" "Oh, I see… That's why he lost it when I called him that. It reminded him of you." The older Warlock's eyes widened and he looked at the girl, pleading. "Please, Nie… help me." he sobbed. "I have to find him." "You disastrous fool." Niennor said, not unkindly, "Calm down. Of course I will help you…" And she proceeded to tell him all that happened at the bar.

Upon hearing about the medallion, he relaxed momentary; 'That's why I couldn't track him… So he's safe…' But then realisation hit him. "You did what? You gave him a way to avoid tracking? Now I'll never find him!" "I said relax. I'm not stupid Magnus. I can put two and two together, and your Shadowhunter couldn't exactly disguise his plans very well in his condition. When someone so kind asks for a way to disappear completely, what else would they want, but to die without hurting anyone? And do you really think I'd let a child die just like that, in my watch?! Even help him with it?!" she raised her voice and Magnus looked away.

"I'm sorry…" "What?" Niennor stared at him in utter disbelief. She had only shouted at him to elicit some reaction from him, to spur him into action, not… that. Seems things were much worse than they seemed. "I made him promise not to try anything like demon summoning for at least three days. That gives us enough time. And as a fail-safe, I promised to find a demon for him myself, on the fourth day." Magnus looked up, a bit of spark returning to his eyes, looking hopeful for the first time. "But that won't be necessary." Niennor went on. "There is a way to track that medallion I gave him" she smiled and Magnus jumped at her, hugging her tightly. "Thank you!"

ALEC

" 'People will understand your feelings someday if you believe…' Don't joke with me, that can't be, right?"

He returned to the subway, and found a location he remembered from a past hunt, that was destroyed by the demons and was currently filled with rainwater. He crawled in a corner, and sat down, half-submerged in the cold water, in his daze forgetting about the phone in his pocket which got destroyed.

"I can't go back to yesterday… To the place where I was with you… Even when I reach out, there's nobody there…"

He wanted to make sure no one will find him, so he remained there, not caring for the freezing cold, even when his body became numb and started shaking. Numbness was something he welcomed… Inwardly he wished he could freeze his heart too, to feel no pain…

"I already know that we're distant existences."

Maybe he couldn't, but he could numb his mind too, along with his body. After running away from Magnus' apartment, he had gone to a liquor store and bought a bottle of Absinthe. (He let his glamour on, and just took it and left the money there, not wishing to interact with anyone else.) So now, he opened up said bottle and started drinking.

"Although the unseen wounds are just eating away at my heart …"

He hated the taste, but that didn't matter. 'Nothing matters… Not when he's not here with me anymore…'

"Even now, as I remain in the darkness, Thoughts of you won't stop weighing down my mind."

Drinking was just a means to an end. Just an attempt to drown his overwhelming pain instead of allowing it to suffocate him. Soon, he felt lightheaded, but to his disappointment, nothing could heal his suffering. 'I just have to be patient.' he thought.

A song he heard once, long ago drifted in his head and he laughed mirthlessly, before covering his face with his hands and letting his sobs overcome him.

"So cast me away now, and don't you grieve… It was meant for me to love you… As was meant for you to leave… Just say you met me one night in a dream and thought no more with morning light, of me… And never think, for me you weren't a Dream… Never think, what shall become of me…"

He closed his azure eyes, his tears never ceasing and sank into darkness with one last thought. 'So this is what I'm going to do with my life… This is how it will all end… An empty subway and the darkness closing in…That's all I'll get… No one will look for me… No one will find me… I'll just lay here till the pain stops…' And that he did, for what seemed like hours, shedding bitter tears and wondering if anything would ever be okay again… Just when he was thinking he needn't hold on for much longer, but only for three days, he heard a sound coming from the tunnels…

He curled into a smaller ball hoping no one would find him there, he didn't want to speak to anyone… But then he heard it again. Heavy breathing, like growling and dragging steps. 'Demon.' For a moment he was relieved, but then remembered. 'Not yet… I can't die yet…' Very reluctantly he reached for a seraph blade and whispered a name, "Castiel" then tried to get up. The demon was getting closer, and upon seeing the light from the blade, its eyes fell on the young Shadowhunter. Alec staggered to his feet, leaning against the wall to support himself but sitting in the freezing cold, sobbing and drinking for so long had taken their toll on him. His vision blurred, everything went black and he collapsed. The demon made a creepy sound in the back of its throat, that must have been a laugh, and charged.

"I certainly can't return anymore, even if I carve out my sins…"

That's it for now! I hope you liked it! I'm sorry but the next one may be a little late, because I think update too quickly and thus, the quality drops. :( I don't have enough time to check and recheck and maybe add something that needs to be said… (I will update for SURE on the weekend, I won't be TOO long…)

Also, if you want me to send you the uncut part with the song at the beginning, just let me know!

Disclaimer: The "sentences written like that" are (rough) translations of the songs

"Shiver" – By "the GazettE"

"Speed" By "Analog Fish"

"Nobody Knows" By "Shikao Suga"

"Futatsu no Kodou to Akai Tsumi" By "ON-OFF"

"Pes pos m'antamoses" by "Marinella"