Warning: there's violence in this chapter.
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Naruto is not mine, unfortunately.
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Enjoy
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Day five.
I felt restless in my room. The more I stared at the wall the closer they seemed to come, trapping me in this endless boredom of day turning into night turning into day again. Through the small crack of the door I could see a shadow, a guard, but I still couldn't decide if he was meant to keep things our or keep me in. It seemed every time I went to leave, the guard would stall me long enough for one of the medics to come and talk me out of leaving. They'd tell me I needed rest or that I wasn't well enough to go out just yet, but I knew they were afraid I'd get kidnapped again or overexert myself. Orochimaru taking my powers wasn't something they'd seen before and they were still trying to find answers.
The sun was setting and I watched the light go from my perch on the edge of the bed. The door behind me opened and Sasuke walked in with our dinner, a new routine that I was thankful for. He came at other times during the day, sometimes with the permission that I could walk around outside for a little bit, but we were always with other people. This was our alone time, a chance to catch up on each other when we'd been so busy on the move before.
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14.
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Day eight.
With the healing balm, my scars had faded to thin white lines. They were only visible if one looked close enough or knew they were there.
I absentmindedly traced one on my wrist as I paced around my room. My body felt strung up like a tight rope. I felt caged, yearning for something to do. I'd never been one to sit around before all of this and now I had more reason than ever to be moving about to keep prepared for whatever lay in the near future. It sat on my shoulders like storm clouds in the distance, moving slowly but surely. Sasuke had told me the city was preparing for whatever Orochimaru had planned, a war possibly, but there was only so much they could do against the unknown.
After another ten minutes of pacing, my feet carried me to the window. There was a ledge below, an overhang for the porch, and I climbed out onto it, thankful they hadn't put me on the third or fourth floor. I shimmied down to the edge of the roof. My arms shook as I lowered myself over the edge and then I hung there, my fingers slipping, before dropping as lightly as I could which ended up being a lot louder than I expected. No one came out to investigate, seeing as I was on the side of the house and so I slipped into the shrubbery and then came out on the dirt road.
Within a couple minutes of walking, I started to notice the stares and it wasn't because I'd forgotten my shoes. My hair stood out like a beacon. As I turned the bend in the road, I looked around, making sure no one was watching, but really, everyone was, and stepped off the path and into the woods. It was so green here, bright and calm and a complete facade to what was happening out there. I wondered if half the people knew what was going on with Orochimaru, but judging by the knowing, pitied, lost hoped looks they all gave me, I'm sure they did. And yet they still looked at ease, like it wasn't their burden to bear but for someone else like me.
I immediately regretted not wearing shoes within the first couple minutes of walking, but I didn't dare go back. It was peaceful here, in a different way than my room had been. There it was quiet, oppressive and here I felt like I could breathe. The sun moved across the sky the longer I walked. I lost track of time, wondering in the back of my mind how I'd find my way back, but I wasn't too worried. By now someone had to be looking for me and it was only matter of time before they hunted me down.
There was a deep ditch with a stream at the bottom so I turned and followed it upstream instead of trying to find a way across on one of the unsteady fallen trees. Eventually the ditch lowered and I reached down to feel the water. It still felt the same as when I'd been able to control it, but there was a hole in my chest at the lack of movement when I tried to lift it with a flick of my hand. Now that I'd had a taste of that control, it was hard to relinquish it.
I splashed some water on my face and the back of my neck to combat the growing heat of the day and then continued on my way. In the far distance I could hear rushing water and finally broke through a ring of brush around a small waterfall. Smiling, I immediately stripped and stepped into the frigid falling water. It felt like heaven against my skin even if I started to shiver a moment later. I shifted so I was in the sun, trying to balance both as I floated there. The sky loomed over me, a giant blue mass so far away and yet seemingly so close. My lungs filled with fresh air and the falling water became white noise. For the first time since Orochimaru took my powers, I felt at peace. When I closed my eyes, I didn't see his face leering at me. I was free to float there on the surface of the water and pretend like I was just a girl without a name or past, like I'd always been in this pond, frozen in this moment.
My skin eventually became numb so I pulled myself out, slid my underwear and bra back on and lay in a strip of sun to dry off.
"Sakura?"
I sighed. Whatever neutral feeling I'd had was gone now.
"Did you have a vision?" I asked.
"No," the soft voice said, "I came to find you."
When I opened my eyes they felt heavy and I realized I must've dozed off.
My gaze focused on Hinata as I said, "I was just out for a walk."
She looked over her shoulder at the way she'd come, the same way I'd come. She'd tracked me.
"A twelve mile walk?" she clarified and her eyes focused on my feet. "Without shoes."
I didn't want to be annoyed with Hinata because she had done so much to help me already and came all this way to find me, but there was a slight twinge in the back of my throat. All I wanted was to be alone because then I didn't have to deal with people who thought they understood but didn't. It made me sound horrible, but it was true.
"I couldn't stay in that room any longer," I explained and laid back down as Hinata sat next to me. Her fingers picked at pieces of grass and weaved them into braids before dropping them to the ground to pick fresh pieces. She nodded to show she understood.
It was silent for a long time.
"I can't imagine losing my ability," Hinata said so low it was nearly under her breath, "but if I were to, I probably wouldn't be handling it as well as you are. You're stronger than I am. I've had years to train and learn and accept that one day I'd go into battle and face death. But you, you did all that in such a short time and I just want you to know that that's not why you lost your powers. You didn't fail. Orochimaru has been planning this for centuries and has strength and anger on his side."
I kept my eyes closed as the muscles in my stomach clenched. He succeeded without even having powers. How were we supposed to stop him now that he had them?
I nodded to show I understood and then we fell back into silence again. The sun was setting against my skin and I sat up, feeling lightheaded for a split second. I looked down at my feet, at the cuts and bruises and painful red marks, and winced at the long trek back that lay ahead.
"We should probably get back," I suggested.
Hinata shrugged. "If you want."
"I don't really want to, but they'll probably send out a search party if we stall any longer."
"I told them you were with me and that I'd just come back to grab something really quick," Hinata said and I looked at her, slightly surprised that she'd willingly lied on my behalf.
"Thank you." We stood and I winced again now that my full weight was on my feet. Hinata pulled something out of the bag she'd brought and threw it at my feet. I nearly offered her my first born as I put on the shoes. I really didn't deserve her or any of them. They'd been training all this time just for me to mess it all up and potentially destroy the world.
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Day twenty-seven.
I tried breathing through my nose but that didn't work so I tried breathing through my mouth except that didn't work either.
"Hold it," Ino instructed and I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. Her face was red, on the verge of turning purple. It was fitting since purple was her favorite color.
"I'm trying," I grunted through clenched teeth, more of an exhale of breath than words, and tried to lock my elbows but it only made my arms shake harder. I could feel my shoulders coming closer to my ears as my body caved in slowly to gravity.
"Five, four, three," Ino said patiently and then paused so long I would've come out of the handstand just to smack her, "two, one. Thank god."
I lowered my feet to the ground and then promptly sat down hard on the ground. Groaning, I reached up and rubbed my shoulders and then my biceps and finally my wrists. Everything burned like a thousand fires.
"Motherfucker," Ino said under her breath and lay on the ground, chest heaving.
I chuckled. Ino knew about the other side, had studied it intensely growing up as part of her training, but I figured that swear words hadn't been in any of her books so I wondered how Ino could know them. I was about to ask when Naruto and Sasuke came into the small clearing with two bags. The closer they got, the better I could smell the food they carried.
"You finally found us," Ino remarked and eyed the bags. "At least you come bearing gifts."
"Who said these were for you?" Naruto joked and plopped down next to us. He practically tore the bag in half to get to the good and then dug right in without offering any to anyone else. "The walk here was torture, having the food but not being able to eat it."
"Yeah, all twenty minutes of it," Sasuke remarked with a roll of his eyes and sat down more gracefully next to Naruto. He started pulling out small wooden boxes and handed one each to Ino and I before opening his own and eating. We sat for a few minutes in silence, in our own thoughts and more hungry for food than conversation.
I looked at each of them, studying their faces closely like this would be the last time I'd see them. This was nice, I thought, but it didn't feel right. We shouldn't be sitting there doing nothing when Orochimaru was out there preparing. Preparing for what?
"Why are we sitting here?" I finally said, halfway through my lunch.
"We're eating," Naruto pointed out, not really catching my meaning with his face buried in his box.
Sasuke sighed, probably annoyed at me for bringing this topic up again for the fifth time. I had only voiced my opinion to him so this was new for Naruto and Ino.
Ino seemed to understand what I meant and said, "We can't do anything without the council's approval."
"Which will be never," I muttered. "Scared wimps that they are. They're never going to do anything, not if they think they can 'hide' from Orochimaru by not confronting him. He's going to come sooner or later."
Ino nodded but had already said her piece. She was a spitfire, on the same level as me, but respect for the council and their decisions had been ingrained in her since birth and it was a hard habit to break.
"Someone has to talk to them, change their minds," I reasoned but I knew it was hopeless. They would never listen to me, Sasuke, Naruto or Hinata because we weren't from this side, but none of the others would speak up.
"I already tried," Sasuke said quietly and I looked at him with surprise because he'd actually listened to me one of the times I'd ranted.
"You did?" I asked. "When?"
"Last week, but they won't change their decision unless a fire's lit under their asses," Sasuke said, a twinge of anger in his voice. He stabbed at his food with more force and I ran a hand down the side of my face and huffed.
"Maybe we should take matters into our own hands," I suggested but the three of them looked at me with alarm.
"The five of us? Possibly eight if Shika, Neji and Tenten agree? We won't last a minute against Orochimaru's army. We need the council's help and their forces," Ino explained. "Don't be stupid. Don't do anything stupid."
I nodded as a silent promise not to, defeated.
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Day forty-five.
I could hear the commotion outside my window. It sounded like a march of people mixed with prideful shouts and crying and after leaving the building, I found a long, three man deep trail of soldiers heading out of town on horses and by foot. My stomach sank as I walked up to the edge of the crowd standing around watching the people go.
"Where're they going?" I asked with a frown, shielding my eyes to scan the faces and praying I wouldn't see any I recognized.
"The council changed their minds. They're going to stand guard at the portal for when Orochimaru tries to cross," a woman in her sixties said, tears in her eyes. "My son's going. All able-bodied men and even some women, train and untrained, are going."
"But they don't know Orochimaru's going to the portal. What if he comes here?" I said, stomach sinking even further. I had yet to see Sasuke or the others, but I bet they were in the lineup somewhere. They were 'able-bodied' and still had powers. It would be foolish not to utilize them. Except why was I still here when I could handle the sword as well as the rest of these men and even better than the untrained ones who seemed more as a shield than as a sword.
"A man came in early this morning with information on Orochimaru," the woman said somewhat skeptically. "He must've known what he was going to do."
Just then, I spotted Sasuke coming out of the building where we all lived. It would've been smart to check their rooms first, but then I would've been caught more off guard than I did now. I didn't immediately go up to him even as he watched the horsed men march out and then look at the crowd, presumably searching for me. Anger boiled in my chest. A plan was already forming.
His eyes landed on me as I walked up to him with crossed arms.
"So you're going," I concluded as I took in his armor, the same armor he'd worn coming here, and the same armor he'd worn in my visions of the past.
He nodded. "We have to. They need trained soldiers like us with powers to try and stop them, to protect the portal so Orochimaru doesn't reek havoc on the other side as well where there aren't as many to stop him, guns or no guns."
We. That was all I heard and I looked over his shoulder as Naruto and Hinata came out and then Ino and Shikamaru and finally Neji and Tenten. Each of them stopped talking when they saw me and I could see the regret on Hinata's face for not telling me sooner and for leaving me behind.
"I'm trained," I explained but could already see the decision in Sasuke's eyes.
"I asked the council to exclude you from the ranks," Sasuke said and her eyes narrowed.
"That wasn't your choice to make," I ground between my teeth at him, uncaring that we had an audience. He was not my father or in control of me. I was able to make my own decisions and fight for what I wanted to fight for.
"You don't have powers anymore, Sakura. You'll be no value in the war except to slow the enemy down for a few moments before he cuts your head off," Sasuke said in a low voice full of flame. Then his glare softened and it was almost like he was pleading with me to accept his reasoning. "I will not let you be a shield with the rest of them."
"You've seen me fight. I still have an arm and a sword," I concluded, turning away and stepping around the group to go back into the building, my prison. "That's all I seem to have now, isn't it."
I sat on my bed for a long time, feeling my heart pound and my mind race. There was a long list of things I had to do and I tried to focus completely on that instead of the constant pound of hooves and feet outside. Finally it faded like a stream dying out and eventually all was quiet as the sun set.
My meal was brought to me, even though it'd been more than a month since I was brought here. I tried to eat because I knew I'd need the strength for the long night ahead of me but each bite felt like acid in my throat and lead in my stomach. There was a knock on the door and I gratefully set down my fork, my plate only half finished.
I wasn't expecting the person on the other side of the door and I stared at him with wide eyes.
"What're you doing here? How are you here?"
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Each minute that passed felt longer than the last. It felt like he had a rope tied around his waist, pulling him back in the direction the army had come, but he fought the urge to turn around and race back to the village. Sakura's face, angry and disappointed, was still a brand in his mind and he felt the guilt heavy in his stomach at leaving her behind when she'd been at his side up until this point.
Sasuke shook his head, trying to gather his rationality. What he'd done, while a hammer to their friendship and her trust, had been the right thing. He couldn't stand to see her die, not when she was considerably weaker now without her powers. And if any of Orochimaru's men recognized her, who knew what they'd do. Without a doubt they'd go straight for her, eager to her bring her head to Orochimaru on a platter, or perhaps have some fun with her beforehand as a blatant 'fuck-you' to them.
Besides him, Shikamaru and Ino released their wings and took off from their horses. Neji pulled the now man-less horses along behind him as the two in the sky circled and looped around before heading towards the front of the march. They looked majestic and while Sasuke himself now had wings, it still felt foreign. He wasn't quite used to the weightless feel of being in the air and less so to the extra appendages he now had. They'd been told that eventually they'd get them but on the other side things such as powers and protectors were less talked about and thus more easily forgotten.
Naruto had already mastered the art of simultaneously eating and riding a horse and munched happily beside him. The only indication that he was also feeling bad for leaving one fourth of their team behind was the lack of words between bites. Besides him, on the right and the last in their row of three, Hinata stared off to the side into the forest, lost in thought. They all felt it, the absence, like one would feel when missing an arm or leg after having had it their entire life.
Sasuke sighed, rubbed the back of his neck as he felt a headache coming on and stared at the sky.
"Cheer up, dude. We'll be back soon enough," Naruto tried to say earnestly but the conviction wasn't in his voice.
Sasuke shook his head. "When has a war ever been short?"
Naruto stopped eating and frowned at him, sadness in his eyes. They both knew everything was about to change. They'd both trained for this and had even both killed a man before, but war was a mountain compared to that tiny pebble. People changed in battle even if beforehand they'd told themselves they wouldn't and even if afterwards they tried to hold on to their past selves.
Sasuke was terrified. Not of the idea of dying even though weighed heavy on his as well, but of the idea of losing Sakura. Whether it was from death or coming back a different person, it would have the same effect. But she wouldn't change, would be untouched by the horrors they were about to face and maybe that would be enough to keep him sane.
He allowed himself one glance over his shoulder with the imagination of her standing in the entrance of the village, between the open doors, so small compared to the walls protecting the interior. She'd be searching the crowd for familiar faces, for his face, and when her eyes landed on him she would smile so bright it would hurt her cheeks and she'd come running through the horses and wounded men and crying widows to meet him. With that last thought before he shut his mind to the thought of her, knowing it would wander back to her anyways every hour he was away, he promised he would return.
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Itachi sat on my bed, holding a set of armor that wasn't mine, already suited in his own. In his right hand was my katana and the way my stomach jerked I would've thought he was holding a bazooka or weapon of mass destruction.
"I had some help," he explained with a small smile, "even if you didn't know you were helping me."
"You came right after us," I mused aloud and took the armor from him, its weight a reassurance in my hands even if it wasn't my armor. "And then what? Went straight to find Orochimaru?"
"I didn't find Orochimaru. I found one of his lackeys who had a low tolerance for pain."
I didn't even want to imagine what Itachi must've done to get the information. A shiver ran down my spine at the image of screaming and blood and then I realized I was remembering my own torture at the hands of Orochimaru. Bile rose in my throat but I held it down. I had to be strong; I was about to go to war.
"And now you're here," I gestured to my room, eyebrow raised and skepticism even if I was grateful for him finding and bringing me my armor. One less thing to worry about and one less thing to get caught doing. "doing what exactly? As Sasuke pointed out, I'm useless, so what's the point in me going with the rest of them?"
"My brother is foolish when it comes to love..."
I tried not to shiver at his words, this time for a completely different reason.
"...but he's right in saying you'll be more of a shield than anything unless you get your powers back which no one seems to want to try doing."
"I've been trying," I said defensively. "I've tried it all. Being around water, meditating to find my deep inner self, fighting, nearly being killed, you name it I've tried it. None of it works."
"Have to tried calling to the powers when around Orochimaru to see if they'll recognize their true host? Have you tried doing the ritual in reverse? Have you tried killing Orochimaru?" Itachi said and I shook my head. "Exactly."
He stood and headed for the door, his armor stretching and squeaking with each movement.
"Get ready," he called over his shoulder and then opened the door. "We're leaving in ten minutes."
I did as he said and quickly donned my armor. I grabbed the pack I had set earlier, hidden in the bed, and was about to open the door before thinking otherwise. Taking the route out the window, I found Itachi leaning against the side of the house in the shadows. He nodded to me in acknowledgement and together we headed for the stables. I was a step behind him and took the opportunity to study his armor as earlier I'd been too distracted with everything else.
His armor looked completely different than Sasuke's. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was the generic set given to the army. I wondered if Itachi knew how to fight, what specific role he played in this whole scheme and why he was risking his life for it.
"Do you know how to fight?" I asked but he silenced me with a lift of his arm. We came around the back of the stables and he handed me cloth to tie around my hair to hide the color. Taking on a sheepish look, he walked into the light and started talking to one of the stable hands as I followed a few feet behind. I watched Itachi scratch the back of his neck and talk about oversleeping but the way the stable hand looked at me, he seemed skeptical that we'd been 'sleeping'. Pulling out a purse of coins, Itachi bought us two horses and we were on our way to the entrance of the town a lot faster than I would've thought possible.
Itachi pulled the same ruse with the guards. While they were also skeptical, they opened the doors nonetheless and we rode off into the dusk to catch up with the back of the army.
"Yes, I know how to fight," Itachi answered my earlier question as we trotted along. "I wouldn't be helping you if I thought I might stand the chance of getting my head chopped off."
"Just making sure," I muttered, already feeling the ache in my legs from the ride. It was going to be a long night. It took us a couple hours of medium to hard riding to finally get close enough to the army. We followed their noise until they stopped to rest for the night, dismounted and quietly joined the back ranks of the army. Only handful of them had horses of the hundreds there so we moved through the masses until we didn't stick out so much.
It was hard not to search for my friends, but I knew if they saw me I was done for. They'd think I was a brat not wanting to stay behind where it was safe or stupid for putting my life on the line and making it harder for them. But I would prove them, and myself wrong. I was a lot stronger than everyone gave me credit for, with or without powers and I had to do this. I had to try and get my powers back, not just 'try' behind the village walls where it was safe.
We rolled out our mats and settled down for the night after taking off our armor. The ground was hard and cold and I curled up in a ball beneath my blanket feeling alone and sad like I did every night. The scenery didn't change the way tears came to my eyes, but I swallowed them down all the same. I heard Itachi shift next to me but he was clearly asleep judging by his snoring. I envied him and all the rest who could fall asleep so easily with so much looming over us.
It felt like I was just falling asleep when morning came and we were roused. I donned my armor and served myself from the food being passed around, the fast pace of last night making me twice as hungry and feeling like I'd barely eaten after I'd cleaned my plate.
My legs felt like wood as I mounted my horse and we set off in the long line of soldiers. I looked at those walking on foot and couldn't image doing the same with armor on and the sun beating down on us. It was tiring and painful enough bumping on the saddle.
Itachi and I talked a little bit on the road, but more so at night when we were alone around one of the many campfires. I found out he didn't have any noticeable powers but that he had a stronger knack for blocking out mind controllers than others. That and he was an exceptional fighter. I witnessed it the fifth night into our march when he accidentally got pushed into one of the many fighting rings that had become a nightly pastime for training and entertainment. It took less than a minute for him to beat his opponent and the crowd was still cheering when he walked out of the ring.
"You weren't kidding when you said you could fight," I told him as he served himself a second plate of dinner, not caring that it was strictly against the rules.
"I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to live," he responded and used his fingers to scoop the food into his mouth. The first night I'd been disgusted, but if I wanted to eat like a proper lady then I should've brought utensils, except I hadn't so it was fingers or starve. I'd also gotten used to the lack of hygiene even though I jumped at the chance to bath, although a bit reluctant and always last to avoid having the strip with the men.
Three days into the march, I still hadn't spotted anyone I knew. I'd started to make friends with some of the men who walked around me during the day, but most just teased me for being a girl. I kept my hair tucked tightly beneath the cloth and no one ever had any idea of who I really was.
Each night I went to bed hoping to wake to Sasuke's face. I felt weak for thinking such thoughts when I should be worried about the impending battles and if I'd make it to the next day, but what I really craved was him. He was familiar. He gave me a reason to live beyond wanting an unknown future. He gave me courage. I woke to the though of him fresh in my dreams and it gave me strength to get to my feet.
Itachi and I were sitting around the campfire a week into the journey when a man with different armor, armor that showed his rank and power, came riding up to our section of the camp. I didn't bother to get up, too tired and only slightly less sore than the day before.
"Enemies soldiers have been spotted a few hour's ride north, estimated at three hundred. You will be dispatched to take care of them," the man on the horse called out to everyone. It wasn't hard to hear him as everyone had stopped what they were doing at the mention of the enemy. "Be ready to ride at sunrise."
And with that he rode off back the way he'd come. I looked at Itachi but he hadn't even bothered to pause eating. I was no longer hungry, but forced myself to continue eating. I would need the energy tomorrow but more than that I didn't want Itachi to see how scared I was. It was a lot easier to say one was going to war than to actually do it. I didn't expect battle to come so quickly but I was wrong.
Than night I barely slept no matter how tightly I squeezed my eyes shut. Behind my eyelids I saw faceless men coming at me, ready to kill me. I'd raise my katana and strike them down but right before the blade hit, their faces would morph into people I knew. I saw myself kill Sasuke, Hinata, Ino, Naruto and Tsunade multiple times among others.
The blue strip before sunrise came too soon and not soon enough. I jumped up as did the rest of the soldiers and we got ready mostly in silence but some tried to play it off as not a big deal and joked around. I didn't partake in their laughter and focused on swallowing the food on my plate.
We set off as the other soldiers are starting to wake up and they watch us go. I thought I saw Ino's ponytail buried deep in the band of soldiers, but I couldn't be sure. It was pointless because I felt worlds away.
The ride was solemn as we headed along the road, taking a fork in the road that would lead us away from the portal. One of the generals came along and relayed the plan for the battle before moving on down the line to repeat himself. We'd loop around and catch them from the rear with the hopes that another group of enemy soldiers wasn't on their way and caught us in the rear. All horses and extra supplies would be left a half hour's march away to ensure that if there was a retreat those who survived would have some way of getting back to the main camp as it marched towards the fork.
As we came closer, the antsier everyone got until finally we came across a scout on a horse. We were told to dismount, secure our horses and walk from there. I slid down, shaking even though we were still an hour out. Everything after that was a blur of endless time as I stared down at the ground and tried to gather my thoughts but they kept slipping through my hands each time I was close to finding my courage. We were stopped again after what felt like a millennium and given a speech that I barely heard. All I heard was the pounding of my blood in my ears.
We were lead in a thin line quickly through the forest until we were staring down at another road, this one wider and coming from the opposite direction. Eventually it would meet up with the road we were just on, but the soldiers on it were heading away from us towards the portal from the west, I think, although I wasn't entirely orientated with my focus coming in and out as I tried to catch my breath.
Standing there, we looked down at the marching troops in silence, crouched down and waiting for the signal. I adjusted my helmet more securely on my head like it would protect me from a knife through the gut and then clenched my fingers tightly around my katana hilt. I could barely look at the soldiers I was about to kill.
"Stay close," Itachi said and placed his hand on my forearm in a movement of reassurance. I tried to smile at him to show him I was fine but there was a loud, piercing whistle that made me jump and then men screaming. We all rushed down the ledge towards the road, towards the soldiers caught off guard, like one giant tsunami drawing their weapons at once. I couldn't hear anything over my hard breathing, couldn't feel anything except the hard earth beneath me and the katana in my hand.
All around me my comrades slammed into the enemy with ferocity and courage. I saw them fall with blood spurting from their necks and conquer with red covered blades and armor. They hadn't chosen this, had been enlisted by force, but I had and they were still putting up more of a fight than I was. I was running, but I didn't swing my katana, not yet. I wasn't ready even as I watched Itachi take out one man and then another and another like a wildfire going through a dry forest.
Turning, I saw an enemy soldier staring me down with the intent of killing me. I could see it in his eyes. He saw me as an easy target. His body language told me he was getting ready to draw his weapon, to charge me and take his first victory in this war. I sprang forward and drew my blade across his arm and then his thigh before he could even pull out his weapon. He fell to the ground clutching his wounds and I turned from him, not sure if he would live or die.
All of this happened in a span of a minute. Men were still coming down the hill towards the road and the ambush had barely begun and yet I was already ready for it to be over.
"You chose this," I said to myself as I took out another man, also slashing him in the leg. I wasn't ready to kill yet. "You can do this."
I screamed my sorrow and I cursed my fate and I dodged my death as the minutes ticked by. My comrades around me echoed my feelings and we moved as one and when they fell, more came to fill their place. I faintly noticed their poor fighting style compared to Itachi and my own and most of the time that was their downfall.
Besides me, Itachi carved a path through the enemy and I followed but while he killed, I merely immobilized. I felt nauseous at the feeling of my katana against bone, of the blood splattering my skin and of the last cries of the dead.
"Just kill them," Itachi screamed at me over his shoulder. "They'll just get back up and come at you again."
"I know what I'm doing," I shouted back over the sounds of war.
"You've been to war before?" he asked sarcastically as he tore down another man.
"Have you?" I shot back with as much sarcasm in my voice.
"Yes," he said, chest heaving as he turned to me. I saw a soldier come at him from behind and he saw it reflected in my eyes but didn't bother to turn. I slid around him, caught the soldier's katana with my own and kicked him in the knee. There was a crunch and the soldier crumpled to the ground.
"We have a choice," I told Itachi but even as I said that I felt something slice in the gap of my armor between my chest and arm piece. Pain exploded down the left side of my chest, but something primal took over, numbing the pain for a moment. Roaring, I swung around and slammed my katana in the man who I thought I'd immobilized. But I misjudged his positioning because he was bent over, clutching his knee in agony, and my katana nearly took his head off his shoulders. The body slumped to the ground, my blade sliding from the neck as it did so and leaving a strong scent of iron in the space between the body and me.
I stared down at it for a moment and then up at the sky like the blue could take away all my thoughts with its untouchable peacefulness so high up.
"Sakura," Itachi called my name but I couldn't look at him. I'd misjudged the determination of these soldiers and now while I still didn't think it was right to kill them, if I didn't would the next knife be through my neck? Would the next blow be fatal with no second chance?
"Sakura," Itachi tried again but I was already stepping past him. I lifted my katana and caught a guy in the neck and then another in the chest who was foolish or poor enough where he didn't have armor on. The faster I finished, the faster this battle would be done. I lost count of how many people I slashed down, how many of them died and how many were merely injured. All I knew was I couldn't stop because then it would be hard to start up again. I had to fulfill my duty while I had the courage.
I felt Itachi at my side, fighting as hard as I was. We kept going until the enemy's general told them to retreat and then, when the last enemy had skittered off, I finally let my arm fall to my side.
"Sakura," Itachi said, staring at me.
"What," I responded, my voice faint in my ears like a ghost.
"Give me your katana," he said and held out his hand. I looked at it, at the streaks of blood both dried and fresh.
"Why?" I eyed him suspiciously, adrenaline still coursing through me. I felt completely aware of my surroundings, of the uncountable bodies littering the ground and the smell of blood heavy in the air. Birds were already circling overhead, waiting for their meal. We would have to bury our comrades' bodies before we left.
"We're done fighting," Itachi informed me and stared at me expectantly, "plus you're injured."
I wish he hadn't reminded me because the pain came back like a punch to the gut with his words. I handed over my katana and then took a knee as the weight of everything came crashing down on me. My hand was covered in blood, my own blood. All the movement had caused it to keep bleeding. Rivulets of it slid down my arm under my armor.
"We need a medic over here," Itachi shouted but no one came running over. There were too many injured and too few medics. Finally, he pointed at a soldier standing nearby and ordered him to help. Together, they managed to get my upper armor off and then secure a tight enough cloth bandage until a medic could come over. When one finally did, I was nearly unconscious from pain and blood loss. I felt my shirt being cut away so the medic could inspect the wound. He cleaned it, stitched it up and put a salve on it that would help heal it but there was nothing he could do for the pain.
There wasn't much more he could do past that and so Itachi and the other guy, Choji I learned his name was in my haze, helped me stand and walk back. I wanted to walk by myself, but it was just a struggle to get back to my feet on my own. Together, the three of us made it up the incline and through the forest. I started to lose focus on where we were going until we stopped at the rally point where the horses and supplies were and they hoisted me up on a horse and then Itachi got on behind me. Shortly after that, I lost consciousness just as more men started to straggle through the forest towards us.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I woke back at the main camp that night. Everything hurt. I was sore, bruised and injured and without powers to heal myself. Itachi was sleeping next to me and I struggled to stand without waking him. Most of the camp was sleeping, especially those who had surprised the battle, and it was easy for me to slip away. I was still weak so I took it slow, but I was on a mission to find some source of water. I needed to wash the blood off.
When I finally did find a small pond, I was stupid enough to try and control it. Its lack of movement made me sob and then I was full on crying, not just because of that but because of everything. I could still see that man's face in my mind and even some of the others I'd most likely killed afterwards. I'd lost my control once again.
I didn't bother to take anything off and just slid down into the water. It only came up to my waist but that didn't stop me from scrubbing every inch I could. Without the moon it was a little hard to see but I didn't need sight to know there was blood on my skin. My body was stained red.
"What're you doing?" someone asked behind me and I turned to find Itachi staring down at me.
"Cleaning the blood off," I told him like it wasn't obvious.
"I cleaned the blood off you earlier. You didn't have a lot on you," Itachi informed me but his words didn't stop me from scrubbing with my fingers and nails. He had to have missed some spots because I could swear I still felt it on my skin.
"Really? Judging by the way I acted out there..."
"Which was?" Itachi prompted and sat down on the ground once he realized I wasn't getting out anytime soon.
"I was a robot out there. A monster," I told him and turned away, ashamed. I could feel the tears coming again but then again I don't think they'd ever stopped.
"I don't want to be like that," I whispered.
"Your past self killed hundreds of men with a flick of her wrist," Itachi said and I wondered how he knew what my past self had been like. I must've been in the history books or something and wished I'd read them. Maybe it would've helped me prepare for this war, knowing how my past self had dealt with it.
"Well, I'm not my past self am I," I whispered and wiped the back of my hand under eyes pointlessly. At least my past self had succeeded, but at what cost? Her sanity? Was her life lost before she lost her life?
"No, you aren't," Itachi answered. "But you're going to have to be her if you want to survive."
Survive, I mused, not win. It would take more than the cost of survival that to win. It would take everything, most likely my life, definitely the lives of those around me who had no idea that the reason they were there was because of me. There was a war because of me and I had to give everything to end it.
"I will survive," I said to myself and slowly climbed out of the pond without Itachi's help even though my body screamed at me to stop all movement and lay down. I clenched my stomach in an act of hardening myself and felt the ache in my chest fade to numbness. "I will end this war."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I finally saw Hinata and Naruto from a distance as we headed to the portal. They were tiny spec in the sky like majestic birds or guardians watching over us all. I didn't feel jealous like I originally had. Instead I felt deep sorrow. I wanted to mourn with them. I'd taken for granted their presence when I'd lost my powers, wanting nothing more than to be alone and now that I needed them here to cope with the horrors of war, they were too far away.
One thing that had changed was the absence of tears. I no longer felt the burning in my throat or behind my eyes as a warning that I was about to cry. I was dry inside and I was grateful for that.
I rocked in my seat as my horse walked along. Our section had thinned considerably since the battle but we were safe for now. We had earned the right to live another day and instead the generals picked another section from our tail of the march to send off to attack Orochimaru's army, guerrilla warfare style. My mind wandered as the day dragged on. I wondered if my friends had been in battle yet, didn't doubt it as they were our strongest asset. This was the only way to get the upper hand again someone of Orochimaru's strength.
"We should train them," I said to Itachi in the space between evening and sunset. The march was slowing down and we'd set up camp for the night once we found a good spot that would give us the advantage against the enemy should they attack. Each day that passed I found myself more on edge, waiting for the unknown. It wouldn't be long before Orochimaru got fed up with us attacking him and retaliated.
"By we, you mean me," he concluded after a moment of thought. I nodded, knowing he could see me out of the corner of his eye even though he was staring straight ahead.
"I can't do it. I'm only a girl," I said sarcastically, "but you, you're big and manly and you've already proven to them that you can fight."
"So did you," he reminded me. "You survived the first battle."
"You know I can't risk being seen," I said, quieter this time. "He'll just send me back."
"You're a big girl, you can handle yourself," Itachi shot back with a reproachful glare.
I sighed. "I also don't want him to worry about me. If he's more focused on that on the battlefield than his enemy then he'll eventually get killed. Same goes for me. We each have our own battles to fight and there's no room for distractions. Plus, who knows what people will do if they find out it's me. I'm kind of the reason there's a war."
"That's fucking bullshit. The reason there's a war is because Orochimaru is a selfish bastard with no morals," Itachi said and his glare turned a shade hotter. "I can't make you promise not to say that ever again because it won't change how to feel, but promise me you won't do anything stupid to try and 'make things right'. This isn't just your war, it's everyone's if they want to keep living in a peaceful world."
"Promise not to do anything stupid like what, sneak off and join the war?" I joked but I could tell now wasn't the time and cringed. "If I plan to do anything stupid, I'll let you know first."
Itachi glared at me for another moment and then seemed to settle with that agreement. "Fine. Now, back to training these soldiers."
"Well, we already know you're a good teacher," I reminded him, pointing out the fact that he'd been teaching me how to block my mind from mind controllers for the length of the march so far. I'd learned surprisingly fast but I played it off as him being a good teacher, which was mostly true, to help my case.
"And we already know that after a long day of travel the men are tired," Itachi pointed out as well.
"Not tired enough to do fight rings," I countered.
"And that I'm tired," Itachi continued.
"Not tired enough to help me," I countered again. "I'll be front and center. If a woman can learn then so can men. We're going to have no army left by the time we get to the portal if someone doesn't start doing something to help these guys keep their heads on their shoulders."
I saw Itachi's shoulders slump in defeat. He knew I was right and while there wasn't much we could do in the short time before we got to the portal, we could at least teach them something that would help them stand a better chance. And so, that night, Itachi went around our area of the camp and spread the word. I didn't expect many men to show up because most of them probably thought they already knew how to fight, but I was wrong. Swarms of them came at the time Itachi had said. Pride, it seemed, was not as important as living.
Everyone was told to find a stick and a partner. After walking the group through the fundamentals of being on the opposition, Itachi let everyone loose to start practicing one on one. He walked around, looking at each pair of practicing soldiers, picking out men who had enough skill to help him correct those who didn't. I practiced with Choji, quietly helping him fix his form.
"Why aren't you helping him," Choji said and nodded towards the general direction of Itachi. Choji was sweating and I could hear his stomach rumbling, but he didn't stop even when his face went from red to purple.
"I'm just a girl," I said and grunted under the parrying weight of Choji's last swing. My injured shoulder burned, but it had healed enough in the past week of traveling where I didn't think I'd tear the stitches. "No one will listen to me."
"They would if they really knew who you were," he muttered and I stopped, staring wide eyed at him. He came at me again, not realizing I'd paused, and I quickly disarmed and subdued him with my stick at his neck.
"Jesus you're good," he said and then quieted when he saw my pale face.
"How do you know?" I whispered, narrowing my eyes at him. I let him get to his feet to avoid suspicion from everyone else, but kept the stick at his throat as a warning that if he didn't explain himself soon he'd find metal at his throat next, when he least expected it.
"Don't worry, Itachi already threatened my life," Choji said as he eyed the stick at his throat. "Someone had to help him wash the blood off you or else you would've drowned. He was too tired to do it alone."
"And you haven't said anything to anyone," I confirmed, feeling the weight disappear slightly from my shoulders when he nodded. "Good. You better not."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sasuke wiped the sweat from his forehead and slashed down another enemy soldier. His arms ached and he was out of breath. Looking to the sky, he let his wings loose and took off from the ground. Pulling out his lighter, he spread a thin wall of fire between his comrades and the next charging line of enemy soldiers.
Shikamaru swooped past him, diving for the ground while simultaneously dodging arrows. He dragged one hand parallel to the ground and a long strip of shadow followed, trapping enemy soldiers in its grasp. They struggled to move but the shadows came up their bodies and finally over their heads, suffocating them.
The ground was a graveyard of friends and foes. Sasuke stared at it and felt like throwing up but managed to hold it all in. He looked in the general direction of the town, grateful Sakura wasn't here to witness heads separating from bodies with one clean swipe, limbs scattered like landmines, the heavy smell of blood and the low moaning of the wounded and dying in the air. It was even hard for himself to handle. An arrow flew past him and he descended for the ground after letting off another wall of fire. His feet touched hard packed dirt and he continued full speed towards the bowman. His katana sliced clean through the man's arm before he even realized he was there, his eyes coming down from the sky in surprise and he fell backwards to the ground and slowly bled to death.
He'd forgotten the number of people he'd killed now, but he knew he couldn't count them on his hands and feet combined. The generals congratulated him and his friends for fighting so well, for being so skilled, but Sasuke wished for nothing but an end to this war. It wasn't a competition for him, it was what he believed was right even if it meant losing himself in the process.
"I will win this war for you, Sakura," Sasuke whispered under his breath and headed for the next man, katana poised for the killing shot.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
So this story is drawing to an end. I estimate two more chapters at most. It's been a long journey but I don't see a sequel happening for this. This was my very first fanfiction story and while I could drag it on, one of the final scenes for this story I wrote a long time ago is coming up and I plan to stick to what I'd planned waaaay back then. It's time to put this story to rest but not before finishing what I started. Then I can focus on No Longer Weak and after that finish Unwilling Juliet, Unsuspecting Romeo and then focus on fiction maybe? I have so many ideas and I love writing, but I feel like fanfiction is a dying art.