Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds
The sun beamed into her hotel room, she woke up and reached for him but the bed was empty. She opened her eyes and saw that he wasn't there. She scanned the room and saw no remnants of him. She hoped that he would be there, but knew he would be gone. I'm done chasing him she thought—if this is what he wants she won't fight him anymore. As she resolved to let it go; anger crept into her soul and she finally accepted responsibility for being the straw that broke the fragile camel's back.
She got out of bed and picked up her dress and undies off the floor. She made her way to the bathroom, washed her face, and put on her glasses. He left a trail of love bites along her collarbone, this is new for him, she thought, it was as if he was marking his territory. She was pissed because she couldn't wear a tank top, in this Chicago heat. After she was dressed and she packed, she called Derek.
"Hi," Derek answered.
"Hey, I'm heading to your mom's house to see the kids. Will you be around?"
"Yup, I'm playing with the guys at around 3 or 4."
"Ok, Fine, see you then."
She arrived at Fran's house and rings the bell. She wore a pastel green V-neck t-shirt reversed to hide her hickies, a floral scarf wrapped around her head as an headband, rolled up capri jeans, bright shamrock green belt, flip flops, and a multi-colored necklace, Chris made her.
"Coffee?" Fran asked as she guided her to the kitchen.
"Sure," she said as she sat on the stool in the kitchen.
"Did you and Derek have fun last yesterday?"
"Yes, thank you so much for those tickets. After the hotel, we went to Wrigley Field, the park, and Negril. Negril was so neat—it is a West Indian restaurant with a club downstairs. You and Rossi should check it out, you know, next time he has a book signing," Penelope teased.
"No deflecting missy."
"Deflecting?"
"How are things going with you and Derek?
She stopped mid sip of coffee, she wasn't sure if Derek told her or not but she knew it wasn't her place to tell his mom. Once again, she has to be the designated driver.
"We've been better — but, we're working through it," she said with a smile.
"What do you guys have planned while your little munchkins are with me?"
"Fran," she said taking a deep sigh – "We haven't thought that far ahead yet."
"So where are the kids?" Penelope asked getting out of the range of fire, "I was hoping to take them for lunch before I head out. Well, for an ice cream cone—I'm not sure if that's lunch."
"They are out back with Derek."
She played teatime with Izzy and Chris until it was time for her to leave. Derek was BBQ-ing so an ice cream lunch wouldn't work.
"Ok, so mommy is going home." She said to her kids.
"What are you going to do without us?" Chris asked, as if he couldn't imagine her world existing without him.
"I am going to paint my nails everyday and eat ice cream and cupcakes."
"Everyday!" Izzy asked
"What!" Chris said super upset.
It took everything in her not to laugh outright at her kids' reactions. "I am going to play with all of your toys and ride your bike," she continued as their expressions became more animated.
Chris realized mommy was playing a joke on him and laughed, "you're too big to ride my bike."
She picked him up and gave him a hug, "I am going to miss you. Call me when ever you want."
"I will" he gave her a kiss and she put him down.
"Lady Izzy, mommy has a plan to catch."
She kissed and hugged her.
She grabbed her purse and Derek said, "I'll walk you out."
As they stood in front of her car, she began to speak, "If Chris realizes that he needs any of the gazillion toys he left at home let me know and I will send them in a care package."
"Ok," he said.
"Ok,"—she said looking at him "so this is it," giving him one more chance to find his voice, she thought. "Alrighty," she said swinging her keys around her finger, "call me if anything comes up," she said closing the passenger side door.
"Penelope you are having an affair? I don't know how to repair that?" he blurted out angrily.
"An affair?" She said mystified, "Derek this affair that I am having or not having started last week – what about the other 52 or 100 weeks before the incident? Our marriage was broken before Stella kissed me."
"Oh, so know its just a kiss?"
"What do you want to know, Derek every detail. We had our end of year party; I drank with my students and talked shop. Stella and I cleaned up after the party. He kissed me, I kissed him back. We made out in my office. He told me he wants to be with me and I told him I was married and I need to focus on you and my family—that's the abbreviated version. Happy? Does knowing this make you want to move back home and be with me. Has your trust in me been restored?"
"The problem is these images of you and him keep spinning around my head like a wheel. I think, I can get over it and then I see you – no, hear you moaning his name, touching him, in my head. Then all thoughts of forgiveness go as fast as they came. Why him? Do I bore you?"
"You're anything but boring, Derek," she said whispered as she ran her fingers through her hair.
"And him"?
She looked perplex
"Is he boring?" he asked gruffly.
"Derek, it's not about—"
He cut her off, "I mean does a woman get to a stage in her life when she is like my husband is too exciting and I want a boring son of a bitch to replace him."
"Stella is a symptom Derek not the cause—we are the cause"
"I just need to know why? Why him? Why now? If I could just understand the cause I could move on – but Penelope it doesn't make any sense."
"Derek not everything has a motive or is a derivative of something."
"I don't believe that -there are laws and there are intentions. I mean how did we wind up here, I mean we used to be so close we didn't need to speak and now I can touch you but we're 20,000 miles away from each other. And I don't know how I got here but I feel like –"
"Are you serious? How do you think we got here?" she asked spitefully.
His response was deafening silence and she continued, "Ok, you're the reason. You left"
"But I'm here, I've always been here, Penelope. I never l-"
Her heart was racing as these words came out of her mouth, "Only part of you, never all, because you care more about the dead than the living. That's where you heart is," she said loudly, but not screaming.
"That's not true."
Tears sprang to her eyes and she said, "All those months you spent working on the Doyle case because you felt like you killed Emily—60 seconds, if only I got there 60 seconds earlier—how many times did I hear that? Then the months after, when you had to learn to forgive her, JJ, and Hotch for lying about her death," she shook her head. "As soon as you crossed that hurdle you went to a dark place because of Buford and only Tamara could help. The Crimes Unit promotion came along and the nightmares became worse. I know you love your job but it consumed you, in a way that left me alone Derek. And you were never coming back – not my you. Not my Derek."
"And him?" He said raising his voice.
"We aren't together but at least" she shook her head realizing that no answer was ever going to be enough and they would wind up chasing each other's tails, "I should go."
She turns to walk away and he grabs her arm " at least he what?" he asked furiously.
"At least he is present and when he is with me – he's with me. I don't have to beg and plead because he actually wants to be there—can you remember what that's like?" She asked sarcastically.
"I don't want you to see him."
"Fine," she said, "I'm going to miss my plane," she tried to take her arm back but he tightened his hold on her, then he released her. "Anything else, Morgan?"
"Penelope, I want to come home and I want whatever is between you and Stella to be finished."
"Fine, see you at home," she said as she got into her car.
"You know—I couldn't help but over hear," Fran said as he walked into the house.
"Not now Mom," he said as he walked away.
"Derek Michael Morgan," she called with the utmost authority.
"I'm sorry I just," he started.
"Just sit with me," she said nicely.
"You were too young to remember, but your father and I separated when Sarah was 6; I think you were 1 or 2. We were drifting apart, between him being a cop and me being a nurse, we never saw each other. Thank god for your dad's family, because they helped us, through the hard times. We separated and your dad stayed with his partner, Jason. We tried to work it out but it seemed like the everything was against us—like Venus was in retrograde or something."
"There was this doctor, Paul Krugmen, who liked me and one day on the night shift he joined me at the diner where I always went for dinner. We chatted and it was nice to talk to someone who had no expectations of me. I remember we ate breakfast for dinner and it was so much fun to feel like a person - a real person, not just a wife and mother. He asked me out after that, and I said yes. Because I liked him and he reminded me of who I was before I acquired all of these other titles."
She took his hand, "Don't get me wrong, I loved your father and still love your father. I loved being a mother and a wife but sometimes you lose yourself in pleasing and supporting everyone else. Those pancakes and that conversation were like support to my soul. Support your father used to give me before our lives became so busy. It was also my fault, I created the Daddy Show, the Sarah, Show, and The Derek Show but I never created the Fran Show—and that's what Paul did for me. Anyway, I went on the date and he kissed me good night. I walked in and to my surprise; your father was sitting there fuming like you are now," she said stroking his hand.
"He was pissed at me for going on a date and maybe mad at himself for leaving us. But, what he couldn't see until later was how this incident strengthened our love and commitment to each other. We never forgot to do special things for each other and that kept our love fresh every day, honey."
"You and Penelope have the luxury of being able to create time and space to be just Derek and Penelope but you keep on choosing to be SSA Morgan," she rubbed his back, "Your father is proud of you, baby boy, and you don't have anything to prove – just be happy. You can't save every person from the villain and if you could you wouldn't be happy. Haven't you noticed, most super heroes don't have a family? I think that's what Penelope would say," she said rubbing his shoulder."
He wiped the tears from his face and asked "what did dad do in the end?"
She replied, "It took him two days to get over his ego and realize that we both had work to do and he came home. He promised to never leave again and we worked it out. I never will forget – he said leaving isn't an option, he was still pissed with me but we worked our way towards forgiveness because we saw the bigger picture. The doctor, however, was really smitten with you mama—and your dad punched him one day when he showed up to our door. He didn't come around after that and you know the rest."
"I want to go back home, but I just fear that she may actually love him and I know it is irrational but if that was true I would just …" he trailed off as the tears trickled down his face, "So moving back in is the right thing to do?" he said more confidently.
"Yes, move back in and show her that you love her. Be thoughtful and for Christ sake don't forget her birthday, anniversary, and Valentines Day," she said as she rubbed his head.
"Is it that easy?"
"Yes, matters of the heart are always easy—it is your brain that makes it hard. What is your gut telling you? Do you want to let go of Penelope?"
He shook his head.
"There is your answer," she said rubbing his shoulder.
What kind of angsty reunion was that? Angst is over - I kinda promise. Well at least our doves are back together under the same roof.