Sorry for the delay guys, I rewrote this chapter nine times today and still decided to stay with the original...my brain hurts. If you're lucky another may get posted tonight :)

So! Correct me if I'm wrong.. But I believe we just reached 200 followers and 100 favs! Yes gang! *high fives everybody!*

Reviews make me happy:

Guest 1: You're very welcome! I didn't know it was going to be that long. Turns out 2am is when the writing juices get blending! Haha, we all secretly miss Niylah. Personally I'm waiting for her to turn up again in the show, then we'll really see jealous Lexa at her best ^^

Guest 2: Thanks for the review! But you probably won't like me much after these next couple updates... I'm sorry!

Jedi Caro: This is becoming a habit :P Originally the Clexa cuteness wasn't going to happen. But then I couldn't help myself. And the dream... Kinda the same story.. Hope this also long follow up continues to gain your love! :)

Skyemarie90: We've all got our fingers crossed for Lexa! Personally I'm hoping she doesn't die and Alycia gets bumped up to main character status. I mean she's not exactly a big part of Fear the Walking Dead.. Pretty sure she could be persuaded to join The 100 for like, ever :D I'm with ya on the cheering Titus' death tho! Him dying would be the best thing to happen in the show since Finn's exit! I'm just hoping Lexa gets to be the one to stab Titus in the face for being a total dick.

XxDark Angel BabyXx; Okay, let's talk theories! The tats, the writers tease, were inked during the time Clarke was missing in the wilderness. This means Lexa chose to have them. With her reaction to the nightmare about the previous commanders I'm willing to bet that she got them following another dream... Titus, the dastard, seems pretty involved with this top secret 'agenda'. It makes you wonder if it's the campaign for lasting peace or maybe lexa's secret involvement in the city of light. Either way Titus looks willing to kill Clarke to protect it.. It's rumoured that all will be revealed post sexy times in tonight's episode though so just make it through today and we'll finally know. Here's hoping the big reveal won't be Lexa's last words!

Sailor Sayuri: Another lovely review! It woke me up at stupid o'clock mind but you're forgiven... So! I agree with you about Roan. I don't think he's a bad guy. I honestly believe he would have left Clarke with some form of loyalty card, if only to cover his own back against Lexa... Ah the orchard scene is getting so much love!...But as for Lexa, I don't think she's being possessive. Jealous, yes. But not possessive. At least not consciously. I think it's more she wants to protect Clarke. Especially from the Ice Nation. See Lexa is coming to terms with how she feels for Clarke and as somebody who's been shut off from emotions she gets sorta overwhelmed. So this possessive streak ya'll see is just her lashing out and panicking to keep Clarke safe... As for Clarke's shoulder... You'll have to wait to find out! ;)

VampAngie007: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoy the story and Im loving the support. But please don't die waiting for updates! Welcome to the gang! :)

Phew! I may have to start writing updates just for review response! Thanks for the messages guys, keep 'em coming!

Give it a go: Hello My Old Heart by The Oh Hellos.

Having feelings make me weak...

Lexa.

Clarke looked miles away. Her horse lagged a little in the band of warriors walking beside her. Every now and then Meesha would knock her head into the warrior passing her side, causing the warrior to trip sideways to avoid being trampled. And Clarke barely noticed.

For hours she held the reins loosely in her hands. Her eyes stared unseeingly at the road ahead. I frowned to myself watching her. What was worrying her so much?

Her people..

I let out a long breath remembering her scared eyes when she'd told me she couldn't return to the ark. It made me hate myself pushing this on her. But it needed to be done to ensure peace between the clans stood firm. It was a short deadline but Clarke would need to overcome this pain before she faced her people again. Otherwise I feared her strength to lead them.

"She looks as if she has rejoined the sky"

I glanced beside me to Roan pulling his horse in beside mine and gave him an uninterested look. We'd been riding hours and so far I'd managed to avoid speaking with him. I heard him laugh when I turned my attention away.

"You like her" he stated bluntly.

I glared ahead and held my reins tighter. I refused to answer.

"She's spirited" Roan continued with a smile in his voice.

"She is a strong leader" I told him lifting my chin and staring ahead.

He hummed in agreement, "She does seem a good person to have around.." I nodded. I agreed with him wholly, "Makes you wonder what else she is spirited in..."

I span back to him. I had to remind myself we were supposed to be allies now. But it was hard when his eyes looked that way at Clarke's back.

"What do you want with her?" I demanded outright. I would not skirt about the issue when he made it blatantly clear he was after her. Roan glanced back at me and gave me an innocent look.

"I think that obvious, Heda" he answered with a hitched smirk for my replying glare.

I stopped my horse and fixed my attention solely on him. I would stamp this idea down. Now.

"Do not think because we are allied now that it would stop me from knocking you from your horse. Little King" I spat angrily at him, "She is not for your eyes"

Roan tipped his head back and laughed, "Am I to assume she has already captured another for her bed?"

I made to reply but stopped myself. I realised suddenly that I didn't know that answer. It made my heart flare thinking Clarke would be anybody's. But it knew she wasn't. It was standing fast by that. My head warned me to consider it. But I wouldn't. Clarke had spent a long time away from everything to avoid hurting her heart more. I doubted she trusted enough to give herself to another.

Not after I broke her heart.

I returned my eyes to her riding up ahead. They were soft on her a moment but grew ever colder when I saw her reach down to tap Jes' shoulder beside her. I found myself glaring at the warrior smiling back at Clarke. Suddenly my head was making sense.

"Maybe you fear her taking a lover because they will control her power and undermine your leadership.." Roan wondered aloud next to me as if he thought I was thinking about it.

I moved my gaze off clarke's back and returned to my uninterested study of the trail ahead of my horse. I heard him lean toward me in his saddle,

"Or maybe you think yourself alone worthy of her?"

My anger got the better of me then. I stopped my horse and I snatched hold of his jacket. I yanked him halfway off his horse with a hard look for his mocking. The warriors walking beside us turned their heads, some even unsheathed their weapons in tensed wait. In the corner of my eye I could see my warriors and his waiting for the order to fight.

For a fleeting second I thought about how easy it would be to be rid of Roan. All it would take was my command. I still owed Costia that much.

But I owe Clarke this peace more, I thought bitterly glaring at him.

I ignored the warriors around us and kept my eyes fixed on Roan's humoured ones. I pulled him closer.

"Do not think you know me" I slowly snarled at him, "Or her"

I shoved him away and kicked my horse on. I couldn't sit there any longer and hear his disrespect for Clarke. Not if I wanted to keep my people from war with his.

My horse trotted up the line towards Clarke but I stopped it to fall back a few paces. I didn't want Roan thinking he was true in his thoughts of me and Clarke by letting him see me go to her straight after our disagreement and my threat to him. I would not give him reason to believe she could be used against me as Costia had been.

Cain had followed me. He walked beside me a while and spoke quietly of our plans for after Roan's group left for Eden's Pass. I was grateful for his companionship and even more thankful for his distraction. It kept me calm talking as the commander.

He left after a couple hours to run a patrol behind us, allowing me again to return to my thoughts. They cut evenly between my plan to deal with Arkadia and my plans for clarke. I wanted to have this all over with quickly so we could return to Polis and begin the peace we'd always spoken of. I planned to show her the harbour when we returned. I wanted to see her reaction to the ocean. I wanted to be there on her first boat ride. I wanted to be the one she asked for all her curiosities. The orchard had given me a glimpse of Clarke at peace with the world. I longed to help her make it lasting.

If she returns with me... I hoped she did. Though I knew part of her would want her to stay with her people. Even if she denied it right now. And I could not hold her with me if she chose to stay.

My eyes crept up from my reins after a moment and I glanced over at Clarke only to look quickly away again. She was whispering with Jes, sharing her sweet smile with her. I felt an angry heat roll through my bones for the warrior and instantly I regretted allowing her to join us. I should have told Clarke no when she asked to invite Jes.

Feelings are weakness, I told myself strongly as I locked down this strong emotion building inside me. I feared its place in my heart. As I feared its strength to pull my focus from being commander. Clarke could speak with whoever she wanted. I would not care. I didnt.

Liar, my mind snagged pushing a new beat into my chest.

I glared at my reins with it and looked back at them. I couldn't hear what they said but I saw the warrior nod once and turn to walk back through the line to her second. I let myself frown when Monroh returned to walk beside Clarke in her mentor's place. She looked up at the sky princess with nervous eyes and I could guess easily what Clarke wanted to speak with her about.

The mountain..

It annoyed me how she would speak of it with others and not me. Clearly she feared speaking with me of her past and her demons. It felt like she barely trusted me.

Monroh was her people, my heart tried gently, She just wants to know of the Ark.

I nodded to myself. I preferred that answer to the one that had me doubting my trust with Clarke.

I looked down to the warrior walking beside me and called him closer. He looked up at me from behind his mask and waited. I leant low so he would hear me and gave him orders to find Jes for me. He nodded and span on his heel to search the column. I returned my eyes to Clarke after. She would not like what I was about to do. But I was far from caring right now.

Clarke's gentle laugh brought me back from my anger for the moment. I felt my heart lift at the peace on her face. She seemed to be speaking lighter with monroh. The two were sharing smiles at some memory. I found myself smiling too. I liked her happy. It suited her far more than this pain she had grown used to.

"Heda"

I dragged my eyes away from Clarke and looked down at Jes's gentle panting beside me. I nodded my thanks to the warrior who had brought her to me and then peered down at her walking quickly next to my horse. The fast pace was causing her to limp slightly after her rush to answer her summons, and I considered slowing him for her to keep pace painlessly. But I decided against it. She could keep up herself.

"I want you to scout ahead for us" I told her bluntly and looked to the front of the march, "I do not trust the way is safe" She nodded back without question and I found her loyal obedience annoying. I nodded back to monroh and added, "Take your second. It will be good practice for her"

Jes nodded again and began her way back towards Clarke and Monroh. It surprised me her calm towards my orders. I had expected her to question them. To deman another take her place. She seemed fine with leaving clarke's side. It made me question why.

Maybe they aren't so close after all, I considered.

I watched Jes weave through the other warriors a moment and I waited to see clarke's reaction for Jes' leaving. If she looked upset I would know her feelings for the warrior.

Galloping horses drew my attention away the moment Jes met with Clarke. My eyes reluctantly left them and clocked the riders quickly nearing me. I tensed a little in my saddle with the hardness of their eyes avoiding mine. Their news was not good.

They slowed their horses past me and turned them quickly to walk beside mine.

"Heda" They bowed and I stared impatient for their report, "We have learned of concerns from the villages"

I frowned at them, "What concerns?"

"Thieves in the woods, commander" One guard hastily began, "They say there are two"

His partner nodded and gave a grim look, "One feigns death at the road while another attacks your people for their belongings"

I felt a rush of anger fill me. Stealing from my people was stealing from me. The law clearly stated that. To let it go unpunished would have me seen as a weak leader easily defied. I would not have my people intimidated. Or me.

I nodded back at the guards.

"Seek them out and bring them to Polis. I will have their cruelty answered with mine"

They each nodded and turned their horses. I moved up the line again as they galloped away. My warriors were curious for the riders' haste but I refused to answer their looks. Instead I urged my horse around them towards Clarke.

"What was so urgent?" I heard Roan call out from behind me.

I ignored him and continued to push my horse on through the warriors. The king wasn't going to settle for my answer though. I heard his horse canter up to walk beside mine again. He ignored the growls of my people as he reigned it in and he met my eyes with a hard stare.

"Thieves" I told him calmly, "My guards are hunting them down"

Roan looked at me disbelieving, "You'd send a party of armed men after a few thieves?"

He suspects an attack, I realised as I peered back at him, He doubts our alliance and insults my honour..

I glowered at him, "If you doubt me, go ahead and look for yourself"

Roan held my eyes a moment before he slapped his horse on. I glared at his back as he made it run to the scouts at the front of the march. His guards galloped quickly after him. I let out a long angry breath for the king. He was truly a pain.

I told myself to ignore the king's paranoia. If he mistrusted me then that was his mistake. I clicked my tongue and urged my horse back to its original search for Clarke. I spotted her a couple paces ahead and quickly kicked the stallion on towards her.

Jes was with her explaining her leaving when I slowed behind them. I saw her give clarke another of her smiles before she turned with Monroh and sprinted with her out of the progression of warriors towards the woods. Clarke's head moved in their direction and I saw her shoulders drop a little at having lost her friends. I swallowed down my feelings for it and moved my horse on.

He eagerly stepped into place at clarke's side and I watched amused when he lifted his head forward to sniff her leg. He truly seemed to like her.

The sky princess turned to me with a tired smile when she noticed her horse pulling on the reins to knock her head against my horse. She nodded to me.

"Heda" she greeted politely.

I nodded though I didn't like her formality. I wanted her to speak freely with me. As my equal. Not as my subject.

"How are you finding your horse?" I asked looking down disapproving at it nicking my stallion's neck. He shook his mane back at her but I could tell he enjoyed the attention.

Clarke let out a soft laugh and I returned my eyes to her with a smile at her happiness.

"She is very amusing" she told me still smiling. She patted Meesha's neck and asked, "Whose was she?"

"We do not own our horses" I began and clarke nodded.

"I know. They're kindred spirits with their riders..." She looked back at me with a slight smirk for my surprise , "I've had the culture lesson"

I gave an approving nod though I was disappointed I was not the one to teach her that area in our beliefs. I met her eyes and shared a smile with her. I felt my heart swell in her calm attention.

Clarke looked away and I watched her scan the trees to her right, "Jes said she's scouting ahead for us" I felt my smile drop a little. I nodded at her, "Why?"

"Caution" I told her curtly and I returned my eyes ahead of me, "Its better to know the way is safe than to walk blindly into trouble"

I could feel hers staring at me in confusion. She wanted me to expand on my answer. She wanted an actual answer to her question. I didn't give one. Instead I told her our plans once we left Roan's party at the border.

"It will take us two days to reach the border" I told her, glancing back at her to watch her reaction for what I said. There wasn't one. She just stared ahead at the trail.

So I continued, "After we leave Roan we will make our way west to Arkadia"

"How many days will it take to get there?" she inquired quietly. My heart heaved a little at her dead eyes. I easily read her dread to be reunited with her people.

"Four" Her eyes lifted a little in her relief and it made me regret my next words, "But the two of us will disband and ride ahead with the queen's body and a guard. We should make it in two days"

Clarke's head whipped back and she stared at me a little in anger. As if she blamed me for her struggle to come to terms with her return to the Ark. I gave her a calm look back and waited for her to say something. When she didn't I pushed my horse on to block her path. I reached for her hand to stop her directing Meesha around me and I gripped her wrist firmly in my palm. I gave her a dead strong look.

"This will not be easy, Clarke. But holding it off will only make things harder"

"I don't want to talk about this" She told me gruffly and pulled her arm free. I let out a resigned breath as she trotted out of the line with Meesha. She was making this so frustrating.

Her guard looked up at me in question to follow her. I nodded and he ran swiftly after Clarke. I watched him catch up with her and urge her to rejoin the warriors. She did so reluctantly and I watched her settle back into a steady walk inside the safety of my people.

I understood her fear in this. And her pain too. But I wasn't sure how I would make this easier for her. I wasn't sure I could. It was taking too long for Clarke to come to terms with what she'd done. Truly, it was breaking her more the longer she held herself in her torment.

It takes as long as it takes...

I bowed my head to the ache in my heart.

Maybe it doesn't have to?

It does, my mind pained in sympathy.

I breathed heavily under the tight feeling crossing my chest. Clarke's pain gave me pain. Because in truth I was to blame for all of this.

I spent the following hours watching her ride, worrying over her. It hurt to see her in so much torment. And it hurt worse knowing living through it in the day was the easy part for Clarke. Tonight she would probably suffer worse. And with no thanks to my involvement.

How do I gain her trust enough for her to speak about it? I wondered staring down at my hands twisting the reins.

I didn't know. And that angered me. I felt so completely lost when it came to clarke. Always. Like I was drowning in my care of her. And it worried me my confusion for it. I had never felt this way. Even Costia had failed to make me this impassioned over another. It scared me how my love for her was being replaced by my growing care for clarke. It felt like a betrayal at the same time it felt like a release.

Speak with her, my heart urged inside its hard ache under my thoughts.

I struggled a little with my indecision before I kicked my horse forward.

Clarke lifted her head in acknowledgement to my presence. I sent her a slight nod and then turned my attention back to the trail. I would not speak with her until she was ready. For now I would be patient and simply ride with her.

The procession of warriors stopped when we started losing light. The scouts found us a clearing for the night and I ordered a camp to be set up. Cain strode forward as I climbed down from my saddle and I caught Clarke's eyes carefully watching me hold my hand against the ache in my side as he led my horse away. She continued to frown at me as I walked around her horse to her side. I could tell she saw me masking my limp. I gave her a look to assure her I was fine.

"Lexa, just-" I shook my head at her and she gave me a frustrated growl back. It had me smiling a little. I enjoyed having her care after me.

"I am fine, Clarke" I told her leaning my hands up to help her dismount.

She leant over the other side of the horse and hopped down without my help. Her fingers neatly pulled the rein over Meesha's head and she stood calm and tall opposite me. Her blue eyes blew like a storm into me, silently demanding I listen to her as a healer. I gently squeezed her shoulder.

"Rest" I told her reaching for the reins, "Tomorrow will be a harder day. You will need your strength"

She pulled her hand away from me and fixed me with a hard look.

"I'll be fine. It's your strength that worries me" I gave her a quick glare for her insult but she blew my anger down with her begging eyes, "Lexa, please, let me look at you"

My mind flipped a little at her words and I had to force myself to stay expressionless as I told her again I was fine. Inside I was struggling not to give my permission. The thought of having her look at me was an entirely inviting concept. I wanted nothing more than to have the excuse to let her touch me.

"You were the one who cleared me well enough to ride" I reminded her strongly when she looked ready to press her argument further. I stretched my hand forward for the reins again.

Clarke's pulled them and directed the horse a step away from me. I felt my skin itch a little at her defiance. I sent her a warning look. I was not in the right mind for this tonight.

Clarke broke into a smile then and it settled my anger immediately. She strode forward and leant close into me. I shivered at her body brushing mine. She looked deeply and nervously into my eyes before she moved her head forward to whisper in my ear.

"You were the one who said to be thorough" she husked sending a deep shock of electricity through my body. My hands shook at the sudden surge of emotion overwhelming me and I found it hard to think straight enough to reply to her.

I felt clarke's head tip a little against mine before she moved past me with her horse. I swallowed to myself and let her go.

My heart created a fast tempo inside my chest in her absence and I shook my head to try and unscramble the mess inside it. I felt hot and tingly. And I had this unquenchable desire to follow Clarke to tell her she could have her way. And I didn't understand why.

"Commander" My attention snapped startled back to Cain. He stared calmly at me as if he hadn't noticed my slip in composure, "Your tent will be raised within the hour. Do you wish to send out a hunting party?"

I nodded to him and examined the darkening sky above us. I told him to have fires lit. It was going to be a cold night. Cain nodded and left me to see that it was done. I stole a calming breath when his back turned and fixed my composure back into the commander, setting myself firmly against the tide of emotions pulling at me. I would not let them make me weak.

I strode to my horse for my sword and looped the strap over my head. I looked around at the warriors setting the camp as I buckled it securely across my chest. My people were working quickly to secure us for the night. Tents were raising and wood was collected for the fires. Cain stood with a group of men setting up the hunting party. I saw in it some of our finest hunters. None would go hungry tonight.

My gaze drifted along the tired faces of my people towards the Ice Nation's. Roan's warriors were setting up their own space away from mine. Their hard glares at my people sent an angry storm through me and I had to look away before I ordered them to be punished for their hostility.

My eyes settled instead on Clarke pulling something from her saddle pack. I curiously eyed the book in her hands and watched her slow distracted walk to sit by a tree with it. Whatever it contained it interested her deeply. She glanced up from it once she was settled. Her gaze drifted around camp before settling on me. I felt my mind begin to run blank again under her watch. So I turned to busy myself with giving orders.

I set up a guard and sent warriors out for patrol. When I felt everything was being done correctly I gave Clarke one last look to make sure she was guarded before I walked into the trees to run a patrol myself. I needed to be away from her so I could think freely again. Something my heart continued to hold mockingly over my head.

My patrolling warriors greeted me when I passed their walk in the opposite direction around the camp. They gave me brief reports that all claimed peace in the wood before they continued on their way.

I carried on walking. Clarke's earlier whisper followed me tirelessly, forcing me to widen my circle further away from camp until I no longer heard it. I stared vacantly ahead as I walked. My mind was wild with her. I enjoyed it the same time I despised it.

The rhythm of my walk cooled my mind enough after a while to return to the camp. I found lit fires and raised tents on my entry. My warriors had settled themselves down to rest. Some against the trees. Others simply on their haunches by the fires. All were speaking quietly with one another, eyes flitting back to Roan's group every so often. It was obvious they expected little loyalty from the ice nation.

I sighed to myself and moved across the invisible line dividing my warriors from Roans and demanded to see the king. I didn't enjoy the idea but we needed to discuss tomorrow's march towards the border and what would happen when we parted ways there. I left again when the guards told their king was with the hunting group. It shouldn't have surprised me he would leave his responsibilities so eagerly.

He will be a weak king, I decided as I strode back across camp to where my tent stood. I knew Roan would bow eventually to the pressures of being a king. He was not made to lead. His own mother had known it. I glanced briefly back at the cart that carried her body before continuing on to my tent.

"Cain" I greeted the warrior standing guard outside.

He bowed and quickly gave me his report. I nodded at him when he finished and told him to go rest. He looked exhausted. He thanked me and left to be with the others.

I peered inside the empty tent. It looked cold and lonely. My body ached to rest but the furs on the ground barely looked inviting.

My head turned to my warriors and picked out clarke among the mix. She was sat at a fire with her back rested against a tree. On her lap she held the book she'd taken from her saddle before. Her right hand moved all over the open page. Her frown deeply concentrated on it.

I stared over at her and watched her. She paused suddenly then as if she felt my eyes on her. Clarke lifted her head and looked through the smoke of the fire back at me. The warmth in them was enough to draw me away from my tent.

She put her book down as I approached and stood quickly to greet me. I felt a few of my warriors watching us as I stopped in front of her. It reminded me to rein in my feelings. I could only be the commander now.

"You have a tent" I told her looking back at where mine stood alone behind me. Clarke gave me a smile.

"You mean you have a tent" She turned to her place by the fire and settled back down. I moved to crouch beside her.

"I can share" I told her giving her a low smirk when her eyes bounced quickly back to me, "If you can persuade me first"

Clarke looked away quickly and I smiled wider. I enjoyed teasing her.

"Has there been any changed news back from Polis yet?" She asked thickly. I could see why she worried. I'd sent riders regularly to make sure my city was safe in my absence. All reports came back fine though. Polis was at peace.

I shook my head and she looked relieved. I smiled at her. I knew Clarke was already starting to see the city as a home.

"Titus will handle things in Polis" I told her gently though my worry for leaving him with so much power grew. I worried greatly over titus. His ambition had the potential to undermine me. I could only trust that he would remain as loyal as he always had.

I leant across her thoughtful silence and reached for her book. Clarke's eyes widened on my snatching it up and she started mumbling at me as I opened it. I ignored her telling me it was nothing and stared down at the drawings on the page. I glanced quickly back at her.

"You drew these?" I asked looking through them. She nodded at me and I couldn't help but smile impressed, "They're good, Clarke"

I flicked the page from a drawing of the tower in Polis to one of my stallion. I glanced back at him tethered to a tree beside Meesha and thought the likeness was extremely well caught. I turned to the next page and smiled at the drawings of the flowers in the garden behind the tower. Clarke quickly looked away when I glanced up on the next drawing of my throne. I stared at her in utter amazement. She drew all these from memory?

I became fascinated as I flicked through the different drawings. My eyes took in all the specific strokes and smudges of the coal on the page. And she watched me closely with nervous eyes. She needn't be so scared. I was impressed by her talent and I was touched she would draw so much from her time in Polis. It gave me hope that she would choose to return with me.

I paused over a page on a beginning sketch of the orchard. I drew my finger along the leaves.

I was remembering watching her intense curiosity as she'd wandered through the trees. The awed expression she gave me watching me break open the Asaipaw. And then feeling my breath stolen from me on seeing her look of absolute peace as she basked in the solace of the trees. I'd never seen anything so beautiful as clarke in that moment.

I moved my eyes over the unfinished sketch and handed her the book. I didn't know what to say. Or if I could say anything. My chest was aching with the beating my heart set against it suddenly. I didn't trust myself to keep my thoughts.

Our hands brushed exchanging the book and I looked down at the warm shock it gave me. I let my thumb drag over her fingertips. Clarke looked up. She held my eyes and I saw in them her understanding for my silence.

"The king of Azgeda wishes to speak with you, commander"

I broke our stare and we both looked up at the warrior. I nodded and and calmly dismissed her. Clarke watched me rise and she nodded in silence when I told her I would return. I couldn't help but notice the slight disappointment in her eyes as I turned away. I felt it inside myself too.

I moved quickly across camp toward the Ice Nation side. Roan was sat behind a fire waiting for me. His hands were twisting his sword between his palms while he stared into the flames. I stopped in front of him and crossed my arms awkwardly over my chest with a secret wince for the pain that flared beneath them. I glared at his guards stood either side of him. They exchanged a look with one another behind their masks as if questioning my order, but they left quickly when Roan tipped his head toward them. My back tensed at their open defiance to me. They should know to bow under their commander before they bowed to their king.

Roan looked up at me then back at the fire.

"The scouts came back" he told me moving to stand opposite me.

I waited for him to carry on. My eyes were running over his face in the firelight. It looked gruesome. The bruises on it loudly declared their owners strength. I felt my fist clench around the bandage on my hand as I fought off a proud smirk.

"And?" I prompted impatient.

Behind me a cheer went up suddenly among my warriors. I turned to them and saw the hunting party walk into the clearing carrying their kills. My people rose and set about preparing them for cooking over the fires. My eyes caught on Clarke looking around at them all. She looked interested in watching everything. I wondered if she would sketch it later.

The king drew my attention back. He paced from the fire with a resigned look. I eyed the sword in his hand and felt myself grip the knife at my belt.

"There is a party about an hour to the east" he told me heavily, "The scouts believe they are ice nation. I seek permission to go speak with my people"

At least he's learning, I thought noticing his improvement in addressing his commander appropriately.

I nodded my consent, "Is that all?"

He was frowning at me in surprise. Clearly he believed I would deny him his request. He nodded at me and I turned away. I didn't want to linger in his company a second longer. I wanted to return to clarke and ask her more about the drawings. I was curious to know what else she had drawn in her time on earth.

I stopped in my steps back to her when I saw Jes striding eagerly through the hunters and over to the blonde. My heart twisted sourly on watching them exchange smiles and I decided instead to return to my tent before I did something I would regret.

Cain's eyes followed my light limp away from the others from his perch against a tree. They asked silently if I needed help. I shook my head at him and clenched my jaw to keep the pain in. He nodded at my answer but rose anyway to follow me up to the tent. I gave in against his concern and let him stand guard outside.

When I made it inside I collapsed to my knees and panted heavily through the pain turning my mind white. A cold sweat collected on the back of my neck as I braced a hand to my side and I felt the world spin around me. I closed my eyes and breathed quickly in and out. My mind sent me back to clarke's smiling at jes and it had me twisting my fist into the ground. I didn't like this anger in me for her happiness with another. For some reason it was believed to be a betrayal in my eyes.

I decided to lay my anger down for the time being. I was too tired to feel all this emotion. So I let the commander lock it away.

I removed my jacket and slowly eased myself down over the furs to stare up at the canvas of the tent. The tension left my body quickly but my mind stayed hyper alert. As if it enjoyed keeping me from sleeping

I stared up at the canvas for what felt like hours, unable to sleep, unable to think clearly. My mind twisted constantly over Clarke and all the reasons I had to carry my affection for her. It made me tired. Caring for her exhausted me and yet I could not sleep.

I was weak.

I rolled to my feet with an aggravated groan at my lack of control for myself. A yawn escaped me and I glared at the ground in anger to my own mind's betrayal. I thought about going for a walk. Maybe that would tire me enough to grant me peace. Then I thought of clarke. I could take her with me. Show her the wood. Maybe even teach her to see properly in the dark of it. She would like that.

In a snap decision I grabbed my sword and limped quickly from the tent.

I looked up at the sky and guessed it the time well past midnight. Some of the fires had long gone out. Most of my people were asleep while a few parol guards sat alert watching the camp. They bowed tiredly at my walk towards them.

I stepped around sleeping warriors and searched the tree for clarke. She wasn't there and it sent a short panic through my mind. I turned and met the eyes of a warrior who had been tending the fire during his guard shift. He pointed behind me across camp to another fire where monroh sat guard.

I strode over. I couldn't see Jes with her. Or clarke. And I couldn't help but wonder where they both were. My mind ran with ideas that had my heart begging me to stop. I was angry, at Jes and at Clarke. And I was about to walk over and unleash that anger on Jes' second when I saw the body twitching on the ground behind her.

My anger disappeared instantly to be replaced with deep concern.

Clarke was fast asleep on her side facing the flames. Her face was mounded into a hard frown and I could see little beads of sweat rolling down her temple. It reminded me painfully of the night she had slept by the fire following Finn's death. She looked as tormented now as she had that night.

She's having a nightmare...

I swallowed hard and moved closer to stand in the shadows beside our horses. There I listened painfully to Clarke's voice mumble over the crackling of the fire. Monroh was staring at the flames with a hard look for Clarke's whispers beside her. Like she was seeing firsthand what Clarke was dreaming. Whether it was Mount Weather or some memory from the Ark I didn't know.

And I didn't like not knowing.

I stared down at Clarke's body as it continued to jerk with her short cries. A few Ice Nation guards near her looked back curious and annoyed for her shouts. I sent them a hard glare when I heard them murmuring of Wanheda's weakness.

Minutes past slowly and I stood frozen as I watched Clarke continue to dream. I tasted blood in my mouth as she struggled to return to herself and I realised I was biting my lip to keep myself from going to her.

Monroh started trying to calm her as the nightmare grew. The warriors around them had given threats to gut her if she couldn't silence clarke. The young second tried but Clarke carried on until finally she jerked upright out of her dream gasping to breathe.

She was staring at her shaking hands and rubbing them quickly against each other as if she were wiping them clean of something. I tilted my head at her behaviour. My grip on my sword tightened. What has she seen?

"You okay?" I heard monroh ask her.

Clarke jumped with monroh's hand on her shoulder. She seemed to come back to herself when she recognised who was touching her. She nodded back to the other girl and apologised.

Her frightened eyes rose up from staring back at her hands and they found mine watching her through the fire. She looked so scared. And I felt so helpless.

"I'm fine" she said in a stronger voice. Her eyes stared back at mine, telling me the same, ordering me to believe her.

But I didn't.

I shook my head at her and turned to walk to the camp boundaries. I told the patrol there I would return before sunrise. I needed to think away from the responsibility of being commander. I needed to understand this fire rising in me from clarke's nightmare.

I walked quickly at first. Eager to be away from the torment of watching Clarke's pain. I slowed only when my hurried pace brought pain to my chest. My feet carried me slower over familiar ground towards the clearing I sought. I remembered the last time I had ventured there and it sent a hollow ache through my body.

The air blew frostily over my body as I climbed across the stream to the two trees standing guard in the dark. My skin shivered for the cold but I ignored it to climb towards the white trees. There I unsheathed the knife in my belt and set it down on the ground at my feet. My sword came next. I touched my hand briefly to the carvings engraved into the pale wood. It felt wrong to come here.

I entered the clearing completely unarmed and moved to sit on the glowing grass in the middle. I struggled to give in to this. I did not believe it would work.

Faith heals, Anya's voice reproached me calmly, If you trust in it enough.

I closed my eyes then and cleared my mind. Then I thought of the gods, asking for their strength to help my strength, praying for their assistance. I repeated every prayer I knew inside my head as I waited for an answer. I thought it would please them to know I still remembered them all.

My mind rolled bored from my prayers after a while and I found myself asking the gods about the prophecy instead. I demanded to know why they had chosen me to bear it. Why not another commander?

Maybe the other commanders did.. My mind whispered through the cold.

I shivered and thought about how all the commanders before me had been assassinated. Was that what would kill me as the prophecy dictated? An assassin? Would that be my legacy? To die before this great last war? I frowned to myself as I thought of it. I couldn't help but question. Would I die at the hands of an enemy, or a friend?

Heart's hand... I churned the words through my mind and questioned my heart for the answer. It didn't know. And neither apparently did the gods. I was alone in this.

Not completely alone..

Clarke filled my mind again. She soothed over the worry and fear inside me. I smiled to myself at the memory of her in the orchard and then again on another memory of seeing her wrapped up inside my old jacket. It had suited her. To the point that it could have been made for her. Something I had taken as a sign.

I thought about the decision I'd made to give it to her. It had been a long night's worry but by morning I had made my mind. And she had received it easily enough. Though she had yet to wear it in public I knew eventually she would. I just had to give her the second half of the offer first.

A branch snapped loudly behind me and my eyes flew open. I peered ahead at the shadows in the trees while I listened to the intruder come closer behind. I recognised their steps immediately and relaxed my tensed muscles. I smiled.

"You should be sleeping" I called back to her. She scoffed back at me.

I heard the frost crunch under her boots as she came over and stepped around me.

"You saw me sleeping" she huffed as she dumped herself down beside me. Her hand twisted up to her shoulder with her graceless fall and I watched her hold it tight with a wince. Clarke avoided my concerned eyes and looked around us at the circle of trees. Her hand fell from her shoulder and her eyes shot me her question

"This is the commanders glade" I explained watching her peer about at it, "It is a sacred place of prayer and healing"

"And which one are you here for?" She asked narrowing her eyes down to my ribs. I smiled at her.

"A little of both" I confessed looking away when she gave me a strong look of disapproval. I heard her mutter to herself about stubborn women and shot her an impassive look for my irritation of it. She apologised and glanced about again to avoid my eyes.

"Sacred...That's why your sword is back there?" She asked pointing her thumb over her shoulder. I nodded.

"This is a place of peace. Weapons are a sign of conflict"

She nodded and looked around again. I watched her eyes brighten with her curiosity again and decided I very much liked seeing her like this.

Clarke turned back to me with a slight frown, "Where are your guards?"

"I did not require them. Only the commander is allowed to set foot inside the glade. Others are forbidden to enter"

She immediately started to get up with an apology for any disrespect she'd shown by following me here. I smiled at her and grabbed her wrist to pull her back down beside me.

"Lexa, you said-"

"Wanheda means 'Commander of Death'," I told her gently, "I think that should give you freedom to come here too"

Clarke looked away though I could tell she was as happy as I that we shared a place only we could go. She settled back beside me and softly asked what I'd been praying for. I looked away and didn't tell her. I couldn't. Not without scaring her with the prophecy.

"Tell me more about you" she tried instead calling my eyes back to her.

"About me?" I repeated narrowing my eyes at her. Why did she want to know?

Clarke nodded, "Your beliefs, your culture. I'd like to know more about you grounders"

I studied her expression then looked up. The stars were twinkling down at us. I let out a sigh.

"I'd like to know more about that" I said nodding my head towards the stars.

Clarke looked up too and I could see a flash of something run through her eyes. I wanted to believe it was homesickness. But I knew it was pain for the memories the sky brought.

"It's cold" she told me in a distracted voice as she peered up at the many tiny lights above us, "And dark..."

I peered back at her bitter answer, "You felt lonely in the sky?" I asked watching her shiver from some memory. She nodded at me, "Why?"

"We went up there the last humans from Earth. Then we became sky people. Then I became nothing. I lost everything up there. My life. My dad..." Her voice shook and I struggled to keep from going to her.

Clarke tipped her head back and looked up at the sky. She let out a big breath and moved to be on her back looking up at it. I felt my eyes drag along her, appreciating her fully at this new angle. It had my mind thirsting for me to lean above her.

"I spent every day dreaming of the ground" I heard her tell me and instantly pulled my eyes back to her face, "I wanted to know what it felt like to run on it. To feel it with my hands. To be there and know I was home"

My heart bumped and I smiled despite it being a painful memory for her. Knowing she saw earth as home warmed me greatly. I settled down on my elbow beside her. My arm brushed her shoulder and I heard her breathe sharper for it. I swallowed to myself and stared up at the dark sky above us.

"When I was a Nightblood, I spent every night after training looking up at the stars" I glanced back at her smiling to herself with my story. I smiled too. The memory was still fond to me. It served me as a last reminder of life before the wars and the heartache. When I was simply Leska.

"Anya used to say she feared I would lose my head if I let it stray so easily into the sky" I felt my smile slip a little then. I drew a deep breath to calm my heart and continued quieter, "But I felt this pull in my heart to know it. I wanted to see the stars for myself and walk among them"

Clarke chuckled softly and I tipped my head eagerly back to face her. I smiled at her bright eyes staring upwards and finished my story,

"And now I don't need to" I searched beside me for her hand and raised it to take gently in mine. Her eyes looked back at me then, "The sky found me" I told her huskily.

Clarke's eyes turned a different shade of blue and I could read the same desire in them that I felt running hot inside me. I looked down at our hands and swallowed. To move over her now would be too easy. I wanted nothing more than that. To feel her truly. I glanced back at her lips and caught her doing the same and told myself to stop. I could not, and would not, do this.

Not yet.

Instead I asked her why she'd been sent to earth. It was a mystery that continued to press my mind. Ever since I first met Clarke my question for her had always been why. Why had they come?

She drew a deep breath and looked back at the sky, "We were running out of air"

"In space?" She nodded and I frowned. I knew some basic science. I'd read books about space. I knew a human couldn't breathe up there. But their station.. The Ark.. it should have been fully supplied with air. It didn't make sense for it to run out.

"Why did your leaders send you?" I asked continuing my curiosity, "Why their children?"

Clarke sighed, "They didn't only send their children.." She glanced back at me, "They sent their criminals"

"Criminals?" I repeated in an amused voice. I couldn't picture Clarke as somebody who broke peace. She just seemed to honourable for that. Clarke nodded at me and I breathed a light laugh as I lowered myself to lay beside her.

"What was your crime?" I asked in a teasing voice.

Her eyes fell away from me then. They sadly searched the sky above her before she told me.

"Knowledge" she sighed heavily and painfully, "I knew the Ark was dying"

I felt my smile fade and my eyes stare at her. They imprisoned her because she knew their secret? Branded her a criminal for a secret that would become public eventually? It filled me with instant rage.

"And what was your punishment?" I asked through a steel voice. She looked back at me. Her eyes measured me a moment and I could see she was worrying for my reaction to her answer.

Clarke looked away, cringing almost as she whispered it to me,

"Death"

I stared at her. Death? For knowing a secret? In what world was that justice?! Clarke saw my inability to understand her people's actions. She saw me grow angrier. Her hand cupped around mine holding hers and she told me it was okay.

"Every crime meant capital punishment" she told me in her gentle voice, "It was the only way they could save oxygen"

"And you believe that excuses their cruelty?" She didn't answer me, "How were the deaths carried out?"

She sucked in a breath and I saw a tear slide down her cheek. I reached up to brush it away but she knocked my hand down, refusing my comfort. I drew myself away then and let her have her space. Clarke stared blankly up at the sky. Her eyes seemed to search it.

"If you were underage like I was you got locked up until your eighteenth birthday. Then you were put on trial. If they found you guilty you got floated"

Floated.. I repeated the word several times in my head. I'd heard it before. She'd told me to go float myself when I'd asked her to bow to me. In fact many of the sky people used it in insult. I tilted my head towards her and waited for her to explain.

She closed her eyes and sniffed back her tears. When she opened them again she was holding a dead stare past me. Like I wasn't there.

"You're pulled into a chamber. And it's locked behind you. You're told your last rights. And then they press a button connected to the air lock. And you're sucked out into space"

I stared at her in shock. To be cast out of your people was one thing. To die in the vastness of space was an entirely different league. And for something as trivial as knowing the existence of life up there was to soon cease.. It made my blood burn and my skin coil.

"You've seen this done?" I asked quietly. She nodded and I could see the agony in her eyes as she touched the bracelet on her left wrist.

"My dad" she whimpered wiping her tears aside.

My heart wept in my chest for her. I couldn't imagine the grief she had endured watching something that horrific.

I reached over and gently took her hand, pulling her wrist closer for me to inspect. I studied the strange dial and it's delicate ticking. I knew it was made for measuring time. I just didn't understand how it did that.

"This was his?" I asked brushing my thumb across the glass surface of it.

Clarke nodded and I released her. She wiped her thumb under her eyes and apologised for crying. I shook my head at her. I didn't mind her tears. I minded her pain.

"You wear it to remember him?"

She nodded back at me.

"I had to bring him to the ground with me" she sniffed, "I couldn't leave him up there"

"And your nightmares.." I started gently but her eyes told me to stop. I held in my frustration for her silence and nodded to her. I would wait.

Clarke's fingers squeezed my hand gratefully. I just looked away up at the sky. The stars were shining innocently back at me but they could not hide the truth anymore. The sky wasn't as great as I'd always thought. It seemed just as cruel and deadly as the ground.

It's all the same.

"Anya's braid.." I began in a thick voice, "The one you returned to me.."

Clarke's eyes shot back to me guiltily. She still blamed herself for my friend's death.

I looked away from the shame in her eyes and up at the stars. I breathed slowly out. This was harder than I thought it would be. My heart hurt speaking her name and it stung more for sharing my secret with Clarke. I summoned my courage and told her,

"I keep it with me too. In my jacket" I pressed my hand over my heart where my inner jacket pocket would sit and let out another breath to stop the tears, "That way she is always with me"

Clarke watched me silently. I could feel her eyes running over my face in the dark. I kept fighting the urge to look back at her. I worried what I might do if I saw her looking at me like that. I contented myself to listening to her steady breaths shivering beside me instead. I thought about my last visit to the glade and how alone I'd been. How I'd wished she'd been there to relieve the pain. Now she was here, it felt like a different pain entirely.

"You come here often?" She asked out breaking through my pained thoughts. I peered back at her and was surprised to see her laying still with closed eyes.

"I've only been here once before" I shared and her brow creased confused. She opened her eyes to cast me a look to explain. I let out a breath and looked away with the grief in my heart.

"I lost my faith a very long time ago. But I came here after I betrayed you on the mountain. My heart needed to heal" My voice fell from me with my confession and I had to breathe deeply to stop the pain. I felt weak for letting it touch me.

Clarke was watching me. I could feel her eyes glaring at me in hate again. I could feel her pain burn into my skin. I waited for her to tell me again it was my fault and I had deserved to need to heal after my betrayal on her and her people. I waited to bear the burden.

"I was dreaming about the mountain" she mumbled. I felt her fingers pick at my shirt. I tipped my head back to her. She was staring down at my shoulder with dead eyes that were heavy in guilt.

I tipped awkwardly onto my bruised side to face her.

"You are not to blame for that, Clarke" I told her strongly but she shook her head at me.

"I killed all those people" she husked, "And I didn't need to"

"Sometimes salvation for your people comes at a price to others" I told her gently. She needed to accept that already.

Clarke laughed hollowly back at me, "Do you get this bullshit from your books?" She questioned harshly.

I just stared back at her and waited for her anger to leave.

She took a calm breath and mumbled an apology. I stayed quiet. I was still waiting to hear the rest. She closed her eyes again.

"How do you do it?" She asked me opening her eyes with a begging look for an answer that would help her. I frowned at her.

"Do what?"

"Make these choices and live with being a monster after"

Her eyes locked mine. She would not leave this until I answered her. I didn't know how. I didn't know if I understood her.

She believes I am a monster?

I searched her eyes for anything that confirmed her opinion of me. But I found nothing.

She believes she is one, my head whispered. My heart broke a little seeing the truth crying inside her eyes.

I leant back up on my elbow beside her and looked calmly down at her. I began carefully, knowing now just how fragile she was underneath.

"You are not a monster, Clarke"

"I am" she argued trembling. I fiercely shook my head at her.

"You're not. How could you be? You did what you had to do. You made the hard choice to kill in order to protect your own. If that makes you a monster, what does it make me?"

"A commander" she sighed back looking away from me. I tilted her chin back. I was not done with this.

"You are a hero, Clarke. To your own people and mine" She looked back at me doubtfully so I smiled and added, "How could a princess of the sky ever be seen as a monster?"

She rolled her eyes at me, "I was never actual royalty you kn-" I cut her off quickly by leaning over her and claiming her lips with my own. I had been fighting so hard in that moment to keep the Leska side of me under control. But hearing Clarke's self hate made the commander side of me fall aside. Leska wanted Clarke to know she was not hated. Not by me. Not ever.

Clarke gasped as I kissed her slowly. As I had that day in my tent. My thoughts rushed over the feel of them again, their soft touch, their sweet taste. I had longed for months to have them on me again. My hand twisted gently in her grip to slip my fingers between hers. I held them tightly in my own without care for how much pain it gave me. I would hold on tighter if it made her believe she was no monster in my eyes. She was just clarke. Simply and beautifully Clarke.

Clarke's breath shook hard against me in her surprise and I feared her rejection of me. I moved back a little, letting her know it was okay if she was not ready for this. I would wait. I would always wait for her.

I felt her lean up as I moved back and I let out a sharp breath at her free hand cupping the back of my neck before her lips caught mine back. She kissed me softly with her fingers stroking gentle lines down my neck. And I trembled in their touch. My heart pounded and roared inside me, pushing me to gasp out against the pain it caused my chest. Clarke's kiss failed to stop on my pain though. Instead it masked it completely. And I enjoyed that.

She pulled me closer over her, pushing my desire for her to its full limit as leant over as she bade. I struggled to breathe as her lips ghosted over mine. I struggled to control the need in me to keep kissing her, to keep touching her. To just be with her.

My hand squeezed gently back against hers and I pulled them both up to brace the ground by her head as I leant over her a little more . Her chest pushed hard against mine in reply and I felt the warm touch of her tongue lick against the bruise on my mouth. My emotions battled a war inside me as I struggled with myself. I wanted to push this further. I wanted her entirely.

Her lips brushed against mine a moment more, filling me with trembles, before she pulled them away suddenly.

I remained frozen above her. Regret was pooling in me already for having stolen this kiss when clearly she wasn't ready for it. She'd just been caught up in the moment. I should have listened to my head. My heart always got hurt when I allowed it freedom to choose for me.

I opened my eyes to her and stared down at the calm blue that always managed to soothe me just right. She looked at me for my understanding. She was hoping I didn't take her withdrawal the wrong way. I nodded at her. I understood. I could wait.

I would always wait.

"Lexa..." She bit her lip and I felt a tremble slide down her. She shook as if in fear and closed her eyes tight.

"I can't go back to the ark" she whispered pained. When she opened her eyes again I could see the tears again, "I'm not ready. Not yet"

I raised my hand to wipe the moisture from her cheek and my stare fixed on my hands still interlocked with hers. It hurt seeing them look so perfect together when I felt so far from being with her. My mind drew back over her words and I couldn't help but compare this to our last kiss. I looked back at her and gave her a gentle smile as I drew my thumb across her lips.

"You will be" I promised her strongly, hoping that my confidence in her would help her build strength in herself.

She looked doubtfully back at me and I searched her eyes a moment before I separated us completely and tipped myself back to the grass beside her.

The silence that followed hung over us peacefully. It gave me time to think on everything she'd told me tonight. It gave me time to gain control over myself. I listened to her breaths again and began counting them around my thoughts of her as a distraction away from her hand taking mine again. I let her hold it. I wanted her to feel she was safe with me. I wanted her to be soothed from her pain. If she wanted to hold me for that peace I would not begrudge her it. Not when it soothed me too.

She won't be ready in time, my thoughts whispered as I thought through her earlier plea to avoid the Ark. I glared up at the stars.

She has to be, I traded coldly. I was thinking with my head now. With the commander. She would not fall weak to Clarke's begs. Not when it endangered her people.

You can't force this, My heart replied twice as strong in a demand for me to listen.

I closed my eyes. I knew my heart was right. I couldn't make Clarke forgive herself. Even if I could it would take more than this journey back to her people to achieve that. I was just eager to see her at peace with herself.

Like you are? My heart questioned throwing me an ache for my past grief.

I swallowed heavily and tipped my head back. I looked back at Clarke with tired eyes when the cold of the night around us started to make me shiver. We had been here hours. Soon it would be sunrise.

My eyes moved over her pale skin in the starlight and I smiled at her sleeping soundly beside me. Her arm was draped a little across my waist, her head pressed to my shoulder. I'd never noticed her drifting off against me. I'd been too caught inside my own mind.

I gently stroked her cheek and called her name. She didn't wake like I hoped. Instead she pressed herself closer into me.

I hesitated waking her then. I didn't want to. She seemed so at peace inside her dreams for once. I didn't want to ruin her chance of at last obtaining rest just so I could return her to camp.

I glanced back at the lightening sky and guessed we had a couple hours more until sunrise. As long as I was back at camp before then we could stay here a while longer. But could I really leave my people with the ice nation and their king to lay in my own selfishness with clarke?

Heart and not my head...

The commander part of me was waking my body to get up. It demanded I returned to camp. This mindless choice was not acceptable for a leader.

Heart and not my head...

Leska wanted to stay in Clarke's warmth. She was looking down at her and falling lower under Clarke's hands.

Stay, my heart begged.