Female Hawke mage, eventual Fenris romance. Rated M for language, violence, sexual content, and suggestive themes. This is my first piece of fan fiction, so reviews are welcome and hoped for.
SMUT WITHIN, you have been warned. Bioware owns all characters, etc.
*sigh*
Selene could feel the focus in the room shift to her as soon as she entered. She hated the dress her mother had commissioned for her. It was cream silk the same color as her skin, laced tightly in the back, with thin straps and a draped neckline. It was thin enough that she worried people would be able to see the serpentine scar winding its way around her body. It clung to her in a way that made people look, a dramatic slit in the front revealed one of her long legs, drawing attention to the curve of her hips and her creamy thigh. She could almost hide it if she stood still, but the way the silk pooled at her feet formed a small train that pulled the dress open if she walked anywhere. She wasn't wearing shoes, which she was grateful for, but it felt strange. Instead, she wore anklets attached to a toe ring with a delicate silver chain. The only other ornaments she wore were the black and white sticks holding her hair in a bun - the only piece of the ensemble she had chosen. Each stick had a small silver pendant dangling from it, catching the light and making it dance in her auburn hair.
She didn't see her mother anywhere. She froze, not knowing what to do. Everyone was watching her. Selene sighed with relief when Sebastian stepped out of the crowd, taking her hand and bowing formally. She blushed when she felt his eyes caress her.
"Hawke, you look-"
"Finish that sentence, and I'll cut your tongue out and feed it to everyone here." She threatened him, casually. He raised his eyebrows, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. "I'm sorry, Sebastian. I'm just not made for these things."
"I am inclined to disagree." The prince said, offering her a fluted glass of champagne. "You play these nobles well. You are beautiful and mysterious and elusive. That you manage it all by accident is nothing short of miraculous."
"Have you seen my mother?" She asked, wearily.
"She was in deep conversation with the Viscount. I expect you won't be seeing much of her this evening."
"Maker willing." Leandra had barely left Hawke's side at the last party, making introductions to leering nobles. Selene was glad her mother was having a good time, but this was a part of nobility that she had not considered. Had she known it would be like this, she might not have been so quick to leave Lowtown.
"Come now, Hawke, is it really so terrible? I'm here…Unless you'd like me to leave?" He started to turn away, a mischievous smile on his face.
"No!" She grabbed his arm. "Don't leave me with these people."
"I am one of 'these people,' Selene, and now, so are you."
"Yes, but you're my friend. You don't want anything from me."
"Don't I?" Sebastian purred seductively, then laughed at Hawke's horrified expression. "I meant a dance, Hawke. I want you to dance with me."
"Oh. Ummm….I don't dance." Selene said, wringing her hands nervously.
"You can't refuse, Selene. I'm royalty."
"There is a law saying I can't refuse you a dance?" Her voice was incredulous.
"Not a law per se, but it is considered taboo. Everyone is watching; what will they think if you don't dance with your friend, the prince?" He teased, as he swept her out onto the dance floor. He spun her into his arms, holding one of her hands in his and rusting his other hand at the small of her back. He knew she was uncomfortable, but he couldn't help enjoying the way people watched them and whispered. He had decided to return to the brotherhood, but it was nice to forget it for an evening. Tonight he was just a man dancing with a beautiful woman, and he was happy.
He looked down at Hawke and chuckled softly at how hard she was concentrating on their feet. Sebastian tilted her chin up with a knuckle. "Look at me, Hawke, your body will follow. You're very graceful."
"Famous last words." Hawke snorted, but she smiled and kept her eyes on his face. She fell into step with him easily, and he twirled her effortlessly around the dance floor. He dress flew out behind her, revealing even more of her long, slender legs. Sebastian eyed her appreciatively. He didn't know what had possessed Leandra to dress her daughter in such a scandalous garment, but he was very glad that she did.
The dress was thin enough that his eyes strained for a hint to what lay underneath. Nothing was revealed, of course, and he felt like a cad for thinking of it. The shade of the silk matched her skin to perfection, making her almost appear to be naked. Sebastian frowned that the jealous eyes following them around the room. This was likely the only dance he would get with her tonight.
oOo
Leandra watched her daughter with a pleased smile. She was dancing with the Prince of Starkhaven. He had not even hesitated to seek her out. They made a stunning match; Sebastian wrote the book on tall, dark, and handsome, and Selene looked like a porcelain doll in his arms.
The cream silk had been the perfect choice for her voluptuous daughter. Leandra frowned; she wished Selene would enjoy herself more. She had been an unusually serious child even before the kidnapping. Afterward, she was inscrutable. Leandra had gone years without seeing Selene laugh or smile. That had slowly begun to change since they arrived in Kirkwall, but she still hated these parties.
She would not usually force her daughter into something like this, she wanted Selene to marry for love. However, after losing Bethany and Carver, she desperately wanted to secure a future for her only living child. It looked as though there would be no shortage of suitors. Viscount Dumar was speaking to her about a potential match between his son Seamus and Selene. Apparently, the boy was quite taken with her since she'd rescued him from the Winters on the Wounded Coast. A prince and a viscount's son…Leandra had never hoped to reach so high.
oOo
"May I call you Selene?" Seamus asked courteously, trying to catch her eyes.
"Of course." She murmured. She hardly knew how she came to be dancing with the viscount's son. Her song with Sebastian had ended, and he was suddenly passing her to Seamus and they were off together before she could protest.
"I see you at the Keep quite often. You are a good influence, I think." He smiled at her warmly, and carefully kept his eyes on her face. Hawke gave a small smile in return. He was trying very hard to be a gentleman.
"It is an honor to think I might be any influence at all, my lord." She said.
"Please, you must call me Seamus. I'd like to think we're well past such formalities."
Seamus knew she was a mage. She had not been able to hide it when the Winters attacked. It was a secret he had kept well for her, though. The stories he told of her daring rescue contained not a whisper of magic. In fact, even though Meredith had increased Templar patrols, Hawke never felt their heat. She had thought that was Aveline's doing, but looking at the boy smiling down at her, she realized she'd been wrong.
"Of course, Seamus, forgive me. I am new to nobility."
"I doubt that very much. I know few people who are even half as noble as you are. What you are new to is attention, although I find that difficult to believe as well."
"There are more people in this room now than there were in all of Lothering. It was a quiet life, for a time. Don't you ever tire of these parties?"
"They're not so bad when you have good company.' He said. "What about you? Wouldn't you like to live that quiet life again? You're always in so much danger."
"No more than you, Seamus. You must be giving your father fits with your affection for disreputable characters like mages and the Qunari.'
"I do care for you, Selene." Seamus said, suddenly serious. "You are honorable and you fight for what you believe in. You're exactly what Kirkwall needs; you're exactly what I need. May I have permission to call on you sometime?"
"Seamus, the Viscount would speak with you presently." Seneschal Bran interrupted, before Hawke could answer. "Have no fear. I will occupy mistress Hawke until you return." He said, when Seamus hesitated.
"Forgive me, Selene, I must attend my father, but I look forward to speaking more with you later." He bowed low over her hand, and then disappeared into the crowd, leaving her alone with the seneschal, who handed her a glass of champagne.
"Well, you certainly made an…impression." He said, openly eyeing her full breasts. He smirked when she downed the drink in one swallow. "Dance?" He had her out on the floor before she could protest.
"Why not?" Selene's eyes blazed and she made no effort to hide the sneer in her voice. He was challenging her.
"There are many who would forget what you are because you are beautiful, but not I. Don't you think you're reaching beyond your grasp?" His breath was hot against her ear, and she could feel him, hot and hard, pressed against her belly. "You are only a refugee."
"Marriage is my mother's dream, not mine." Selene growled, struggling to push him away. She may as well have been pushing a brick wall for all the effect she had; Seneschal Bran was deceptively strong.
"That's good to hear." He hummed. "You are not meant to be any man's wife. You would be a divine mistress, and the Blooming Rose would pay you whatever you want, but," one hand slid down her back and pressed her hard against him, the other hand traced her shoulder, easing one strap of her dress down her arm, dropping her top dangerously low. He smiled. "I don't think anyone would put a ring on you, least of all the viscount's son."
If she mind blasted him now, she'd have to kill everyone in the room to make her escape. Outwardly, she appeared clam, but panic was rising fast. No one seemed to notice what was happening. Her mind raced for a way out of this. She licked her lips and let her eyelids droop slightly. "It's true; any man who desired my hand would be foolish indeed. A time may come when I do decide to take a lover, so let me promise you this, Bran," she leaned up on her tiptoes so their lips were almost touching. "It will never, ever be you."
His fingers bit into the soft flesh of her harm, bruising her. "Whore." He growled. He stepped back, but he did not let her go. Instead, he turned toward a dark balcony, dragging her along with him.
Do it. She thought, grimly. Take me somewhere nice and quiet, safe from prying eyes. Careful now, Bran. Don't let anyone see you.
"Surely you don't intend to keep the lady all to yourself, Seneschal." It took Hawke a moment to recognized Knight-Captain Cullen. He was absent his armor, but that did nothing to diminish his size. The man was a giant. His voice was cheerful, but there was a dangerous edge to it.
Bran glared at the Knight Captain murderously. "Have your fun, Cullen. I'm sure I'll be seeing much more of her later." He snarled, shoving Selene into the Templar's arms.
"You should be more careful." He said, tilting her face to meet her eyes. "The Seneschal is a lecher, but your plans were clear. It would not go well for you if you killed him, Mistress Hawke."
"I thank you for your intervention, Knight Captain." She said, formally. She turned to leave, but he stopped her with a hand on her arm. Hawke stiffened. This was it. He was taking her to the Circle.
"Did he give you anything to drink? Wine or champagne?" He asked, concern written plain across his face.
"Champagne, why?"
"He has been watching you with hot eyes all night; it's very likely he slipped you something unpleasant. You should go home, Mistress Hawke. The Seneschal's passions run dark. If you have someone you trust who will watch over you, I strongly suggest you seek them out."
"How much danger am I in?"
"You won't die. He's not a murderer, just a pervert."
And a rapist. Hawke added, mentally. "Thank you, Cullen. More than I say." She said, making her way to the exit.
"We're not all bad." He said, falling into step beside her.
"Mages and Templars feel the same way about each other." She said, sympathetically. "I know you are a good man, Cullen, but the bad ones are bad enough." She closed the door, cutting off his reply.
By the Time she reached Fenris's mansion, she was staggering.
oOo
Fenris was drunk. He knew Hawke had yet another party to go to, so he'd made plans to play diamondback with Varric at the Hanged Man. He was there less than fifteen minutes before the abomination walked through the door and opened a betting pool over how many proposals of marriage Hawke would receive tonight, and from whom. Many placed money on the prince.
No one seemed to notice that Fenris's scope of reality had been horribly twisted. He stood without a word to anyone and left the tavern. He didn't remember how he got home; he only knew he was standing in front of a cold fireplace, holding a half-empty bottle of wine.
Hawke is getting married. The words sounded wrong in his mind. It couldn't be true. She would have told him, wouldn't she? Why should she? A cruel voice inside him asked. What are you to her but a bodyguard? With a despairing shout, Fenris smashed the wine bottle in the fireplace. She could not! She was his little mage, she couldn't marry some sniveling noble. He wanted nothing more than to march up to the Viscount's Keep and show her - show all of them - the she only really came to life when she was with him. He would make her see that they belong together. He heaved a shuddering sigh. He thought she'd known it already. He'd never trusted anybody the way he trusted Hawke. He'd known he wanted to stay beside her from the first. They had breathed life into each other; he knew her better than anyone. How could she not see that?
His furious pacing was interrupted by someone pounding at the door. Fenris grabbed his sword. Who would be visiting at this hour? The sight of Hawke leaning in the doorway took the wind out of his sails like a punch in the stomach. She was gorgeous in a dress that was barely there and her hair swept up on a bun to show off her lovely neck, but for once it was not her beauty that held his attention. There was an angry purple bruise on her arm, her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were fevered. He pulled her inside, slamming the door behind her.
"Are you alright? What happened to you?" He demanded, roughly.
"I was gonna kill him, but I wasn't allowed to." Hawke said thickly, seeming very occupied with his buttons.
"Who? Who were you going to kill?" Rage was boiling dangerously close to the surface. Someone had attacked her tonight. Fenris decided he would rip the bastard's heart out without the aid of his tattoos. He was filled with self-loathing. He hadn't been there to protect her.
"I'm not a whore." she said, abruptly pushing herself away from him. She had undone all of he buttons on his shirt.
Fenris followed her closely as she staggered up the stairs to sit in her usual spot before the fireplace. He sat next to her, leaning his elbows on his knees. "Selene, are you alright? Did someone hurt you tonight?" He asked, struggling to keep his voice calm.
"He said I was a whore, but I'm not." She looked at him with eyes pleading for understanding. "I swear I've never-"
"I will kill him." He vowed, softly.
"You can't kill the Seneschal, Fenris." Hawke said, with a giggle. "That's what the Knight-Captain told me…except he called me Hawke, not your name."
"Seneschal Bran tried to rape you at the Viscount's party?" He bellowed, bounding to his feet to tower over her.
Hawke looked up at him, tears filling her eyes. "He tried to pull me into the dark. The Knight Captain stopped him. I would have killed him. He drugged my champagne."
"He drugged you? What did he give you?" His anger was fast turning to panic. She'd been poisoned! "Tell me what you need me to do."
"It's an aphrodisiac. I'd heal myself, but I can't seem to make my magic work." She gave him a silly smile and the blue glow flickered and died on her fingertips. "It won't kill me, the Templar said."
"And you believed him?"
"He could've let the Seneschal do as he wished with me, but he didn't."
Fenris pulled her to her feet with shaking hands and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "I will be escorting you to these events from now on. You should not have to rely on a Templar for protection." He said. Hawke nodded against his chest. She slipped one of her arms under his shirt, absently running her fingers up and down his back in a soothing manner.
"You are my protector, Fenris. I won't have anyone else. Not Anders or Sebastian or Seamus, only you." Hawke traced little patterns on his bare chest with her fingertips.
Fenris cupped the back of her neck, his thumb gently caressing the line of her jaw. "Why didn't you tell me you were getting married?" He asked.
The sadness in his voice thrilled her and tore at her heart at the same time. "I can't get married, Fenris, I'm a mage. This is a fantasy of my mother's making and I am entertaining her for now. I have no intention of accepting any proposals. If she wants me to marry, she'll have to force me to it."
"Is she responsible for this ridiculous dress?" He growled, but there was no bite in it.
"You don't like it? I didn't either, at first, but it's starting to grow on me." She stepped away from him and smoothed the dress over her hips. She felt warm, and the silk was cool and soft against her skin. She could feel Fenris's eyes roaming possessively over her body. Her nipples tightened under his smoldering gaze, straining against silk that suddenly felt abrasive.
A dull ache began to throb between her legs as she drank in the sight of him. She wondered if he knew how much she liked him in black. His shirt hung open, and she could see his tattoos curling around his well-muscled chest and spiraling down rippled abs to disappear beneath the waistband of his pants. His snowy white hair contrasted brilliantly against his tanned skin and burning gaze. He was so beautiful to her, her lyrium wolf. She wondered despairingly if it was her fault he hadn't found love. She occupied so much of his time.
"It was certainly designed to make a man look." Fenris said, dryly. She didn't seem to be aware of the way she was running her hands over her body, he fingers danced up her arm to play on the curve of her shoulder. She hugged herself with her other arm, her hand caressed the curve of her hip. The pose pushed her breasts together in a way that made him wonder how she managed to stay in her dress. Her pupils were dilated and she wasn't quite acting like herself, but he was amazed at how well she kept her composure. She was trying to keep her safe distance. She had pushed him away twice.
Selene looked at him with sad eyes. "Maybe I should get married." She said. "Then you would be free."
Fenris was suddenly looming over her, his lyrium tattoos burning brightly. He wanted to shake her, but he kept his hands clenched in fists at his sides. "Did I not choose this?" He demanded, furiously. "You say you took my freedom from me? Are you like Danarius, then? Am I your pet?"
"Don't you ever feel that way?" She snapped back. "Aren't you tired of babysitting the mage? Aren't you tired of me and my sleep days and my stupid nightmares?"
"I chose to be with you, Hawke! I thought you were choosing to be with me too, but instead, I hear you're going to parties and your mother is planning to marry you off. Then you show up on my door, drugged and practically naked!"
Hawke shoved him hard. She was the aggressor now. "You know I didn't choose this!" Shove. "I'm just making my mother happy!" Shove. "Going through the motions!" Shove. "Every fucking day!" Shove. "I don't want this!"
Fenris hit the wall. He clamped his easily around her wrists and forced her arms to her sides. "What do you want, Hawke?" He asked, quietly. She leaned into him, resting her forehead against his chest, and he noticed the pendants dangling from her hair sticks. One was a crescent moon; the other was a howling wolf. It turned in the light, drawing his attention to the fine lines engraved in the silver. His lyrium tattoos. Fenris knew she couldn't have found something like that. She'd had it made.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Fenris. I guess I was hoping it would go away."
"I'm told I can be very intimidating." He said, hugging her tightly. "Maybe I can do something about that."
Hawke smiled and hugged him back, sliding her hands inside his shirt to stroke his broad, muscular shoulders. Her skin was tingling all over her body, and he was warm and hard and smooth. She couldn't seem to stop touching him. Her heart was racing and it was becoming very difficult to draw a proper breath. She looked up to find his face inches from hers, his eyes stormy as his tattoos illuminated once again. She could feel the heat of them under her fingertips. She wondered what it would be like if she kissed him. It would be so easy. All she had to do was lean up on her toes and their lips would touch. She didn't realize she'd done just that until she heard his sharp intake of breath.
Fenris stared at Selene, wondering if he had imagined the soft touch of her lips against his. She was gone in an instant, out of his arms and halfway across the room before he could catch her.
"I'm so sorry, Fenris. I had no right to - I should not have come here." She fled the room, the train of her dress flying out behind her.
He caught her at the door, slamming it shut just as she was pulling it open. She froze, staring at the door. He couldn't see her face. He was afraid to touch her, afraid of pushing her too far. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't let her go.
"Selene, you are unlike any woman I've ever met." His voice was smooth as satin next to her ear. "I never thought I needed anyone - never thought I wanted anyone until now. Goosebumps spread over her skin when his warm breath kissed the back of her neck. I know you've had a troubled past. Don't go. I swear I won't take advantage of you."
"What if I'm leaving because I want you to take advantage of me?" She turned to look at him, her green eyes shimmering the way they did in his dreams.
"Do you care for me, Hawke, or is this the drugs talking? Can you tell the difference?" He was terrified of her answer, but he had to ask. "Would you have kissed me just now if you hadn't been slipped something?"
She hung her head, ashamed. "No, I wouldn't have. I have tried to keep my distance from you, Fenris, but you always seem to draw me back in. I look for reasons to touch you; I can't stand to let anyone but you touch me. I've never felt this way for anyone, I never though I could. But I am a mage. You deserve better."
Relief and exhilaration warred with outrage. She thought he could do better? Better than Selene Hawke? The idea would have been laughable if he hadn't been so frustrated. He forced her to look at him. "I am not worth the dirt you walk on. I don't know why you can't see that, but I thank the Maker for it." He leaned down slowly and brushed his lips softly against hers, hesitating for a moment, giving her plenty of time to turn away before fully claiming her mouth. He kissed her gently, despite the storm raging inside him. Careful. He cautioned himself. She has been misused, go slowly. He was as inexperienced as she was, but he hadn't gone through the same thing she had. She still didn't know that he knew.
She didn't turn away, though. She was shy as she leaned into his kiss, her full lips soft and pliant under his. Her hand trembled as she threaded her fingers though the silky white hair at the back of his neck. A low groan escaped him when her breasts brushed against his bare chest. She wasn't wearing a breast band under that dress! He wrapped one arm around her, pulling her closer. She was so small in his arms; he could span her narrow waist with one hand.
"Come back upstairs with me." He whispered. He teased her upper lip with his tongue. "No pressure, no expectations, just stay with me tonight. It has become…difficult to sleep without you." It was true. He cherished her sleep days, which were infrequent at best. He hated that night was such a difficult time for her, but he loved that after each nightmare he could climb into bed and hold her, and she would cling to his as though he was the thing holding her to the earth.
Selene struggled to stand on shaking legs. She had been slow to recognize her desire for Fenris for what it was, and she had been terrified of it, but that did nothing to stop the butterflies that swirled in her stomach whenever she looked at him. He deserved better than a mage, but she couldn't stay away from him, and now he was kissing her. She wondered if she should thank the Seneschal for providing her with the courage to make a colossal ass of herself, or Cullen for suggesting she seek out someone she trusted. The efforts of two men she would have killed without a second thought led her to this embrace with her lyrium wolf, and she was extremely grateful.
"My heart would have broken if you had let me go just now." She murmured, against his mouth. He shivered when her fingers traced the shell of his pointed ear and trailed down the side of his neck to rest against his chest.
"Never, Hawke. I'll never let you go." His voice was a low growl that vibrated against her neck. He slid one arm around her shoulders and hooked the other behind her knees to lift her high against his chest. Selene gasped and threw her arms around his neck. His warm chuckle curled her toes, and his mouth fused with hers again as he carried her up the stairs. She looked at him, confused, when he set her gently in her chair next to the fireplace. He traced the line of her jaw with a slender finger. "We have all night, Selene, and I want much more from you than your body…although I want that, too."
Relief warred with disappointment. She ached for him to touch her again, but she was intensely pleased that he respected her enough to go slowly. She admired the strong lines of his lean body as he crossed the room and knelt to retrieve her guitar case from under the bed.
He pulled the instrument from its case with almost reverent hands. He had never touched it before. He could feel the lyrium folded into it resonating with the lyrium in his tattoos. He wondered idly if it would work for him. He placed it gently in her lap and kissed her forehead, breathing her in.
"You have opened yourself to me in many ways in the time that I've known you," he said. "But you are never as present as when you play. I want you to play for me now. Show me that you're real."
Hawke knew that this was a test, at least in part. She smiled; he wanted to know if she'd written any songs for him. She had, but she blushed to let him hear them. She could see the lust written plainly across his face, but there was vulnerability there too. He deserved to know that she had genuine feelings for him, that she hadn't come to him on a drug-induced whim. She smiled and looked him in the eye as she began the song she'd written when she first realized she wanted more than friendship from the elf. An impossible whish, she'd thought at the time.
Fenris devoured Hawke with his eyes as he took a seat across from her. He watched, mesmerized, as her slender fingers plucked and caressed the strings of her guitar. He fell short of breath when she began to sing, her voice was almost haunting as it echoed off the cold stone walls. He realized that she'd been hiding from him. She stood by him, vigilant and silent, just as he had done with her for so long; wishing hopelessly for a future that could never be.
She blushed delicately as she let the song fade. Her face turned to the floor and smiled as she recalled the night Fenris had accepted her athame. He'd taken it without question, growing insulted when she gave him the opportunity to change his mind. She'd written this song for him that night.
Fenris had always been protective, but he'd become her guardian in truth that night. He didn't know it, but she had been inordinately pleased that he'd disobeyed her and followed her home. It had been a difficult decision, giving him that dagger. She felt like she wasn't fighting for his freedom anymore, she was taking it away. The fact that he'd disobeyed her, argued with her fiercely, was a soothing balm to her guilty conscience. She had never trusted anyone the way she trusted this elf, never wanted to be close to anyone this way. He had become her light when she was lost in the dark. They were as different as two people could be, yet they were the same. They both ran from a past they could never leave behind.
She ended her song and met Fenris's eyes again. Watching him watching her made it increasingly difficult to keep her mind on her music, and she could feel the magic creeping back into her fingertips. She smiled softly to herself and set her guitar aside. She rose slowly and crossed the room to stand between his knees. She leaned down until they were eye level, bracing her hands on the arms of his chair. When he looked at her questioningly, she didn't say anything, only kissed the base of his throat. She pressed another kiss to the corner of his jaw, then lightly grazed his earlobe with her teeth.
Fenris thought he might jump out of her skin. Surely there had never been a sweeter torture than Hawke's shy, teasing kisses. Did she think he was made of stone? He was starting to feel like he was; his pants had grown uncomfortably tight. He took her face in his hands, intending to steal a proper kiss from her, but stopped and frowned.
"Hawke, you're burning up!" He croaked, jumping to his feet. He swore softly. "I'm taking you to Anders. I should have done it from the start." He took her hand and tried to lead her from the room, but she pulled back.
"My magic is returning." She said. "I will be able to heal myself soon. I just wanted to kiss you again before I lost my nerve." She blushed and looked at the floor. "I'm sorry."
"You've been poisoned, love. It was unwise of me to wait so long to-" He cut off when that familiar blue glow appeared in her hands and enveloped her body. She'd healed herself, and she wasn't fidgeting as much, but her eyes were still too bright, and her cheeks were still flushed. He felt her forehead for fever. Nothing.
"I'm fine, I just…" She trailed off, embarrassed.
"You just what? Are you sure you're alright?" Concern painted his voice, and Hawke smiled shyly.
"I am healed, Fenris. There is no trace of the poison left and I am fine, if a bit tired, but more than sleep, I just want you to kiss me again."
His hand cupped the back of her neck and his mouth slanted over hers before she could change her mind. Fenris's heart soared. She still wanted him! He stifled a groan when she pressed herself fully against him. She flinched when she felt his erection pressing into her soft belly, but she did not pull away. Her soft sigh turned into a gasp when he swept his tongue inside her mouth to stroke hers.
Fenris had never considered himself a lucky man before he met Hawke. He never thought he'd feel this way for anyone, and once he found her, he'd never dreamed she would return his feelings. He found any excuse he could to put his arms around her, on and off the battlefield, but he'd only dreamed of holding her this way. He allowed his hand to travel down and hug the curve of her hip. The silk was soft, but Fenris knew it didn't come close to the supple smoothness of her skin.
He tore his mouth away from hers and trailed kisses down her neck, bending her over his arm and tracing her collarbone with his lips and tongue. He thought he could come undone when he felt her warm breath next to his ear, felt her tongue snake out to flick its pointed tip and bite down gently.
"Carefully, love." He whispered against the erratic pulse of her throat. "It seems my ears are…sensitive."
"A weakness I have every intention of exploiting." She whispered, sucking his earlobe into her mouth and shyly pushing her hips against his.
Fenris went very still. He did not release her, but he pulled back to meet her glowing green gaze. His heart was hammering inside his chest, but she scarcely dared to breathe. "Are you sure you want this, Selene?" He asked, running his thumb along her full lower lip. "I am a slave."
"You have been a free man for years." She kissed him, long and lingering, easing his shirt from his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. "Do you really think it would matter to me if you were? I didn't fall for a label, Fenris. I fell for you. I'm not afraid when I'm with you. I trust you."
"Oh, you've done it now, Hawke." He growled, pulling the sticks from her hair and tangling his hands in the thick silky mass, it was getting long. "You're well and truly stuck with me."
Selene felt her heart skip several beats and she smiled against his lips as he backed her toward the bed. Her fingers dug into the hard muscles of his back. It had always made her skin crawl to let any man touch her, but it was different with Fenris. Perhaps it was because he was the only one who had respected her space. His touch was gentle, careful, but also strong and possessive. The sound of his voice made her knees turn to water, his arms made her feel safe and supported, and it was without fear that she eased herself back onto the bed.
Fenris stared down at her for a long minute, drinking in the sight of her. Her alabaster skin and auburn hair stood out vividly against his jet black sheets. "You are ridiculously small for a human." He said, with a smile. "But you are by far the most beautiful person I've ever seen."
He stretched out beside her on the bed, propping himself up on an elbow. He could feel her eyes on him. He took a deep shuddering breath as she explored his body with her hands. Shy fingers danced up his torso, tickling him slightly before spreading over his powerful chest, across his shoulders, and up to the back of his neck to pull him down for another kiss.
He made love to her with his mouth; his tongue mated with hers, thrusting in and out of the hot, wet cave, imitating a dance as old as time. She whimpered softly, but it was a frustrated sound. He could feel her hips undulating to the rhythm of his tongue. He slid his had up her flat stomach to fondle a full breast, his thumb brushed her nipple, which spiked instantly in response.
"Is it alright for me to touch you like this?" He asked, dropping his forehead against hers. He gave her a gentle squeeze when she nodded, and dipped his head down to take the hard little peak into his mouth, curling his tongue around it and suckling softly through the thin material of her dress. The silk was a flimsy barrier between his mouth and her skin, but one that frustrated him nonetheless. His had trailed lowed to grip her hip and pull her toward him. His fingers tickled the sensitive spot behind her knee as he hooked one of her long legs around his waist, and his hips snapped forward to press against her hot center.
"Am I going too fast for you?" He asked, when she gasped against his neck and sank her teeth into his shoulder.
Selene shook her head, her tongue tracing the swirling lines of his tattoo where she had bitten him; words seemed beyond her. Fenris was slowly driving her mad with his hands and his mouth. He was almost shy, the way he asked her permission, but he seemed to know just how to touch her, and her body ached for more. She tightened her leg around his waist and arched into him. She raked her nails lightly down his back, hooking her fingertips into the waistband of his pants.
He rolled her onto her back, threading his long fingers though her thick hair and kissing her deeply, rocking his hips deliberately against hers. Fenris could feel his control slipping away. He growled and bit her lip when he felt her hand slide into his pants to dig her fingernails into his hip; he could feel her husky laugh from the tips of his ears down to his toes, and he knew that she was all he could ever need. She was his little mage, and she would belong to no man but him.
Selene could feel a strange pressure building inside her, mingling with her mana and threatening to burst. "Fenris…" She gasped; her voice was tinged with fear. She couldn't hold back this tide much longer. She didn't know what was happening. Nothing had ever felt like this, yet her magic was responding strangely and she was afraid of hurting him.
"It's alright, love." He whispered, but it was too late. She could feel herself coming apart in his arms. She could feel the mana explode out of her and pout into him, feeding him her pleasure and delivering his back to her. She was unaware that she was leaving long scratches down his back, unaware that she was moaning his name. She was oblivious to everything but Fenris holding her and calling out with his own earth shattering orgasm.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, as he collapsed against her. "I didn't know…"
Fenris raised himself up on his elbows to stare down at her incredulously. "If you apologize for that, Hawke," he said, lowering his head to nuzzle her neck. "I believe I might strangle you." He rolled onto his side, pulling her with him. He trailed his fingers idly down her thigh, exposed by the slit in her dress. "I think I may have been too harsh in my judgment of your attire."
Selene stretched languorously and smiled. "No, you were right. It is ridiculous, but I'm glad you like it."
"I like it very much, indeed, although I'm not crazy about anyone else seeing you in it. Perhaps if you were to have an accident and it tore?" He suggested, seizing a handful of silk.
"The idea has merit, but what will I wear home tomorrow?"
"Mmm…I rather like the way you looked wearing my tunic. I'm sure something can be arranged." He said, with a devilish grin.
"What will Mother say?" She asked, teasingly.
"Does it matter?" He kept his voice light, but his expression was guarded.
"I suppose I never thought of it that way." She snuggled against his chest, pressing a soft kiss to his heart. "It's a good thing I have you to point these things out to me."
"While we're on the subject of tunics, I'm sure I can find something more comfortable for you to sleep in. I shall return momentarily." He was reluctant to leave her, afraid that if he let her slip from his embrace he would wake to find it was all a dream.
Fenris returned a few minutes later, still shirtless, but he had changed into a pair of loose fitting white cotton pants. Hawke felt her breath catch in her throat. He was so alluring to her, she sometimes felt he didn't belong in this world, but she was eternally grateful to know him, whether he belonged here or not. He handed her a tunic of mossy green silk the same color as his eyes. She reached out to take it from him, but her hand froze halfway between them.
"Is something wrong?" He asked, looking around for signs of danger. Selene had suddenly gone very pale.
"I…need you to help me unlace my dress." She said, hesitantly. She very sincerely wished she had an excuse to hand his shirt back and sleep in her clothes instead. She couldn't believe she'd forgotten about her scar! She had fretted over it at the party, but Fenris had forced it from her mind completely until now. She couldn't undress without help, and he couldn't help without seeing what had been done to her. She knew it was a little late to be shy, considering the events for the evening. Did you think you could hide it forever? She asked herself. You were lucky to have gone this far without him finding out. She took a deep breath and offered her back to him. She was surprised when he slipped an arm around her waist and dropped his chin on her shoulder.
"It's alright, love." He said. "I know you're shy. You don't have to be afraid, I won't hurt you."
His words were comforting, but she stiffened slightly when she felt his nimble fingers tugging at her laces. She didn't need to look at him to know he had found the silvery brand that wound its way around her body. His lyrium tattoos lit the room and he spun her around to face him, fury plainly etched in every line of his body.
"Who did this to you?" He whispered, hoarsely. Agony stained his voice and his hands shook as he gingerly brushed her hair out of her face.
"Some things are better left alone." She said, averting her eyes from his searching gaze.
"No. You will answer me, Hawke."
Selene studied him for a long minute before responding. Fenris had shared his experience in Tevinter with her, and as much as she wanted to lie, she knew she owed him better than that. She sighed heavily. "Back in Lothering, I was kidnapped by Templars. They dosed me with lyrium, cut me with mage bane so I couldn't defend myself, and forced me into the Fade to see if I would make a pact with a demon. It was their own version of the Harrowing, a game designed for me to lose." It was a bare-bones account, but it was the first time she told the whole truth…at least the key points.
"But you won." He said, folding his arms around her. She trembled in his arms, but she hugged him back fiercely.
"If you can call it that. I've been paying the price for it ever since." She said, bitterly. "The Harrowing never truly ended for me. The demons of the Fade remember, and they find me easily."
"So you don't sleep." It was a statement, not a question.
"Not unless someone is there to make sure I wake up human, someone who will put an end to this if I don't. I am more grateful to you that you know."
"How did such a thing go unpunished?"
Selene looked up at him and arched a delicate eyebrow. "If I had told my family that Templars did this, Carver would have been compelled to seek justice, it was in his nature. Who would side with mages against Templars? Mother and Carver would have been killed, and Bethany and I would have been sent to the Circle if we were lucky. It told them it was bandits. Carver never believed it, but as I said, some things are better left alone."
Would that I had a name to give you. Carver's words echoed sadly in Fenris's memory. How could she endure it? How could she abide knowing that her attackers walked free? He stared down at his little mage as pieces of the puzzle snapped into place. No one could help her when she needed it, so she helped anyone she could. She hadn't grown hard and bitter the way he had, she had worked to create something good from it. If someone told him she was Andraste made flesh, he would have believed it.
Two things happened that night. Fenris planned a visit to the Keep to have a discussion with Aveline and the Seneschal, and Hawke slept a peaceful, dreamless sleep for the first time in seven years.
Songs
Fade Into You by Mazzy Star
Wonderwall by Oasis
Dear readers,
The Dissent quest is drawing ever closer in my story, and I would like to know how much you want to know about what happened to Hawke during her captivity. Would you like all the gory details, or would you like me to gloss over it the way I did in this chapter? I must warn you, middle ground is a difficult place for me to stand. Please, please, please leave a review or PM me with your opinion. I could never do it without you, so thank you so much for reading!