Forever Until Now
Chapter 14;; As the Blood Goes Cold
Easily, she slipped back into her state of not thinking. It was easy. One glimpse of the blood and every thought flew out of her head… just like that.
Etcetera stared down helplessly at the blood drying on the ground. Her eyes were devoid of any emotion, just as her heart was. She was in shock. Victoria… she thought every so often. Victoria… She couldn't cry, though. It was unusual, because she'd always been known as the one who cried easily. But Victoria's death… she couldn't let herself cry. She had to be strong just this once for her sister.
Plato sat beside her. It seemed like the faithful thing for a lover to do, but he wasn't doing it for Etcetera. She was merely there in the space beside him. He gazed coldly into space, his eyes every so often flickering down towards the blood. Every time that happened, he would shudder and look away again.
After a long time just staring at the crimson spots on the ground, Etcetera sighed and looked up. To her shock, she saw that all the Jellicles were still gathered around as they had been for a long time. No one said a word – it was completely silent except for the occasional sob from Jellylorum. Asparagus had his arm wrapped tightly around her, but he didn't offer any comfort other than that. His eyes were blank, almost dead looking. Looking around, Etcetera realized that the other Jellicles had the same look in their eyes. Etcetera figured that she probably looked the same. Gaunt, listless… but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything, except that she wanted to undo all the stupid mistakes she'd made concerning Victoria. The mistakes she'd made regarding Victoria, Plato… and Macavity.
She'd been so stupid. So, so stupid. Is it my fault… that she's gone? Somehow, she thought that it was. She'd been vain. She'd been a complete and utter fool. Realizing this, a tiny moan escaped her lips. Not even one cat looked up.
Etcetera didn't want to think. Easily, she slipped back into her state of not thinking. It was easy. One glimpse of the blood and every thought flew out of her head… just like that.
It took a very long time for any of the Jellicles to move away. Coricopat and Tantomile were the first. They slipped away quickly, their eyes troubled. The Junkyard was so silent that the sound of their murmuring could be heard even when they were well away from the others.
"There's something-"
"Suspicious about this whole thing."
"So you see too, brother?" Tantomile said softly, knowing that he would. The two worked in perfect harmony. It had been that way their whole life. If Tantomile saw something, then Coricopat would be right there with her. If Coricopat saw, then Tantomile would too. They would always discuss their visions, to work it out, unravel their secrets. And usually, they were right. As long as they were together, everything would play out just as they had predicted. It wasn't always a good thing, but that was the price of having power. There was always a price to pay… after all, magic was rare and precious. Having such a thing with no cost was impossible.
"Of course I see," Coricopat told his sister gently.
"It was an unusual vision, was it not?" Tantomile mused.
"Indeed," Coricopat agreed with a quick nod of his head. "It was not of the future. Not as per usual…"
"Nor was it of the past," Tantomile said quietly, sensing that her twin understood as well. But of course he would… if one understood, so did the other. It was their way.
"We had a vision… of the present," Coricopat murmured, eyes troubled.
"Of course, we are right," Tantomile sighed. "Our vision is correct. We had a vision of Victoria's future beforehand. Because of that, it would be very unnatural for her to die so soon afterwards. For her to die so suddenly and so violently…"
"It would go against everything that we've ever experienced," Coricopat said softly, finishing off his sister's sentence when she trailed off. It was their habit, especially in front of other cats. It made it easier to believe that a magic such as theirs was truly possible.
"If she was really dead right now, then we would have seen it."
"Tantomile, would you have…?" Coricopat questioned, eyes sharp with a strange emotion. He knew that he didn't have to speak the last words. She would know them… of course she would.
Tantomile's eyes filled with pain. "It is our duty to," she said softly, even though her brother knew how she felt. "No matter how difficult it is to tell a cat of their own death." Then, she added sharply, "But Victoria is not dead."
"I know," Coricopat said. "We both saw it. I wonder…did anyone else notice?"
"Perhaps Mistoffelees did," Tantomile muttered contemplatively. "Or Plato?"
"No," Coricopat said dismissively. "They did not. If they had, do you really think that they would look so…" He searched for the word, brow furrowing.
"Heartbroken," Tantomile offered gently. "Yes, brother. You are right. They did not see."
"Then, who did?" As one, both twins rubbed their temples, focusing intently. A face flashed briefly into their minds. Bright, cheerful blue eyes, with the slightest shadow of desperation hidden deep down. Soft, kitten fur, shiny pink nose, a multitude of freckles dancing across her nose, sheer innocence. Pale tabby fur, stripes of creamy orange, yellow and blank criss-crossing over creamy, almost white fur. She was, in a way, beautiful, but most would simply call her 'cute'.
"Etcetera," both twins said simply.
"Of course, it would be her." Tantomile stood up then and began to pace. Coricopat watched her all too familiar movements warily. "Victoria's sister. They would know each other well."
"Although, they have been arguing lately," Coricopat put in. Tantomile sighed in frustration – a rare event. It wasn't often that either of the twins got so worked up. Coricopat felt on edge as he sensed his sister's worries. They shared everything. Suddenly, Coricopat found himself pacing as well. Tantomile gave him a small smile.
"Cori, I would be upset if Victoria was really dead," she admitted softly.
"So would I. And you know well why," he sighed.
"We barely speak to her," Tantomile whispered, her voice breaking. She sat heavily then, a wave of helplessness forcing her down. Mere seconds later, Coricopat was beside her, wrapping an arm around her. She returned his comfort through the feelings pulsing out of her. If she felt troubled, so would he, but when comforted, they would both feel alright.
"She's afraid of us," Coricopat stated quietly, looking almost ashamed.
"That is why I am forced to stay away from her." Tantomile's eyes were bitter. "Oh yes, Plato's allowed to give in… so is Macavity. And we always see that Mistoffelees is hardly able to hold himself away. And yet, he speaks to her regularly. Old Deuteronomy is fine with it."
"They are friends, Tantomile. You could be friends with her too. As could I." Coricopat was only telling her what she already knew.
"Cori." Tantomile's voice was determined. "I mustn't. And I know you feel the same way. We always do…" She smiled sadly at him, but took his paw and squeezed it to show she appreciated him. "We have to set the standard, Cori. We have to… retain control."
"And that is why we only spoke to her to depart information that she must know." Coricopat's voice was almost grim. "Poor child. It is her heritage that brought it all upon her."
"Do not talk about that so openly," Tantomile warned him. "You know why we mustn't."
Coricopat sighed. "It is difficult leading the secretive life of a magic cat…" His voice was filled with a life of hardship and struggles. Tantomile squeezed his paw again, and he visibly relaxed. At least they had each other to support themselves through it all.
"I am glad to have you, Tantomile," he smiled, voicing his thoughts, even though Tantomile already knew what he was about to say. Sometimes it was just nice to act like normal cats and speak aloud. "That is why Mistoffelees, Plato and Macavity gave in to Victoria so easily. They were alone."
Tantomile smiled back. "I know." Then she frowned. "I just wish we still had Victoria under our eyes. I wish we could see her. The very sight of her relaxes me."
"She is not dead, at least," Coricopat insisted. He looked deep into his sister's eyes. "At least we have that knowledge."
She closed her eyes, reliving what she had seen at the very moment that 'Victoria' had died.
It was so wrong. Everything about the white queen seemed to scream Victoria's name, but it was so wrong to see those two emeralds that had been hidden so well beneath her pale eyelids. But the Jellicles were far too used to only knowing Victoria. They would not suspect that another white cat so similar in appearance could even exist… Macavity was surely the most cunning cat in the tribe. Dangerous.
Victoria's eyes were blue, not green.
"Shall we… tell them? The Jellicles?" she asked hesitantly. The pair both closed their eyes, deep in thought.
"No," they decided as one. "We cannot."
"It is not our vision to tell," Coricopat sighed. "Not to all the Jellicles, at least."
"Who can we speak to?" Tantomile wondered. "Our visions should always be told."
"Perhaps we should make an exception this time," Coricopat suggested quietly. Tantomile made a sound of protest, but as she did so her brother's calm reasoning flowed into her. "The only one we are permitted to tell is Etcetera, Tantomile."
"Ah…" Tantomile closed her eyes, accepting the idea. "And if we speak to her on that matter, then we will be forced to tell her of her own death."
"The two matters conflict," Coricopat said thoughtfully. "It is a difficult situation. On the one hand, we wish to pass on our knowledge, our vision… but the only one we may speak to is Etcetera, for she is the only one that the vision concerns."
"And we cannot speak to her on that without telling her of her own death, for that vision concerns her also."
"Yet, we cannot tell her of her own death, for that is Victoria's vision, not Etcetera's." Coricopat reasoned the situation out. "So what can we do but…"
"Nothing," Tantomile finished softly.
Etcetera felt a paw on her shoulder, but she simply couldn't drag her eyes away from the blood. It was all that was left of Victoria in the Junkyard…
"Etcetera," a voice murmured gently into her ear. "Etcetera, you should get away from this. It's not good for us…"
"I can't," Etcetera whispered numbly. It was impossible. She didn't even know who was speaking to her. She was aware that a few other cats were filtering off, but so many Jellicles still remained… and Etcetera planned on being the last to go. It was the least she could do for her poor, poor sister.
"Etcetera…"
"No." The word escaped from her lips, her voice harsh in a way that hardly sounded like herself. She wasn't even thinking about what to say. She was just letting her feelings flow out. The cat sighed and lifted the paw from her shoulder. Etcetera hardly listened as the cat padded away, sobbing quietly.
Even the blood couldn't stop the guilt, though. Dark feelings prodded continuously at her heart, and finally, she let herself go and cried. The tears rolled silently down her cheeks, drying in her fur. She felt gentle arms wrapping around her, and thought it was Plato. She didn't move, not even for his sake. That was when she realized that he was still sitting beside her. That he was still staring emotionlessly into nothingness. That he wasn't comforting her. So who was…?
"Who…?" she rasped. The arms quickly disappeared, and Etcetera sighed softly before returning to her silent vigil.
She knew that she had to accept it. She knew that Victoria's death… it was her fault. After all, hadn't she been the one who plotted with Macavity, simply because she was jealous over something so petty such as attraction? Hadn't she been the one to start the stupid damned fight between the two of them? Hadn't she been the one to tell Macavity that she hated her sister? So… it all came down to the question looming over her.
Didn't that mean it had to be her fault that Macavity had chosen to kill Victoria?
It is…it's all my fault. All mine… Oh Victoria… Victoria!
Etcetera let out a pained cry and kneeled over, clutching at the fur on her neck. It was all her fault that Victoria's blood was slowly cooling… it was all her fault that someplace, Victoria's lovely body would be still. That she would never smile again, her icy blue eyes glimmering with laughter. And who was she but a useless kitten? All she'd had… was power on her side. Macavity. That bastard. I'll kill him.
Etcetera's eyes widened as the idea fixed itself securely into her head. Kill Macavity… but what hope did she ever hope of accomplishing something like that? Etcetera could barely kill a mouse. If only she still had a cat like him on her side…
And then she was falling.
I don't want to be here. She was reliving that memory. Victoria's death. It choked her up to see Victoria alive, still breathing… she couldn't take her eyes off her sister.
I don't want to be here. The very sight of the faint traces of blood on her sister's neck… it tore at Etcetera's heart.
I can't be here. And that was when she remembered what had happened that night. The terrible struggle between Plato and Macavity.
No… it hurts. Plato's eyes were thrilling with a power that she'd never seen in them before. A power that she couldn't ever have imagined… especially not possessed by him.
Get me away from here. And Macavity. Those vicious yet beautiful golden eyes, the same power surging through them that she saw in Plato's eyes. The power that he'd used to help Etcetera…and then eventually ruin her life.
Victoria…
Gasping for breath, reality hazed into focus again. And the blood before her eyes only succeeded in sending more tears down Etcetera's cheeks.
"Plato?" she breathed, knowing the tom was still right next to her. She wasn't even sure why he wanted to stay with such a pitiful kitten as her. Vaguely, she remembered Alyana teasing her by calling her a kitten, and how she'd been so indignant about it. But now, Etcetera realized that the cynical queen was right. She was a kitten, and she sure acted it as well. I'm sorry, Victoria… I was immature… and that caused…
"…Yeah…?" Plato's reply broke into her thoughts, finally. As far as Etcetera could tell, more than ten minutes had passed before he'd even bothered to reply. Etcetera shuddered delicately as she tried to find the words to pose the next question to him.
"Plato… will you help me… to kill Macavity?"
Jemima could only tear her eyes away from the blood when she heard Etcetera's low, broken voice. She raised her eyes to watch suspiciously as Etcetera spoke softly to Plato. The pair were sitting beside each other, but not close together, and they weren't even looking at each other. Jemima suspected that the two were involved – Victoria's heartbroken demeanor the days before she had been murdered did a lot to prove it. Jemima shivered as the word 'murdered' came into her head. She didn't want to think about Victoria being gone, but she couldn't bring herself to leave the blood.
Her eyes flickered back, just for a moment. Victoria's blood was going cold… drying on the ground. Jemima wondered briefly who would have the heart to clean it all away. Perhaps it would remain there forever, to serve as a reminder of the tragedy. Then again, Jemima hoped not. If she saw the blood on a daily basis, she didn't think she could ever get over her loss.
Victoria, dead. Jemima could hardly bear to even think about it. Victoria, who had been her best friend since when they first met. Victoria, who had been, without a doubt, the most beautiful queen in the Junkyard. The best dancer. A sweet, gracious queen who'd been loved by all the Jellicles. Maybe that was why Macavity had chosen her… because her death had caused such a huge effect on the Jellicles.
Bitterly, Jemima lowered her eyes to the ground, back to the blood…was it all that she would ever see of Victoria again? No, she told herself firmly. I have my memories. All of my wonderful memories…
"Mother, where am I? Is this the 'Junkyard'?"
"Yes, baby. It is."
Jemima craned her head out of the den that she had lived in since she had been born. Something was going on outside… and she was so bored! Nothing EVER happened in the den. And her sister Electra was so boring. Their mother, Jennyanydots, said that Jemima should never bother Electra over anything. She said that Electra was a 'special' kitten and that she had to be treated with care. Jemima snorted. Whatever THAT meant…
Faint traces of the time she had been born lingered in her head. She remembered cats yelling, screaming. She remembered being taken away. She remembered hearing Electra's voice… laughing. It was the only time that she had ever heard Electra laugh. Her sister was so boring…
"It's very big…" Jemima listened closely, taking care not to lean too far out of the den. The voice she heard was very high-pitched, rather like her own. It was very refined though… the voice was careful to speak each syllable clearly and concisely. The way of speaking and the voice itself was unfamiliar to Jemima. She crossed her arms in frustration, wishing she could just leave the den already. She was more than old enough! But no, she couldn't leave Electra alone.
As she thought of that, she quickly glanced back at her sister, checking on her. The dark brown tabby was frowning in her sleep, making sad little choking noises every so often. Jemima wasn't worried, because her sister was usually like that. She was very small, too. Much smaller than Jemima, even though the pair was littermates. Satisfied that Electra was alright, Jemima returned to attention to what was going on outside the den.
"I'm a little bit nervous," the high-pitched, refined voice admitted. She sounded intimidated by her surroundings.
"It's okay, my love. Everything will be alright," the other voice soothed. The voice was very similar to the first one in the way they both spoke. They sounded so prim and proper! Jemima giggled to herself, wondering if she would sound nicer if she spoke like that. "Now, darling, look into my eyes."
"Yes, Mother," the high-pitched voice responded eagerly.
"Love, be strong. Always. Hold yourself with dignity, and be courteous. Remember, you're beautiful, and I want you to be lovely for Mother. Okay?"
"Yes, Mother!" the high-pitched voice repeated happily. "Of course!...But why are you telling me this?"
"Darling…" The voice broke. "Darling, I need to go for a little bit, but I'd like you to stay here. A friend of mine will arrive in a moment, so you won't be alone."
"Will you be back?" the high-pitched voice questioned eagerly.
"Of course," the other voice replied quietly. The pain in that voice would be evident to most cats, but Jemima was too young to recognize the emotion. It did sort of remind her of the way Electra sounded when she spoke, but that was all.
"Okay! I'll be waiting!" the high-pitched voice promised brightly.
"Thank you…" the other voice said softly, sadly. Just then, Jemima caught a glimpse of white as a tall queen passed by her den. The unfamiliar queen didn't even notice Jemima scrambling back to hide. Realizing it was okay to come forward again, Jemima peeped out of the den.
"Are you Mommy's friend?" the high-pitched voice asked warily.
"Yes, little kitten. I am," replied the deeper voice of a young tom. Jemima's brow crinkled. She didn't know very many toms. "Now, look here."
For a long time, there was silence, and Jemima was beginning to get bored when she heard the two voices speaking again.
"Good girl… what was your name again?"
"Victoria." The high-pitched voice was suddenly flat, devoid of that happy tone it had held before.
"And where do you live?"
"Here."
"Good girl…" the tom repeated quietly. "Wait here. Your mother and father will come fetch you soon. Everything's been sorted out for you. Are you happy?"
"Yes. Thank you."
"Well, I'll be going now. Stay right here."
"Of course."
There were footsteps, and Jemima leapt back again as she caught a glimpse of red fur. Not able to hold back her curiosity any longer, the calico kitten raced out of the den-
And almost crashed into the pretty, pure white queen kitten who was sitting there. The pair stared into each other's eyes, both with their mouths hanging open. Jemima blushed and shuffled her paws.
"I'm sorry!" she squeaked, hoping that the white kitten wasn't 'special' like Electra was. If she was, then Jemima would be scolded…
"That's alright," the white kitten smiled after a moment. Then, she added shyly, "You're very pretty, you know."
Jemima blushed. "You are too," she said honestly. It was true. The white kitten had big, blue eyes and the most perfect, delicate features. And she moved with such grace, Jemima couldn't help but be envious.
"So," she began, not quite sure what to say. "What's your name?"
The white kitten looked surprised. "Don't you know? Victoria."
"Oh, I'm sorry… I've never been out of the den before, because Mommy keeps me and my sister Electra inside. So I don't know any of the Jellicles," Jemima apologized.
"That's alright," Victoria repeated, laughing. "This is my first time out as well. Jellylorum and Asparagus are so strict!" She glanced around guiltily. "Actually, I'm not meant to be outside."
"Me neither," Jemima admitted, giggling. The two looked at each other, eyes sparkling.
"So, um, what's your name? I never asked," Victoria said finally.
"Jemima!" Jemima grinned toothily at her new friend. Were they friends? Jemima had never had a friend before. "I've never heard a cat speak like you do," she added finally, eyes glittering curiously.
"Really?" Victoria shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. "I've always talked like this."
"I really want to get out into the world," Jemima fidgeted. "Meet new cats, hear new voices… like yours."
"It's dangerous," Victoria frowned. "My parents told me so."
"Yeah… I know." Jemima hung her head. "My parents told me too. They said I'll live in the Junkyard all my life. But the way it's going, I think I'll have to live in my den all my life!" She let out a laugh.
Victoria smiled, amused. "Well, it won't be long…"
"Victoria, are you my friend?" Jemima questioned suddenly.
Victoria narrowed her eyes in thought, and Jemima shivered nervously. What if Victoria said no? Then she would look stupid. "I've never had a friend before," Victoria said finally, wide-eyed. "What's a friend like? Is it good?"
Jemima flicked the white kitten's ear teasingly with her tail. "Of course, silly!"
Victoria beamed. "Then yes! We're friends!" she said happily.
Tears were burning in Jemima's eyes. Victoria… her best friend… they were meant to officially become queens together, to go to all the Jellicle balls together… to together grow up, find love, and then get old. And together, they were meant to die…
Why? Why did you leave without me, Victoria? We were meant to go together. Best friends, remember?
"Victoria, what are you most afraid of?" Jemima whispered.
The two young queens lay side by side in a patch of soft grass, gazing up at the full moon above. It glowed, casting soft white light onto the two best friends.
Victoria took a long time to answer. "I don't know," she admitted. "I'm afraid of a lot of things. I guess… I'm really scared that anything real bad happens to you or me and we die…" Her voice choked up a little.
"Me too. You're my bestest friend ever, Vicki," Jemima murmured, closing her eyes.
"But you know, I wouldn't be afraid of death if…" Victoria hesitated. "If we could stay together. If we could hold hands and… you know, walk off into the black together. I'm not afraid of anything when I'm with you, Jemima." She twisted and propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at her friend. Jemima mirrored the position, and the two smiled at each other.
"Promise?" Jemima prompted, holding out a calico paw.
Victoria looked surprised. "Huh?"
"We'll go together," Jemima said seriously. The moonlight made her pretty green eyes glow solemnly. "We'll head off into the unknown, holding hands. You help me and I help you. We're best friends… and best friends should do anything for each other."
Victoria's amazing ice-blue eyes lit up. "Of course I promise!" she breathed. "Because we are best friends, after all…"
"You promised," Jemima breathed, her wet eyes on the blood. The tears in her eyes were making everything blurry and unfocused. "Victoria, I promised too. You didn't, couldn't wait for me… am I meant to come after you now?" She closed her eyes, straining to hear Victoria's familiar, refined voice again. She wanted to hear it so much… "Victoria, am I meant to follow you on whatever journey you've departed on?"
She opened her eyes again, brokenly gazing at the cold blood on the ground. "Should I die so that we can be best friends, always? Never alone…?"