Hello. Here's another update, like I promised. This two week thing is working for me because I get to contemplate everything a little more and I feel like I get a better handle on each chapter. So, this chapter is really dialogue heavy, which isn't something I normally do, but it felt...right.
And I don't ever own Lucas, as always. He's Packerfan95's character. And so on, and so forth.
Chapter Fourteen: Anguish
"Laurie, can you wake up for me please?"
She felt her eyes snap open and she gasped, trying to get a sense of where she was. Instead of the forest she had last been in, she was in a building. Though the building seemed familiar, Laurie still had to search through her memories to try and recall where she was. Unfortunately, the answer was far from what she wanted. "Why am I here?" she huffed, quickly sitting up and feeling her hands slip down the reclined, white upholstered chair. She was covered in sweat, now realizing that her hair was sticking to the back of her neck. "I don't remember coming here. I was with my friends at Borg Industries, last I recall."
The sour tone of his patient's voice did not seem to faze him at all as Dr. Voler just stared straight at her, his familiar pen and clipboard tight in his grip. "It was time for another visit," he smiled kindly. "I've been worried about your mental deterioration. It seems you've been hallucinating more often, according to your mother, and I just wanted to re-evaluate you and try to help you overcome some of your past memories or experiences." The confused look on the red head's face was obvious and the doctor just waved a hand lightly. "Traumatic events from your past that could be negatively affecting you now. I brought you down into another level of awareness with guided visualization, but it appeared that the memories you were experiencing were too overwhelming, so I brought you back."
"So...you hypnotized me?" Laurie asked softly, eyes wide. If he was trying to help her overcome traumatic past events, then that was the wrong way to go about it. Just the thought of being brought down into a trance sent a shiver up her spine. It had already happened to her before in her life and she was not going to willingly let someone do it to her again. "I would have never agreed to something like that, Doctor."
Dr. Voler clicked the end of his pen, the shadow of irritation crossing his face. "You completely agreed to it, Miss Garmadon," he countered, his dark eyes narrowing slightly. "Besides, when you throw around the term 'hypnosis' like that it sounds dirty and deceitful. Altered states of consciousness are useful when studying the mind, or trying to help someone like you overcome mental problems." Despite his politically correct explanation, he could see that his patient was not buying it one bit. "This wasn't a parlor trick, Laurie. I'm no Hypnobrai if you haven't noticed. You were perfectly safe the entire time."
"I'd like it to be on my record that I refuse any and all future sessions involving guided visualization," Laurie hissed, crossing her arms over her chest.
Click. The sound of the pen filled the otherwise silent air as the psychologist scribbled something down on the top of his paper. Laurie glanced around the room nervously, feeling an overwhelming sense of dread. Everything seemed innocent enough, but there was something that was nagging at her. Maybe it was the fact that these hallucinations continued to feel more real. She had been trying to follow the doctor's advice, trying to remember that none of it was actually happening to her, but that was harder than it sounded. The dream she had just remembered having...Jay had hurt her in it. Laurie had felt everything. Dream were not supposed to be painful, were they?
"If you'd like to talk more about your fear of small spaces, feel free to," Dr. Voler interjected, breaking Laurie from her thoughts. He watched as his patient raised a single eyebrow in confusion and he let out a long sigh. It was very unprofessional of him, but sometimes the girl pushed his patience to the edge. "Your fear of enclosed or small spaces," he continued, attempting to elaborate on the topic. "When I brought you under, that was all you were talking about. You felt trapped and subdued."
She scoffed, choosing to lay her head back down on the chair and concentrate. "Enclosed spaces? I'm not afraid of stuff like that," she answered honestly, letting her gaze drift upwards towards the ceiling. The pattern of panels along the roof of the room was plain, but the red head continued to keep her attention focused on them. "I'm just really scared of the dark."
No sooner had the words left her lips, then the entire room fell into darkness. She tensed up, feeling the muscles in her lower back grab painfully, and heard her own breathing becoming quickened and shallow. Laurie's eyes searched for something, anything, that gave off the softest glow of light. That was all she ever wanted, the comfort of light. Just as her ice blue orbs began to adjust to the blackness around her, the room illuminated once more, the fixtures on the ceiling practically blinding the girl. "My apologies," the doctor said, though Laurie heard the faint whisper of a chuckle in his voice. "I just wanted to make sure that your fear of the dark was legitimate. I see that you weren't lying though. Pale skin, shallow breathing, dilated pupils, all indications of a true fear response."
"Well, why would I lie about something I'm scared of?" the girl countered. This just was not right. Were doctors really supposed to treat their patients like this? She wished her mother had never brought her to this man. It was almost like he was trying to toy with her.
Ignoring this, Dr. Voler just penned more words down on the paper in front of him. "Is there anything else you're afraid of then, Laurie? Sometimes disclosing your biggest fears helps to alleviate anxiety and stress. Maybe you're mental instabilities are being caused from keeping all of your thoughts and emotions bottled up inside of you." He noticed Laurie just nodding slowly, staring at him out of her peripheral vision. "I recall your mother telling me that you're alone most of the time. When you were at Borg Industries, it had been the first time in weeks that you had been reunited with your former teammates."
It was true. She never got to see the others often. They were all busy working at her uncle's academy. Most of the time she was occupied with her own work and then, when she was not working, she felt too exhausted to really do anything. Then there was Lloyd. She never got to see her brother anymore. He was far too busy being a celebrity. Laurie would have been lying to herself if she said she did not feel a hint of jealousy towards him sometimes. Sure, he was the one that had defeated the Overlord, but the rest of them had helped too. Lloyd would not have been prepared without the support of everyone else. "Tell me what you're thinking about, Laurie," Dr. Voler prompted.
"Sometimes, I'm scared that I bring the rest of my team down," the former ninja sighed, letting the words hang in the air. "I mean, I guess there's no reason to feel that way anymore, because nothing bad has happened in the longest time, but when we would all fight together I knew I was the weakest." Her thoughts drifted back to just a few moments that she could vividly recall. Being used by Skales. Allowing herself to be kidnapped by Belinda. Almost dying at the hands of the Overlord and his minion on the Ninjago City Tower. "I can barely fight without a weapon. I'm more cowardly than I would like to be. I can't even do Spinjitzu correctly all of the time. I was a poor excuse for a ninja and a terrible guardian for my brother." Laurie folded her hands in her lap while still reclining on the seat, feeling tears slowly trickling down the sides of her face.
Dr. Voler raised a single eyebrow. "Would you like to talk about that last part? It seemed to get you very emotional."
How could he see her face when he was practically on the other side of the room? Shrugging the thought away, Laurie just let every word that entered her mind to flow out and into the open. "I sometimes feel that Lloyd likes my cousin, Lucas, a lot more than he likes me. How could I blame him though? Lucas is resilient and smart, a great role model. If Lloyd ever really needed it, Lucas could help him out of a tight situation. On the other hand, you have me. I'm nowhere near as good as Lucas is when it comes to combat or anything, really. I still don't have the best control over my own abilities, so it was really tough trying to teach Lloyd to master it. I'm just...useless."
"Useless, huh?" the doctor sighed, glancing up from his clipboard and locking eyes with Laurie. She saw a glint of disappointment in the man's face and she wondered why it was there. "Let's just throw out a scenario to analyze what you think would happen in relation to your fears. Say you were taken by an adversary during a fight. Do you think your brother would care about you enough to try and get you back? Or would he leave you, since you think he likes your cousin more than he likes you?"
Laurie shook her head, feeling her heart pound in her chest. "I know he'd try and come for me. They all would. Everyone cares about me and that's another thing I worry about: part of me bringing my team down. If I was ever taken and used as bait for my friends or family, I'd never forgive myself. They could get hurt or..." Laurie's voice trailed off and she refused to finish the thought. These were deep rooted fears that she had never really taken the time to think about before, but now that she was realizing she had them, it was almost incapacitating. "I'd rather they just left me and forgot about me. I'm no benefit to them anyways."
"Hmm...well I guess that's good to know," Dr. Voler stated, clicking his pen closed and leaning over to place the clipboard on the edge of his desk. "Do you feel any better now that you've gotten all of this off of your chest, Laurie?"
She sat up and gave a small smile. "Yeah, I guess it does. I do feel a bit calmer actually. I never feel like I can talk to either of my parents about my problems and I don't see the others nearly enough to talk with them about anything. Besides, the time I do get to spend with them shouldn't be used just talking about my problems." Maybe coming here was not as bad as she thought it was. The doctor was probably right: the vivid hallucinations were being caused by all this internal strife and anxiety. "Thank you. I feel like you've actually helped me a lot, doctor."
As she shimmied off of the reclined chair and stood up, she saw the corner of the doctor's lip pull up into a smirk. "Well I'm glad you think so, Laurie," Dr. Voler answered before gesturing his patient towards the office door. "I'm glad you think so..."
Thank you for reading, reviewing, anything. I'm happy to be writing my own stuff again because it makes me feel happy.
So, hope everyone had a happy Halloween and I'll see you all on November 15th.