Wow, a lot of you are awesome. All of you are awesome. Seriously, you guys shock me with every review for some reason. I'm inspired to update more. By the way, you might notice that some stories I'm slowly down on all the updates and that's because I have a lot of homework to do. Sorry! I update almost frequently on 'How to Save a Life' and 'Torn'.

I'm almost done typing up 'Torn' so I can concentrate on something else, too. :) I'm so shocked that a lot of you guys that normally hate Matt are starting to like him in this fic (InYourHonor and browngirlwrites) Huggles for you both. The two people that read most/all my Phil stories. You guys are awesome. ;)

Chapter Fourteen

Right now, Matt's mouth was kissing my hair and he thought that I was asleep but I wasn't. God, how I wanted to wake up and kiss him right now and I wanted to make love to him. I wanted all of him inside of me. I wanted to be his and I wanted him to be mine and no one else's but life didn't happen that way. I knew that I couldn't have Matt because Matt was out of my league. He was beautiful and sophisticated and caring and sweet and I—I wasn't. I wasn't anything. I was just nothing. How could he love nothing? How could he look me in the eyes the way he did? How come those melted chocolate eyes look at these hard brown eyes of nothingness of mine?

One word to describe how I felt.

Empty.

I felt empty.

I heard the sound of my phone ringing and that was what made my eyes flutter open too quickly and I reached out for the metal phone and I pressed it towards my ear as Matt moved away from me, trying not to seem as addicted to me as he was and addiction was horrible. He would've known that, wouldn't he?

"Hmm?"

"What the hell happened back there?" my father. My horrible, horrible father. Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

"I-"

"I'll tell you what happened," his voice was rough and hard and rigid and all I could feel right now was the feeling of a child, an uneducated child standing there next to his angry father who was clutching his low-grades-filled report card too hard in his hands, and my heart skipped a beat at the thoughts and memories. I was suddenly terrified of him. Sweat collected at my hairline and I wanted to crash the phone towards the floor and I was just glad that he wasn't right here in front of me. I had no more energy to be beaten around and yelled at too hard. I was so tired, still. I couldn't very much sleep the other night knowing that an angel was in my hell ring. "You brought your friend over to tell me off because you couldn't?!"

"No! He came by himself!"

"Like I believe that!"

I stopped talking because I knew that talking back would just make him angrier and those next few words shocked me to death.

"I'm disowning you."

"W-w-what?" I was holding back tears by then. How could he even think that?! I-I-I couldn't understand why he was acting this way. I didn't do anything wrong, did I? A part of me was screaming out. What the hell did I do right in my life!? What? I was ready to slam my head towards the wall but when Matt held my shoulder, I knew that he was trying to steady me, trying not to see the visible tears that I was holding back. I could feel them burn at the corner of my eyes.

"I'm disowning you… unless you quit this wrestling trash and come back to us. You're my son and I barely see you around anymore! Look what it's done to Mike! Look what it's doing to you! You didn't go to college to slack off, did you, Phil?"

I was shaking and I felt Matt's arms wrap around me into a warm embrace.

"Did you, Phil?"

"N-no," I stuttered, barely able to show a brave and strong side when I was around him and as I heard the dial tone, I let my phone fall to the floor and my bodies shook and trembled and twitched as Matt ran his hand down my cheek and neck, feeling the cold skin of my body and I was ready to cry but I held back my tears anyways.

"Let it out, Phil. Let it out."

I finally let the horrid, burning tears fall freely from my face. I could only do this in front of Matt. I didn't know why. No one else had ever seen me cry. No one other than Matt. I buried my face into his chest and his hand ran through my hair as he kissed my forehead, a soft kiss that made me cry even harder. Why was I still alive? What did I have to fucking live for?

I had a choice now.

Quit wrestling and go back to Chicago to start a new life.

Or stay here and get disowned. I knew that I shouldn't think about my stupid father's opinion but I was still too scared of him. I never had the backbone to stand up to him like Matt did and frankly, I wanted to be normal and I can't be normal knowing that my parents disowned me. I just couldn't let my father disown me but I can't quit wrestling. I-I was so confused!

I didn't know what to do.

My head was pounding and my brains were ready to blow and that day, as Matt moved here and there, getting me food and watching reruns of 80's movies to make me feel better, he never once asked me what was wrong but he wanted to know. I knew so.

"Matt…"

"Phil?" Matt's attention went solely to me and the words and music that was in the background was suddenly muted even if it was still running and soon, before I could say anything, Matt leaned down towards me, both of our noses touching and how I wanted to kiss those lush lips.

"Why didn't you ask me about the phone conversation?"

"I don't want to make it worse," Matt's voice was fading oh so softly. "I just want to make it all better."

Tears were threatening to fall from my eyes again as I stood up from the bed and walked towards the nightstand and then I heard Matt's voice, "Phil, why are you pushing me away? Am I not good enough for you? Do you hate me…? Did I hurt you, Phil…?"

His words were all wrong. I couldn't say anything.

"Phil?"

"I'm not good enough for you," I responded with a cracked voice. "You're Matt Hardy. You can have anyone you want but you choose a-a-a bastard who can never make you happy. You choose a bitch instead of a real person who can give you your 'Happily Ever After' in your cliché drama story…"

Matt was stunned. His mouth was slightly parted so I could see that hint of those pure white teeth. "Real person?" he repeated, confusion stirring in his voice.

"I'm a monster!" I let my emotions fall in my words and I didn't do that with anyone but Matt either and Matt knew who I was better than anyone did and that made me do what I did. It made me show the pain that was throbbing in my body. "How could you love me? How could you love me…?"

I fell on my knees and he watched in shock as I held my head in my hands and I let the burning tears fall from my eyes and sobs escaped my throat. He leaned down beside me and held me tight as I let years and years of emotions pour out, get absorbed by the thick cloth—

My tears were nothing. Just getting absorbed by the cotton of me and Matt's clothes.

I was nothing. Just getting absorbed by the pitch black hole that I've been falling in all my life.

I have so much planned for this story.

Just to add suspense. ;)

Phil: you're gonna teach me how to swim? Didn't we get over this phase? You know that I'm terrified of-

Matt: Phil…

Phil: Matt?

Matt: why are you so terrified of water?

I am such a mean tease but don't worry. I'll update as soon as I can.

X Sam.