Thank you for all of the amazing reviews-nearly the most of any chapter so far. I think I responded to all of them but I apologize if I missed you. The past chapter, this current chapter, and the coming one were all originally grouped together in the outline (don't ask me what I was thinking), but due to length and flow had to be broken up. The next is a bit shorter so will be posted Wednesday. Thank you again.
But the Schlegels had never played with life. They had attempted friendship, and they would take the consequences.
Howard's End
thirteen
"You're coming to the bonfire, right?"
It is as if she is surfacing from a dive, head slowly lifting, gaze gradually focusing, lips drifting apart to speak. "Oh, I'd forgotten…"
"You have to come!" Seth's eagerness and excitement is palpable, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he twists the strap of his backpack between nervous fingers. The hour of tutoring is finally up and both he and Lissa are standing, ready to go, glancing towards the door of the portable in anticipation. Bella lurches to her feet, forcing herself to remember where she is and what she's doing, berating herself for getting lost in thought yet again.
"I'd like it if you came," Lissa quietly adds, dark eyes shy as she gazes up at Bella.
"Maybe for a little while," Bella's lips twist as she finally concedes. Lissa's smile is glowing in response, tucking her hand in Bella's as they cross the worn wood floors to the door. Outside, Lissa bounces down the steps as Bella secures the lock and shrugs into her rain coat; the breeze is bracing and cool despite the theoretical approach of spring, glimpses of blue attempting to break through the cloud cover. She follows the two Quileute youths as they pass beneath the trees surrounding the tribal school, plunged into a shadowy gloom as the branches above have gone green and rich with the change in season. The scent of pine resin is strong beneath the boughs and Bella is reminded of spring break visits to her father at this same time of year.
Seth's long stride has brought him to the dark asphalt of the road first; he turns to look over his shoulder to bid them good-bye. Bella cuts him off, suddenly longing for something to distract her from her thoughts—conversation, company, the prattle of children to bring her to earth. "Do either of you need a ride to the beach?" she asks, glancing between Lissa and Seth.
"Sure!" Seth quickly agrees with a toothy smile. "Otherwise my mom will make me help haul food and chairs and stuff," he adds.
A soft laugh escapes Bella's lips. "Always so altruistic."
A frown crosses his tan features. "Altruistic?"
Bella blushes, worried that she sounds pompous. "Generous, dutiful," she quietly explains.
Seth's frown clears. "Oh." He turns to Lissa, "You coming, half-pint?"
The girl digs a sneakered toe into the dirt that buttresses the road, black eyes trained on the ground. "No, my dad should be here soon. He'd be worried if I wasn't waiting."
"Are you sure?" Bella asks, reluctant to leave Lissa by herself. The girl usually walks the short distance home from the Saturday tutoring sessions but First Beach is much too far to go by foot.
Wordlessly, Lissa nods her dark head, glossy hair swinging. Reluctantly, Bella climbs up into her truck, watching through the glass as Lissa stubbornly stares out to the road. Once the doors are shut and the engine is running, Seth remarks, "It's alright." Bella glances in his direction as she pulls onto River Drive. He continues, "Clyde doesn't ever start drinking before five…and someone will give her a ride home from the bonfire."
Bella's gaze flies to Seth, brown eyes wide before glancing in the rear view mirror at the rapidly shrinking figure of the young girl. "I had no idea—" she begins, then stops, biting her lip. It is yet another example of all she doesn't know, the dark corners and hidden aspects of tribal life that she is not privy to as an outsider.
"Don't worry about it," Seth blithely replies, making a dismissive motion with his hand. "He'll run a little late—being hungover and all—but he won't drive drunk with Lissa in the car." Bella's heart twists for the girl, guilt mixing with feelings of sympathy for having been so distracted during their recent tutoring sessions, for being so caught up in her own drama.
Before she has come to terms with this information, she is distracted when Seth exaggeratedly sniffs at the air. "You wearing perfume?" he asks suspiciously.
"No," Bella answers, gaze darting down to her lap, then over to Seth. She briefly wonders if he's simply trying to change the subject but he continues to sniff at the air, black brows drawing together. She bites her lip, thinking, trying to remember if she'd bought different detergent the last time she was at the grocery store—but honestly can't recall. "I never wear perfume," she adds.
"If you say so," Seth replies. Then, leaning towards her he sniffs again. "It's not bad, just…sweet."
Bella's brown eyes widen, a sudden, alarming thought occurring to her as he shifts back towards the passenger side door. Is it possible Seth is trying to give her a compliment? Is this his awkward, teenage way of showing interest? Warmth steals up her throat and hovers at her jawline as she stares determinedly at the road, horrified at the idea that she might have somehow encouraged his interest. He's just a kid, ungainly and awkward, not yet comfortable in his skin, still excited by childish things.
A whisper at the back of her mind reminds her that he is nearly the same age as Edward Cullen.
Bella inhales sharply, hands tightening around the wheel, blushing as justifications burst forth in her thoughts for the umpteenth time…that Edward is so unlike any teenager she has ever known, that his poise and maturity are greater than many college students she'd encountered in graduate school, and that perhaps his adverse upbringing has contributed to his precocity…
Only she knows she is being a hypocrite, that there is no justification for her feelings, that she is no better than a predator even if she hasn't acted on the strange draw she feels towards her client.
Seth has continued to babble on, clueless as to the turmoil making her breathing shallow, knuckles white against the steering wheel. "So then Jake said to Leah that if she didn't get a major attitude adjustment, he was going to the bar without her."
"Oh, really?" Bella responds faintly, knowing she must at least try to give a semblance of normalcy.
"Yeah, I'd never seen him lay down the law like that!" Seth laughs. "It was pretty bad ass."
Bella frowns, absorbing his words. "But they're okay, right?" She can't imagine the two as anything other than a couple, attached at the hip since high school.
"Oh, yeah," Seth nods. "I don't think they'll ever break up—they don't know how to be apart."
Her breathing eases at this change in subject, covertly glancing at Seth again and hoping that her suspicion was wrong. She signals as the road zigzags from Alder to Ocean Front Street, the trees falling away to reveal the Pacific, pale gray sky blending into the darker gray of the waves.
Seth continues to chatter about family squabbles, how boring he finds his history class, and the Volkswagen he and Jake have been working to restore. Bella tries to pay attention but her thoughts stray, gaze drifting from the road to the water; she finds something peaceful in the tumble of the waves, foaming and white where they crest at a distance from the shore, gentle and lapping against the beach.
Soon, though, there is more than Seth's babble to distract her, the drop down to First Beach coming into view. Bella cranks the wheel, turning towards the shore, unable to resist smiling as Seth nearly bounces on the bench seat at the sight of all the people speckling the beach. "It looks like Embry's here—and Quil and Jared, too!" Distant figures are setting up chairs around a pile of driftwood and tinder, others stationed around the black metal of a barbecue grill; children duck and weave among the adults, laughing, coats flapping open, darting birds upon the sand.
"Bella, so glad you came!" Sue's welcome is genuine, enfolding her in a hug before she turns to Seth with a chastising frown. "You know we could have used your help at the house, you lazy thing."
"Aw, Mom…" Seth whines. They drift away as she orders him to help with the last of the firewood gathering, voices lost to the steady roar of the tide and the screech of gulls overhead.
Bella approaches the barbecue where Harry Clearwater is standing sentinel over the grill, tongs in hand. "Hey, Bells!" he calls, waving a hand. Bella can't help a wistful smile at his use of the name Charlie had always called her, slowly approaching him across the mix of sand and pebbles, hands deep in the pockets of her rain coat.
"Hey, Harry, how are you?" His grizzled hair is covered by the baseball hat he always wears despite the lack of sunshine, an olive green canvas jacket adorning his burly frame.
"Can't complain," he responds, pulling her close for a one armed hug. He smells of tobacco and leather and Bella is surprised to find herself comforted by the fatherly embrace. The feeling quickly dies, however, when she steps back to see a sharp frown narrowing Harry's eyes, nostrils flaring suspiciously. The expression is swiftly gone, however, his forehead quickly smoothing as he turns to the barbecue. "Just waiting for the coals to get hot," he mumbles.
Bella's confusion is evident, lips slightly agape, brown eyes wide with surprise. Her gaze falls as Harry continues to stare with apparent fascination at the grill, wondering if she imagined the entire thing, already so in doubt about her judgment and perception. She digs her hands deeper into her pockets, gaze darting away to the dance of playing children near the tide line. "I'll just…" she weakly begins. "I'll just see if Sue needs help with anything," she finishes, quickly hurrying away.
The wind is stronger closer to the sea, pushing her hair over her shoulders, chestnut locks tossing and tumbling behind her as she strides towards the driftwood pile. A glimmer of sun spikes through the omnipresent cloud cover, glinting off the water and forcing Bella to squint as she reaches Sue's side. "Do you need any—"
But Sue doesn't hear her over the crash of the waves, pointing a finger at Embry and ordering him to shift a large log closer to the center. "You know it has to be a teepee shape to burn effectively," she admonishes.
"You know we ain't no teepee natives, Sue!" Embry teases as he shoves at the log with strong arms.
"Yeah, Sue," Paul joins the joking, black eyes glinting. "How you going to slag us long house folks?"
"Oh, hush, you boys," she sighs, placing her hands on her hips. Then, apparently glimpsing Bella in her peripheral vision, she starts and turns. "We're just finishing up—did Harry get you a hot dog?"
"Oh, um…" Bella doesn't want to admit that Sue's husband had inexplicably glared at her. "He said the coals were still getting hot."
"That man would wait until they were ashes before putting the meat on," Sue huffs. She turns around, peering across the beach to where Harry is still standing over the barbecue, shoulders hunched. Bella looks away, uncomfortable, uncertain what had prompted such a response from one of her father's best friends—and still not entirely sure she hadn't imagined it.
Her eyes lift to where Embry and Paul are standing a few feet away, gesturing towards the pile of firewood and speculating as to whether they shouldn't shift this log or that wad of paper just so. Their black heads are inclined towards one another, like twins with their great height, clean shaven faces, and plaid shirts. A tendril of hair drifts across Bella's vision, obscuring their figures. She lifts a hand to push the strand behind her ear but the wind is insistent, sheafs of hair tumbling back over her shoulders and across her cheeks, a wild tangle in the breeze. Through the swirl of strands, she sees Embry and Paul lift their heads in unison, black eyes locking on her own with expressions that are a mixture of shock and dismay.
Bella's eyes widen, pushing frantically at her hair in an effort to clear her sight, to assure herself that her vision isn't deceiving her, that she isn't losing her mind. By the time she has jammed the bulk of her hair beneath the collar of her coat, Paul and Embry have turned away, heads bent towards one another, quietly conferring. She can't make out their words over the shout of the children at play near the shore, the crash of the waves, the cry of circling birds. She isn't sure she wants to know what they're saying.
"Oh, look. Billy's here," Sue catches her attention, a tan hand drifting against Bella's arm. "We should help Jake get him down the path."
"Right. Yes." Bella is suddenly eager to get away from Paul and Embry, glancing in their direction only to find two sets of black eyes rapidly darting away. Quickly, she hurries after Sue, heels digging through pebbles to the sand beneath, pale face blank—but her mind is in an uproar, wild thoughts ricocheting within. Has she finally outstayed her welcome? Are they wishing Seth hadn't invited her about the bonfire? Had she said or done something that she didn't know was taboo? Bella combs her mind, trying to think of the last few times she's been on the reservation, whether there had been any awkward silences or sharp words…but she can think of nothing.
Because of her agitation, she is unintentionally faster than Sue, clambering up the path to where Jake is bent, wrestling with the brakes on Billy's wheelchair. "Here, let me help." He straightens with a relieved smile, gesturing for her to take the padded handles.
"Bella, I didn't know you'd be here," Billy gruffly greets her, looking over his shoulder.
"Lissa and Seth are real arm-twisters," she weakly jokes, trying to smile.
"If you take both the handles, I'll get the wheels," Jake instructs, sidling around her on the narrow path.
"Okay," Bella agrees, looking down to assure her grip is firm. In doing so she misses the bemused expression that crosses Jake's features as he rounds to the front of Billy's chair.
"You guys got it?" Sue asks, catching up.
"Oh, yeah," Jake calls over his shoulder as he crouches down at his father's feet. He glances up at Bella curiously, then appears to focus on the task at hand. "On three." She nods. "One, two, three!" They heft and awkwardly maneuver Billy down to the shore.
Bella lingers near the path as Jake pushes Billy the remainder of the way across the uneven stones to the bonfire. She shifts awkwardly from foot to foot, wondering if she shouldn't try to duck out without anyone noticing. "You came!"
Lissa is tumbling down the steep path, eyes bright, nearly tripping over her own feet in her excitement. She almost careens into Bella, then impulsively throws her arms around her tutor's waist.
A surge of protectiveness burns in Bella's chest. "Of course," she smiles down at the girl, brown eyes gentle.
Lissa grins up at Bella before someone near the water catches her gaze. "Oh, there's Kim!" She springs away and is soon hurtling down the beach, a coil of energy propelled towards the other children, hair like a black wing on the wind.
Bella's gaze sweeps across the beach, observing the crowd of people gathered in clusters around the barbecue and bonfire, the children tumbling at play, some of the elders sinking into the camp chairs positioned upon the rocks. Just as she is returning to the idea that she should steal away, she sees Jake making his way back towards her, hands deep in the pockets of his jeans, a friendly smile on his lips.
"What you been up to?" he casually calls when he is still several feet away.
A flare of suspicion curls in Bella's stomach. Though Jake has always been friendly, there is something pointed about his approach, his nonchalant stance too forced. "Not much," she replies as he reaches her side, wondering why she feels as if she's lying.
"Nice day for a bonfire, eh?" he asks, rocking forward onto the balls of his feet as he peers up at the mottled sky.
It takes all of Bella's willpower not to reveal the growing misgivings she is feeling, features merely bland as she shrugs a shoulder. Then, trying to change the subject she asks, "Where's Leah?" Her brown eyes are mildly curious as she looks up at Jake's stubbled face.
He pulls a hand from his pocket to rub at his chin, black eyes sliding away. "She's going to drive over with Emily and Sam," he replies. Then, as if realizing he's delaying the inevitable, he takes a deep breath, his gaze lifting to her pale face. "I was just talking to Paul and Embry—"
"And Harry?" Bella is surprised by the sharpness of her tone but realizes she doesn't actually care about Jake's reaction. If they're all going to start treating her like a leper, what purpose does it serve for her to be meek and kind in return?
Jake's brows lower, regarding her with a level stare. "They're just worried about you."
"Worried?" This was not the reason she had suspected to be the source behind the strange reactions she'd encountered from the three men, surprise and disbelief clouding her gaze as her brow furrows. "Worried about what?" While she's grateful to find she isn't losing her mind, she also can't imagine what the issue can be.
Jake inhales deeply, his broad chest rising and falling with the motion. He closes his eyes, his chin dropping to his chest, as if he's reluctant…or unable to speak. Several seconds pass in which Bella's gaze is fixed on his stony face, fingers twitching impatiently, wondering why he doesn't simply spit it out. When Jake finally lifts his head, his brows are knit together, expression intent. "Have you been to the hospital lately?"
Bella's surprise only intensifies. "To the hospital? No, of course not!" She stares at Jake, willing him to explain himself but he simply blows out a breath, as if exasperated by her answer.
"Maybe you had a cold or something—or strep throat—and went to see a doctor…?" The words trail away, as if she is somehow supposed to understand where he's going with this line of questioning.
Impatience begins to mix with her confusion, Bella's lips pursing with exasperation. "No, I have not been to the hospital—for strep throat or a cold or anything else." The words are abrupt, unable and unwilling to conceal her growing frustration. How can a recent visit to the hospital justify the strange reactions she'd gotten from Harry, Embry and Paul—and now Jake? Her voice is firm and low when she speaks. "What is this about, Jake?"
His head tilts back, staring up at the sky. She is about to question him again when he suddenly faces her, a broad smile seeming to indicate he's solved the mystery. "Did you buy something from the thrift store? Your coat? Your shirt?"
Bella nearly flings up her hands with frustration. "No! I have not been shopping at all, much less at a thrift store!" She realizes too late that she is speaking too loudly, her voice carrying over the roar of the waves and the burble of conversation around the barbecue and driftwood pile. She sees several people have turned, glancing at them curiously…including Harry, Embry, Paul, and now Quil, all clustered around the grill.
Bella's gaze cuts away, warmth spiraling up her throat as she furiously whispers, "I don't know what is going on but if you guys are all going to worry about me, the least you can do is tell me—"
Lavender. It's not bad just…sweet.
Harry's embrace had been one of tobacco and leather, masculine, comforting. She had only detected the mix of scents because she was so close to him…just as she had only smelled the fleeting fragrance of lavender when Alice briefly embraced her in the woods behind her father's house.
The mental images click into place, Bella's gaze unseeing. The mix of rosemary and lavender in the urns behind the Cullens' house. Esme's hand drifting down her arm—in this same rain coat—before she'd darted forward to kiss Edward's cheek.
The gaudy illustrations of the floriography web site, ornately Victorian and rich, unlike any blossoms she'd seen in reality. Morning glories. Fortget-me-nots. Amaranth. Lavender.
The hospital. Where Dr. Cullen works.
The Cullens. Bella's eyes shift into focus, noting as if from a distance that her hands have gone ice cold, the roar of the waves abruptly loud to her ears.
"Bella, are you okay?"
Her gaze drifts to Jake's face and she is mildly surprised to see his expression is twisted with worry. His large hands are hovering at waist level, as if prepared to catch her from falling.
She forces her gaze to fix on him, searching, wondering. Her voice sounds far away to her own ears when she speaks. "I can't break client confidentiality." She says the words slowly, brown eyes unblinking, watching for Jake's reaction.
It's as she expects. "You mean you're treating one of those freaks? !"
Though she doesn't fully understand, though she has even more questions than before, Bella feels a sudden calm at the knowledge that she was right. "Freaks?" she echoes, finally absorbing what Jake has just said.
"The Cullens are freaks, Bella, even if I can't explain why," Jake hisses, shoving his hands back into his pockets now that he's certain she isn't going to faint.
A line forms between Bella's brows. "How do you know the Cullens, Jake?" she asks, barely able to restrain the defensiveness in her voice. In what world would he, or Harry, or Embry, be thrown into the same circle? Though she knows she is giving away her bias, Bella can't help adding, "The only thing I can think is that you know of them…because if you knew them, you wouldn't say such a thing."
It is strange to see Jake's features tensed with frustration and worry, his usual congenial smile long gone. "They're dangerous, Bella." The words are determined, not to be argued with.
All of the color drains from Bella's cheeks with a sudden realization, her heart pounding in her ears. Her voice is a broken whisper when she asks, "Is this about the deer?"
"They told you about that?"
"No." Bella's reply is faint, her gaze falling to her feet, as if assuring that the world is still there. "It was in the file…"
Jake's features twist with confusion before abruptly clearing. "I heard about that…from Matt at the station." He shakes his head. "Goddamn freaks."
"Jake, I don't understand." Bella's voice is a plea, begging for him to explain.
"There's nothing to understand," Jake answers, straightening to his full height. "They're dangerous. That's all you need to know."
Bella's expression shifts from pleading to anger as she sees that he's going to stonewall. "It's my job to help him—"
"There is no helping any of them," Jake interrupts, his voice low and unyielding. "I'm telling you, they're dangerous. Maybe you should stay on the res tonight—"
It's Bella's turn to interrupt. "You're being ridiculous." She glances over his shoulder to where Harry and the other men continue to huddle around the grill. "You're all being ridiculous." She sees now it was a mistake to come, that she is even more of an outsider than she had thought. "And unless you want to explain what this is all about, I'm going home." She fixes him with a level stare, which Jake returns unflinchingly, silent.
"That's what I thought." Bella shakes her head then turns on her heel, striding up the path and away from First Beach with long, frustrated steps.
Her mind swirls with questions as she slams into her truck, trying to make sense of everything that just happened. Why are members of the tribe interested in the charges against Edward? And why are they so quick to believe it to be true? Besides, Jake's judgment hadn't been only for Edward but for all of the Cullens, even the respected doctor. Bella can't help scoffing at this, angrily stomping on the gas as she thinks about Esme's love and concern for Edward, Alice's playfulness and precocity—their generosity in loaning her their books…She thinks of Edward and her eyes briefly close.
While she knows she is biased about her client, unable to clearly assess his qualities, she knows in her heart the condemnation of the other Cullens is entirely unfair.
As she follows La Push Road inland to Forks, Bella's jaw is set, brown eyes blazing. Clearly, her earlier attempts at research had ended prematurely. If she is going to find any answers, she is going to have to dig deeper.