Ah, exceedingly low on action and hard to deal with because of the rancher stereotypes and Romani's speech problem. Well, I'll stick with this team if you will. I still own nothing!

Team Lon Story

Level 1

Dawn of the First Day

"From what we gather, that was the last time that anyone around here was Cremia or Malon," Kafei reported flatly. "The cart was empty, so I'd assume they'd been kidnapped,"

"Well, the Gorman brothers were stealing the milk when they arrived," Lucius pointed out as Romani looked to him. "But I upon interrogation, they swore that the cart was empty when they arrived," Romani stared, downcast, at the table, where her empty plate still was. Link put a hand on her shoulder and gave one of his dorky but loveable smiles.

"Don't worry, Romani. We'll find her," he reassured her.

"Actually…we're supposed to go hunting for the sacred jewels, so as to keep them out of harm's way," Kafei reminded him.

"But you can't just abandon Romani's sister and cousin!" Romani protested.

"Don't worry, if we find any leads during our trip, we'll look into them," Lucius said assuredly with a polite smile and nod.

"I doubt we will…" Kafei muttered under his breath as he headed for the door. "Well, we won't be getting back to sleep today, so we best be heading to Clock Town so that we can prepare for our journey,"

"All right, I'm coming," Link stood. "Stay here, Romani, the ranch needs you to take care of it, even with Ingo and Talon in from Hyrule,"

"We'll see you later, Romani," Lucius added as the team headed out the door. "Leave the hunt to us!"

"Hey!" Romani protested, but they were already gone. How dare they imply that Romani can't do anything on her own, especially after she helped them save Termina! She'll show them! She viciously began to wash up the dishes, surprisingly not breaking one in the process.

"And that finishes that," Ingo said proudly as the clock rang 07:00, placing the last milk jug in place in the barn. His self-triumph was disturbed a loud, obnoxious snore behind him. He spun and, sure enough, there was Ingo, his supposed boss, sleeping the day away on a bale of hay, the lazy guy. Ingo looked scandalized. "Hey, you lazy fat lummox!" He ran over and kicked him off of the bale. "Wake up, blast it!"

"What in tarnation?" Talon sat up and rubbed his head, stifling a yawn with his other hand. "Can't a guy get a little shuteye around here?"

"We're running a ranch, not the Bombachu Bowling Alley!" Ingo raged, waving his hands around and stomping his feet. "Now get a sack of corn and lug it to the chicken pen!"

"Right…'m on it…" Talon mumbled sleepily, dragging himself over to the pile of feed bags and throwing a bag over his shoulder before trudging out the barn door and over the fields. Epona neighed as he passed the house. "Hey, Epona!" he called, still trying to clear his eyes. Ingo came grumbling out of the barn a minute later with some oats for Epona.

"Lousy, good-for-nothing, fat…" his string of insulting adjectives continued as he put the feed bag on the horse and refilled her water basin. "And where the devil is Romani?" he interrupted his own complaints. "If she's slacking off too, I'll give her what for!" He stomped into the house.

"Romani'll show them!" she slammed the cabinet after putting the last dish away. "Romani'll take Stout and Lanky with her and look! And our team will be way better than Team Link!"

"What are you ranting about? We have chores to do here!" Ingo demanded. "Ranches don't run themselves!"

"Well, get your chores done, 'cause Romani's taking you on a trip!" Romani retorted. "We're going to Snowhead, and that's final!"

"Why Snowhead?" Talon asked, coming in the door to grab something for Grog to eat. Turned out that he didn't leave the coop the previous night, if ever.

"Why not? Now get out your parkas!" Romani went upstairs and started digging around for a travel satchel and said parkas that the ranch had on the off chance that a bad winter came by and they needed to tend to the animals in the cold.

"Golly, that girl is plum crazy sometimes…" Talon commented. "Reminds me of my late wife, actually…" he drifted off into happy memories of frolicking with his wife around Lon Lon Ranch.

"I hate to interrupt your daydreams, well not really, but she's throwing about twelve bottles of milk in the bag, and all our food!" Ingo shouted, going over to try and stop her.

"Back off, Lanky! We need provisions!" Romani hit him over the head with her bow, which, apparently, she'd dug out of the closet.

"Agh! Crazy bat!" Ingo retreated strategically as she put the satchel on her person.

"You have until 09:00 to finish your chores!" she informed them, shoving them out of the house against their protests. "Now go!" She slammed the door.

"Yep, just like my wife…" Talon started to go into lala land again, but Ingo smacked him across the back of the head.

"Enough with the dead wife! Help me put the cows to pasture and collect the eggs!" the ranch hand barked.

"Okay, okay, golly…" Talon muttered, walking off with Ingo to the barn.

The clock finally tolled 09:00 and the two presented themselves in front of the farmhouse as Romani came out. Ingo carried his pitchfork; Talon yawned.

"Okay, from this point forward, Romani declares us Team Lon, in honor of my lost cousin's ranch!" Romani grabbed one of the others' hands and put them together before putting her hand on top. "GO, TEAM LON!" she shouted at close range, making the other two recoil and complain.

"Tarnation, girl!"

"My blasted ears!"

So they set out from the ranch, shutting the gate behind them to dissuade any bandits, aka the Gorman Brothers, from making off with anything while they were gone.

"Now, remember, Team Link is in town, so we won't be going there," Romani said happily as they walked down the dirt path of Milk Road.

"So, basically, you want us to hoof it all the way to Snowhead, freeze our butts off there, and then hoof it all the way back here, all without going to town for food or supplies?" Ingo asked unhappily.

"That's the plan!" Romani replied cheerfully. Ingo resisted the urge to throw his pitchfork through something. Talon watched this exchange with little interest. All he wanted was a quick nap and he'd be fine.

At length, they came to Termina Field as the clock tolled 09:30.

"So its around Clock Town and north from there. Come on, guys!" Romani set off at a brisk pace, the crotchety farm hand and lazy farmer in tow. As they passed a nearby tree, however, a large bird swooped out of it and grabbed Ingo's pitchfork before starting to fly away.

"Hey! That blasted Takkuri got my pitchfork!" he raged. "Somebody kill it!" Romani whipped out her bow and sniped the bird, causing it to drop the pitchfork and screech prior to smashing into the wall of Clock Town and lying limp on the ground. Ingo ran over and picked his implement back up. "Mine…" he muttered, holding it close. Romani and Talon gave him a look before they decided to ignore this odd behavior and press on. So they passed the west gate of the town, and continued their circumvention until they came to the snowy area that was the northern part of Termina Field.

"I can already tell that this will be a fun trip," Ingo grumbled. Romani turned and put her hands on her hips.

"Well, suck it up! Romani's sister might be in the mountains somewhere!" the rancher girl scolded.

"What in tarnation is that thing?" Talon pointed at the Dodongo below.

"I don't know, but it's not friendly," Ingo replied.

"Romani knows how to take care of this!" Romani whipped out a bomb arrow.

"Now, darlin' be careful with that thing," Talon seemed genuinely alarmed, for once, and he and Ingo retreated a safe distance.

"Romani knows what she's doing!" the rancher girl, not really a girl anymore, really, said loudly. The Dodongo roared and turned their way. "Uh, oh," it inhaled to breathe fire at her but, in her haste to get out of the way, she accidentally fired the bomb arrow down its windpipe. It started to choke and flail and then the bomb went off and it just collapsed with smoke coming from its mouth. Romani looked shocked for a moment but put on a smile as her allies came back over to investigate the aftermath. "Just like Romani planned," she said assuredly.

"Yeah, you made a lot of noise on purpose and then shot down its throat without any thought of running away," Ingo replied sarcastically.

"Shut up and follow Romani," Romani grumbled, leading the way down the hill and through the light layer of snow, and then to the foothills of Snowhead.

"It's plum blocked by all this ice," Talon pointed out. Indeed, many icy stalagmites blocked the way. "We ain't meltin' this easy," They all thought for a minute. The bell indicated that it was 10:30.

"Romani knows!" she fired a fire arrow into the ice.

"Like that'll…work…" Ingo trailed off as the ice steamed and melted rapidly, finally leaving the snowy path open. After grumbling, he got out the parkas and passed them around. Apparently, he was the current bag boy.

"This parka's toasty warm…makes me wanna take a nap…" Talon commented. Ingo smacked the back of his head.

"Don't you dare! I'm not digging you out of the snow!" the ranch hand barked.

The blizzard came on them quickly as they walked up the path, dodging a snowball that sat in the way.

"How in blasted tarnation are we supposed to navigate this?" Ingo complained as he squinted to see ahead. He was ignored and they continued to trudge up the mountain. Eventually, they met several large snowballs that completely blocked the path. "Well, we can't go any further. Let's head ba…ck…" Ingo stomped a little as Romani melted the snowballs, resisting the urge to brutally destroy her bow. Moving on, the trio finally came out into a clearing as the clock tolled 11:00.

"Look, Romani sees a house!" she pointed at the large house ahead. Smoke poured out of its chimney. "Maybe they know something," She led the way over.

"Is this all we're doing? Questioning the locals?" Ingo muttered darkly. Romani knocked on the door and a guy with squinty eyes opened it.

"Can I help you?" he asked. A loud grunt came from behind him, startling Team Lon, but the squinty guy turned and shouted over his shoulder. "Quiet, you!"

"We're looking for two red-heads, look pretty similar to each other and Romani," she pointed to herself on her name. "Have you seen or heard of them?"

"No, can't say I have," the squinty guy shook his head. "You best go ask the Gorons about that. They're more up-to-date with current events," He pointed over his shoulder.

"Romani thanks you," she gave a bow.

"You're welcome," the squinty guy then shut the door.

"Okay, follow Romani!" the rancher girl set off through the snow leading the way to and down another path, eventually coming to a frozen lake with three islands in the middle. Each island was linked by a wooden plank that served as a bridge. There was a ramp nearby that lead up to a cave, as well. "Maybe we should check that cave?" she pointed up there.

"This slope is too steep," Talon deduced, feeling groggy from all the walking in the cold. On winter days, especially, he liked to nap by a fire.

"Okay, let's go across the lake, then," Romani led them over the first bridge. On the small island, a White Wolfos sprang from the snow and jumped at her. Ingo sprang into action, catching it with his prongs and impaling it, before slinging it over the side.

"You're welcome," Ingo wiggled his mustache as he chuckled with an inflated ego. Continuing on, they crossed the second and third bridges before another White Wolfos jumped out at them on the third island. Talon spun as it jumped from behind him, delivering a powerful uppercut to its jaw and sending it spinning away to land with a crunch on the first island.

"Good one, Stout!" Romani said with awe.

"Huh?" Talon blinked. "What just happened?"

"You idiot!" Ingo raged, shaking the rancher by the shoulders. "You just punched out a monster and you're not even awake enough for that?"

"Shucks, I was just kidding," Talon replied, taking a step away to free himself. "You need to get a sense of humor, partner,"

"I'll give you a…" Ingo grumbled, taking the lead and leading them around the ice stalagmite that was, for some reason, in the middle of the island. Crossing the last plank bridge, they went through a narrow tunnel and emerged in a rocky area with a few intertwining paths.

"Ho! You are human?" two goron guards stood by the entrance. The three jumped and readied their weapons as they heard this, having not seen them yet. "Put away your weapons, we are not enemies," the speaking Goron held out his hand.

"So you're a Goron?" Romani asked.

"Yes, human, I am," the Goron nodded. "But why are humans out in this weather? Even we Gorons are having trouble staying warm,"

"We're looking for two red-heads," Ingo interjected impatiently. "Have you seen or heard of them?"

"More humans? No, I'm afraid not," the Goron shook his head. "However, the Elder may know," He walked away from his post. "I'll be back in a minute," he said to the other Goron before leading them down a slope to their right and to a door that had the Goron emblem on it (it resembled some sort of paw print). "Here is where the Elder lives," he curled into a ball and slammed the ground, nearly knocking Team Lon down, but the door opened in response to the impact, sliding upward. "In you go," the Goron said after he uncurled. The trio quickly walked in and the door closed behind them. The room within was quite grand, for a Goron house. There was a large chandelier hanging from the ceiling and two ramps that lead up to a high balcony.

"It's all made out of stone. This is plum incredible," Talon commented, looking around. The bell tolled 12:00.

"You are here to see the Elder?" a Goron asked from nearby.

"Yes," Romani replied.

"Okay, follow me," he curled up and rolled up one of the ramps. They followed more slowly, as they were on foot. Once at the top, the Goron led them across the balcony, along a rug, and through some doors, which led to a room where a hunchbacked old Goron sat in a stone rocking chair. "Some guests for you, honorable Elder," the Goron then left.

"Ah, humans. What can I do for you?" the Elder asked. They relayed the usual question. "We have seen no humans here since the blizzard started late last night, and few before that, save that blacksmith and his assistant that live west of here," He lowered his head. "I'm sorry. I know how it feels to be separated from loved ones," he looked over at his sleeping child. Romani slumped.

"Oh, well, Romani guesses that they aren't here," the rancher girl admitted.

"So we're heading back, now?" Ingo asked impatiently.

"Yes, come on…" she led the way out. The door opened easily from the inside with just a nudge, and they, once again, met the frigid air of the blizzard. So they trudged back up the slope and to the village entrance.

"No luck?" the Goron from before asked. Romani shook her head. "Well, don't give up, little human, I'm sure they're somewhere,"

Out of the village and across the bridges that went again. Another White Wolfos decided to bother them on the last island, but Talon punched it off of the edge with a harsh blow to the head. They then went back to the clearing where the smithy was as the clock rang 12:30. Pushing through the blizzard, they made their way back to the foothills, melting any snowball that got in the way, and at 13:30, arrived back in the northern part of Termina Field.

"Well, that was a bust," Romani commented. "But Romani's sure that she'll pick the right spot tomorrow," She gave a confident smile. "Now we need to get back to the ranch. There's a milk delivery to be done,"

"After all this adventuring in the cold and snow, you want us to go on a delivery?" Ingo exclaimed angrily.

"You're a farm hand, stop complaining about your chores!" Romani scolded. Ingo grumbled and said nothing more as they made their way back to the ranch. No more Dodongos were there as they passed out of the northern region, and Takkuri was still limp on the ground, so getting back to the Milk Road only took until 14:30.

"Howdy, there!" one of the Gorman brothers greeted as they walked by the entrance to their racetrack. "Comin' back from somewhere?"

"That's none of your business!" Romani retorted at the known thief.

"Fair enough…" the guy replied, but then spotted Ingo. "Hey, stranger! You look familiar. Are we related?"

"Like I'd admit relations to a couple of guys like you. You've never worked an honest day in your lives," Ingo said proud, for once, of his hard work that he did everyday.

"I don't have time for lightweights like you," the brother replied. "See ya, later," he walked back into the racetrack. The trio began to walk again.

"Are you really related to the Gorman brothers?" Romani asked. Ingo looked annoyed at the question and closed his eyes in a dignified way.

"Technically, they're my cousins, but I loathe admitting that," the ranch hand replied. Around 15:00, they finally came to the gate of the ranch. It and said ranch were still as they'd left it, though the cows had milled around to different locations. Romani unlocked the gate and the two men pushed it open before they went in.

"Okay, so we'll eat a late lunch, tie up the loose ends on the chores, and then two of us will go on the delivery while the other one stays to watch the place.

"Fine, but I'm not leaving Talon here," Ingo replied. "He'll just fall asleep and a marching band will be able to come in here and take everything while blowing a trumpet in his ear,"

"Hey!" Talon protested. "I'm not that heavy a sleeper,"

So after a lunch of milk, bread, and roasted beef (which they ended up having to dig out of Romani's bag, by the way), they checked on the animals and a few other precautionary things, before bringing the wagon out and attaching Epona to it. Ingo and Talon lugged the milk canisters out to the cart and hefted them on. After securing them, it was decided that Talon would drive, to keep him awake and whatnot, and Romani would watch for bandits from the back. Since she had a bow, she could defend against them if necessary.

"The Gorman brothers will probably try to steal the milk, they always do," Romani said. "Stout, you'll need to get us to Clock Town as quickly as possible without upsetting the wagon or something,"

"Darlin', I've been drivin' wagons since I was a lad," Talon replied.

"Just being precautionary," Romani said, waving her hand. "Romani'll fill pursuers with arrows if she has to. Lanky, I want you to close the gates after we leave, in case they decide to come here instead,"

"Yeah, yeah, quit being melodramatic and get going before the milk bar goes out of business," Ingo replied in his cranky fashion. After double-checking the bindings securing the canisters, Talon cracked the reigns and they were off.

I guess they have their moments, but they're still not too entertaining, by my book. I suppose the next chapter will have a little bit of action since they'll be fighting off bandits (obviously). By the way, for those that didn't get the Bombachu Bowling Alley joke (for whatever reason) the girl that runs that place in OOT is always asleep until you rouse her to play the mini-game. Coinscidental? Remember to review so I can have feedback, and you can still vote on your favorite team on my profile page.