Low-Wage Worth

For the record, I love each and every one of you, but some of you guys kind of weird me out sometimes.

I mean I live to make people happy and if a rape scene makes you happy, then I'll try to oblige you, but damn, I wish you wouldn't ask so much of me.

Uh, the rape scene is allllll the way at the end in a special, since it would interrupt the storyline to just throw in a random noncon scene like that.

Once again, I love all of you. Even if I might think a few of you guys are kind of sick.

Nerve Thirteen – The Grating

Naruto, for the first time ever, could finally say that his life was going pretty well.

His boss stopped picking on him excessively.

His stalker stopped stalking him excessively.

And his best friend got him Nate: Ultimate Not-A-Ninja 2 since he won the bet.

But Naruto Uzumaki must learn that nothing lasts forever.

Not happiness.

Not his lunch break.

Not even the Cripple Triple Chicken special they were having at KFC.

"So, Naruto… how's that game working out for you?" Sai asked, sketching in his book without looking at it. Naruto shrugged, sipping at his soda.

"Eh, it's okay. I'd like it better if Kane weren't in a gay policeman outfit," he made a face. "Then I wouldn't have to stare at his bare ass anymore when he tries to do a special."

Sai laughed. "Ah, that's my Foxy! Always refusing to come out the closet because of a video game!"

Naruto cocked an eyebrow. "How do I come out any closet when there is no closet?"

"You're right, you were already gay."

"I don't want to kill you, Sai. Keep your opinions to yourself."

Sai just shrugged and graced the blond with one of his iffy fake smiles. "Whatever Naruto. Whatever."

"What crawled up your ass and died?" Naruto snapped. Sai winked.

"Not you, that's for sure."

"Oh COME ON! That was gross!" Naruto whined, slamming his fist on the table in playful outrage. Sai laughed and poked his forehead with his pencil eraser, causing Naruto to jab at him with his straw and a full-blown poke war erupted, the two teenagers poking whatever bare skin they could find.

As they laughed and fought playfully, Sasuke slammed through the doors and ran inside straight to Naruto, looking somewhat awkward and different.

"Dude, you look like fucking shit, what the fuck happened?" Naruto asked as Sasuke caught his breath.

Sasuke snorted. "Thanks for your accurate conclusion, and you've got to hide, now!" he exclaimed, shaking Naruto's shoulders. Naruto felt woozy as he was jerked around and made Sasuke's hands release him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he griped. Sasuke's eyes darted to the doors and back to him.

"No time, just hide!"

Sai cocked an eyebrow. "How much of a threat is this person?" he asked knowingly.

The black-haired teen gazed at him with fright. "Ever seen Zabuza Momochi, the bodyguard of that pop singer Haku?"

Sai and Naruto nodded. Who hasn't seen that monstrous man with muscles that could feed a third world country?

Sasuke gulped. "Take that and minus it by .00001."

Sai's eyes widened and Naruto felt his breath hitch.

"What do you mean by that?!" the blond asked fearfully.

Sasuke stopped, making everyone else in the restaurant stop (because, honestly, the KFC had become a regular soap opera and everyone wanted to watch it). A small rumbling was heard in the background and Sasuke paled even more than usual.

"Hide!" he whimpered before, in an amazing show of acrobatics, he jumped over the counter while doing a triple back flip and landing on his feet. Naruto blinked and turned back to Sai.

"I had no idea he could do that!" he whispered in amazement. Sai nodded in agreement before looking towards the doors, as the rumbling had risen in volume.

Everything seemed to stop as a large figure stomped up to the doors, slamming them open with such force that one door fell off the hinges, making Neji (who was watching in the background) snarl and curse under his breath. A large teenager, due to the young look he carried, stalked inside, slanted green eyes scanning across the restaurant before stopping at Naruto and Sai.

The teenager, Naruto decided, was not Zabuza Momochi minus .00001. He was Zabuza Momochi minus .1, or less, because this dude was gigantic. He had a fixed jaw with several extremely sharp teeth poking out from between his lips. His hair was neck-length and white, and he wore a tight black tank top that accented his muscles along with baggy blue pants and dirty brown combat boots.

Naruto gulped. "Uh, hi?"

The white-haired teenager smiled at him, exposing two freakish rows of super sharp teeth. "Hi," he replied in a voice that seemed more fitting on a con artist.

"Is there something you want?" the blond asked him in a small voice as the face leaned closer to him, which meant the teeth followed.

Chopper (as Naruto had dubbed him in his head) nodded, his hair moving along. "Yep, to beat the fuck out of you and get you out of the picture."

Naruto could've sworn that he almost cried at that moment. "Oh really? And why is this?" he replied.

Chopper cracked his knuckles. "Because with you gone, I can get a date with Sasuke!"

Naruto face faulted. "Wait… You're saying that YOU are going to fuck me up because of Sasuke?!" he snapped, anger clouding over his initial shit-in-your-pants fright.

Chopper nodded. "Pretty much. By the way, which is your better side? The right or the left?"

Naruto shrugged. "The right. My pictures come out slightly sexier on that side," he responded before glaring at Chopper. "Besides, the FUCK I'm letting you damage either sides of my face!"

"And what's makes you so sure of that?"

"What makes you so sure that I'm in the way of you and Sasuke?!"

Chopper stopped and scratched behind his head in wonder. "Well, it's kind of complicated," he explained. "You see, I've been trying to get Sasuke to go out on a date with me since ninth grade, and I asked him again today in high hopes. Imagine how I felt when he told me that he was in a relationship with one of his employees. A BLOND HAIRED and BLUE EYED one, with WHISKER SCARS and an ATTITUDE PROBLEM."

Naruto scowled. "Why are you exaggerating all of those words?" he asked in annoyance.

Chopper laughed. "Just to see if anyone else that meets that description comes out, but no one did, so say good bye to your right side!"

Sai choked back a laugh, making Naruto and Chopper look at him. Chopper flexed an arm muscle and glared at him.

"You want some too, pretty boy?" he growled.

Sai shook his head and fixed the large teen with an evil look that included a creepy smile. "Not at all, but I do believe that we might've come across a bit of a misunderstanding," Sai purred. "You see, Foxy here is with me, so perhaps you should try threatening someone after you've got all the facts."

"Hey, what the fu—" Naruto yelped in indignation as he was dragged almost across the entire table and Sai leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"Go with it!"

Naruto smiled nervously as Sai began petting his hair and Chopper glared at the two.

"So you aren't with Sasuke?" Chopper asked.

"Nope." Naruto replied.

"Sasuke is very single?"

"Well, I always thought he was bastard-sexual, but you seem to fit that description very well, so you should be okay."

"And you are very, very gay for girly boy over there?"

"…Yeah?"

Chopper grinned. "Great!"

Some scuffling was heard and Sasuke popped up behind the counter, looking rather messy and very angry.

"NARUTO!" he yelled. "YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SELL ME OUT LIKE THAT!"

Naruto smiled mischievously. "Anyone who makes your life as much of a hell as you made mine is an automatic friend."

Chopper laughed and crossed his arms, making his muscles bulge out even more. "I like you, Blondie," he said. "I'm Suigetsu Hozuki."

The blond snickered. "I like you too, Chopper!" he replied. "And I'm Naruto Uzumaki."

They exchanged a manly handshake and gave each other manly hugs while laughing and Sai smirked as he continued to doodle in his sketchbook.

"What a beautiful start to a gay relationship."

END Nerve

Oh and here's the rape scene.

SUPER+SPECIAL+AWESOME+SPECIAL

"N-no!"

"You will have to learn, Naruto, that no isn't allowed in our…game."

"Leave me alone!"

"Uh–uh, my darling Fox, it is time that you submit! Now, I will take the one thing you truly love."

"AhhHHHHH!"

"What the fuck is going on in here?"

Gaara blinked as he took in the scene of Sai sitting on top of Naruto, holding controller over the blond's head with a pair of scissors to the wire. He coughed inconspicuously and nodded his head.

"Well, continue you fag-tastic game. I'll be in the kitchen, eating bananas."

And he slammed the door closed.

END SUPER+SPECIAL+AWESOME+SPECIAL

Disclaimer: The "Super Special Awesome" line belongs to LittleKuriboh of the YuGiOh Abridged Series. Because he's that awesome.

There's your rape scene. I hope you guys are happy, because that was about the best I could do. Sorry!

And, for the record, my newfound Pokemon soundtrack inspired me to finish this chapter. THANK IT. I know I do.

(For the record, I don't know what ANYTHING minus .00001 is.)