Chapter 14

When Heath took Jarrod off to town in the buggy the next morning, he wasn't very happy about what he was doing, and neither was anyone else, but Jarrod insisted Heath drive him or he'd take himself. Jarrod wanted to see Sheriff Madden first, and Heath knew he'd be getting a chewing out for being out and about again, but Jarrod wasn't worried about it. He had to do this for Nick, to see if these two old "friends" of Keno's could be the ones to get Follet off Nick's conscience. He didn't think that could happen without his intervention. It required some fancy talking, and Jarrod knew he was the one who could talk the fanciest.

"Fred's gonna have my hide," Heath said as he pulled up to the sheriff's office and climbed down out of the buggy. He went around to the other side and helped Jarrod down.

Struggling less with the crutches this time – because he had gotten more used to them – Jarrod got himself up to the door of the sheriff's office and let himself in as Heath hitched the buggy up. Sheriff Madden took one look at him and rolled his eyes. "Jarrod, what in the blazes are you doing here?"

"Finishing up, I hope," Jarrod said as Heath came in the door behind him. Jarrod sat down. "Tell me about these two hounds you talked to yesterday."

The sheriff was sitting down. He leaned back in his chair. "There's nothing to tell. They got out of town before I could talk to them."

Jarrod's heart fell. "What?"

"Keno must have spooked them," the sheriff said. "They got on the afternoon train south."

"I thought they were broke."

"If they were, they came up with some more money. Harry said they played some poker after Keno left them. I guess they did all right."

"What are you gonna do?" Heath asked.

The sheriff shrugged. "There's not much I can do. I don't have anything to haul them in on."

"Where are they going?"

"Salida, according to the depot clerk," the sheriff said.

"Contact the Salida sheriff," Jarrod said.

"I did, as soon as I found out they were gone, but I got a reply from him this morning and they aren't there. They got away." He shrugged again. "As for St. Louis, I'll contact the police there, but Jarrod, you know as well as I do that two average looking characters can disappear in a city that size and never be found. Besides, St. Louis doesn't have the budget to go scrounging for them, with all they have to do, and I don't have the budget to haul them back here just for questioning. And the police there aren't gonna hold them until somebody can get there to talk to them. We just don't have enough on them."

Jarrod closed his eyes in frustration, but he nodded. "Did you talk to Archer about any of this?"

"Yeah, I did. He said his boss would be happy to hear about it, because he'd already told Archer to give this case up. Let the inquest ruling stand. Death by person or persons unknown. That's all there's ever gonna be, boys. If Nick wants more exoneration, it's not coming. He's gonna have to live with the little bit he got."

That was all there was to say, all there was to do. Jarrod nodded wordlessly and got up. Heath helped him back to the buggy and into it, and they left town without even talking to one another, much less anyone else.

Heath took Jarrod home, but before going to the house, Jarrod asked him to take him out to where Nick was working with a few of the hands on replacing some damaged fence. "You sure you don't want to wait until he comes in?"

"No," Jarrod said. "You're gonna want to come back out to work with him, now that there's no reason to work for me. He's needs to hear this news from me."

"I could keep nosing around on this if you want."

Jarrod shook his head. "Only if Nick wants you to, but I don't see any point to it. You haven't uncovered a thing except these two hounds. There's no guarantee they did it, but the finger isn't pointing anywhere else, either. It's time to stop. We'll see how Nick feels, but I think it's time to stop."

"All right. You're more likely to get him to be happy about it than I am, that's for sure."

"Maybe all this will make Nick ease up on the fighting at least."

"No," Heath said with a sigh. "He'll ease up for a while but then he'll get used to the news and get back to be his regular self. The fighting isn't over, Jarrod. It's just not his way."

"I don't need it to be over," Jarrod said. "Just a little less. Maybe that will stick."

"I guess we'll see."

They rolled up to where Nick and his crew were fixing fence, and Nick came over to them before they got too close to the workers. Whatever they had to say, he wanted to hear it privately. He walked up to the buggy before Jarrod tried to get out, saying, "What did you find out?"

Jarrod said, "The two hounds got out of town before Fred could talk to them. They went south to Salida on the train, but they're not there anymore either. Nobody knows where they went. I'm sorry, Nick."

Nick sighed with a huff. "What happens now? Anything?"

"There's one bit of good news," Jarrod said. "Fred talked to Archer. Archer's boss has instructed him to stop investigating and let the inquest jury's finding stand. You're off the hook for good. There will not be a finding that you are responsible for Follet's death."

"There won't be any finding that I'm not responsible for it either," Nick grumbled.

"No," Jarrod said. "It's time for you to let it go, Nick. The news isn't going to get any better than this. The only innuendo that's going to be floating around is that those two hounds killed him. They had a run-in with Follet, and then they ran out of town when the word started getting out. It's not enough for a court of law, but it is enough for the court of public opinion."

"Except for people who want a Barkley to be responsible," Nick said.

"We've each been plenty unpopular before, Nick. You can wait this out too, if it even comes up."

His brothers could still see the guilt in Nick's eyes. Heath said, "Don't wallow, Nick. It ain't you."

Nick looked at him. "I'm not wallowing."

"Good," Heath said and left it at that. "I'm gonna take Jarrod back to the house and I'll be out here after that."

Jarrod gave Nick a slap on the arm. "It'll pass, Nick. Let it. Give it time."

Nick finally gave them a nod, and Heath turned the buggy and headed home. Nick watched them go. It was hard to let his guilt feelings go, but as he let the news sink in, he knew Jarrod was right. It was not going to get any better than this.

But he still felt terrible. This wasn't clean. This wasn't the ending with the answers he wanted. He knew when he got home he'd be in for a lecture about it, but he still felt bad. The question was, how would he find a way to live with it?

XXXXXXX

"You let it go," Heath said flatly when Nick came to him about it, as they were on the way to the stable to get their horses and go to work the next morning. Nick had lost sleep over it during the night, and he knew he had to talk to someone about it. He knew Heath was the one he should talk to. Everyone else would just lean on him about still feeling bad. Heath would understand. But Heath repeated, "You let it go. Come on, Nick, this can't be the first time you had to let something important go."

Nick thought back. Of course it wasn't the first time, but it was the first time he had to accept he might have killed a man in a fight when he hadn't intended to. Nick shook his head. "Could you accept it, Heath? Could you accept it if you killed a man like this?"

Heath sighed. "I don't know. I never had to look myself in the eye like this. But I know one thing for sure. The best thing you can do in your shoes right now is repent. At worst, you killed a man without intending to. Now you repent, and you do penance. You get your temper under better control. You tell your maker that you're gonna do better, and you do better. And then maybe you can forgive yourself."

But Nick wasn't sure he could do better. "I got a temper on me, Heath."

"I know that," Heath said, "but now and then you can turn the other cheek. I've seen you do it. You just do it more often. You're getting older anyway, Nick. It's time you reined it in a bit. Penance, Nick. That's what's gonna help you feel better. And that's the right thing to do now."

Nick sighed and looked up at the blue sky. He had all kinds of doubt that just reining himself in a bit in the future was going to make him feel better – and he had all kinds of doubt that he could actually rein himself in.

Heath read his mind. He put his hand on Nick's shoulder. "Nick, if it was gonna be easy, it wouldn't be penance."

Nick could understand that point. He finally nodded. "Help me out on it, will you? I just don't have it in me to stop brawling altogether."

Heath chuckled. "All right, I'll help you. Heaven knows you're gonna need it. But you do have it in you to fight less often, Nick. Just follow my fine example."

Now Nick could chuckle himself. Heath was better at reining it in than he was. Maybe Heath wasn't kidding about following his fine example. "All right," Nick said. "But – "

"No," Heath cut him off. "No 'buts' right now. We just let it all lie and get back to work. Save the 'buts' for tomorrow, or better yet, let them lie, too."

Nick gave in and nodded. No matter how he talked and thought and worried, it all still came back around to having to live with a terrible uncertainty. Heath knew better than to think his wisdom had completely calmed his older brother's guilt, but it was a start. He planned on repeating the word "penance" for the rest of his days if he had to.

Heath gave Nick a slap on the back and went into the stable to get his horse. Nick took a deep breath, and repeated the word to himself before he followed his younger brother.

The End