This chapter was not my favorite... because I feel like I missed something... but I can't put my finger on it! If anyone can think of what I may have forgotten please let me know.

(Chapter fourteen: The Earth Sage)

"Hmmm?" Link sat in King's back "This sucks." Link had spent the last four days running around on the sea, trying to find a way to move the headstone on Headstone Isle. "I've killed several giant octos. I have a larger wallet, huge bomb bags and huge quiver. The magical upgrade from that fairy, a bunch of bottles. The magic armor is pretty cool, but none of this will move the GOD DAMN STONE!"

"Relax lad… I have an idea!" King suddenly perked up. Link looked to him in surprise. "There's one place we haven't gone. I think the Queen of Fairies might be able to help." King pulled out the sea chart and an island cluster began to glow. "There!" The royal boat shouted.

Link nodded, then conducted the Ballad of Gales. This time, though Link found himself not in the sea, but in a largish pool in a tranquil grove. "Woah..." He looked around quietly. "Well this is different."

"Yeah?"

"Well of course, I mean look at this place. It's a beautiful forest grove. I'm used to landing on endless ocean."

"Well thank you, I do try to keep my home looking lovely."

"Wha-AHHH!" Link turned to King's head, only to find a strange silver girl sitting on the boats figure head.

"Hiya!"

"… Hi!" Link smiled. "Uhm… I am…"

"Do not worry, I am the Fairy Queen. I already know why you're here." She nodded. "Yes, you need the ability to greater defend that which you love!" She giggled.

Link blushed then shouted. "I don't love Tetra!"

The fairy queen sweat dropped, then grinned maliciously. "I was talking about the Great Sea."

King snickered.

Link rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "So… about that ability?"

The Fairy Queen grinned more sincerely this time. "Yes yes, I have just what you need. Me and my children will grant you a great power."

Children? Link thought to himself with a wince remembering that he had four of the fairy 'children' in his bottles.

"Receive the fairy's gift now. The power to melt the coldest ice," A red fairy appeared and flew into Link, "The power to freeze the hottest flames!" Sweetly she smiled again as a blue fairy went straight through Link. "Use these fire and ice arrows to send Ganon to the Hell he belongs to!"

"You scare the crap outta me!" Link laughed.

He blushed when, out of nowhere, the Fairy Queen pressed her lips to his cheek. "You're cute and brave; you are just my type!"

Link bowed. "Thank you, your majesty," With that, Link left the mother grove via the cyclone he rode in on. "Well that's pretty cool." Link thought aloud as they began sailing. "Fire and ice arrows… Fire and… ICE ARROWS!" Link shouted the latter quite enthusiastically.

"Lad?" King shouted after they touched down off the shore of the new island.

"I remember this island from when I filled the sea chart. 'Fire Island'." Link explained.

"Lad, it's an active volcano."

"She did say freeze the hottest flames." Link muttered to himself and tried to notch an ice arrow.

"But it's an active volcano!" King shouted. "What can you possibly find in there?"

Link stared into the horizon while the wind whipped his hair. Then, with a determined gleam in his eye, he spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. "The truth!"

…

"PFFT HAHAHAHA." Both hero and boat broke out laughing rancorously. Link fell into the water, and bobbed back up a moment later. Both laughed and shouted, nearing tears. "Li-Link, ha ha, what the Hell was that!"

Link clung to the boat to stay afloat, still laughing. "I-I'm not quite sure!"

"Alright. If you're done being stupid, you can go freeze an active volcano."

"So I get to keep being stupid?" Link smiled.

"Yeah sure…" King muttered.

Link cheered and shot an ice arrow into the lava spewing from the volcano. It froze immediately, and Link was then able to climb up a slightly warm rock. "King… I am not even remotely able to see my house from here!"

"Lad! Go do your suicide mission!"

"'Kay!" Link jumped into the mouth of the volcano.

Hot… Link thought aloud. Looking around, there were a few keese flying about. Link shot them down with his bow. There was lava with rock pads floating in it. Link hopped across them into a new area. He winced when he realized the lava behind him was growing in temperature. "Shit!" He rushed at the pair of magtails before him and impaled each in the eye. When both dropped, a chest appeared. "Yes!" Link shouted. He opened the chest to find a disappointment. "Fuck!" He shouted. "Jewelry?" He cursed, putting on the bracelets regardless, fighting the heat, and made for the way out. All he found was a door blocked by a headstone rock. "Damn!" Link cursed a few more times. The lava grew closer, and Link punched the statue as hard as he could. He was extremely surprised that he felt no pain. Looking up, he found his arm painlessly sunk into the stone.

The confused hero withdrew his arm from the stone, which is when he saw the bracelets were glowing in the oddest manner. "No way…" Link, out of his constant curiosity, swatted the statue aside with his arm. "Oh dear sweet Din… I'm Superman!" Then just to prove it, he ran into a beam of light and flew out of the volcano.

"Lad…? Are you okay!" King shouted up to where Link was standing.

"Yeah, I think so." Link spoke in a numb weak voice. He then climbed down the defused volcano. "I don't think it's active anymore; let's go to the Earth Temple."

"What about the headstone?" King asked when Link hopped in.

"I can move it." Link explained, examining his new bracelets.

"That's a gay bracelet, lad." King snickered.

Link scowled, then grinned mischievously.

When they arrived, Link immediatly marched to the stone, picked it up and launched it right at King. "Holy-," The stone barely grazed him, but King was still thrown for a loop.

"Still think it's a gay bracelet?"

"Tweet tweet… yellow birdy." King muttered in a daze.

"Very good!" Link nodded and entered the cavern. All that was present was a large stone slab. Written on the stone were many Hylian words, and a Wind Waker song. Link rolled his eyes with a laugh then played the Earth God's Lyric. The wind began to swirl and Link felt a presence behind him. He was shocked when he turned around. "You have got to be shittin' me!"

There was a finely dressed ethereal fish behind him. "Hello young Waker of the Winds."

"You're a ghost?" Link shouted as he punched large dents in the cave wall. "What now!"

The sage nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry the beasts in this place have rendered my soul from my body… You will need to find my replacement… I realize this must be an inconvenience… I'm sorry."

"Yeah..." Link sighed. "You know it's always something. I mean don't get me wrong, you know, sorry you're dead and all. It just never ends. You're dead, I need to find a new one. Then I'm sure your temple not only filled with demons, but also death traps and puzzles."

"I'm afraid so…" The sage looked down.

"Man… any idea where they may be?"

"Well my kind evolved from scales and fins, to wings and feathers. Also, my descendants should carry this instrument." The sage held up the harp which had been on her back.

"…" Link stared at the harp then slapped his forehead upon realizing. "Well alright thanks… and good luck said with the whole, 'being dead thing'." Link said the last part a little too energetically.

The sage was a bit insulted. "The afterlife isn't that bad. Your parents know how to throw a great barbeque."

Link winced, with a laugh. "Low blow. Hey, ask my dad about his great sushi!" The sage smirked in annoyance and disappeared. Link marched back out to king. "Come, King. Let's set off for Dragon Roost!"

"Island?"

"No... Dragon Roost Pub, it's on Windfall. The beer's a little more expensive, but the ribs are great."

King sweat dropped, Link hopped in and played the Ballad of Gales. The boat touched down on the beach of Dragon Roost Island. "Why are we here, lad?"

"Never mind, I will be back in a minute." Link explained quickly while jumping from the boat. He ascended the island swiftly while scouring the populos.

"Hey Link what brings you here?" A voice asked from his left.

"Huh?" Link turned to find one of his fine feathered friends to the left of him.

"Quill? What's up buddy ho-,"

"Link!" Quill cut him off.

"Yeah?" Link jumped back.

"I can fly!" The mailman then took off and up the mountain.

The Waker of the Winds followed his friend with his eyes while he left. Then he caught sight of the one he was looking for. "Medli!" Link exclaimed when he reached her.

She turned around quickly. "OH hi Link!" He nodded. "How have you been? Oh Prince Komali's been asking about you, I'll get to tell him you're okay! Do you want to hear me play?" Medli was speaking very quickly.

"Hey Medli hyper down! How much caffeine have you had today?" Link jumped back.

"Seven cups of coffee, eight shots of espresso, three frappachinos, a latte, and a can of Monster, but who's counting." Medli laughed.

"And that's possible, how?" Link asked.

"Oh! Well after you killed that giant monster that terrorized the great Valoo's tail, they opened a Starbucks there."

"So it's still a place of great evil then!" Link thought out loud.

"Oh! Hey is that the Wind Waker! Can you conduct for me?" Medli noticed the conductor's baton hanging from Links pocket.

"Oh yeah sure." Link thought aloud and conducted the Earth God's Lyric. He heard her playing along, and when he finished, she had fallen asleep on her feet. She fell over on him and she barely caught her in time. She appeared to be dreaming. Link then sat her on the ground, and left to get a smoothie.

When Medli was finally coming around, Link had picked her back up just so she didn't know he had left. "Link… I'm the Earth Sage!" Medli jumped up and down.

"Yeah…! I already knew that!" Link shouted.

"So what's my temple like?" Medli asked enthusiastically.

"Well I haven't seen for myself, but I heard it's a dark pit full of traps and death!"

…

"NO! STOP! Link I don't wanna GO!" Medli squirmed about as Link carried her down the mountain, tied up with his grappling hook.

"Too late you're involved!" Link scolded as he threw her in the boat.

Chapter end

Well another chapter done! I don't want this to seem like I dislike Medli... This was just my best idea to make her funny!

Next chapter in a week.

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