The Kobayashi Maru IV, chapter 2
They fell into a numbing routine as the weeks crept past. Each morning, they would rise and work on the ship. When the heat finally became too much, they'd seek the relative coolness of their rooms in the Hall of the Adepts. Sometimes they'd gather for meals or conversation. Sometimes they wouldn't. Every third day, Uhura drank a cup of tea with Spock, and every third day she came closer to understanding that nothing would ever be the same. What had begun as optimistic hope had gradually deteriorated into hopeless acceptance.
Today had been even worse than ever. Each time she saw him, she made a point to mention some shared experience from their past. She'd always been careful to keep her references vague, avoiding any mention of what they had really meant to each other. For some reason, however, today she had become reckless, and she wondered if she might have finally reached her breaking point.
"Amanda, this is killing me. I've been doing this for almost three months now, and he still doesn't know me. I keep trying to tell myself that I should be grateful just to be near him, but I'm not sure it's worth it."
Amanda smiled sympathetically. "I know, but please don't give up. He'll remember someday, I'm sure of it. You meant too much to him. I refuse to believe that it's lost forever."
"I don't want to believe that either, but maybe I don't have any choice. Especially after... after what happened today."
"What happened?"
Uhura leaned back in her seat and exhaled heavily. "Each time I've seen him, I've tried to think of little things from our past, fairly impersonal things that might lead him to remember without giving too much away. I really wanted him to come around on his own, without my actually telling him. Today, though, I guess I got frustrated, or maybe just impatient. I wasn't so impersonal. I said too much."
"May I ask what you said?"
"When he referred to me as his 'first officer' for the umpteenth time, I finally couldn't stand it any longer. I told him that I was a lot more to him than that."
She closed her eyes as she remembered her actual words.
I wasn't just a fellow officer, Spock. We were friends, and at one time we were lovers! Don't you remember what it felt like to hold me in your arms? Don't you remember how we used to share the flame?
And he had silenced her with his response.
No.
Just like that. Blunt, unemotional, uncaring. No elaboration, no explanation, and no additional discussion.
Amanda brought her back to the moment. "I'm sorry, Nyota. I can see that he didn't remember, and I know that you're hurting. Please keep trying, though. The adepts are convinced they're going to retrain him in the Vulcan mode, and it's up to us to make sure the human in him isn't forgotten."
Uhura nodded. "I'll keep trying. I can't do anything else."
"I know."
Uhura smiled, grateful for the sanctuary of Amanda's presence in the otherwise uneasy repetition of her days on Vulcan.
...
Amanda stood in the doorway and watched Spock as his attention flitted from one computer to the next. Normally, her heart would swell with pride at the effortless speed with which he juggled these difficult questions, but now she knew only sorrow. She thought that he had been returned to them, her beautiful, brilliant, compassionate son, but this man before her was a stranger. He wasn't the person she'd watched grow from infancy through troubled childhood to fulfilled adulthood. The man she knew would never have treated someone important to him with cold indifference.
Was that part of him really gone forever? More than anything, she wanted to guide him, to nurture the gradual rediscovery of the joys that could be his, but each time she tried, he shut her out. He was always perfectly courteous and respectful, but she could see him distance himself. He seemed more in tune with these computers than with his mother and her untidy, unneeded, unwanted emotions.
Somehow, she would find a way to get his attention.
...
His hands curled into fists, Kirk walked toward the Bird of Prey. He wasn't quite sure how to take this latest bit of news. Maybe Spock had a point, but was this really the best thing? After he had left Spock's room, he had encountered Adept T'Kai in the corridor. The Adept had treated him with scorn, as if he himself were responsible for Spock's decision. Kirk had ended up siding with Spock, but deep down, he agreed with T'Kai. Was Spock really ready for this? Were any of them?
Boarding the ship, he found Uhura and Saavik working quietly on the bridge. They both stopped what they were doing as they watched him approach.
"Did you tell him that we were leaving?" Uhura asked dully.
"Yes, but he already knew. You probably didn't notice, but he was watching us from the ridge when we made the decision yesterday. He figured it out."
"Oh. I'm sure he was very polite about it, but he's probably relieved. Now he can concentrate on his retraining without our constant interruptions."
"Actually, he's coming with us."
Despite his concerns, he almost smiled at the identical expressions of stunned disbelief on their faces. Saavik was the first to find her voice.
"Why, Admiral? Did he give a reason?"
"He did. He stated that because he was present during the events in question, he should give testimony at our trial."
Uhura shook her head. "How much of it does he even remember?"
"Not much, but he said that it would be up to the authorities to determine if he could serve as a legitimate witness. I'm not entirely pleased about this, but I couldn't argue with his logic." He turned toward Saavik. "I hope this doesn't change your decision to stay. Remaining on Vulcan is best for you right now."
Obviously trying to hide her disappointment, she said, "I would prefer to continue spending as much time as possible with him, but there is much for me to learn here. I will stay. I suspect that you would not have allowed me to accompany you, at any rate."
He smiled gently. "You're right. You have a promising career ahead of you. No reason to risk tainting it by association with us."
"You understand that I am not concerned about that."
"Yes, but I am. And I'm sure Spock would agree."
She nodded. "Are you still planning to depart in the morning?"
"Spock says that he'll be ready, so I guess we will."
She came to her feet. "In that case, perhaps I can convince Adept T'Kai to allow an unscheduled visit on the grounds that I will not see him again for an unknown period of time."
"I already asked her, and she consented."
"Thank you, Admiral."
Kirk watched her leave, then sat down in Saavik's empty seat and turned toward Uhura. She had been silent throughout his discussion with Saavik, and it was clear that she was troubled. Neither spoke for a long moment.
Finally, she said, "I don't think that he's ever going to remember me. I broke down and told him what we used to mean to each other, but he didn't react. He didn't even care."
"Uhura, I'm sure that's not true. Give him time. It will come back to him."
"Admiral, with all due respect, I've given him time. I've given him understanding, and I've given him every iota of patience I possess. I just can't give any more. There's nothing left in me to give. I'd already decided that I'd had enough, and now..." Turning away, she rested her forehead on her knuckles.
He leaned back in his seat, surprised at the bitterness in her voice. "And now you're going to have to deal with him on a constant basis."
"Yes."
He studied his hands. She was obviously tired and frustrated, but despite that, he never thought he'd see the day when she would quit trying. Not knowing what else they could say, he rose and patted her on the shoulder.
"There's a lot to be done between now and tomorrow morning, and I need to tell the others about Spock. I should go now."
Her eyes closed, she said, "Thank you for delivering the news. I can tell that you're not any more comfortable with this than I am."
"No, I'm not, but he's coming with us and his reasons are good, so I'm going to proceed as if it's fine."
She nodded but didn't reply, so he took a deep breath, then headed toward Engineering to look for Scotty.
End part 4, chapter 2