Hi all! I would apologize for how long it's taken me to update any of my stories, but I think you all know my story by now! School has been super busy, but hopefully I'm getting into the routine of things and I'll be able to make more time for writing!
As always, please come let me know what you think of this chapter! I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, especially with the new sort of plot twist at the end! Enjoy!
Camille allowed them to stay in the hotel until they had rested enough to figure out exactly how to go about finding Valentine, and Alec knew that there was no way he would possibly sleep that night. Not when he knew that Magnus's room was just two rooms away from his. Not when he'd watched as Camille had followed Magnus into his room. He'd tried, in vain, to keep entirely still and silent until he became tired enough to fall asleep. But the problem was that just because his body was still and quiet, that didn't mean his mind was as well. If he wasn't thinking about Max, then he was thinking about Magnus. If he wasn't thinking about Magnus, then he was thinking about his parents.
If it wasn't one thing, Alec knew that it was going to be another. At least that was how his entire life had been. So Alec got out of bed as quietly as possible, activating his soundless and surefooted runes before leaving his room, hoping to avoid waking anyone up. But he had to get out of his room; he had to walk until his thoughts cleared enough for him to sleep. He knew that going out to walk in the streets of London would be reckless at best, so he settled for walking around the bottom floor of the hotel, slightly surprised about the act that there were no other vampires staying at what seemed to be Camille's residence.
Alec hated himself for the fact that even the thought of Camille's name both hurt and angered him. He greatly wished that as soon as the ordeal with Max was done that he could question Magnus about everything that was going on, but he knew that wasn't possible. He knew that it would never again be his place to question Magnus about anything that didn't have didn't directly concern him or the affairs of the Clave. Yet Alec also knew that thoughts of Magnus would forever drive him insane, no matter how much time passed since they'd broken up. But the one thought that was tearing at both his mind and his heart was the thought that Asmodeus had been able to read Magnus's emotions well enough to see love he still held for Alec.
Since Alec had left Magnus, he had simply assumed that the warlock would hate him, that Magnus would never properly forgive him for leaving as he did, and that the love Magnus had felt for him had long since disappeared. Yet the demon's words had been enough to spark hope deep down inside of Alec's heart. But the problem was that Alec knew without a doubt that his hope would only lead to more heartbreak, that it was a hopeless road to venture down. But Magnus had reacted to his father's words as though they held truth, and Alec couldn't bear to shove that thought aside. He dangerously wanted to think that he never should have let Magnus go, but he also understood that leaving had been the best thing for Magnus's safety, even if Magnus didn't understand that at the moment.
Alec heard Camille before she entered the room he was in, and he knew this was no accident. As a vampire, she was much more adept at concealing her movements, so the sound of her footsteps left Alec to wonder what her point behind it was. "Pining are we?" she asked as she entered the room, and Alec refused to turn around. He would not play into her game. "It's rather pathetic of you," she continued, painfully echoing Asmodeus's earlier words. "A prince so desperately and hopelessly in love with a Downworlder. What would your dear father think of that?" Alec swallowed his fear that Camille would turn them in and have Magnus arrested, finally turning around, ensuring that his head was held high.
"Honestly, I do not care about what my king thinks of me," Alec replied, keeping his voice just as strong and steady as he would if he were in a situation as Prince Alexander. "His thoughts have no bearing over my personal life, not anymore." The problem with his words was that Alec realized just how true they were. He would no longer ever care of what Robert thought of him. Why would he care about what such a horrible father, such a horrible king, such a horrible man thought of him? He knew who he was, and that was all that truly mattered to him anymore.
"You risked so much for absolutely nothing," the vampire responded. Alec simply gave her a questioning gaze, not trusting his voice when his thoughts were so heavily centered on Magnus. The last thing he wanted to do was open his mouth only to make a fool of himself and prove to her that his love was as pathetic as she thought it was. "There is no doubt in my mind that all of this with you was merely a game to him. Such a powerful warlock has to have his flirtations with danger every now and again." Alec clenched his fists, hopelessly trying to tamp down the anger that felt bubbling up inside of him. "You so naively believe that he loved you, but he also appeared to love me and all the other powerful Downworlders he's ever played with. I am so undoubtedly sure that playing with the Clave's precious prince was the highlight of his century."
Alec felt something inside of himself snap, although he wasn't sure why. It came as no surprise to learn that Magnus and Camille had a romantic past, not after the way she'd been acting with him. But what tore at Alec's mind was the fact that Camille spoke as though she could possibly know of the intimacy of their relationship. "You know nothing of our relationship," he said, his eyes drifting away from her, unable to stomach looking at her for any longer. "You may have once known Magnus's heart, but you no longer have any idea of what you are talking about. If you had Magnus's love and lost it, then I pity you for you have no idea the worth of what you have lost." Alec hadn't meant to speak to her in that way, but he was finding lately that his prince's personality was frequently taking over when he least expected it.
"You think you know him so well," Camille replied, her tone shifting as a smile seeped into her voice. Alec swallowed his disgust, the vampire's smile only serving to sicken him with despair. "But he is not the man you think he is. I am sure that he hasn't told you even a fourth of his past. Because why would he ever tell you something so dark when he was trying to manipulate you?" Alec finally looked up when he heard footsteps once again outside of the door. He was not at all surprised when Magnus walked through the door, as Alec knew he would recognize the sound of Magnus's footfall no matter where they were. Magnus cleared his throat as soon as he walked in the room, though they all knew that knew there was no need to announce his presence.
At first, Alec began to wonder whether or not Magnus had overheard Camille's words or the rest of their conversation, but then he looked at Magnus and realized that he certainly had heard everything. It was written all over Magnus's face, not to mention that the defenses that Magnus had so carefully put into place had been broken down. "Camille, dear," Magnus said, his voice filled with just as much spite as it had been when he had been addressing Asmodeus. "Please do stop spewing your hateful and manipulative lies. I am entirely unsure that you have actually said anything true to Alec since you met." Magnus's voice sounded heavier when he reached Alec's name, but if the warlock noticed it, he made no indication of that fact.
It was clear that Magnus was going to continue, but before he could do so, Camille turned and left the room without another word, and it was abundantly clear that she seemed to think that she had sufficiently stirred up whatever drama she had wanted. But when Magnus sat down with relief so plainly flooding his body, Alec realized that the warlock was simply glad to be rid of her presence. This came as a slight surprise to Alec, but he forced himself to sit as well, trying to act as normal as possible despite the fact that being alone with Magnus made him ache with longing. "We need to talk, don't we?" Magnus asked, his voice heavy with several emotions that Alec couldn't possibly begin to identify.
More than anything, Alec wanted to get up and leave, to go to sleep as escape the whirlwind that had become his thoughts. But Alec forced himself to nod, knowing that their talk would be inevitable, hoping that he could trust himself to actually talk to Magnus. "I don't think I need to be the one to tell you that she was just trying to hurt you," Magnus said after several long seconds of silence. But then Mangus finally looked toward Alec, and he realized that Camille's words had had much more of an effect on Alec than he had first thought. "I don't suppose you'd believe me if I told you that she was kissing me tonight because she knew that you were there? Or that what she said to you just now was concocted because she sees how I look at you and she hates it?" They were more statements than questions, as though Magnus knew the answer to them before asking.
But Alec was still holding on to the last bit of hope that he had, the last thing that was keeping him afloat in his churning sea of thoughts and emotions. Alec's first instinct was to ask Magnus exactly how the warlock seemed to be looking at him because he knew his own hope was distorting how he perceived Magnus at the moment. "According to Camille," Magnus began after sighing as though he truly didn't want to speak. "I've been looking at you as though you are both the only person I have ever truly loved and the only person who has ever truly broken my heart." Magnus's words reminded Alec of what his mother had said earlier, and he forced himself to take a deep breath. "I just have one question for you, Alexander," Magnus continued, and Alec spread his hands wide, indicating that Magnus could ask whatever he wanted. "Why leave?" he asked, his voice even heavier. "Why not stay and fight? If you loved me so much then why not simply stand up for me in Clave court and take the responsibility for our relationship? That's the one question that has been relentlessly bothering me."
Alec wasn't surprised that this was the question Magnus was asking because it was the question he had continually asked himself. "You didn't see my father when I came out to him, Magnus," Alec replied, holding up a hand when Magnus opened his mouth to interrupt. "Yes, I came out to him, and it wasn't pretty. But I do know that I owe you the explanation that I didn't give you before, so please let me finish." Alec racked his brain for a moment, trying to figure out how to put into words the things he couldn't begin to understand for himself. "I initially left because Robert had arranged a marriage with Lydia, but when she found out about me and called things off, I realized that the engagement wasn't the only reason I had wanted to leave." It was then that Alec realized that Magnus seemed to be preparing himself to hear words that would only serve to further break his heart. And it was then that Alec's own heart broke even more, which was something Alec hadn't thought possible. He had only wanted to save Magnus pain, but he had ended up causing it instead, and he knew he would likely never forgive himself for that.
"After fighting with my father the way I did after I came out," Alec forced himself to continue, knowing that there was no way he could turn back and give up, not when there was so much to lose. "I realized that I left you not because I was scared of you being arrested. I've always known that if you were ever arrested because of me that I would automatically defend you in front of the Clave. But my fears come from the fact that I don't trust my father to follow the Law in that respect. Even if I were to stand up for you in Clave court, my father still has absolute authority. There would be nothing to protect you from his anger, and trust me when I say that he has enough anger to last him several lifetimes. And it was in imagining all the things that he might do to you despite the Law that I realized I could never risk your life that way. If I stood up for you in Clave court, my father would never dream of hurting me. Because he would understand that the easiest way to hurt and break me would be to harm you in whatever way possible. I would never be able to hide the fact that I so desperately love you, and he would readily use that against us both."
Alec took another deep breath, standing up and hoping to regain his composure. He hadn't meant to pour his heart out in that way, but Magnus had always had that sort of effect on him, and he knew it was hopeless to wish for otherwise. He turned to look at Magnus who was sitting absolutely still, his eyes moving to follow Alec were the only part of him that was moving. Alec's reply clearly hadn't been what he was expecting to hear, and it had rendered him speechless for the first time that Alec could remember. Before Alec could so much as object, Magnus was on his feet, closing the distance between them far too quickly for Alec to react. When their lips first met, Alec wanted nothing more than to melt into Magnus, their bodies easily recognizing one another. But as much as Alec wanted to sink into Magnus's kiss, he knew it was the worst thing that either of them could possibly do, so he forced himself to step away from Magnus. Yet as soon as they broke away from one another, Alec could feel just how much his body really missed Magnus. There was an aching that they both very clearly shared, and Alec had to force himself to keep from satisfying what they both so obviously wanted.
Magnus very clearly had a lot that he wanted to say, but Alec cut him off, willing himself to separate his feelings from what he knew was the right thing to do. "We can't do this, Magnus," he said, his voice much heavier than it had been before. "I love you dearly, and I now understand that you love me just the same, but we cannot do this. All my life, I've been taught of my duty. But I've recently learned that doesn't have to mean my duty as a royal. I have a duty to you, Magnus. And I intend to fulfill that duty as best I can, and right now that means we cannot do this. If there is ever a way for me to be with you, trust me when I say that I will find it. I will hunt to the ends of the earth to find it. I love you, Magnus, but at the moment, it doesn't change anything at all."
Magnus nodded as though he understood, but his expression clearly showed that though he might understand, but he certainly didn't accept it. "I was foolish for ever thinking that love could change anything," Magnus replied, his voice distant despite the very short length that separated them. "My father once told me that my greatest weakness would be a love that I could not control. I never believed him until now." With that, Magnus closed the gap between them once more, this time moving to place an ever so gentle kiss on Alec's cheek. The gesture was a simple one, but it simultaneously lifted and shattered Alec's heart. Alec knew that it was meant to both show him the love that Magnus still had for him while also showing that Magnus respected what Alec was saying, no matter how much it pained him.
"So, how are we going to go about finding Valentine?" Maryse asked as soon as everyone had rested and reconvened. "It's one thing to track a Shadowhunter, but it's another thing to track someone who is as skilled as Valentine at evading any sort of detection." They'd decided to meet and figure out exactly where they needed to go from here, but one thing was certain to Alec. They could not go back to the New York Institute without his father's attention turning toward them. They certainly couldn't take Magnus back to the Institute without having to answer questions, and Alec was not at all prepared to answer any of the questions he knew Robert would ask. So Alec had no helpful insight as to where they should try to go next, knowing that London would likely prove to be useless in their hunt for Valentine.
"We cannot track Valentine," Magnus said, very pointedly refusing to look at Alec. The feeling of their all too fleeting kiss was still lingering on Alec's lips, leaving him aching for what he knew he couldn't have. The last thing he had wanted to do was to hurt Magnus more than he already had, but that had been the exact opposite of what he had done. And now he wanted nothing more than to sink into Magnus's arms, to lose himself in Magnus for as long as possible. "I've tried tracking Valentine from the moment he revealed that he wasn't dead, and nothing I try works, no matter how ancient or dark the spell," Magnus continued, forcing Alec to put his thoughts aside, yet knowing that he was going to have to confront them at one point or another. "But there is one thing we can track, and that's the Mortal Sword."
At first, Alec was slightly surprised by this, but then he realized that Magnus hadn't become the kind of warlock he was without acquiring a plethora of knowledge about anything and everything in the Shadow World. "But if I'm going to track this," Magnus said, not waiting for anyone to respond to him. "I'm going to need my supplies which are in my new apartment here in London." Magnus began walking toward the door without so much as a word in acknowledgement of that. "I would simply Portal us there, but tracking something as powerful as this Sword is going to take everything I have, which is saying a lot."
So Alec followed Magnus into the streets of London, blinking at the suddenness of the sunlight. By the time they'd made it two blocks away from Camille's hotel, Alec found himself walking beside of Magnus, feeling slightly betrayed that his siblings hadn't felt the need to help him keep his distance. After another block of walking in silence, Alec finally spoke up, unable to take the tension any longer. "I'm sorry," he simply said, leaving it at that and knowing that Magnus would understand that he was talking about both the words he'd said last night and the words he'd said when they had broken up. "I'm extremely sorry," Alec continued, hoping to lighten the mood even in the slightest of ways. "But I wanted to thank you. You don't have to help us with any of this, yet here you are, doing it for Max, and I wanted you to know how much that means to me."
Magnus cleared his throat at that, his eyes darting toward Ragnor who seemed to be pointedly not paying attention to them as he simply followed along. It was then that Alec realized that Ragnor would do anything for Magnus, no matter how much it put him in harm's way, simply because they were as close as brothers. It was clear that Ragnor certainly did not want to be there, but it was also clear that he wanted desperately to protect Magnus despite the cost. For a moment, Alec was caught off guard by how much he realized Magnus's relationship with Ragnor was like his own relationship with Jace. "I have no idea why you're apologizing for something that you've specifically stated cannot be changed, Alexander," Magnus finally replied, his voice just as distant as his gaze.
Alec couldn't help but notice the way Magnus's voice broke when he reached Alec's name. It wasn't like him to use Alec's full name in that way, not when they were around other people, not when he seemed to throw it around so casually. And that thought hit Alec much harder than he had thought it would, remembering how Magnus normally used his full name only when showing affection, and Alec found himself wishing for the time when Magnus's voice was actually filled with this affection. "I'm apologizing because I can't change it," Alec replied after several seconds of silence. But before either of them could say anything else, they arrived at Magnus's apartment, and Alec fell into step with Jace, trying to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat.
The weirdest part of Magnus's tracking ceremony was that it was wholly anticlimactic. It was not at all as strenuous as Alec had imagined, but he knew that it was likely much more magically strenuous than he likely imagined. He knew this mostly because of the amount of help that Ragnor was having to give Magnus, the amount of work they seemed to be having to do despite the lack of physical strain. Throughout the ceremony, Alec forced himself to focus on Ragnor instead of Magnus, knowing that allowing himself to focus on Magnus would only lead down a road that he didn't need at the moment. But the worst part was that Alec knew that if he didn't focus on something that his thoughts would lead him to Max and what might be happening to his younger brother at the moment.
So he began analyzing the way that Magnus and Ragnor worked with one another, easily recognizing just how comfortable they were with one another. They were clearly working as the perfect team, and Alec was forced to begrudgingly admit that they reminded him of a pair of parabatai. They seemed to both have seen the location of the Mortal Sword at once because they suddenly looked up at one another as though they couldn't possibly have been more surprised by any other location for the Sword. "That can't be right," Ragnor said, shaking his head at Magnus as though there had to be some other explanation. "But I guess it could be, considering Asmodeus." Ragnor's voice trailed off as Magnus finally turned toward the rest of them.
To Alec's surprise, everyone else remained quiet until Magnus finally spoke up, his voice shattering the heavy silence. "The Mortal Sword is in the Garden of Eden," he said, leaving off with more silence. He seemed to know the impact his words would have, so he clearly left room for them to sink in. Alec couldn't help but turn to Jace, his parabatai's expression clearly mirroring the confusion he felt himself. "Oh, come on," Magnus said before anyone else could gather themselves enough to respond. "You cannot tell me that you people believe that you have the blood of angels running through your veins but the Garden of Eden is a thing of dreams. Unbelievable. I mean, of course it's a real place. What did you honestly think I was talking about when I told you why he wanted the Sword?" Magnus said, muttering that last part more to himself than to anyone else.
"Humor me for a second, Magnus," Jace said, surprising Alec by actually speaking to Magnus in a somewhat civil manner. Although Alec had been the one to actually break up with Magnus, Jace hadn't been very kind toward Magnus since then, knowing just how much the situation was hurting Alec. "Even if I believe that the Garden is real, you're telling me that Valentine Morgenstern himself knows where it is and knows how to get there? That he had the ability to hide the Sword there after he stole it? I know Valentine is one of the most famous Shadowhunters, but I'm finding it hard to believe that he has that much power or knowledge." Alec looked down at his feet then, trying to hide the fact that he was smiling because Magnus was smiling as well, giving Jace a look that certainly said he knew more than Jace cared to think.
Magnus chuckled for a moment before answering Jace with the smile on his face spreading ever wider. "I actually have no reason to doubt that Valentine has easily learned about Eden as it's not exactly a well kept secret, at least if you know who to talk to. All the children of Asmodeus know where it is as well as how to get into it. All Valentine had to do was track down one of my half-siblings and convince them to tell him." At that, both Jace and Alec gave Magnus looks that told him that he needed to continue explaining himself. "Asmodeus knows where the Sword is, and he also knows that he can never set foot in the Garden no matter how much he wants his hands on that Sword. But he knows that I know exactly where the entrance is and how to navigate it, so it looks like we are headed to Eden."