Chapter 14: Ruins
"Byakuya-sama," Torio said worriedly, "you look so very pale. I will go and bring Katsuro-sama."
"No," Byakuya insisted, capturing his attendant's hand and squeezing it gently, "I will be all right. Please, just finish preparing me for the service."
Torio smiled sadly.
"Your baby bump has grown some more, just since yesterday," he observed, "It's lucky that our tailor thought to leave some extra space. Are you sure this baby isn't going to come ahead of schedule?"
"One does not put a baby on a birth schedule. As much as we assess and plan, the baby will come when he decides he is ready. We will have to be flexible."
"You have certainly been that," Torio chuckled, stepping back to check his work and nodding, "I think you are ready now. Are you sure you don't want Katsuro-sama to infuse you again before the service starts?"
"I was infused just a short time ago," Byakuya answered wearily, "Katsuro is assisting Tetsuya with the maturing of his powers and must not be disturbed. You are aware of what was sensed nearby, earlier today?"
"Y-yes sir," Torio said, his voice shaking slightly, "A spirit demon."
"Until Tetsuya is prepared, only Katsuro can even sense the demon. The danger to the…"
"What danger is that?" Renji's voice asked from the doorway.
Byakuya froze for a moment, his eyes meeting his estranged husband's warily.
"You look surprised to see me," Renji said, moving forward in slow steps, "Truth is, I feel like crap. I guess we have that in common. But we're Amaya's parents, right? Today's about her, not about what's going on between you and me."
Byakuya took a steadying breath, but gave no answer.
"Hey, I'm not here to stress you out anymore. As much of a bastard as you think I am for holding a grudge, I'm gonna do right by the boy."
"The boy?" Byakuya repeated softly.
Renji's eyes narrowed.
"I came to see if you needed an infusion. If you do…"
"I am fine," Byakuya answered shortly, "I was very recently infused."
"Yeah, by my mysterious stand-in," Renji mused, "Do I get to meet this person?"
"Why does it matter?" Byakuya asked in a barely audible voice, "If it saves you having to put your hands on me, shouldn't you simply be grateful?"
Renji frowned petulantly.
"Byakuya, I didn't come here to start a fight…"
"Then, you will please leave me to my preparations. Things have been made ready in the gardens for the service."
"Y-yeah, thanks for that."
Byakuya gave him a skeptical look.
"I thought you would be angry at me for overstepping an obvious boundary."
"Well, I wasn't around, or in any shape to make plans, and it's important to honor her the way she deserves. So…thanks."
Byakuya gazed quietly at the floor in front of him and said nothing in reply.
"Byakuya, will you tell me what you were talking about before. I mean, wasn't eavesdropping, but if there is some kind of danger…"
"If there is some kind of danger, I will handle it with the very capable forces in my employ," Byakuya said, softly, but firmly, "It is not your duty any longer to see to my protection."
"Stop it, okay?" Renji said, scowling, "I may be pissed off and hurt about what happened, but I don't want you and the boy dead."
"Do you listen to yourself?" Byakuya asked, closing his eyes against the sudden burning in the dark corners, "You say that you are concerned, but your words and everything else put distance between you and even your own son. Is it that much of a burden that he is growing inside me, Renji?"
"I didn't say that."
"Please go. I am feeling ill. I need to calm myself for the service."
"I'll go," Renji persisted, "But first, why don't you tell me what danger you were talking about. If you and…our son are in danger, I want to help. Just let me help, okay?"
"You wouldn't be of any help, since you, like me, are incapable of sensing it. The assistance we are receiving is by way of a royal messenger and is classified."
"Well," Renji said, crossing his arms, "last time I checked, we were still married."
"When you told me you were leaving me, you invalidated your right to act as my spouse," Byakuya explained.
"How about the right to act as your friend?" Renji demanded, "If you're in trouble…"
"I will be fine," Byakuya said, cutting him off, "Renji, I apologize, but I am not up to anything more than this service."
"Hey, I've already lost a daughter," Renji countered, "I don't want to lose you and our boy."
"Our son will be fine," Byakuya said stiffly, "and as for me, I can't be lost, as you have already thrown me away."
"I didn't throw you away."
"That is exactly what you did."
"I was angry, yeah, but…"
"You left me," Byakuya said, recovering a measure of calm, "You have no right now to demand anything of me. Please, Renji, go."
"Uh-uh. I know there's something dangerous going on and I'm not moving an inch until you tell me."
XXXXXXXXXX
"Are you feeling better?" Katsuro asked, holding an arm around Tetsuya as the two knelt on Tetsuya's bed, and caressing the younger man's abdomen, over his aching spirit core, "The increase in power is hard on your body, but you will adjust. But nausea, vomiting, dizziness and lapses of consciousness are part of the adjustment."
"I'm all right," Tetsuya answered, smiling gamely and blushing at the intimate contact, "We should really be going. I need to be with Byakuya during the service. This is really hard for him."
"It's hard for us all," Katsuro agreed, continuing to hold Tetsuya in place, "but you need a few more minutes. Trust me. I had my own powers raised by the king. I remember how it felt. We will be there for Byakuya. Right now, you need to think about yourself. Your body is going through a major transition. If you want to stand at Byakuya's side today and not pass out, you need to take care of yourself."
"I tried to tell him the same thing," Ichigo said from the place where he stood in between the opened garden doors, "He wouldn't listen to me either."
Ichigo looked from the tattooed stranger dressed in black, who knelt on the bed, to Tetsuya, who knelt in front of him, dressed in a silken yukata and looking oddly flushed.
"Ichigo," Tetsuya said, flushing even more.
"What's going on, Tetsuya?" Ichigo asked sternly, "We have an argument and…what? You just…"
"I assure you, you've got the wrong idea," Katsuro said, releasing Tetsuya, who pitched forward slightly and caught himself on his hands.
"Hey," Ichigo said, looking worried, "are you all right? What was he doing to you? You look kind of sick."
"I'll be fine," Tetsuya said, taking a breath and straightening so that he rested on his knees again.
"I uh…I'll be back in a bit," Katsuro said, glancing from Ichigo to Tetsuya, "I think you'll be all right now."
Tetsuya continued to look up at Ichigo as the samurai left the room.
"Tetsuya," Ichigo said in a curious tone, "who is that guy?"
"I am not allowed to say," Tetsuya answered softly, "It is a security matter."
"He's related to Renji," Ichigo insisted, "He has to be. He looks like an older version of him."
"That man is a royal messenger," Tetsuya said shortly, "I am not allowed to speak about him to anyone."
"Not even the guy who saved Soul Society?" Ichigo argued
"Ichigo, I am…under orders not to…"
"Fine," Ichigo sighed in a frustrated tone, "I didn't come here for that. I'm here for the service, and I thought we should talk…about us."
Tetsuya gave him a stricken look.
"Wh-what is there to say?" he asked softly, "I told you that I love you and your silence said everything."
"I was angry."
"I know. And when you become angry, you shut down and refuse to let anyone in. It's very lonely being on the outside of that, Ichigo."
"I'm sorry about that."
"It's all right," Tetsuya assured him, looking down at his untied yukata, then fastening the ends, "I think this last disagreement was just the point at which it became clear that…maybe we are better as friends than anything else."
Ichigo let out an agitated breath.
"Yeah, maybe, I don't know. It just…seems like…"
"I can't think for myself. I live too much for my cousin and don't focus enough on my own life. I heard what you said, and I will not even try to argue anymore. You've said what you needed to say, and you indicated that while I may love you, you can't return that feeling."
"Tetsuya, I didn't say that," Ichigo said, shaking his head, "I just think maybe we should step back and think about things, that's all."
"I understand," Tetsuya said softly, looking down at the bed.
"Tetsuya, I'm sorry," Ichigo apologized, moving forward and curling a warm palm around the slighter man's cheek, "You are…really amazing. You're beautiful, smart and you're a great dancer. I've really enjoyed being with you."
Tetsuya remained perfectly silent as a tear rolled down his face and Ichigo brushed it gently away.
"I don't like hurting you."
"Just go, please. You've said enough," Tetsuya said, closing his eyes.
"I don't want to leave you like this," Ichigo persisted, "It's bad enough I had to do this now…"
"It's fine," Tetsuya said, pulling away and standing, "You aren't the first person who decided I wasn't good enough for him, and you will probably not be the last."
"Tetsuya…"
"I told you to leave," Tetsuya said, shifting into a waterform and disappearing from the room. Ichigo stared for a moment at the place he had been and shook his head in frustration.
"Good going, Ichigo," he muttered to himself, "Way to come off like a complete jerk."
He sighed unhappily.
"I'd better go and fix this."
He stepped back out into the gardens, starting in the direction of Byakuya's room, then sighed more deeply as he heard the house attendants urging the guests to move to the seats that had been placed in front of a covered pavilion that held a small, infant-sized coffin. He made his way to Rukia's side, flinching as she hit him on the arm and glared at him.
"You idiot!" she snapped, "You picked today, of all days to break up with Tetsuya?"
"Damn, news travels fast," Ichigo mused, "What? Did he tell you?"
"I saw him crying and I figured it out, stupid. What were you thinking, doing that today?"
"I wasn't going to tell him today!" Ichigo objected, "I was trying to apologize and be there for him, but Tetsuya already knew."
"Well, you weren't very subtle."
"How would you know? I thought he didn't tell you."
"Why else would he be crying? You know, you really are dumb sometimes. I think you're going to regret breaking his heart like that. Tetsuya doesn't deserve that."
"I never said he did!" Ichigo argued, "I don't know. Maybe we can work things out, but it just seemed like Tetsuya wasn't able to fully engage with me, because he was always so busy thinking about Byakuya."
"He's not in love with Byakuya, baka. He loves you…or he did. You could have tried to understand, what with him coming from the background he does. He grew up in a prison, Ichigo. He had nothing but his cellmate, and then that boy died saving him. Byakuya was Tetsuya's rescuer. Of course they're going to be close and Tetsuya has every reason to be concerned with Byakuya's safety. But that doesn't mean he can't love you. You just need to be patient with him."
"Well, I'm not the most patient person, you know."
"Like you have to tell me that," Rukia sighed, shaking her head reprovingly.
"Hey, I'll find him after the service and make things right, okay?"
The two looked up as Byakuya and Renji entered the gardens, with Tetsuya and the full contingent of Kuchiki elders in their wake. They took their places in front of the gathered mourners and the most aged of the elders moved to the front and gave a short introduction. As the man called Byakuya and Renji forward and the two rose, Byakuya paused, wrapping a pale arm around his midsection and catching his breath sharply.
"Hey, are you all right?" Renji asked.
He sucked in a surprised breath and caught Byakuya in his arms as he collapsed.
"Byakuya!" Renji cried, laying him gently on the damp grass as the house healer and several attendants gathered around.
The elder who had been speaking quickly addressed the guests.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you will give us a moment, please."
Renji bent over Byakuya, rubbing his wrists and reaching over to begin an infusion of his reiatsu.
"If you will excuse us," another of the elders said tersely, "we need to take him somewhere more private."
"Sure, we can take him to his room, right?"
The elder placed a staying hand on Renji's shoulder and gazed solemnly into his glaring eyes.
"Abarai-san," he said quietly, "I do not think I need to remind you that you have separated from our leader and no longer enjoy house privileges. If you will please wait with the guests, we will continue the service as soon as Byakuya has been moved to his room."
"What are you talking about?" Renji objected, "Byakuya is still my husband, and that's my kid he's having. I'm the one who should be giving him those infusions."
"It was our understand, as per our leader, that you were incapacitated and unable to assist him."
"Well, I'm fine and I'm going to help him."
"Abarai-san," the elder said, not unkindly, "If you want to help Byakuya, then please show your daughter the honor that he would have. We will care for Byakuya and you will be able to visit him later."
Renji started to argue the point, then looked sadly up at their daughter's little white coffin.
"Sorry. I guess you're right," he capitulated, "Tell Byakuya I'll take care of this and then I'll come and see him."
"Of course, Abarai-san."
Renji let out a shaky breath as Tetsuya and several attendants carried Byakuya towards the main house, and the guests slowly returned to their seats, while he took his place in front of them. He started to speak, but the words he had planned to say slipped away and he found himself speechless. He moved closer to the little coffin and laid his hand on the top, tears coming to his eyes.
"Thank you all for coming," he said gratefully, "and thanks for waiting. Byakuya will be fine. He is getting some rest and medical care. I know our girl never got to take her first breath, but I was able to hold her in my arms and see how beautiful she was. She was a surprise, one that pretty much threw my life and Byakuya's into chaos. Sounds like my kid, huh? I know that she would have been strong and she would have made us proud. And even though it ended this way, I am proud. I held her inside me…"
Renji paused for a moment as pain stabbed his heart and more tears ran onto his face.
"I felt her reiatsu move and connect with mine. In just that little time, I got to know her…and I fell completely in love with her. Byakuya and I are devastated that she's gone. When I even say that, it feels like being punched in the gut, every time. But…even though it hurts, we wouldn't trade a minute of the time we had with her. And we're grateful for you all coming here to join us in saying our final goodbye to her."
Renji swallowed hard, standing quietly as the aged elder returned to read the final prayers, then the coffin was lifted and borne away to the cemetery. He followed in a daze, barely feeling anything anymore as the coffin was laid gently in an opened grave and each guest sprinkled a handful of soil over to acknowledge the baby's passing. He flinched at the sound as it seemed to repeat endlessly. He barely remembered taking the steps that led back to the gardens, and he broke away from the gathered mourners and ran to Byakuya's bedroom, where he burst inside, then skidded to a stop, staring in surprise.
He gazed raptly at the man who leaned over Byakuya, infusing his abdomen with stabilizing reiatsu, taking in the golden tanned skin, like autumn hair and face, and different, but also bold and dark tattoos that peeked out from under his black uniform. The man met Renji's eyes with dark curiosity as Renji's rounded in shock.
"You!" he gasped breathlessly, "You're him! You're the guy from the diary Byakuya showed me! "Wh-who are you?"
Katsuro paused for a moment, slipping a hand into Byakuya's as Byakuya's dark eyes slowly opened and blinked, trying to clear. The elder Abarai looked back at his son with mingled wariness and affection.
"Who am I?" he repeated, "Renji, I am Abarai Katsuro. I am…or was…your father."