It's been one day, 4 hours, and nineteen minutes since I got back to the ranch. I haven't seen Bella in two days and I was going insane with worry. I freaked out when I got the call from Esme the morning after it happened, and I made Edward speed the whole way back. I thought I would be able to see her, hold her, tell her everything was going to be okay...but to my surprise, she wouldn't let anyone but Rose see her.

I did take comfort in the fact that it was Rose. She had been in Bella's spot before and I knew she would take care of her, but I wanted to be the one Bella leaned on for support. I couldn't really understand her reasoning for not wanting to see me, other than she was embarrassed by what happened. I didn't think she knew that I wouldn't judge her, or look at her differently, I just wanted to be with her.

She had been doing so good since we got together. She started accepting herself, and opening up more to me. Then that fucking douche bag of her father had to put doubts in her head. I told her that there was nothing wrong with her, and she seemed to agree, but I'm not so sure she was convinced. Sure we had been going slow, even before her father caught us. But going slow didn't bother me at all.

Any bit of Bella that I got, I felt privileged to. And it warmed me to think that it had been me that she chose to open her heart to. Recently, we had been getting more intimate, and surprisingly enough, she's the one who started it. Though she did enforce a 'waist up only' rule, and that was fine with me. Of course, being me, I told her it was more than okay to touch me anywhere, but she was shy. Only touching the sides of my waist, back, or arms.

I wondered how long it would take for us to get back to that. Not that I wanted to just jump right in, she was raped for fucks sake. I would have strangled Bobby, if he wasn't already in jail when I got back. Now I'm just...waiting. I know Esme went out and got Bella a phone, and Rose programmed all of our numbers in it, so she could reach us at any time, but my phone hasn't rung yet.

Half of me wants to just go over there and barge my way in, but the other half of me wants to respect her decision. When she wants to talk, she'll call. And all I can do until then is try and focus on my daily work. Not that that helped anyway, but I was busy doing something, instead of pacing around my room like I did yesterday.

I was glad that she had agreed to take more therapy, maybe the doctor would help her sort out her feelings. From what little I've heard, Bella's been shockingly calm, and shows little emotion. Which isn't her at all, and not what she should be feeling right now. Not that I would know though, and Bella's different than most girls, so I could be wrong. All I know, is that I want my Bella back.

On Wednesday, I told Rose that I could manage my myself, and at that time, I was pretty confident. But after she left, I felt so...alone, and paranoid. I did manage to make it down the hall and into the bathroom without having a panic attack. I made sure I locked the door at least three times before I finally got in the shower. Usually I don't rush, but I didn't want to stay in there long, so I quickly soaped up and rinsed, then hopped out and dried myself.

When I closed the door to my room, I felt like I could breath again. I locked the door behind me and dried my hair with the towel. I didn't realized how sore I still was, so my arms tired out faster then usual, so I gave up after a minute. I carefully laid back down, releasing a breath as my now cool sheets welcomed me. I don't know how much time went by, but I stared at the ceiling for what seemed like forever. Counting and recounting the blotches in the wood panels.

Eventually I got bored and closed my eyes. I was almost about to drift away when I heard a noise in the hall. I sat up in a flash, ignoring my sore muscles as they screamed at me, and focused my attention on my door. My heart was beating so loud, it was infringing on my hearing. Then, there was a light knock on my door, and I looked around my room for something, in case I had to defend myself. I saw nothing useful, except maybe the nightstand. Another knock, and then a gentle voice.

"Bella, honey...it's Esme."

Oh, thank God.

I got up and unlocked the door, meeting Esme's eyes, then opening the door further to let her in. She gave me a small smile as she set a Tupperware container on my nightstand before turning to face me again.

"Thanks." I said quietly.

Next thing I knew, her arms were flung around my waist, holding me firmly. My body was in panic mode, but my brain knew I was in no danger. I mean, it was Esme for Christ sakes. It took me a few moments to respond, and I was happy she gave me the time. I slid my arms around her neck and buried my face in the crook of her shoulder.

Her hands rubbed my back as my hand went into her hair, holding her close. She smelled similar to Alice, and had the same uber soft hair as her too. I missed this...a mother's touch. Esme had been more of a mother to me than my own, in the short time I've been here. She believed in me without question, she showed affection without it being forced. I knew she truly cared about me.

We stood there for a while, Esme swaying us from side to side, soothing me. I would have fallen asleep if I didn't realize I was probably holding her up from her work. I pulled away slowing, giving her a 'thank you' kiss on the cheek. She smiled before bringing her hand to my face, wiping away tears that I hadn't even known that had fallen. Carefully avoiding my bruises as she did, which I had forgotten about, and I probably looked like crap. After the tears were gone, she cupped my face with both hands and leaned forward, pressing her lips to my forehead, as mothers do.

"Well, I brought us lunch, if you don't mind me joining you?" She said as she backed away.

I could tell she was emotional and didn't want to break down, especially in front of me.

"Of course."

I went to sit on the bed, but her voice interrupted my movements.

"I was thinking we could eat outside. You've been cooped up in here way too long."

Outside...where anyone and everyone could see me?

"There are chairs out back." She said, sensing my obvious nervousness.

I nodded, and she gave me a big smile as she picked up the container and grabbed my hand to lead me out back. I stopped at the threshold momentarily, before allowing her to lead me the rest of the way around the cabin. I had no idea there was a patio with chairs back here.

We were both quiet as we ate, and I was actually enjoying sitting out here. There was a nice cool breeze going, birds were chirping, and I was chowing down on one of the most delicious sandwiches ever. Esme made the simplest things taste amazing. Though as we sat there in silence, one question kept coming back to me. I swallowed my food before I cleared my throat, getting ready to speak.

"How's Alice?" I asked nervously.

"She's...really worried."

I knew Esme wasn't trying to make me feel bad about not having seen Alice, but I still felt a wave of guilt wash through me.

"I don't know how many times I've picked up the phone to call her, but lost my nerve." I confessed.

"You don't have to be afraid, Bella."

I nodded, trying to convince her, and myself.

"I have a surprise for you." She said as she got up out of the chair. "Wait here."

I was about to protest, but she was out of my sight before I knew it. About five minutes later, she came back with a puppy following behind her. She handed me the red leash and smiled.

"This is Abby."

The small, tan puppy came over to me excited, licking my hand as I outstretched it to pet it's head.

"We just got her yesterday. I though she would be perfect to keep you company, so you don't have to be alone. She's the sweetest little thing."

She was fucking cute...and she would make me feel safer when Rose or Esme's not around. I picked the dog off the ground and set her on my lap. She immediately cuddled into me, licking my on the neck, right where I'm ticklish.

"She can stay with you as long as you like, Bella."

/-/

Abby had only been with me for a few hours, but I was already attached to her. She followed me everywhere...including the bathroom. I thought it was cute, and I felt good caring for something. Right now, she seemed okay with just laying with my on my bed, her head resting on my arm as her body was snuggled up against my side.

It wasn't too long before my phone vibrated in my pocket, and Abby cocked her head sideways, making my giggle. I glanced at the screen before I answered it, seeing it was Rose.

"Hey, I'll be over there in a minute, are you ready?"

Oh, yeah...therapy.

"Yeah, just have to put on my shoes. See you in a sec."

I hung up the phone and glanced at Abby, giving me a look like she knew I was going to leave her. I took her outside for a quick bathroom break, while I filled up her water and food bowl that Esme brought by after lunch. Slipping into my sandals, not having the energy to put on socks and shoes.

I left my door open, for Abby, so she could come and go as she pleased, and headed down the hall, with her right behind me. Heidi and Jane were sprawled out on the couch watching something on TV, and I shyly approached them. I had seen them around the cabin, but I hadn't actually talked to them since I got back from the hospital. They both put their full attention on me as I sat in the chair beside the couch, wondering what to say to me.

"Can you two keep an eye on Abby while I'm gone?" I asked, motioning to the pup sitting in front of me.

"Of course, Bella."

"I left my bedroom door open so she can go in and out if she wants. And she has food and water in her bowls, so she should be okay. I'll only be gone like, two hours."

Their response was cut short as Rose came through the door. I pet Abby's head before I got up, then followed Rose out to her car.

/-/

"So, Bella..." Dr. Davies started. "on Tuesday you said something about your past with drugs. Is it okay that we go back and talk about it more?"

She already knows about the gay thing, so why not?

"Yeah."

"You said you started doing drugs because you didn't like who you were then. What didn't you like about yourself?"

"I was struggling with my sexuality." I said quietly. "Used drinking and drugs to try and forget about it."

"And I take it didn't end well?"

"No, it made me hate myself more. I was in and out of a juvenile detention center twice, before I got clean."

"Do you like who you are now?"

"For the most part, but I have Alice to thank for that."

"Is Alice your girlfriend?"

I nodded. "She's the one that made me feel okay with everything. Before her, I used to have a constant battle in my head. My heart and mind always going at it, tearing me in different directions."

She nodded like she knew what I was talking about.

"I'm not going to lie though, I still have...issues."

"Everyone has issues."

"Yeah well, most people have normal issues." I pointed out.

"What are your issues then?"

God, where to start...

"I'm still not comfortable with showing affection with Alice in front of people. We've been taking things slow, and she doesn't mind, but I hate not

"How long have you been together?"

"A few weeks."

"And how far have you taken it with her?"

If she wasn't a doctor, I'd be creeped out by where this conversation was going.

"We haven't had sex, but recently the touching has increased."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Well, yeah. I actually initiated it. But with rules. I wasn't ready for too much yet."

"You talk in past tense, how far do you think this set you back?"

It was then that I realized, I would have to start all over with Alice. I couldn't just jump back in to where we had left off, and pretend nothing happened.

"Here's your homework," She continued. "call Alice. You need to start making steps forward, and I know you don't want to see her just yet, but call."

Call...I could do that, hopefully.

"O-okay."

/-/

"There you are, the pup has been crying at the door ever since you left." Heidi said as she came into the living room.

I sat down on the couch, petting a very excited Abby.

"Crying? I wasn't gone that long, hon." I said in a slightly higher voice.

She followed me back to my room where I took off my hoodie and shoes, watching me as I did so.

"Want to go outside?" I asked.

Her eyes widened and she sneezed, as if saying 'yes!'. I laughed before going out in the hall and opening the back door, letting her out. I sat in one of the lounge chairs on the patio and pulling my bare feet under my body as I watched Abby jump around the back yard, chasing pretty much anything that moved. Though she was a good dog, and never left my sight.

After a while, We headed back in, and I bit my lips as I took the silver phone out of my pocket. Abby sat on the bed, silently watching me pace back and forth across the room for the next ten minutes as I tried to muster up the courage to call Alice. I knew I had to before the next time I saw Dr. Davies, but I was still scared. I don't know how many times I highlighted her name, but never pressed send. It would help if I could ease my way into it...but how?

Thinking for a few minutes, I thought of Jake. If I could call him, than I could call Alice. Yes, I was going to do it. Without hesitation, I went through my contacts list until I came to Jake's name. I pressed send, and didn't have to wait long, he answered on the second ring.

"Bella?" He asked.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Rose told me they got you a phone, and since I didn't recognize this number, I figured it was you. Anyway, Bella...oh my God I've missed you!"

"I miss you too, J."

"I've been so worried! I wanna punch that fucking Bobby so hard, he'll never forget it."

I cringed at his name, but at the same time, I couldn't help but smile that Jacob wants to defend me.

"Yeah, well...he's in jail now. That's good enough for me."

As long as I never saw him again...

There was a moment of silence before he spoke up again.

"Bells..."

I knew that tone.

"Alice is going insane without you."

"I know...I was planning on calling her after I talked to you."

"Not saying that I don't appreciate it, but she's your girlfriend, why did you call me first?"

"I...I was hoping if I had the courage to call you, that would give me more courage to call her."

He chuckled at that.

"Bells, you don't have to be afraid to call her."

"Yeah, that's what everyone keeps saying..."

"Well, then maybe you should listen."

"I will."

"Hey, uh...can I swing by tomorrow and see you?"

"Um..."

You have to start seeing people at some point, why not start with Jake?

"Okay." I answered.

"R-really?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. I have to start moving forward."

Dr. Davies would be proud.

"Great! Now go call Alice, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. Night, Jake."

"Goodnight, Bells."

After I hung up, I started to get really nervous. My hands started to shake and my breathing became erratic. I tried to convince myself that I could call her tomorrow night, but I couldn't make her wonder for another day. I flipped the phone back open and took a few deep breaths before I highlighted her name. It was now of never. I pressed call and waited. It rang once before she picked up.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hey...it's me."

A/N: Reference pics links for Dr. Davies' office, and Abby the puppy, can be found on my profile page.

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