A/N Buckets of sorriness! I actually don't remember the last time I updated. That could mean one of two things, that it's been a while, or that I have a bad memory. Anyways, I've been reading a book every three days since last Saturday (Pretty Little Liars, awesome book), and playing the Sims 2(I made a 'Billy Shakespeare-a-gogo land neighborhood). I also think my betaish fetish fell off the face of the earth! =[ Anywhooo….
Enjoyyy!
3:00pm
Outside the loo
I've been waiting here for 5 minutes.
2 minutes later
I'm going in.
3:15pm
Laughing
So. Hard (oo-er).
Oh…God…
…
3:30pm
I guess I should be worried, but I'm laughing too hard.
10 minutes later
Living room
I said, "And Libby was stuffing socks in her bra…hahahahaha… saying 'big basoomas, big basoomas…' What's wrong with her?"
Dave said, "I guess the acorn doesn't fall far from the cactus."
1 minute later
Hmph.
6:30pm
Dave just left, not forgetting to snog me, numero 6-io, of course.
I don't think we know how to be matey-type mates. Maybe there's a reason for that.
30 seconds later
I can hear vati, mutti, and Uncle Eddie outside. No use in trying to run upstairs, I wouldn't have enough time before they got in. I'll just pretend I'm asleep.
1 minute later
No sense in that either, even if I was asleep, they would have woken me up. Uncle Eddie and vati are making farting noises with their mouths, and Libby is clapping along singing "Bananaaaaa".
They're all bloody mad.
10 minutes later
After their concert was over Uncle Eddie explained that he'd gotten this new video game called "Just Dance 2". Apparently you copy the moves on the screen, and make a complete arse out of yourself.
1 minute later
I'm definitely not going to do it, but I'd love to see them dance.
5 minutes later
One can only assume by the way they're warming up (lunches, pelvic thrusts, etc.) that they've been drinking.
2 minutes later
The game has loaded, and they've broken out the vinto. This should be good.
30 minutes later
Oh God. This game is amazing. Dad and Uncle Eddie have actually broken one of our windows when they fell over each other dancing to "Rehab" by a lady with beehive styled hair.
9:00pm
Bedroom
I finally had to leave. I mean it was très amusant, but vati took of his wig (!) and that was enough for me. And if that was bad enough, Libby, Uncle Eddie, and vati started having a farting contest. Gross.
10 minutes later
It's time like these where I miss being a girl. Because I could be doing my beautiosity work. But no. I can't give up; if I do then I'll be forced to be Dave the Laugh's slavey girl. Can you imagine what he'd make me do?
I'd be walking around naked for the whole week. Well actually no, on occasion he'd let me wear a hula skirt. Probably to live out some creepy Hawaiian fantasy.
Also, if he's my slavey boy, I could make him carry me around everywhere. And do my froggy homework.
5 minutes later
Looking at my legs in the mirror
It's like a forest. I should measure it.
They're at least a meter long.
And don't ever get me started on my eyebrows.
10:00pm
I wonder what the Sex God is doing.
10:15pm
Cooorr…I've just thought about his eyes.
1 minute later
And his hair, and his arms, and his lips…
I don't think he has any flaws. At all.
10:20pm
Well except for dating a slug, but that's beside the point.
10:30pm
Hey! There's another good point for me having the "Now that I have the snogging sickness" list, I don't have to see Wet Lindsay!
But I also don't get to see any of my mates. I can't believe they haven't called, or visited all day. Don't they care about me?
10:45pm
I wonder where Bertha went…
Zzzzzz…
Tuesday September 12th
11:00am
I spent all of yesterday in the loo.
I didn't even bother eating.
I wonder if I've lost weight in my nose. Can that happen?
2 minutes later
Nope. It seems even bigger now that I've lost all this weight.
Fantastic.
11:30pm
Checking messages
No messages from any of my so called mates. But there were two from Robbie.
He says that he misses me, and is going to "ski the hills of tomorrow", which means "come visit your lunch tomorrow". I made it up; I think its vair creative.
1 minute later
Oh God. That's in a half hour.
Loo
Mutti has this de-oilalizer of the face soap.
It's great. Your skin can be oily, and you just use the soap, and viola! You have yourself oil-free skin without any make-up.
I wonder if this works on hair, too.
2 minutes later
Ouch! It doesn't work on hair.
My scalp burns!
5 minutes later
Scrubbing my scalp like there's no yesterday. Or tomorrow. I don't remember but it hurts!
11:40pm
Putting my wig back on. When did my face get this red?
11:45pm
Lying down on the couch with frozen meat on my face. I hope this de-reds it.
11:59pm
Doorbell is ringing. He's here.
Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh.
At the door
I stuck the meat under the couch, hopefully Angus will find it.
Walking around the park with Robbie
He said that he'll probably get in trouble if they find him skipping, but he missed me too much.
2 minutes later
Robbie leaned into kiss my cheek, but the second he touched it, he jumped back.
What? Whyyy? My nunga's are well strapped down, I could almost here Dave say "boo!" to that, and my hair was on my head, and my nose was sucked in. Why is he jumping away from me? Poo and also merde.
20 seconds later
I think he noticed my disappointed expression.
Robbie said, "Well, it's like, I kind of...it's hard to…I have to go."
And he ran the opposite direction of his house.
Was I just dumped?
I hope not.
I'm confused.
Jas's house
Jas has a goldfish bowl on her head, not literally a goldfish in a bowl on her head, like the whole part on her head like a space man. She says she's afraid of catching my germs. I keep breathing heavily on all her owls. Ha.
20 minutes later
Jas about past out for lack of oxygen, so she made me stay outside her room, with her door closed, and while she disinfects her room, I'm explaining what happened with Robbie earlier.
Jas shouted, "Tom has been acting the same way. Whenever we're video chatting, I'll go to snog the screen, so it's like I'm snogging him, but he'll turn away and then start talking about vegetables! Not that I have a problem with vegetables, I've been learning a lot more about them since I've been working! Did you know that an average potato-"
I opened the door before she could say anything more, grabbed an owl, threw it at her, and went back outside her room.
I shouted, "Jas, please shut up! And focus on me! Is she turned off by me being a boy-girl? Is it my nose? I think it's getting smaller, what do you think?"
"I think it's actually got flatter!"
"I had meat on it before!"
"Why?"
"My face burned!"
"Oh!"
1 minute later
Jas's mom came by and said, "Why did your face burn?"
"I needed to de-oilalize my face."
Jas shouted, "You want to de-ionize your face? Why would you do that?"
Sacre bloody bleu.
30 minutes later
Merde. Bertha will be home soon from her walk with Hurley. She goes on them for an hour for exercise. But whenever she comes home her make-up is all smudged. I think she just cries.
Home
Bertha is trying to teach me froggers. She's put on the movie "Amélie". We're at the part where the fish tries to commit suicide, I don't blame him. If I wasn't so tired, I would probably would, because Bertha is crying. She's saying things about symbolism in the way he tries to free himself from the confines of an unloving home. Of course Bertha, of course. 20 minutes later Amélie said, "You'll never be a vegetable. Even cabbages have hearts." It's a real hoot and a half. 30 seconds later Not.