Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

CHAPTER: 14

"Bobby, do you really want me to leave?" She asked him for what seemed to be the hundredth time. She knew that, even if he said "yes," she still wouldn't leave him. She couldn't. She'd remain next to him for as long as he would allow it.

I swear to god if he assumes I'm leaving him one more time, I'm going to slap him silly.

Bobby thought about if for a few moments. He really did…for her own sake of course, but he found himself shaking his head. He felt selfish at the revelation. It was strange, but he'd be lost without her; and he deeply feared it. He feared it so much that it caused him to shake.

"No." He mumbled. "I was…I was talking about our…our partnership."

"I know." She whispered.

"But…But I'd be lost without you. It's just that…it hurt…."

"What hurt, Bobby? That—"

"The thought that…that you were going to leave me." He cut her off. "And yet…you remained." He whispered in awe. "I keep asking you to…to leave me now…if you want to leave me, because I was…I am embarrassed. I want to be prepared when you…when you leave me." He mumbled.

"I'm not leaving!" She firmly told him.

He sighed and pulled back to look at her in the eyes.

"I was teased after that…that incident because my…my partner couldn't even…" He lowed his voice. "Couldn't even stand me. Even to the point of where someone said I…I "guilted" my partner…you, into staying this whole time…with me." He shook as he continued. "But I can live with that. It just hurt that I had to find out that way." He explained as he slowly released his grip from her and lied back down. He couldn't hold himself up any longer, though Alex was doing most of the holding. "I would've…I never would've expected that from you." He shivered and turned away from her. "I was blind sided." He whispered. "I just wish you would've told me…"

"Who teased you, Bobby?" She said angry and then, "I'm sorry, Bobby. I'm so sorry. You know that none of that is true. I stayed because I wanted to. I just…I didn't know you then, Bobby, but I got to know the true man behind the name, your name, and I'm lucky I didn't leave."

"It doesn't matter. I'm not ten-years-old, Eames. I'm a big boy…I think I can handle it. Besides, I don't care what people say about me anymore…I've basically given up on—"

"But I do!" She exhaled deeply. "Bobby…" She muttered, turning to rub his shoulder. "Why didn't you ever talk to me about all of this?"

"Because I…" He licked his lips and lowered his voice. "Because I'm 'Crazy Goren.' I'm the 'Whack Job.' I have no…I don't have any feelings." He sobbed. "After my mom died…it's never been the same. I feel so alone, Eames…and you have no idea how bad it hurts. It's the worst feeling ever. I thought after it had…ended…after she died, that I'd feel some sort of relief, but the only thing I felt…feel was…is loneliness."

Bobby broke down. He began to let it all out. For the first time in his life, everything that absorbed him like a sponge was now flooding out of him and he deeply trusted the person sitting in front of him with this information. His walls failed him now, as they lay shattered on the ground around the two of them. Bobby confessed everything, everything that upset him, hurt him and things that troubled him; things he worried about. It all poured off of his crevasses. He looked so broken, so hurt as he confessed everything to Alex. At times, he even looked embarrassed.

"Bobby…" She exclaimed. "I'm not leaving you. You're not alone. Can't you see that? I'll never leave you. Never!" She sternly told him. "I'm just…I'm sorry you had to find out that way. I wish…I should've told you, Bobby."

"P—People always go…they leave me…it's what I'm used to…"

Alex sighed, she couldn't argue with that part of his life. Slowly, Alex started to drift her hand down his hip, patting it lightly to reassure him, when he winced in pain. Immediately she pulled her hand back in horror.

Oh god.

"Bobby, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to touch—"

"No!" He practically jumped out of bed and turned his head to look at her. "I mean…its fine. It's just that…" He bit his lip. He wasn't sure how to tell her so he mustered up the courage and slowly turned onto his back.

It's the only way.

After a few moments, Bobby reached down to his boxers and lowered one side of them a bit so that they were bellow his belly button and resting just on his hip bone. An immediate gasp was exerted from Alex's mouth as she saw, for the first time, what the chain had done to his waist.

There goes all the dignity I have left…

Bobby's eyes were tightly closed so that he couldn't see Alex's reaction. He heard it though and it made him tighten up.

"Oh. My. God. Bobby, I…I'm so sorry. I didn't know…I didn't realize it was that…bad." Of course it was that bad, you idiot. She mused. "Does it…does it hurt?" She softly asked as she tried to fight back the tears. She wanted to desperately soothe him, but she figured he'd back away now. He was already opening up more than he'd ever done so she didn't want to push her luck. Bobby didn't open his eyes, so she tried again. "Please, Bobby, please look at me." And he did.

He looked at her for a brief moment as he let his boxers rise back above his hip, and then closed his eyes. He wanted to desperately hide underneath the covers.

"Yes…it hurts. They gave me some cream to put on it…but it…it's not worth it." He admitted.

"Bobby, you need to use it so you don't have any scar—"

"The doctor said I would scar there anyway…and…and on my ankles and wrists as well. It's just supposed to stop it from hurting and…and heal better than it would without it."

"Bobby, I'm sorry. I wish I would've never let you go in there."

"Like you could've stopped me." He said matter-of-factly. "Once I make up my mind…." He trailed off. "You know how I get, Eames…I…I'm just sorry I had to put you in that position. Now you have a mark on your jacket because of my actions. All you tried to do was help me. It's not fair to you, Eames."

"I don't care about that, Bobby."

"But I do! " He yelled. "I should be dead!" His voice rose. "Then you…you wouldn't have to deal with me." He mumbled the last part, but she had heard him.

"Bobby, is that what you thought? Is that what you think?" Small pieces of the puzzle were falling into place now. "Bobby…" She attempted but he refused to look her in the eyes this time. "Bobby, you look at me now!"

Bobby shifted and looked her in the eyes.

"Yes. It's how I felt…how I feel. I…I'm just a burden to you. It's not fair to you, Eames. I know you didn't have a choice when you were partnered with me and now look where it's gotten you…" He explained. "I figured I was just…I was just doing everyone a favor…including myself."

"Jesus, Bobby." And Alex started to sob. Uncontrollably.

"I'm s—sorry. It was just…easier."

Alex started to shake as she put her hands up, lightly covering her face.

"You did this because you thought you were a burden?" She asked with her hands still covering her face.

"Yes." He whispered. "More or less…mixed with a few…a few other things." He mumbled. Bobby sat up in bed and reached for her hands. Slowly, he pulled them away from her face.

"Bobby…" She attempted as she felt him grab her hands. "Taking…taking your own life isn't doing anyone a favor. Did you think I'd not miss you? That I'd just say goodbye to one partner and move on as if it were nothing? As if you didn't mean anything to me…after 7, almost 8 years?!"

He sighed. It sounded like a good idea at the time.

"I don't know…I was just…"

"Just what?"

"Just doing it for you…for me…for everyone, for so many reasons. I can't explain my reasoning behind my thoughts…especially not that night…but…" He sobbed. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, Alex." He said as he brought her tiny hands that were cupped in his large ones up to his face. He lightly kissed them as if begging her for forgiveness.

Bobby and Alex were in a tight hug once more. Both needed the contact just as equally as the other. After several minutes, Alex pulled away and looked at Bobby, straight into his watering, brown eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just wasn't…wasn't thinking about…about anyone but myself. I…I was but at…in the end…it would only relieve my pain." He mumbled.

"Bobby, don't you think that's up to me to decide?" He looked at her, deep into her eyes and she thought she could feel him reaching for her heart. "If I wanted to leave you, I would've left a long time ago, but I didn't. And I don't want to." She wiped at her face. "And I don't want you to leave me, either. Bobby, being without you in my life would have been…I can't even..." She sobbed, she was unable to finish, and then she whispered, "I don't know what I'd do without you…if you…if you weren't here right now…"

"I'm…I'm sorry. I guess…I guess I just didn't think I…I mattered to anyone."

"You matter to me, Bobby. To me!" She told him.

"I know." He swallowed. "I realize that…now." He paused. "I…I just knew I was falling…and I…and when I started to fall, I didn't want to take you with me along the way."

"I'd rather fall with you, Bobby, than not be with you at all."

He nodded and he understood her. "If you say so…"

"I say so." She told him and she meant it.

He closed his eyes and mumbled, "Tired" and then "Sorry."

"It's ok, Bobby. You need your rest. We can talk later, ok?" He nodded. "Are you still dizzy?" She asked, grabbing the ice pack off the bed that had long since fallen off of his head when he first sat up. "Your head looks bad, Bobby."

"No, not too bad. I…I feel better. I have a bad head ache, but what do you expect?" He almost smiled. "I'm just…Cold." He choked out.

"Well, this was resting up against your body," She held up the icepack, "Instead of your forehead like it should've been." She smiled at him. "Here." She pulled the covers back. "Roll over so I can get you under these. I can't if you're laying on them."

Slowly, he rolled over to the other side. She folded the covers down and called him to come back over to her. She tucked him in and sat back on the edge of the bed.

"Better?" He nodded. "Ok, I'll let you get some rest but first you're going to put some of that ointment on your—" She didn't even know what to call it, so therefore, she didn't try.

Bobby looked up at her and only nodded. "It's ok, Eames." He managed in a whisper. "I, um…can you get it for me? It's on my dresser over there." He nodded in the right direction.

Alex touched his shoulder briefly and then stood up off the bed to retrieve the cream. When she came back, she went to hand it to Bobby, only to find that his eyes were closed.

"Bobby, wake up." She said only slightly worried.

"I am awake, mom. I just had my eyes closed." He said with his eyes still closed.

"Mom? I'm not old enough to be you're mother, Bobby. Actually, come to think of it, you're older than I am." She smirked and this got him to open one eye.

"Smart ass." He said as he slowly sat up with the help of Alex. He propped his back against his headboard and then grabbed the cream from her hand.

It actually made Alex happy to see Bobby muster up a joke. Somewhere inside of him, she saw the old Bobby returning. At least she hoped. She had to grin and prayed that quite possibly, he would make it through this.

"Do you need any help?" She asked hesitantly.

Alex knew Bobby never liked to ask for help, but she felt helpless just standing there watching him. She knew he needed help because of how weak he'd been lately, so it was no surprise to her when he nodded.

She knew she'd feel uncomfortable at first, touching him in places she only dreamt of, and she figured he would be as well, but she didn't care. If he needed help, then she would be there to help him.

"I…Can you, um…can you do my ankles…please?" He quietly asked her with his head dipped down.

"Sure, Bobby." She said as she reached for the ointment that was still in Bobby's hand.

Slowly, Bobby moved the covers to one side so that she could access his legs to apply the cream to his ankles. She winced at the sight of them. She felt horrible.

How the hell could anyone do this to a human being? She was pissed but even more so, hurt. Upset that it had happened to him of all people. He was so kind and fragile and this was the last thing he needed in his life right now. No one every deserves this…especially Bobby.

She nodded towards him, and then turned her body to face his legs. She started to make small circles on his ankles, every now and then looking up to make sure he was ok. He only nodded and she continued. After finishing up with the left ankle, she moved to the right. They looked horrible and definitely painful. She couldn't even imagine what it was like; strapped down to a steel table with chains, no food and water for god knows how long and the thought that you might never make it out of there alive...

Oh god, the thoughts that must've been racing through his mind. And then it hit her even harder. He needs to talk about it…I KNOW it has to do with all of what has happened these past few weeks.

Alex felt tears building up in her eyes. She prayed that they didn't fall. She finally, to some degree, understood what Bobby's life entitled and why he wanted to end it.

"Alex, what's wrong?" Bobby asked.

Now is not the time, Alex. He needs his rest.

"Nothing, Bobby." She remarked as she finished up his other ankle. "Is this ok?" He nodded. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"Yeah, that's perfect." He mumbled and then, "You could never hurt me, Eames."

She forced a small smile. "Don't forget to get your waist and wrists." She reminded him as she started to get up. "Do you need anymore help?"

He shook his head as a yawn overtook him.

"I can do the rest. Um, thanks."

"Go to sleep, Bobby. I'm still coming in here every hour and waking you up so you better enjoy the sleep. Ok?"

"Ok, Eames…and Eames."

"Hmm?"

"Thank you." He mumbled as he lay back down. He was waiting for her to leave before he pulled his boxers down to apply the cream all the way. He was ashamed of the raw marks on his already marred up body.

Alex knew it was going to be a long, rigorous road ahead of them; but she believed in Bobby and knew that he could make it. He was a strong man and just need a friend, his partner to help him those last few feet.

A/N: Hope you like it so far.

-Snyder-