14
Glen took a long swallow from the bottle of bourbon that Amanda handed to him as soon as he got in the truck.
He was angry. Actually angry did not touch what he was. Who the fuck needed somebody like Vivian? She was weak, and she was making him weak in response to it.
He took another drink and handed the bottle to Amanda. She was driving them down a dark country road, her face an odd green in the back-glow of the instrument panel. She took her own shot from the bottle and handed it back. "You sounded like you needed it more than me, hon." She said with a smirk.
Glen couldn't argue with that. He drank again, feeling the alcohol burn its way down to his stomach.
"Find a place to park." He said gruffly, not even looking in her direction. Amanda raised an eyebrow and guided the truck onto a one lane road. She found a spot to pull in between some trees along the side. She shut off the engine and lights and they sat in the dark listening to the engine ticking. She had borrowed Rob's truck, without really asking to. He was sleeping, and she hadn't wanted to wake him up.
"Now tell me what's wrong." Amanda said, scooting closer.
Glen huffed and drank more bourbon. A part of him – a very tiny, very weak part – wondered just in what the hell he was doing. He liked Vivian. He did…he liked her looks, he liked her intelligence, he liked her way with people and animals and…yes, her way with him. And that part was trying to assert itself, although weakly. Glen once more felt like he was a passenger in his own body.
"Was it your friend? The one you kept blowing me off for?" Now Amanda was running her fingers up his shoulder and neck. "Did she not give you want you wanted?"
"The fuck would you know about what I want?" Glen said sourly, wondering what had gotten into him.
"Big, strong guy like you…you need somebody to take care of you…" Amanda practically purred, not put out by his gruff attitude. In fact, it seemed to excite her. She dropped her hand onto his crotch and rubbed him through the material of his jeans. "You can do whatever you want to me…do anything you want. Anything that she wouldn't let you do."
At that Glen turned his head and looked at her. She licked her upper lip and smiled as his eyes followed the movement.
"Do you want to hurt me? Is that it?" Amanda grabbed his hand and pulled it up, putting it against her chest. "Do you want me to pretend I'm her? Will that make it better? Just tell me what she looks like and…"
"No."
"Oh." She was momentarily distracted by his voice. Then she smiled and drew his hand upward until his fingers were wrapped around her throat. "Fine then. You can do whatever you want to me. Just tell me what you want."
Glen rubbed the smooth slim column of her throat thoughtfully as he drank a bit more of the bourbon. "Anything I want?"
"Name it."
He dropped the bottle and shoved Amanda back, covering her, his hand tightening around her throat. "Fight me off." He growled out, using his free hand to rip at her clothes. Amanda smiled to herself and did exactly as he ordered her there in the cab of the truck.
Glen blinked and was in his bed, feeling achy, his head pounding. It felt like something fuzzy had crawled into his mouth and died while he slept. Sunlight poured in through the window, making him wince.
He groaned and sat up, blinking at the clock. It was just past eight in the morning. He shook his head and grabbed some clean clothes and headed for the bathroom.
Vivian's door was shut, which was odd. He glanced at it had a flash of something, either he had upset her…or…
Glen couldn't remember. It was weird too because he remembered very clearly sitting with her and Vivian giving him a shoulder rub that nearly put him into a coma, it had felt so nice. And…going to bed? He frowned and shut the door behind him, trying to remember.
He turned on the water and glanced at the mirror. And immediately did a double take.
He had scratches on him. A lot of scratches. Most on his shoulders, a few on his neck, and across his chest and arms. He turned and craned his neck and saw more going down his back.
"What the hell…"
There were other marks as well. A bruise on his neck, and another on his lower stomach. Small, round and…well. Yeah. Probably caused by a mouth sucking a little too hard. Which was strange because he and Vivian had not done anything but watch movies the night before.
He kept telling himself not to freak out. Obviously there was an explanation. He just had to figure it out. He got into the shower and washed off, expecting the scratches to sting. They didn't. In fact…they did not seem nearly as bad as they had just moments before. By the time he was done in the shower and toweling off the marks had faded until they were barely visible. Except for the bruises. They remained.
He left the bathroom and glanced once more at Vivian's room. The door was ajar now, and for some reason he got a sense of apprehension just looking at it. She wasn't in there…at least not in the area he could see through the open door. He headed down the stairs and paused in the doorway to the kitchen.
Vivian was standing at the sink, drinking a glass of orange juice. Her eyes were red and swollen and she looked as if she hadn't slept well. A concerned frown crossed his features as he stepped into the room.
"Vivian, are you all right?"
Vivian jumped and whirled around, dropping her almost-empty juice glass. Glen caught it, barely, before it could shatter on the floor. His head might be pounding to beat the band but his reflexes were still decent. He set the glass in the sink and eyed her with growing concern as she backed away from him, staying well out of arm's reach.
Something flashed behind his eyes, something…touching her? Or kissing her? On the couch, yes, he could remember he'd kissed her on the couch when they had started the second movie. But…
"What is it? What's wrong?"
Vivian just looked at him, and he caught something in her eyes…a flash of anger maybe, and something else, something he could not define. It made him feel about three inches tall, whatever it was.
Glen took a step toward her and Vivian backed up, keeping the distance between them the same. "Don't." She said. Her voice was hoarse.
"What happened last night? Vivian…"
She laughed. It sounded harsh, as if she were really trying not to cry. "You're going to act like you don't remember?" She asked, incredulous.
Glen sank down into a chair and tried to think of anything he could have done…anything at all…but there was nothing. Except for the one thing he did remember. "I kissed you. You rubbed my neck and then I kissed you. And then…then…" He trailed off, frowning again. "I went to bed? We were watching a movie and…" He rubbed his temples, feeling his headache worsening.
"You came to my room." Vivian said softly. Glen looked up at her and saw she was not even looking in his direction. Instead she stared out the window. "You woke me up…you tried to…you were…"
"I was what? Did I…" Glen swallowed. "Did I hurt you, Vivian?"
She nodded and blinked a few times, and he realized with a sinking stomach that she was trying not to cry. And it made him feel even worse, even if he still remembered nothing.
"God, Vivian. I'm so sorry…I don't remember anything after the movies and kissing you last night. Hell I don't even remember getting in bed." He wanted to go to her and wrap his arms around her but figured she would just run away if he tried it. "What did I…" He trailed off and sighed. That stupid dream from the night before flashed in his mind. "Did I force you? Because…"
Vivian sank down into a chair across from him. She just shook her head as she reached for a napkin that was on the table to wipe her eyes.
"Vivian…" Glen reached out for her and felt like the wind was knocked out of him when she pulled back so he could not even touch her hand. "What did I do?"
"You…you touched me. And…" She hitched in a breath. "I can't do this. Not anymore. I told you I had one request and that was not in my bedroom. And then you just…after I told you I wasn't going to sleep with you…you come in while I'm sleeping and…and you touch me…"
"Vivian…"
"And you hurt me…you bit me and you held me down and…" She rattled on very fast, as if saying it quickly would make it hurt less.
"I don't remember any of this." Glen said softly, trying to think. "Vivian…what the hell is wrong with me? You know I'd never hurt you. Don't you?" He asked, a pleading note entering his voice.
"You did."
Glen bit his lip and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had that dream and…I bit you?"
Vivian nodded slowly. She was wearing a button down shirt so she undid a few of the buttons and slowly moved the material so he would see the ring of teeth marks he'd left on her. He also saw the edge of a bruise that disappeared under the shirt. His could only sit there with his mouth open as she buttoned up again.
"This doesn't make any sense." He finally said in a flat voice. "Vivian…I don't know how or why I did that. I had a dream. The night before last – and I dreamed I was…hurting you. Biting you. But…then I was…" He was at a loss for words.
"Are you trying to say you maybe sleep-walked into my room, touched me…" She took a shaky breath. "Did things to me. And you don't remember any of it?"
"I swear to you, Vivian. I don't." He cupped his forehead in his hands and leaned forward, his elbows on the table. "Why? Why would I do such a stupid thing?"
Vivian said nothing. She just sat there. He wondered if maybe she were in some kind of shock. His stomach clenched up and he felt ill when he realized that maybe…
"Did I force you, Vivian?" He looked up. Vivian was once more looking out the window. Tears were falling, leaving tracks down her cheeks. "Not just the biting or…or the touching. Did I? Did I actually…" He couldn't even bring himself to say it.
And Vivian saved him from saying it anyway. She shook her head and sniffled. "You used your hand. And then I…I…you…" She could not seem to continue.
Glen studied her for a moment. "Vivian."
"You just finished. Not…inside me. You didn't get there." She finally said, roughly wiping her tears away. "And then I made you leave. And you left the house."
"I did?"
At his honestly puzzled question, Vivian finally looked at him. "Are you saying you don't remember that either?"
"I don't remember any of this." He said, meeting her eyes. "We watched a movie. I kissed you. On the couch. Then I'm waking up this morning with a headache and feeling like I got hit by a truck."
Vivian bit her lower lip and took another one of those shaky, watery breaths. "I meant what I said. Nothing else can happen between us. I can't. Not after this."
Glen could only nod his head. "I'm not gonna be able to say 'I'm sorry' enough times to make you believe it, am I?"
"For now? No. Because now I feel like I can't trust you." She blinked back more tears at that.
"Vivian...do you want me to leave?"
She looked surprised at that. "Leave?"
"I could get a place somewhere else. I've got money saved up. Or one of the bunkhouses if you still want me to work around here." It almost killed him to bring it up. He liked staying here with Vivian, Josie and Ray. It felt like home. "I'll go if you want me to. Whatever you need to make you feel safe, I'll do it."
Vivian sniffled and frowned thoughtfully. "I don't know. I need to think." With that she got up and left the kitchen, heading outside to walk. Glen watched out the window until she disappeared over a small rise.
Vi went toward the remains of the original house without even thinking about it. She had to be crazy, to even consider letting Glen stay in her house after the night before. But as much as she hated it, she believed him. He didn't remember, and he had seemed as repulsed by what had happened as she was. But he wasn't the one walking around with someone's bite marks, scratches, and bruises on him to prove it had really happened.
She stood by the swing and stared out over the burned mess, not really seeing it. Josie – her daughter should be her first consideration. She absolutely loved Glen, and Glen obviously cared for her. Even given what Glen had done the night before, she never once questioned that her daughter was safe around him. Should she? Probably. But Vi got the distinct feeling that whatever it was that brought him to her room the night before was focused only on her.
And it was Spring break. Josie would be home all week. Vi felt her stomach knot at that, because even knowing her daughter wouldn't be home until later that evening she knew there was no way she could cover this up. Josie would sense something wrong.
Well that was easily dealt with anyway. Grace and her family were going to a cabin they had rented a few hours away, something they did every year. In fact, Vi and Josie had gone with them a few times. Josie had been invited, but with the painting around the ranch she had been hesitant. Josie loved the painting – or more accurately, she loved making a mess – but if Vi said she could go to the lake with her best friend…well. She figured it would even out.
So that was settled. Now what about herself? Was she supposed to barricade herself into her room every night just in case? She was so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open as it was, could she spend every night as restless, wide awake and listening for the sound of someone trying to get into her room? Because that's what had happened the night before. Vi had finally fallen asleep as dawn began lighting the sky to the east, and she still had not heard Glen return home.
The hell of it was – Vi blamed herself. She had given in once. But it had been so damned long since she'd been with a guy, and it had felt so nice to be wanted again. And she had been curious of course, especially considering his memory loss and…
Vi dragged her hands through her hair in frustration. Ok. So she had messed up royally. Not by sleeping with him the first time. She would not take that back if she could, because hell…they both needed it. She'd put him off, and when opportunity had come she had told him no and why? Because he'd had a bad dream and hadn't wanted to talk about so she was taking it out on him?
It sounded plausible in her head. Vi also knew that wasn't the reason that she'd turned him down. And she got mad at herself all over again, for responding to what he'd been doing to her the night before, for not having the will to make her body ignore what he had been doing to her against her wishes.
She turned and walked back to the house, not feeling better or worse, but getting an idea she thought she could live with. Vi let herself in and saw Glen still sitting at the kitchen table, looking miserable.
"You can stay." She cut right to the chase. "But tomorrow you go back to the clinic and we get you checked again. Because if what you did was really sleep-walking, then I can't trust you won't try it again."
Glen nodded miserably. "I'll do whatever you want." With that he got up and headed for the stairs.
Vi looked after him for a moment before turning to the phone the call Josie and tell her she'd changed her mind about letting her go. Josie heard something in her mother's voice, because she carried the phone outside where it was quiet.
"Is something wrong, Mom?"
Josie's concern was almost enough to make Vi cry again. Instead she sucked in a big breath and forced herself to sound cheerful. "Everything is fine. I'm having the old house cleaned up finally and…well. I guess I thought we could both use the break before it happened."
"Oh." Bringing up the old house was all it took. Josie knew how her mother felt about it. "I'm sorry, Mom. Do you want me to stay with you?"
"No, no. You go have fun at the beach and please don't come back fried to a crisp. I'll drop your things over there after while. I have to go out grocery shopping anyway."
"Ok. Love you!" Josie was all happiness they said goodbye. Vi held the phone for a moment and jumped when it rang in her hand.
"Hello?" Vi asked cautiously, still feeling that she would either laugh or cry. Maybe both.
"Hey." Mark's familiar deep voice in her ear caused her to smile at least.
"Hey yourself."
"Are you all right? You sound kind of stuffy."
Wow. He'd picked that up out of three words. At least she wouldn't have to hide nearly as much with him. "This has not been a very good morning for me." She admitted.
There was a pause as he thought about that. "Come over. I'll try to improve your day."
That actually made her smile for real. "I'm not sure I need to be around anybody right now."
"Well consider it an open invitation." Mark said, sounding a bit concerned but trying to cover it. "Drew is leaving me again – football camp. I kinda miss the days when he wanted to sit around and play video games non-stop."
Vi glanced over her shoulder at the stairs and sighed. "Does your invitation include another overnight stay?"
That caused another pause in the conversation as Mark processed that. "You wanna stay the night here?" He asked finally.
Vi hesitated and cleared her throat. "Well I want to get out of the house for a while. Maybe I should take a trip this week or…"
"You said you didn't want to be around anybody. That's the only reason I asked." Mark interrupted her. "Consider the guest room yours for as long as you need it. I'd like the company."
"Not sure I'm gonna be the best company for anybody at the moment."
"Don't go sellin' yourself too short. Come on out. We'll grill some steaks and talk about the kids." In other words, he was telling her without actually saying it that he wasn't going to push her on what was bugging her, for which Vi was eternally grateful.
"Ok. Thank you. I'll be there in…" She glanced at the clock. It wasn't even ten yet. The day just seemed to drag on forever. "I have to take Josie her things and pack and take care of a few other things but I'll be there this afternoon."
"I'll look forward to it." Mark said goodbye and Vi stood there for moment wondering if she'd lost her mind. Was going to stay with Mark again really the smartest plan she could come up with?
She thought of spending the night in her room with Glen down the hall and suppressed a shudder. It wasn't that she was afraid of him – even considering what had happened. His reaction…he hadn't remembered a bit of it. And she believed that. She wasn't trying to force herself to believe it. He was speaking the truth. And that was what scared her. That he could forget something like that, where he could have hurt her much worse than a bite and some bruises.
Vi shook her head and hurried upstairs to Josie's room to get everything together. She wanted to put this whole thing behind her, and forget it had ever happened. She envied that at least, since Glen didn't remember it anyway. Maybe a couple of days out of each other's hair would do them both a world of good. She only hoped that were true as she packed her own bag.
She hesitated at the top of the stairs, trying to decide if she wanted to say something or if she should just go. And she did not know why but Vi put the bags down and went to the door to Glen's room. It was open, and he was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking out the window.
He looked over his shoulder when he heard her. Vi knew, just in that look, that she was doing the right thing. Because too much of that and she'd really start thinking she had been the one to do something wrong. "I'm taking Josie some things and then I'm going to spend some time with a friend. I really can't be here right now."
Glen nodded and went back to looking out the window. "I'm sorry, Vivian."
"I know you are. That's why this is so hard." Vi sighed. "Would you tell Ray when you see him in the morning? I'll leave a note at the clinic…" Luckily she hadn't been very busy that weekend. "And I'll be back when I get my head straightened out."
"I should be the one leaving." Glen said softly. "This is your home and I've done something to mess it up for you and…"
"Doesn't matter. I need time. And I don't need to be here." Vi said, not letting him go on. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon. Just…I'll be back tomorrow." She stopped herself from saying anything that would mean either of them were off the hook. Glen only nodded again.
Vi turned and grabbed the bags and went down the stairs. She quickly wrote her note and went to hang it on the office door. Then she called down to one of the bunkhouses, and asked for Frank. He was one of their younger hands and he'd helped around the clinic from time to time. Vi asked if he would check in at the clinic during lunch, and be sure that things were as they should be. That take care of she was set to go.
She dropped Josie's bag off and decided to take her out to eat before she was gone for the week. The spent a leisurely hour eating hamburgers and drinking milkshakes and being silly together. Josie must have sensed that Vi needed that. Vi felt better just being around her daughter, and found that she wasn't having to struggle to act happy. She was happy. Josie had that power sometimes.
She dropped her off once more, and made sure Josie had everything she needed. She tucked some money into her pocket as well, just in case. They would be leaving in a few hours with a stop along the way for dinner.
Vi declined their invitation to join them, even though a week on a beach sounded nice. She couldn't just go on a moment's notice though, because of the clinic. Just leaving for the day put her behind on a few things. So she kissed Josie goodbye, told them all to have a great time, and got back into her SUV. She glanced at the clock and figured she might have killed enough time. Hopefully Mark wouldn't mind if she showed up a little early.