When Bane and the apprentices had arrived back on Coruscant, Gaya had felt incredibly tired. What she really wanted was to go home, to see Ardan and Niama, to sleep in her own bed, at least for one night. Instead, things seemed to have intensified. They had had to present their discovery of Bane the First to a committee of New Republic senators, first of all, only a few hours after touching down. They hadn't had time to sleep, much less shower or change. Bane did most of the talking, irritably, which seemed to shock the representatives into a mollified silence that satisfied Gaya deeply, even through her haze of exhaustion and social overwhelming. She and Cody had both been called on to answer some questions, but generally, whenever possible Gaya had maneuvered herself to the back of the group, and tried to project an aura of invisibility. Bane the First had refused to leave the basement room she had taken up residence in, causing most of the senators to come away looking skeptical. Only Commander Skywalker, Gaya thought, who had been standing at the back of the conference room listening in silence, seemed to believe them, somewhat reluctantly.
Then, they had gone back to the Temple. Gaya hadn't raised the idea of visiting home; she didn't want to look like special arrangements were being made for her- they were, but she didn't need to make it obvious. Bane had seemed to understand, though- after the apprentices had eaten and showered, when most were getting ready to go to bed, she had allowed Gaya to call her parents. Looking back at that time, Gaya's eyes still teared up slightly when she remembered the feeling of seeing their faces and hearing their voices.
"I'm fine, yeah, this isn't an emergency," she'd assured them. "I just wanted to say I was back, and I missed you guys."
Niama smiled consolingly. "Ohhhh. We miss you, too, honey."
"How was Anzat?" asked Ardan. He smiled. "How did you like traveling offplanet?"
"It's not bad." Actually, that was true- at the time, it had been stressful, but looking back, it had been exciting, too. "Anzat's okay. The air smelled really weird, though, and it was…thick."
"Humidity," Ardan explained. "Not so common here, although of course the air does contain moisture."
"Yep. And that smell is what they call fresh air," Niama laughed. "Or so I hear."
Gaya nodded. She didn't know much about Ardan's past, but she felt it had involved some travel. Her mother, though, had never been offplanet. Had never even been to the Capital district of Coruscant. Gaya vowed that one day she would take her mother with her on a trip offworld, but she knew that vow ultimately amounted to a hope that she'd someday be able to.
"Perhaps you'll go to Korriban next, since they claim to be Sith," Ardan mused. "You'll have to take plenty of images of that. They have some of the oldest ruins in the known galaxy there, and most of the famous Sith Lords are buried there. It's quite a sight- or so I've read."
"Have you made any new friends?" asked Niama innocently.
Gaya had forgotten about being tired and overwhelmed. Up until that question. She considered lying and claiming that she was, that she had a circle of friends she fit right into. And it wouldn't be a total lie, because Jaina, Ranjana, and now Linxo of the Vetala and sometimes Cody had started getting together into a social group, and Gaya did eat with them. But she didn't know if they were friends yet. She had been focused on the mission and her studies and hadn't given much energy or thought to social interaction. Besides, she was scared of them- their rejection, or worse, their exploitation of her vulnerable position for their own amusement- and she knew it. She knew she'd have to get past it. But surely there were more important things to put effort into?
"No, Mom," she said wearily. "I'm done worrying about that crap. If it happens, it'll happen. I'm tired of putting myself through the anxiety about it. About whether or not I have as many friends as someone without KD. About whether I measure up." Niama looked like she wanted to argue, but Ardan laid a hand on her arm.
"I love you, guys. I love you, Mom." She would feel arbitrarily guilty for her shortness with Niama, who was only concerned, but despite that Gaya didn't feel she'd necessarily done anything wrong.
She was almost sixteen, older than all the junior apprentices except Ranjana, and it was time she was allowed to run her own social life. Her mother had done it when she was young, organizing play-dates with other mothers from the block or her pre-elementary program. Then, the schools had tried to do it, with painfully out-of-date social skills therapy and even forced "friendship groups" interacting during lunchtime.
Gaya could believe her mother was motivated by love, but the school was just trying to make sure she could pass for non-KD, to sand her down into the round peg they needed for their round hole. That was what most of it was about, she felt, from her social skills to her grades to her phys-ed competence to her weight. Even to her midi-chlorian levels. Measuring up to all the "normal people" in the galaxy. Well, now she was a New Sith, and New Sith didn't have to be normal. To be a Jedi was normal, and the Sith were the opposite of the Jedi. It was a strangely comforting thought.
Her days became a comfortable if tedious routine as the Senate lost interest in Bane the First. Gaya woke up, dressed, ate her meals in the kitchen with the other apprentices- the masters ate in a long, folding table set up in the den- and went to class. Most of them were going well, and her grades were higher than they had been at her old school, although she thought this might have been due more to the more nuanced, individual, even arbitrary grading systems most masters used in the absence of formal marking procedures. The exception was phys-ed. Apathian seemed to dislike her at least as much as her old instructor had; the only difference was that Jaina stuck up for her, and that the material- the martial art Teras Kasi, some basic sparring, and physical conditioning- was more interesting and seemed to have more purpose than endless games of scramball.
She heard a knock on her bedroom door. She had gone upstairs early, fibbing about having unfinished homework. She thought Jaina could tell she was lying. She decided she'd explain soon to Jaina that she did want to hang out with her and the others, it was just she sometimes needed time alone, too. She didn't want them to think she was avoiding them. People never seemed to understand that a person just might need time to herself; they tended to get offended. Or maybe other people didn't need it the same way she did. That was probably it.
She opened the door and found herself looking at Cody's chest. She peered up at into his face. "Um, hi, Cody."
"Hey." He cleared his throat and shifted. "Look…can I come in?"
"Okay." She let him by her and waited as he sat down awkwardly on the bed.
Finally, he said, "I just wanted to say…you were really…good down there in the cave."
"I'm sorry I barged in. I was worried, and a little lost."
"It's okay. I was scared she'd hurt you. But she seems to be…okay with you. The way she was with me when Palpatine brought me to her." He shifted. "Anyway, I'm sorry if I seemed mad at you down there. You handled yourself really well. I'm glad it was you that found me. If it was Master Bane or that Solo girl, they probably would've started a problem." He grimaced. "Or that Chad kid."
Gaya couldn't help laughing. "I'd pay money to see what would happen if Chad walked in on…her. Bane the First."
"That's horrible." But she could tell he agreed and was trying not to smile.
"So," he said at last. "Master Bane says I can have a key to the workout room, so I can go there when I have free time. My unit used to work out together. She said that if you ever wanted to do some extra physical stuff to practice for class, you could use the key too. So I just thought I'd come up and let you know."
"Thanks." She could do that, at least one day a week. She could find a way to drag herself to the workout room that doubled as the gym, despite the bad memories contained there, and just build muscle on some of the old weight machines. It would just be her and Cody; Apathian and Chad wouldn't be there to criticize or tease. She didn't have to reach a goal; she just had to go. She could do that.
Her fingers flew to Ardan's chain. She had found it in his things shortly after he had moved in with her and Niama, all those years ago. It was a thin metal chain, long enough to go around her neck twice, and from it hung a small, round silver pendant with what looked like some kind of family crest, and some letters that Gaya couldn't read. It almost looked like an old-fashioned coin, but she knew it wasn't. Ardan had given it to her when she'd shown interest, and now, she wore it most of the time, tucked under her collar by habit so no one would try to snatch it.
The chain made her think of her parents, but especially Ardan. As she touched it and reveled in Cody's compliment- for once, someone had been glad to have her there, instead of someone smoother, less awkward, or prettier- she knew that she could do this. The workout room, but also this place- the New Sith Temple- in general. She wasn't going to fail, and she wasn't going to run away like she had at her old school. It didn't matter what they did. Gaya knew she was there to stay.
For anyone who's read this far and wants to know what's next: you can check out my story "The Order: The Ties that Bind," a companion/continuation of Gaya and "the Order"'s adventures. Thanks for reading!