Chapter Fourteen

Waiting for a Sign

After Alice and Jasper left us alone, I lay down on the bed still wrapped in the dark blue sheet, forcing the thoughts of Jacob from my mind, deciding I would deal with them later. Carlisle would know what to do. Pulling the sheet down, Edward exposing more of my skin and began rubbing my back slowly and gently. It helped free my worried thoughts as I concentrated on the sensation of his skin against mine.

The feel of his skin was somewhat different now that I had changed. I remembered his skin feeling like velvet, which, hadn't changed, but it had also been so cold and his muscles like stone underneath the marbled flesh. I knew my body had changed and had become just like his, but now, as he added a small amount of pressure to my back, I could tell that my muscles felt firm and pliable under his fingers. His velvet skin on mine was a delicious combination.

"I wonder… how could I possibly keep you happy?" He whispered almost as if to himself as he leaned over and kissed my shoulder, sending tremors of desire through my body once more.

Whispering, knowing he would hear every word, "Share yourself only with me, forever."

"Forever and always." He let out a little laugh, I could feel his beautiful crooked smile right through my skin, "Well, we might have to hunt once in a while to keep up our endurance, otherwise, we might be the first vampires to find out we are actually capable of feeling…spent." He leaned over me looking into my eyes.

What are you looking for? I wondered.

He was looking for something. Something I knew I should feel, but didn't… it hadn't pushed its way to the surface yet. Seeing the confusion in his eyes, in the way his brows knit together for just a second, I suddenly realized I could feel his confusion too, as if it just sank into my very flesh.

He moved back out of my view, running his hand slowly down the length of my back and down over the curve of my hip. Then his lips were pressing against my skin giving me little kisses down my spine, each one a small electric tingle causing me to shiver.

It was amazing he still affected me this way. I could remember how the touch of his hand or his lips would affect my heart rate and breathing. A memory of fainting outside in front my house swam around my brain until it surfaced. I had fainted once at the touch of his icy cold tongue on my cheek. I'd thought it was just my being human. But here I was, a vampire feeling pleasure I never imagined in my wildest dreams and still…

"Edward, why am I still so completely dazzled by you? Actually, more than before my change." I had turned my head to look into his deep burgundy eyes, "I still seem to melt at your slightest breath or touch. I don't mind at all, I absolutely love it! But, it makes it really hard for me to behave and not think about spending eternity with you right here in this bed."

"Obviously you have no idea how you dazzle me." His face broke into that wonderful crooked smile again, "I can't begin to put into words how you make me feel." What sounded just like a cat purring come from back in his throat as he gently bit at my shoulder with his razor sharp teeth. This too, sent ripples of pleasure across me. "If that's part of what it takes to keep you happy then, I'm thrilled that I still dazzle you."

He lay down next to me with one hand still caressing my back, his lips less than an inch from mine. His delightful breath gently blowing in my face, making the tingle in my throat return with a vengeance. My mouth suddenly became very wet forcing a strange reaction in my body…the need to swallow. I looked back into Edward's eyes trying to pick up where I left off.

"Well, I was hoping to have a little more control but everything seems to affect me so much more now. It's as if I can feel…"

"Bella! There is no reason for you to control yourself with me! You don't have to behave any longer." He laughed and gave my forehead a kiss. "That's the last thing I could ever want! Silly Bella, why would I not want to feel every thing you have to share with me, especially when we're alone in this room … our bedroom. There are no more boundaries between us, my love. I want you to feel free to take in all your senses can handle." He pulled my body closer to lie almost on top of him and I wrapped my arm around his neck, resting the side of my face on his magnificent chest.

"It's a vampire thing, love. A benefit. A perk. Your vampire senses are superior by a thousand times to any human ones." He traced a single finger up and down my skin, the lightening had already began to build somewhere within me. The sound of his voice was so comforting, so sexy that I could listen to him talk forever. "So you'll see, hear, feel, smell, and taste everything differently than before, much more than before." With his finger under my chin, he raised my face to look at him, "You're a hunter now and you'll rely on those same senses from now on… or until whatever becomes of us happens. I know you understand already that the emotions you feel are much more intense."

I certainly felt desire and passion to an extreme I'd never dreamt of and fear had proved to be way beyond my control. What would happen if I became angry? They were all surprised that it had only taken a little more than a day for my change to occur instead of three and Edward and I had voluntarily secluded ourselves in this room for three days now. How long would it be before I would feel the thirst…the hunger?

That's it! That's what Edward is looking for when he searches my eyes. Where is my thirst? Esme said it would be the first thing I would need to do after my change was complete but I don't feel it. How will I control it when it does come?

"How will I know when I need to hunt?" The words came out much easier than I thought they would. I had accepted the fact that I would need to feed and now I just needed to know how and when.

He looked into my eyes, searching for it, "You'll know. It is one of our few…weaknesses." Suddenly, everything about him changed, his facial expression grew so sad, his voice cracked and sorrow drilled into me. All of it happened in the blink on an eye, then, it was gone. No, not gone, just buried. He was hiding something from me. Thinking that it must have something to do with the first time I needed to hunt, I let it go. He closed his wine-red eyes and briefly pressed his lips to mine.

"It's a hunger that can't be satisfied in any other way." He breathed deeply, pulled back and opened his eyes. "As soon as you feel even the slightest thirst, I'll take you. You don't need to fight it at this point. I'm so sorry, I should have been open with you

about what your needs would be. I kept promising myself to have this talk with you but then…fate forced me to change you and the time was gone." He let out a sigh.

Fate, hmmm? That's a strange way put it. I stopped that train of thought immediately. I wasn't ready to go there yet. I nuzzled my cheek into his chest, "Well, I still need to know what to expect and that makes this the time."

"I know, but it doesn't make it any easier." He paused and the next words he spoke were tinged with humor, "Are you sure Esme didn't go over this with you during your little talk?"

"There's not a lot that I remember right now, so if she did I'm not aware of it… yet." I remembered what happened in the meadow and some of what took place that morning, but… beyond that not much at all.

He sighed again and I gave him a little squeeze and I felt him relax. "Well, in your first year as a vampire you will hunt more often than at any other time. After that, the need is not so great, but still more than what we consider a normal appetite and that lasts for a couple of years. You'll need to hunt before you are exposed to humans just as we all do. At first, there may be times you'll want to hunt every night, maybe more, and other times you'll hunt once a week. It all depends on your proximity to humans and your amount of self-control."

He had stopped rubbing my back and wrapped his arms around me, "It is very important that you understand that no one in this family would put you in danger by exposing you to a human if we felt that you couldn't control your thirst. It will be much easier for you if you never taste human blood. However, you must be patient because it may take a while for you to develop that kind of control, probably years."

I pulled him tighter and wrapped my leg over his, feeling as if I could spend all those years locked in this room with him. Edward slowly and seductively began shifting my position and placing little kisses on my neck when I heard a car engine off in the distance.

"They're here. We'll have to continue this later, my love " He said each word between kisses then rolled me over onto my back to tease me with one last full luscious kiss before rising to dress.

Being in such a remote area, we could hear the car coming up the road well before it actually arrived in the driveway. Carlisle and Esme arrived sooner than I had wanted right at the moment and the impact of my emotional state hit them before they even got out of their car. Alice and Jasper had been waiting for them outside on the porch and explained that what they were feeling was coming from me.

Edward had left the room for only a moment, just to retrieve my new clothes. Alice had actually picked me up some sweats and tank tops. Expensive sweats and tank tops, but still, just my style. We emerged from our room, both very happy and content in our first days of life together. Jasper had managed to balance the emotions in the room before I came in, but everyone was wearing a big happy grin now. I wasn't sure if that was coming from me or if they were truly that delighted for us.

Esme glided across the room, "Oh, Bella!" She hugged me hard then took my hands and danced me around the room. She really was happy. "Look at you! Oh, Edward, I am so happy for you both!"

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Carlisle was all 'doctor' sometimes. He took my hands and kissed my cheek.

"Unbelievable!" It was as if excitement bubbled right out of me, "The changing part was pretty nasty, in fact, that really sucked. But, now I feel so unreal, but so wonderful and so… alive! Like… I'm in a dream! Edward and I haven't left the bedroom for three days!" Oh my gosh! I can't believe I said that!

Everyone was staring at me, when Edward and Alice started laughing. Then, everyone joined in.

I giggled, "Please excuse me, I really didn't mean to say that." I was so glad I couldn't blush anymore.

"That's perfectly normal, Bella. I would have worried if you hadn't locked yourselves in." Doctor Carlisle again. "I've been told that it only took a little more than a day for your change to be complete. I've never heard of anyone changing so quickly. I'll have to do some research into that. And you haven't hunted yet?" He was looking into my eyes when he asked that question. I only shook my head. "Don't worry, I'm sure there's nothing really that different about you. I am curious about this gift of yours though. Your feelings of desire are definitely very strong, we felt that outside, and I've been told your feelings of fear are also extremely strong."

I nodded my head. Jasper had said that Carlisle would probably want a demonstration, but I really didn't want to feel that fear again. It made me feel weak to be so completely out of control.

"If Jasper helps you to stay in control, would you mind doing an experiment with me?" Carlisle would never push me to do something I didn't want to do and I knew he would never ask me to do this if Jasper felt he wouldn't be able to help me through it.

"Esme and Alice may want to leave. I don't want to scare anyone else." I knew Alice understood.

Carlisle looked at them both and nodded. Alice took Esme's hand and they both silently left the house.

Edward and I sat down on the couch. Jasper sat on my other side as Carlisle pulled a chair up to face me. He looked at Edward and after a moment, he nodded.

"Bella," Edward started, "Do you remember in the meadow when you asked me what I was waiting for?"

Oh no, if he wants me to go back to the meadow, this is going to be bad.

Looking down, I took one of Edward's hands in mine. Searching for the memory, I found it much too soon. With a sudden jolt, it flashed through me, instantly filling me with a mix of emotions, surprise, desperation, anger, sadness and love. Love for Edward. Love for Charlie.

Oh Charlie.

"Yes, I remember." I pulled air into my lungs to speak as the scene flashed in front of my eyes, just as the memory of Jacob's threat had. I could see Edward's sparkling face in the sun, Charlie and Jacob, the gun, the horror in Jacob's eyes as the bullet went through me, Charlie's stricken face when he realized what had happened, followed by, the sight of Jacob transforming into a werewolf and running silently from the meadow as Charlie tried to evaluate my wound. And then, my dad's face as he stared in shock at Edward in the sun.

"I told you I was ready and then…" I pressed Edward's hand to my cheek and held it there, wishing I were wrapped in his arms instead. "Jacob brought Charlie there so he could show him what you are. I guess he was trying to show Charlie that you couldn't be killed, but I dived in front of you and Jacob shot me instead."

Almost unbearable sadness flowed through me as the next memory surfaced, my voice hitched in a sob, "Charlie was so scared for me. Then, he saw you in the sun and I told him you were my angel. Then you took me away…and saved me."

The entire room seemed to fill with sorrow. Lifting my eyes, I looked into Carlisle's topaz eyes and saw such unreserved sadness there. I wanted to cry just from the sight of it. Closing my eyes, I refused to look at Edward or Jasper. I couldn't bear to see my sadness on their faces as well.

"Bella," Jasper's voice was calm, "Pull the feeling back. Don't stop trying to feel it, just bring it into yourself."

I kept my eyes closed and breathed in deeply. I had the picture of Charlie in my head and held onto it, but did not let it take me over. Edward's hand had been tight in mine, but grip relaxed. The sadness I felt flowed through my body like water washing over me. Opening my eyes, I saw the sadness had left Carlisle's face. Edward pulled his hand from mine and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead as I leaned into his shoulder and let out a sigh.

"Can we stop for now?" I asked. " I really rather not relive the pain of changing right now, if you don't mind." Suddenly the tingle in the back of my throat became unbearable. My mouth seemed so dry. Carlisle was looking at my eyes.

"Edward, it's time. She needs to hunt."

As soon as the words left his mouth, the feeling became stronger. As if just knowing what was causing the tingle, increased the sensation of it one hundred times. The strangest sensation pulled at my eyes as I watched everything in the room become … more there, more detailed and focused.

Edward stood and took my hand, walking me toward the door.

Okay. I knew this was coming.

I had been fully aware that my choice to spend forever with Edward would cost more than just my human life, but also human food. Moreover, not just giving up burgers and fries, but never tasting the food that I was made to consume, human blood.

I followed Edward out the door and down the steps to the hard driveway. The sun was just going down and casting that beautiful pink and orange glow on the mountains.

Looking into my eyes, Edward lifted my hand to his lips, kissing it so softly before taking a step off the porch.

Taking in a breath, I smelled so many wonderful things, I was stunned by it. I thought to myself… I'll do whatever it takes.'

He started to pull my hand and I stopped him. The memories that tried to creep into my mind at that moment, were of a very accident prone human girl, klutzy in every way and not only that, 'danger-magnet' were two words that flashed in my mind like a neon sign.

"Edward, wait!" I couldn't keep the edge of panic from my voice. "Do you think I'll be a little more graceful than I used to be? I mean, I would feel really stupid tripping over my own feet." In three days, I hadn't fallen from the bed, slipped in the shower or tripped over a speck of dust, but I had also not left the house either. Out in the big wide world, who knows what sorts of accidents waited for me?

Edward smiled my most favorite smile, "There is no such thing as a clumsy vampire, Bella. Besides, if you trip and fall, it won't hurt and you definitely won't bleed."

Well, that's a relief. "Are you going to teach me what I need to do?"

"It's already built in. Instinct will tell you everything you'll need to know." He was giving me the most curious look. "I'm just surprised that…well, it's taken this long for you to feel it. Usually the second we become aware, the thirst takes control and the instinct to hunt is so strong."

Now, I was really confused. Was something wrong with me? Would Carlisle be able to figure it out if there was?

"Are you ready?" He asked softly.

"Yes, I'm ready."

Edward's sweet smile comforted me. As he pulled on my hand, I took my first step forward into another part of this new world I now shared with him and my adopted family, and before I even realized it, we were running full speed through a forest I had never been in before.