I immediately looked over at Dan who was sobbing into his best friend's shoulder. Phil was rubbing Dan's shoulder, crying silently to himself.
"What do you mean I only have two months left to live?!" I panicked, hoping for someone to tell me this was just some practical joke. That it was actually just April Fool's Day and this was all a sick joke.
"Your blood is becoming so thin it's almost not even there. Soon enough, you won't have any blood to run through your veins as your body has lost its ability to produce more. We have estimated that with the amount of blood your body has left, you will have two months left to be alive. And that is if you don't cut yourself or scrape yourself or get a bloody nose or lose blood in any other way." The nurse imformed me.
I can't breathe. I need to breathe. Oh god, not now. Please. I had a reason not to. But now I have to. I have to breathe.
I can't take any more of this. Fuck two months. I can make it now.
I got up from the bed and ran out of the room, hearing Dan and Phil call out for me. I ran down the hall, past the receptionist on this level, past all of the doctors and nurses trying to slow me down and down the stairs, remembering the way we had come in. I made it out of the hospital in roughly 30 seconds.
I made it out to the streets, not sure of where to go. I could go to Dan and Phil's house, and I could just run away. I decided on Dan and Phil's house. I kept running in the direction in which I knew how to get to their house. I finally got there, people probably just throught I was going for a jog or something. People don't normally consider other people in this town.
I walk on the porch, grabbing the spare key from under the floorboard under the welcome mat. I frantically shove the key into the lock and open the flat. I run to the kitchen, searching for something. Something that I knew wouldn't be there. Something sharp. I know Phil and Dan Alex-proofed the house, but there's got to be something sharp in here somewhere.
I finally got to a cabinet with a butcher knife in it hidden behind a cereal box. Aha! I knew a chef like Phil couldn't not have something like this. As soon as I picked the knife up, I heard Dan and Phil run through the front door and look at me, but I immediately start running up
the stairs and to the bathroom.
"ALEX!" Dan called out for me, and I hear footsteps frantically run up the stairs. I can go for the bathroom and try my best to lock it, or I could do it right here. I go for right here.
I hold the knife up to the arm that wasn't knewly un-stitched and I feel a hand grab the knife and throw it across the hall.
"No!" Dan yelled at me. Oh god. Why do I fuck everything up? Why am I such a fuck up? He wrapped his arms around me and starts sobbing. I start sobbing, too.
I put my arms around Dan and we fall to the floor, holding each other, sobbing into each other's shoulder.
"You heard the nurse. If you bleed anymore you will lose even less time." he said through tears.
"I want to die." I said through more tears into his shoulder. "I want to die."
He hugged me even tighter and we continued to hold each other in the middle of the hallway and cry to each other.
"Don't leave me." Dan said through tears. There was pain and hurt in his voice. "If you want to cut or destroy something, do it to me." he grabbed the knife and handed it to me.
"What?" I asked through some more tears.
"You want to cut. Do it to me. Not to yourself."
"No, Dan! You don't deserve that!"
"And you think you do?! I love you, Alex! It kills me to know I'm going to lose you and I can't do anything about it!"
"I love you too." Is all I could respond.
"Don't leave me." Dan said through even more pain and sadness in his voice. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you. You keep me alive."
"You have to stay alive, for me. You can do it. I know you can." I try to comfort him, but he just keeps sobbing. I've never seen someone so strong break down so much.
"I just don't know if I can."
"You can. I know you can." I reassured him. He looked down at his lap and held his head to my shoulder, still sobbing.
But then looked back up to me with some sort of hope in his eyes, they were brighter than they were two moments ago. As if he had some sort of solution to this fucked up situtation.
"What?" I asked him, sniffling my tears away.
"What if we die together?"