Darcy felt her eyes forced shut, and when she could open them again, she saw that she wasn't in Loki's room anymore.
No, it was dark and cold. She could see the rough outline of the walls in the dim lighting, and they appeared to be made of rock like a cave.
And she knew somehow that she was seeing this all from Loki's view point. It was his memory and she could feel his trepidation.
He wasn't scared exactly, more uncertain. It was like he'd felt when he reached the land beyond the void after falling through that abyss.
And he felt confused. Because as he'd laid dying he realised how worthless the last three years of his life had been. And he'd been hit by a desperate need to apologise because he'd been a fool thinking that whatever hurt he had felt justified what he'd done and even more idiotic to push away the people that cared for him out of 'certain' knowledge that they hated him as much as he hated himself.
He didn't even feel embarrassed about the way he'd clutched onto Thor as he died.
Despite everything, he didn't want his last words to him to be filled with hatred. Because all along, the thing that angered him most was that he couldn't hate Thor, despite his many attempts to. He'd craved Thor's trust and attention the whole trip in Svartalfheim, like some ignored child and in the end he'd needed to know that Thor forgave him.
Because he felt the regret of what he had done like a knife point in his gut.
Then again that could have been the weapon that had impaled him.
And Loki must have been denying strong feelings of familial love for his brother for a long time, because he couldn't bear the thought of Thor dying, to the point where he didn't even regret sacrificing himself for him.
Loki simultaneously hated this weakness of love, and felt stronger because of it.
He looked round at his surroundings, taking a step forward in the cave-like place.
And in front of him the darkness swirled and solidified.
The person standing in front of him was striking. A tall woman with regal, beautiful features on one side of her face: high cheekbones, long flowing black hair, and a perfectly arched eyebrow. And the other side of her face was a skull, rotten flesh still clinging in parts, and a hollow socket where an eyeball should have been.
In fact she seemed to be the same all the way down, a skeletal neck and hand while the other side was skin. She wore a black dress, long sleeved and high necked, sweeping the floor with edges like smoke as though the material was not quite solid.
And Loki recognised her at once. He doubted there were many half-Aesir half-skeleton goddesses.
"Of course," He said, looking round with a smile of mirth. "Helheim."
He knew that regret when dying would not bring him to Valhalla, yet he found a small part of him was saddened by the news like he had been hoping for better. Even his years before his…madness were ambiguous enough that he would be left wondering which realm he would be taken to.
"Oh, don't take it personally, trickster." The woman said, waving away his concerns with her fleshed hand. Her voice was at once eloquent and gravelly. "Valhalla's a myth. There is no Freya or Odin- who take souls that is. Though both do exist. Everyone ends up here."
Loki raised an eyebrow at the information.
"Although," Hel continued. "I suppose if it were, it would raise an interesting question of where you would be. Before the revelation of Odin's betrayal, you weren't exactly evil, and afterwards, well I think that's pretty self-explanatory. Then you died in battle to save your brother and avenge your mother. Ahh, a question for the philosophers I suppose."
"I suppose." Loki agreed, certain that he did not like the Goddess of the Underworld very much, if she felt that was something she had a right to comment on.
"Anyway, you are not supposed to be here." She said.
"Excuse me?" Loki asked, eyebrow lifting. She had just told him everyone came here.
"No, Asgardian." She said. "I have spent far too long avoiding you for this to happen."
"Avoiding me?" Loki asked. He hated being confused and would normally demand answers but he felt it would be more prudent to be polite to the Queen of Helheim given that he would be spending the rest of eternity there.
"Oh yes," She sighed. "You should have died long before this. Cast out as a child in the middle of Jotunheim it really was…unlikely that you would live until Odin found you. Wounds you have received in battle that were miracles to heal. Oh, and not to mention surviving drifting through an abyss that should have torn you to pieces. Still… I could hardly pretend not to notice a spear through your chest. Especially not when you had company. That might have been a little bit obvious, don't you think?"
"Somewhat, perhaps." Loki answered, intrigued. "And why does my life mean so much to you?"
"Because it has purpose." She replied.
Loki smirked self-deprecatingly. "Then I feel I may have disappointed."
"Purpose yet unfulfilled." She corrected, voice lilting with annoyance.
"You may have missed that part where I died." Loki replied coldly. "I fear that purpose is over."
"I can return you to the realms of the living." Hel said.
Loki narrowed his eyes at her. "That would take an extraordinary amount of dark energy. At what cost would you waste that on me?"
Hel smirked, the sight rather terrifying given the fact that half of her face just opened.
"I have a proposition for you." Hel said. "You see I am rather invested in a certain apocalypse. An apocalypse it has been prophesised only you can cause."
"An apocalypse?" Loki repeated with distaste. "You do realise you are a resident of the universe you are apparently trying to destroy? I myself tend to put self-preservation before most forays though I could recommend some invasion plans if it is destruction you desire."
"There is a part of the universe that is safe. It is there I shall place the relic of my power. Helheim will survive and when everything in the universe dies they shall all come here, each one increasing my power." She said, a hungry gleam in her eye. "In return I offer you a place on my council. You shall have only myself above you here in Helheim."
"I shall have control over every soul in the universe with the exception of yours if I simply start this apocalypse?"
"Yes." Hel smiled.
"No." Loki answered, trying not to smirk at her shocked expression. She must have been so certain of his answer.
"Excuse me?" She hissed.
"Did my answer confuse you?" He asked. "No."
"You realise the first step is as simple as retrieving a casket?" Hel asked.
"I do not care what the task is. No." Loki snapped.
"And why is the God of Chaos refusing to start an apocalypse?" Hel demanded.
"Because the last time I sought power, someone I loved died. I will not do it again." Loki hissed angrily.
"Don't be ridiculous. She didn't die because you attempted to rule that pathetic planet." Hel said.
"Perhaps, but because of that, I was unable to protect her. The price of that power is one I will not pay." He snapped in reply. "I will not start your apocalypse. I will not let innocent people die to fuel your pursuit of power. It is about time I returned to the state I was in before. The line between good and bad, not heading straight towards evil."
"And what is the real reason?" She asked.
"That is the real reason." He hissed, stepping forwards angrily.
She smiled at him condescendingly. "You are not the only one who can tell when they are being lied to. No, that is part of the reason. There is something else."
Loki's teeth grit as he steeled himself to reply. "I have been used by Odin as a tool for an alliance, by Thanos as a tool for power, and by Thor for vengeance." Though he did feel guilty throwing Thor's name in there with the others, it was still undeniably true. He hadn't been released from his cell because Thor had missed his company. "I will not be used by you for destruction."
Loki had been expecting blazing anger at his refusal. Hel only continued to smile in satisfaction.
"I gave you an opportunity to be in this with me. Do not forget that. Now if only there were a way for me to give you no choice. If only I were queen of the underworld. If only you had recently lost the one person who has ever loved you unconditionally." Hel said.
Loki's chest constricted. He had not even contemplated this.
"You do not mean-" He started but cut off as Hel waved her skeletal hand and his mother appeared in front of him.
"Loki?" Frigga asked, blinking at him in shock.
"Mother." He said, both of them running to each other. Even though he was taller, she still wrapped her hands round his arms rather than under.
"Loki," She whispered against his ears. He could feel her tears against his cheek. "I never wanted…you should not have…you died to avenge me, Loki."
But he could hardly hear her, because he never thought he would see her again, and it was too much. He had believed his last words to her would be of disowning her, that he would have to live with the knowledge he had caused her death. "I am so sorry," He said against her. "So sorry. For everything. I was a fool. I'm sorry. And I told the Kursed-"
"Shhh," She soothed. "I know. I know. I forgive you, Loki, it's okay."
"I'm sorry, mother." He repeated anyway.
"As touching as this is," Hel drawled, awakening him from the euphoria of seeing his mother. Loki pulled away though one arm still hung round his mother's waist. He never wanted to let go again, not giving a damn about how pathetic that undoubtedly was. "I believe you get my point."
Loki swallowed, not wanting explicit threats but needing to know. "What is it you would have me do?"
Hel grinned with satisfaction. "Firstly, you must return the Casket of Ancient Winters to the Jotunns, Frost Giant." Well, he thought, he'd gone from 'Asgardian' to 'Frost Giant' rather quickly.
"Loki?" Frigga frowned at him. "What is it you are doing?"
Loki took a deep breath, knowing he had lost and no matter how many times he had: to Thor, to Thanos, to the avengers…well he never could become accustomed to the taste of failure. "Causing an apocalypse, apparently."
Frigga gasped, stepping away from him. He felt something inside him crack at the sight. "Loki!" She said. "You cannot be serious-"
"Silence." Hel hissed. "You hold no part of this other than a bargaining chip."
"You give me your word no harm shall come to my mother if I comply?" Loki asked.
"Of course." Hel smiled creepily. Loki did not quite believe her but he equally had no choice. "And if you do not she shall be thrown to the deepest section of Helheim where the most evil of spirits are punished. I assure you that you do not wish for your mother to undergo such torture."
"Loki, no!" Frigga turned. "I am not worth-"
Frigga disappeared as Hel waved her hand once more, staring at Loki intently.
"What shall happen once the apocalypse is complete?" Loki asked.
"Well, you've lost your place on my council." Hel smirked. "But you and your mother shall be allowed to live with the other, normal souls. I am kind to those who serve me well, you shall not end up in the Halls of Punishment."
Rewarded for causing the apocalypse by not being tortured, Loki thought bitterly, how very kind.
"Do we have an agreement?" Hel asked, knowing full well the answer.
Loki hesitated but knew he had no other option. "We do."
Loki was back on Svartalfheim feeling like he had not only been stabbed by an eight foot spear, but like he had then commenced to be stampeded by a herd of Bilgesnipe, and gone a few rounds with the Hulk.
He groaned, sitting up and coughing out the blood that still collected in his lungs.
And then he realised there was an Aesir above him.
The threat of his mother's fate was still fresh in his mind and he reacted instinctively, grabbing his dagger and plunging it into the Einhar's side.
The man was startled, and Loki quickly yanked the dagger out to push it back into his neck. The man fell, and Loki transformed into the guard, morphing the guard's body to look like his own.
His stomach churned with guilt, and he desperately wished that his revelation about the idiocy of his recent acts had come after he had caused Ragnarök, because he could have done with some moral apathy right now.
After realising there were no other Einhar around he changed the guard slightly: the eye colour, the size, the jaw shape. He looked similar but different enough that Loki wasn't revolted at the thought of wearing another man's skin after having killed him.
Loki wiped the dagger and slipped it into its pocket. He had been alive for less than a minute and already had one death to his name. Didn't that speak volumes about his true nature?
Loki shut his eyes, hoping Heimdall was too busy watching Thor to have seen this.
When he opened them, he was in Asgard, and he walked to tell Odin that he was dead.
"We did find a body." Loki said gently.
"Loki." Odin breathed. And then he smiled with relief that it wasn't Thor.
Loki smiled as he felt the familiar tug of pain in his gut. He had long since told himself he had taken away from Odin the power which he had to hurt him but he lied to himself more than anyone else. An awful lot given that he was the God of Lies.
He consoled himself with the fact that if the world were going to end at least Odin would die with it.
"You have sent the casket to the Jotunns?" Hel asked appearing in his room.
"I took it to them an hour ago." Loki said, hiding his anxiety for his mother's safety.
"You did not have to bring it yourself." Hel snapped.
"I wished to ensure it reached the Jotunns without the Asgardians interfering." Loki replied.
Hel contemplated this before nodding, the best he felt he would ever get to her conceding that he was right.
"The next step is an eclipse. When this happens you must be ready to release Odin's bane." Hel said.
"Is there anything less vague?" Loki asked, eyebrow rising.
"I am sure you can figure it out." The woman snapped before disappearing.
Loki paced his room angrily. A mortal. Of all the people who discovered he was alive it had to be a mortal.
And an irritating one at that.
Of course, she had been useful at first, as he'd managed to extract information from her at the banquet. SHIELD was obliterated. He'd been able to send the Casket almost immediately with the knowledge that the Avengers would be less of a problem.
But any other mortal would be terrified and avoid him.
No, she seemed to have taken him as her personal challenge.
Loki rested his head against the wall.
She wouldn't be a problem but she was annoying. He didn't think he had the energy to put up with her, but he felt like he was somehow defying Hel in some way by not killing her. She wanted him to be destructive, and he had chosen not to be. It was some small reminder that he was not entirely responsible.
Though it would take more than that.
He had tried to do the right thing for the first time in a long time, and he had died for it. He had refused to cause the apocalypse just to be forced to do it anyway.
He was destined for destruction. He was a monster. He could hardly try to deny it much longer.
"What has happened?" Hel asked.
Loki's jaw clenched. The mortal had at least knocked before shouting at him, and yet Hel could not even manage that.
"Concerned for my welfare?" Loki asked sceptically.
"I want to know why you are not planning the release of Odin's destruction." Hel replied curtly as though unable to bear the suggestion she cared for the 'Frost Giant.'
"I was interrupted." He answered.
"Who?" She asked.
Loki felt a sudden need to protect that Darcy girl. He felt nothing but irritation in regards to her but he'd be damned if he let Hel kill someone because of him.
"A mortal." Loki answered. Better that he make her sound insignificant. Which she was. Well, he may have found her sense of humour slightly amusing but beyond that…
"She will not be a problem, I trust?" Hel asked.
"She is a mortal." Loki repeated.
This seemed to be answer enough for Hel.
Loki returned to his room after being in the library with Darcy. The mortal tended to talk incessantly but even when she was silent, she had ways of distracting him.
For instance she had been concentrating on her book with her tongue poking out the corner of her mouth, and he found himself…well he was certainly not looking at his bed. That was to blame- he'd had these images of her ever since she'd started sprawling across it.
Did mortal women usually lie on a man's bed for discussion? Because that was not how things worked in Asgard.
"This is enough." Hel said.
"Yes, please come in." He sighed sarcastically.
"You said the mortal would not be a problem" Hel said angrily. "And yet I watched you today. She is distracting you from your purpose."
"She is doing nothing of the sort." Loki replied. "You threaten my mother with torture and believe I will not search for your answer because I am so easily distracted by a pair of breasts?"
Loki felt guilty referring to Darcy as such, despite the magnificence of her breasts she really was much more than that. Still it was best to belittle her to Hel lest she go after the mortal.
"Make her leave you alone or I will kill her. Best you be not tempted away." Hel said.
Loki's eyes widened slightly in shock.
"You are not-"
"I am quite serious. Send her away." Hel said before disappearing.
Less than a minute later Darcy was at the door.
Ten minutes later they sat on his bed and she had kissed his cheek. He knew it was a gesture of no significance but he found himself wanting to kiss her in far more intimate places, and the way she was looking at him, well he was fairly certain the feelings were at least somewhat reciprocated.
She had not responded as he had expected her to at his first attempts to get her to leave. He had to make her go. He would not have her death on his conscience.
Not when he had only so recently gained one.
"She is gone?" Hel asked.
"Yes." Loki replied. "I find it adorable you were so threatened by a mortal."
"I was not." Hel snapped. "What would you have done if she had discovered your actions?"
"If a mortal had discovered your plan for the apocalypse, what do you believe they would have done? You truly think a mortal could be the undoing of your intentions?" Loki asked, knowing he was grating on her.
"Of course not-"
"And yet you threatened to kill her." Loki pointed out.
"Fine." Hel said. "I do not care about the mortal. If she finds out so be it but you will not say a word to her of it. And if she so much as breathes a word to another she will die in a way that will make the Halls of Punishment look enjoyable."
"Do continue to threaten the mortals. I understand from experience it is quite enjoyable." Loki mocked. She glared at him and disappeared.
"I told you that you may fraternise with the mortal, not to tup her." Hel said.
"It distracted her from her line of questioning, did it not?" Loki asked. Though of course that wasn't his only reasoning for doing it. He did not think he could resist for much longer.
"Is that how you cause all of your distractions?" Hel asked.
"Some." Loki answered. "Not to Thor of course, have you seen him? Though should it be Sif or Fandral who needed distracting…"
"Enough." Hel said. "I did not come to speak of your wanton nature."
Loki tried not to laugh. Sif would sooner stick her blade in his neck and Fandral, well, it had only been a few times.
And compared to most of the Aesir, he was practically a virgin. Too shy for most of his life to approach those he found attractive, and too intent on world domination for another part.
"Are you certain? We could have quite a lengthy discussion." Loki continued.
"The eclipse is tonight." She snapped. "I hope you are prepared."
"Yes yes." Loki said passively. "It should not be difficult to free Fenrir, though the journey shall take me a few days. His prison is warded to prevent apparition inside, though I may return that way."
"Fenrir?" Hel asked. "That is his bane?"
"According to most literature, yes." Loki answered.
"You are basing this on books?" Hel demanded.
"Did you expect me to ask the Allfather his bane?" Loki asked. "In earnest, I expect he would have replied with me if he knew I still breathed."
"You had best be right, Frost Giant." Hel said before promptly disappearing.
Loki sighed, looking at the supplies he had thrown on his bed, which he now magically stored. Fenrir had better be the correct beast.
Darcy gasped, eyes flinging open not to another memory but to Loki looking at her with a pained expression.
He lowered his hands.
"You idiot, that took more magic than you thought." She scolded.
"Is that all you can say?" Loki asked.
"I…" Darcy trailed off, shaking her head. "Shit."
His head tilted to the side in confusion. "Surely it is better that I am acting on someone else's behalf, rather than fulfilling my own desires."
"Oh hell no." Darcy answered. "When you did that, you were always going to lose. I mean, hate never took you to destroy the universe, did it? There was always some line you wouldn't cross. Now…" She looked at him in fear. "Now you're motivated by love. And I don't know if there's a force in this universe that could stop you."
Chapter title from Broken Crown by Mumford And Sons. Yeah I apologise for regretful/redeemed Loki but if he actually died then all that stuff he said to Thor was true. And sappy as it is if he said that to Thor I imagine he would definitely say it to Frigga. Anyway now Loki no longer has secrets I can do his pov woo fun times.
Please review.