A/N: SO...wanna hear something funny? I write at work, but I won't write sex scenes (I have lines? Who knew). Today, I wrote Trouble because it was the only thing speaking to me that had NO SEX in it. O.O

IKR?

Edward woke up, trying to figure out why he was overheated-sweaty and gross. His blankets were really heavy, and anyway, what the hell time was it?

His blankets made a soft snoring sound. Edward's eyes flew open.

Oh, hell.

The day before, when he saw Carlisle's reaction to the fact he had a date, Edward's mind had gone into overdrive. Right then, he knew. He knew exactly what he'd been struggling with since the night of the benefit, when Carlisle kissed him and everything was different.

He was in love with his Dom, his mentor.

He was in love with Carlisle Cullen.

And when he saw the look on Carlisle's face, hearing that he had a date, he knew the feeling was requited.

He knew, but he second-guessed himself and, being the brat he was, he'd pushed. And pushed. And pushed. For a second, he'd been sure Carlisle was going to beat the hell out of him and not in the sexy way.

It had been a thing of beauty to see Carlisle so wrecked; to know with certainty that he was just as scared and confused and wretched as Edward had been for days now. He knew he had never seen the other man as naked and exposed as when he'd begged him not to go to Demetri.

He did feel bad about what he'd done-guilty. He'd forced Carlisle into a vulnerable position when his Dom had only ever led him there with patience and care. Still, he couldn't be too sorry. Not if it meant he could have this.

Whatever this was.

Edward scooted back carefully, putting a little breathing room between their bodies. He grinned like an idiot when Carlisle's brows furrowed in his sleep, and he made a disgruntled noise at losing his cuddle buddy.

The man liked cuddling; Edward had learned that on his birthday.

Hesitantly, Edward reached out and brushed his fingertips along Carlisle's hairline, trying the movement on for size. He'd never been in a relationship, a romantic relationship. This was supposed to be one of the perks-the tender brushes and caresses. It was the type of touch Edward wasn't used to. Carlisle was a natural. His soft hand often confused Edward. For some reason, he was almost embarrassed that he liked it. Why on earth would a grown man want to be petted and coddled?

A glance at the clock brought Edward out of his thoughts, and he bit the inside of his cheek.

They hadn't been sleeping very long. The kissing… That had gone on for a while. Far too long for Carlisle to get any real rest when they finally fell asleep, but he needed to be awake again.

Edward had a passing urge to kiss Carlisle awake, wake him with a tender caress. He bit the urge back, feeling foolish.

"Hey." His voice was too scratchy at first-no volume. Edward cleared his throat and tried again. "Carlisle, wake up."

"Hmm?"

"You have to get up."

Carlisle woke slowly, his eyes red and bleary as he batted his lashes in confusion. His hand moved idly, pressing against the small of Edward's back. After a few moments, he focused and Edward watched realization dawn. Clearly, Carlisle remembered exactly what had happened just a couple hours before.

How strange it was to see him like this-shy and uncertain.

Edward abruptly realized his little fit couldn't have had worse timing. They would both have to wait a full shift before they could talk again, and then it would be the middle of the night. Carlisle would no doubt be exhausted. Then, Edward had to be on shift mid-morning the next day. He grimaced. "It's late," he said. "You have to get up. For work."

Carlisle seemed to be processing things slowly. Confusion flitted across his features before he winced. "Dammit," he said under his breath. He rolled over and sat up with his back to Edward. His hair stuck out in every direction, and Edward would have been endeared if he wasn't getting just a little bit scared.

There were a lot of reasons this whole thing wouldn't necessarily go the way he wanted. Carlisle hadn't said much of anything. Edward could guess at what was bothering him, but he didn't know. And he didn't know if they were hurdles that could be overcome.

Carlisle grabbed at his phone on the nightstand to check the time. "Dammit," he said again and stood up. He strode into his bathroom without a word or a glance backward.

Edward sat up and drew his knees up to his chest. A cold, cloying feeling had begun to spread through him. The longer Carlisle stayed in the bathroom, the more he huddled in on himself, like he was a scared child.

What the hell had he done?

As usual, in hindsight, Edward could see clearly all the other options he had. His plan was one born of desperation and spontaneity-an immature act more fitting of a dramatic teenager than a grown man. Edward tightened his arms around his legs and put his head down on his knees, sick to his stomach with anxiety.

When the bathroom door finally opened, Edward jumped. He raised his head.

Carlisle still wasn't looking at him.

Panic began to take hold, making Edward's heart race. He shook free of the blankets and crawled across the bed. "Carlisle I-"

But the other man raised a hand, finally looking at him with an expression that was both a plea and an order. Edward snapped his mouth shut, sitting back on his knees on the bed.

Carlisle sighed. "I really need you not to speak right now. I need to go to work, and I can't have you in my head like this."

"Okay," Edward said, his voice a hoarse whisper. "Please just tell me one thing so I won't go crazy."

"What?"

"Are you pissed? And if you are, how angry are you?"

Carlisle hesitated for a few tense seconds before he came to sit beside Edward on the bed. He looked at him, conflicted, and brushed a hand through his hair. Edward could have moaned with relief. At least Carlisle wasn't so pissed he couldn't stand the sight of him.

"I'm very angry, but I'm very a lot of other things too." Carlisle pressed his lips into a thin line and took Edward by the shoulders, giving him a little shake. "I need you to promise me you're going to be good. The next eight hours aren't going to be easy, and I don't need you making it more difficult."

Edward ducked his head, his cheeks flaming with shame. "Yeah, I wouldn't… I'm not... " He swallowed hard. "I'm sorry."

"I…" Carlisle huffed, sounding disgruntled. "I don't know what I am." He ran his hand under Edward's chin and brought his head up. "Can you be here when I get home?"

"Yes." Edward had to fight hard not to let his voice shake. "Are you sure? I mean, you'll be tired."

Carlisle gave him a small smile and ruffled his hair with affection. "You know damn well neither of us is going to sleep with this." He made a small motion around them. He tilted his head, searching Edward with that conflicted look again, but his touch was still tender, maybe even reverent. He closed his eyes and leaned in, pressing a lingering kiss to Edward's lips. "I'll see you tonight."

With that, he pushed to his feet, grabbing his coat as he went. He paused at the door. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

He was looking studiously down as he worked the buttons of his lab coat. "Did you call Demetri?"

Edward laughed. He couldn't help it. "I cancelled on him yesterday."

He saw Carlisle's lips twitch upward. "I'll see you tonight," he said again, and then he was gone.

~0~

Carlisle was right; the next eight hours were about as easy as a dried-up old nun. Still, Edward must have managed to fall asleep. All he knew was one minute he was pretending to watch television when he was really fretting his fool ass off, the next he was being shaken awake.

"Come on, sweetheart. Don't make me get the ice water. I'll do it."

Edward sat bolt upright. "Christ. I'm up. Jesus, you've got a cruel streak." He balled his hands into fists and rubbed his eyes, grumbling under his breath about being tired and couldn't he have a few more minutes, fuck.

Then he realized that Carlisle had gotten even less sleep than he had. Maybe he'd had a chance to catch a nap in the on-call room, but it was doubtful. And of course, Edward had robbed him of the few hours he'd had to sleep earlier.

He put his hands in his lap and gave Carlisle a contrite look. "Sorry. I'm awake. I can make coff-"

Edward grimaced sheepishly as Carlisle handed him piping hot Starbucks. "Sorry," he muttered again.

Carlisle tapped his chin. "Drink your coffee," he said, and he put a cushion and a half of distance between them.

For a minute or so, they both sipped. Edward thought the silence would drive him insane, but he was also too nervous to break it. He was terrified he was about to lose everything. More than once that night, he'd cursed himself for being selfish enough to want everything. Most people didn't have a mentor like Carlisle, let alone a Dom-if one were so inclined as to want one.

By asking too much, he had risked losing it all.

"Edward." Carlisle took a deep breath, obviously searching for words, and blew it out in a big gust. "Where the hell is all of this coming from? Why now? And why like that?"

"It was the night of the benefit. Actually, it was probably your birthday, when you invited Garrett to the benefit."

Carlisle tilted his head. "What? What does that have to do with anything?"

Edward shrugged, staring down at the coffee cup between his hands. "It drove me crazy. I didn't want you to go with him. For a little while, I thought I was so jealous because he'd been your sub." He brushed his thumb over his cuff. "But then I kept on remembering what he said that night I was with him, when he was talking about you before we realized we both knew you. He said he wanted you, that he wanted everything."

"I...He never told me that."

"Would it have made a difference?" Edward raised his head, his throat tight. "Does it make a difference?"

Carlisle set his coffee cup down on the table and got to his feet. He paced a few steps away, running his hand through his hair. "This is ridiculous. Garrett went to the benefit with me as a favor. You knew that."

The coffee in Edward's stomach seemed to congeal into a solid ball. "You didn't answer my question."

Carlisle stood still, clasping and unclasping his hands at his sides. "No, it doesn't make a difference for him. Whether or not it would have...well, I have no idea. It was a long time ago." He turned to look at Edward. "What makes a difference is that you…" He paused, looking somewhere above Edward's head as he gathered his thoughts. "Is that what you want, then?"

Edward's head spun. His mouth was dry, and his heart raced. "Yeah," he said, only able to whisper.

"And you decided the best way to get what you wanted was to what? Make me jealous? That's why you accepted a date with Demetri?"

"No." Edward forced himself to meet Carlisle's eyes. He didn't see derision there, and that gave him some hope again. "No, I wasn't trying to make you jealous when I said yes to him. I was trying to get over it. You. I was trying to tell myself I shouldn't want things I couldn't have." He dropped his gaze back down and picked at the edge of the coffee guard. "Then I saw the look on your face when you heard I had a date, and I had to know."

"Had to know what?"

"If you felt the same way about me as I do about you."

The house was unbearably quiet. Edward had the horrifying thought that he just might faint if Carlisle didn't say something soon. When he felt the couch dip as Carlisle sat near him again, he remembered to breathe, and then it all came out.

"I'm in love with you," Edward said in a rush. "It took me a while to realize it, because I've never been in love. And I want everything, just like Garrett wanted everything. Except Garrett obviously figured out that he couldn't have everything. So maybe he knows something I don't." He felt the blood drain from his face. "O-or maybe I'm just barking up the wrong tree altogether. I can understand that. What would a guy like you want with a stupid kid for a boyfriend, huh? I guess it doesn't make-"

"Edward."

Edward pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth. He didn't say anything, but he didn't move either.

Carlisle did. He scooted closer and gently pried the coffee cup out of Edward's hands. He locked their fingers together, and Edward squeezed, clinging.

"Edward." Carlisle laughed. The sound was shaky. "God, little boy. My beautiful brat. You have no idea how crazy you make me."

That brought Edward's head up, and he was startled to see Carlisle so close. It made it all the more difficult to concentrate. His nearness distracted Edward from trying to figure out what he was saying.

Carlisle sighed, raising a hand to caress Edward's face. "Yes, I'm in love with you, but I have no right. Don't you see that?"

Edward blinked, pulled in two directions at once. On the one hand, oh god. Holy god. Carlisle Cullen was in love with him. Him. Part of Edward wanted to bounce off the walls and whoop and holler and do all the stupid things one felt like doing when they were so damn happy.

On the other hand, there was this ridiculous, proverbial 'but' to deal with. "What the hell does that even mean?" He scooted closer to Carlisle so their knees were overlapping. "Don't you get that I'm trying to give you the right?"

Carlisle was already shaking his head. "It's not that simple."

Edward shrunk back, letting go of Carlisle's hands. Again, he found himself remembering Garrett's words. Carlisle had secrets and issues. "What's not simple about it? Do you not want that kind of relationship ever? You never want a husband? Kids? To grow old with someone?"

"I haven't thought about it in a long time, to be honest."

"Haven't thought about it or don't want it at all?"

"Ideally, it would be nice, but-"

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as Edward couldn't hold himself back any longer. He launched himself forward, knocking Carlisle back on the couch. His giddiness couldn't be contained at that point. He was in love with a man who was in love with him, and as long as there was a possibility, well, Edward could work with that.

"Oh, God. Edward, you need to listen," Carlisle said, though he kept kissing him back, kept his arms tight around him, and didn't attempt to get up. "I said but."

"But what?" Edward rained kisses about Carlisle's face, his cheeks, his chin, his nose. "Are you dying? Are you joining Doctors Without Borders?" Edward leaned down so they were nose to nose. "Are you straight?"

Carlisle laughed, his hands tightening at Edward's sides. "No. I'm not any of those things."

"Then what?"

Carlisle's hands roamed his back. "We already had this discussion once before. I can't be your...your boyfriend and your attending at the same time."

Edward grinned. "Is that all?"

His maybe-possible-just-might-happen boyfriend fixed him with an exasperated stare. "Edward, how many times must we have this conversation? There's nothing more important than your career."

"Yes, there is." Edward straightened up so he was sitting on Carlisle's midsection, staring down. His stomach fluttered with nerves, but these weren't nearly as bad as the fear of rejection. This he could deal with. He could be brave for this. "We're not talking about something new. We're not new. We don't have to figure out how compatible we are. We know. We're not...or at least, I wouldn't be messing around."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying there are things in life more important than my career, things worth sacrificing my career if that was what it took, not that I think it would take that." Edward traced patterns on Carlisle's shirt. "It happens all the time. People juggle what's important in their lives, they give up a little bit here and there to accomodate. If we were together, yeah, we'd have to hide it at work for a few months. Which isn't the most ideal or professional thing to do, but I'm also very confident in both of our abilities as doctors and your ability as an impartial evaluator."

"And then what?" Carlisle asked. "There is the potential that a conflict of interest could affect whether or not you get hired on for your residency."

"Then I'll apply at the other hospitals."

"The other hospitals aren't as good as ours."

"That's a minor concern. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. It would be best for my career to stay at our hospital. But the other hospitals aren't horrible. I'm young, and I'm good at what I do. Going for good for my career instead of best for my career isn't a huge sacrifice if it means I can also have you. I want more out of life than a career, regardless." He touched Carlisle's cheek lightly. "You're my more."

Carlisle shifted beneath him, and they both moved until they were sitting facing each other. The older man's eyes were soft, so full of tenderness, but also conflicted. "Edward, you should know... I've never really had a relationship. There was a man I wanted desperately, but he didn't want me. And there was another man. We tried to be together. I tried. I wanted to want him the way he wanted me, but I didn't. I never did. The point being, I don't actually know how to be in a relationship with someone I…"

Carlisle's lips twitched upward and he cupped Edward's cheek. "With someone I love," he finished.

Edward grinned. Like an idiot. So hard his cheeks ached. He moved to straddle Carlisle again, this time so they were both upright. "I've never been in a relationship at all. Romantically, I mean." He threaded his fingers through Carlisle's hair, reveling in the possibilities suddenly open to him. "We might both suck. I mean, we'll definitely both suck in the good way."

Carlisle rolled his eyes, but he pressed his hands against Edward's back. "Has anyone ever told you you're an odd duck?"

"No, they usually just call me a jackass. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is we're both smart. Especially in my case." Edward winked, and Carlisle shook his head indulgently. "We can figure it out. It might be hard sometimes. Well." He wiggled a bit on Carlisle's lap. "It'll be hard a lot of times."

"You really just can't help yourself, can you?"

With a grunt, Edward closed the distance between them and kissed Carlisle. It was a sweet kiss at first, so sweet. He only pulled back a fraction of an inch so he could speak, his tone breathy. "Are we doing this?" He would have gladly begged at that point. He kissed him again. "Are we?"

Carlisle groaned, his hands possessive as they moved over Edward's back, caressed his ass, and came back up again. "Yeah. God help us. Yes. Yes," he said between kisses.

They kissed and kissed until Edward broke off with a little giggle.

"What is it, you loon?" Carlisle asked, but he was smiling too.

"You love me," Edward said in a teasing, sing-song voice.

Carlisle drew his thumb over Edward's lips. "It's a recently discovered character flaw, but yes. I do. I really do."

A/N: My doc… there was so much flailing in my doc! I love it.

Ahem. So. How are we, kids?