Who broke your heart, Nanao?

She felt her breath become more and more shallow. The freezing night air was cutting her throat, her ribs were throbbing, her body protested against this torture, but she would not stop. Not until she found him.

The woods were surrounding her, dark branches threatening to fall on her head and crush her. The moon was hiding her pale face behind the heavy with snow clouds…perhaps there would be a storm….perhaps not. But there was no light, other than the faint glitter of some stars, peeking from the unwelcoming sky.

Nanao stopped in mid-pace, drawing a sharp breath. Too consumed by fear, too overwhelmed by the realization that he was out there, desperate and alone, she had done something very stupid. And the consequences of that were now coming down on her, painful as always. She was out in the winter night, with only a shawl over her home dress. She was in the middle of the forest, guided by his footprints in the snow, and they were growing more and more undistinguishable.

Her rational brain was telling her that this was not only idiotic, but dangerous. She could easily freeze to death, and he knew those woods better than her. Maybe he would come back, safe and sound, and then she would be stuck with a pneumonia for nothing. But something told her that she couldn't go back-running out after him was like declaring something. What? To whom? To him, to herself, to the forest? Nanao didn't know. She just knew that she had to find him. He wouldn't find his way back if she was not there to guide him.

You just want to make yourself important. You have nothing-neither a personality, nor beauty, no true talent. Everything you are, you owe it to the books and to the people around you, never to yourself. And if you do not make 'yourself', Nanao Ise, there won't be you-just an empty shell like now. And that hollowness inside you will grow until it devours what is left of you.

He was right, Nanao thought with disgust. He had always been right. She just refused to believe him.

He came from a distant town. His father had been friends with Nanao's grandmother, and of course, he had been more than welcome to stay at their home. She never thought anything about him-he was neither good, nor bad. He just occupied a seat for lunch and dinner, he spent his time with her father, or, occasionally, on the field, working. He was handsome, to some degree, but to Nanao, who had been fed by too many romantic novels, he was not quite a prince on a white horse.

She enjoyed the conversations they had. Actually, it was all talk, nothing more. For some time, she thought he preferred men to women. But, as it turned out, this was not so.

Yes, he was smart indeed. At first he barely spoke more than a few words, just enough to answer a question. But then, before she knew it, he was even more talkative than her. And he knew more than her. Their conversations turned into endless duels, in which each was fighting to prove his superiority of knowledge. Nanao knew she had lost the first time he had rendered her speechless, but…she just liked the experience.

When she first asked herself the question why she was so attached to him, Nanao hadn't come up with a logical response. Her family was small-her father liked the company of his books to the company of his wife and daughter, and even though her mother was smart and well-bred, Nanao was not so sure she could understand the magnitude of this disaster. And she did consider it a disaster.

Since her only really suitable councilors were the novels, with all the naïveté of youth, she fancied herself in love. She awaited the times when they could be together, to talk, to argue and discuss…and soon, the list of true-love-that-leads-to-perfect-happiness symptoms grew…but more by the power of presumption and want, other than facts. In short, Nanao deduced that she was experiencing her first and only love.

Before she knew it, spring rolled by, giving way to a hot, dry summer. Nanao was free to roam through the fields and forests of her village, without fear of sinking in muddy pits or tripping over something she didn't see. She loved those solitary walks, and nothing in the world was capable of renouncing her from them. Nothing….

But she loved going out on walks with him. That way they could talk and talk without being disturbed, with only the kind hearted old gossipers in the village to worry about. Life was full of happiness, joy, laughter…fresh winds that chased the unbearable heat away, deep shades that provided refuge from the blazing sun, late roses, blooming and filling the air with their scent. Just thinking about going out gave people headaches.

The night before everything came crushing down, Nanao had a dream. She was on top of a hill, everything was dark, and then suddenly a storm burst forth, the rain practically drowning her. Then everything went blank…and she was awaken by the sound of tapping on the window.

He was out. He wanted to show her something. Not even bothering to think twice, Nanao quickly dressed and followed him into the woods.

"You need to know something, Nanao." The told her "That this will not last."

Since she made no attempt to stop him, he went on and on-this wasn't him, he really didn't need a person like her by his side, she was not the person he was looking for. Too shallow, too silly…she wasn't sure anymore. But he didn't leave things like that.

He was too strong. She couldn't stop him. He never expressed anger or abused her, but his voice, and the reproach in his eyes told her all-she had left him no choice. She had gotten too close. It was her fault. It was all her fault. And she had to suffer the consequences.

When he was done, she was out of breath. Her entire life force was sucked out.

"Why?" she managed out "Why did I let this happen?"

"Because you are nobody." He told her "You just want to make yourself important. You have nothing-neither a personality, nor beauty, no true talent. Everything you are, you owe it to the books and to the people around you, never to yourself. There is nothing to you. And you will let things like that happen every time, because you neither have the will, nor the power to be someone."

Then he left, not even bothering to turn back. Nanao, too tired to keep her eyes open, fainted.

The blazing sun woke her up. Her body had stopped aching, it was numb and cold. Strange, after an experience like that, she should be crying her eyes out. Feel sad and lonely and humiliated.

It was nothing like that. In truth, Nanao felt nothing at all. Her entire being was cold, senseless, emotionless. She turned and turned and turned his words in her head, desperately trying to understand their meaning. Was she that silly? Was she that unworthy?

Now that Nanao looked back upon those times, as she ran in the freezing snow, she realized that she hadn't been the one with the problem. That man was not nearly as smart as her, nor was he as close to perfection as any other human. She had been too blind to see his shallowness, and maybe, if she had, she would have reacted better.

She decided that the best thing to do, in order to protect herself from this pain was to hide. To build a wall around herself and not let anyone come near. Her body had lost all sensitivity, and it didn't feel like it would ever be the same again. So she was halfway there.

Lying down in the dust wasn't going to do her any good, so she slapped herself and forced her body up. It moved mechanically, driven by pure stubbornness, because still somewhere deep inside, a part of her felt really sorry for herself. But Nanao wasn't going to let emotions crush her will…not anymore.

Strangely, nobody had seen anything unusual in her disappearance. She liked walks, and nobody saw anything strange about the fact that she wasn't in her room. So much the better-annoying questions were unnecessary. Nanao washed and changed, the only thing bothering her was how she was ever going to face him again. But it turned out that this problem had been spared to her-he had vanished a couple of hours before she turned up.

It wasn't unexpected. At least not to her. Nanao was surprised to find that she wondered about how he was, because it really didn't have anything to do with her. He was a complete stranger, once again. He was nothing. And yet…where could he have gone to? Or to whom?

Days went by, and then weeks and months. Years passed, Nanao burnt all the novels she found and kept changing, hidden in her shell…

And now, as she was running through the snow-drifts, she felt the blood rush into her face, her cheeks catching fire. Her senses woke up, as if from a long winter sleep, a strange anxiety ran through her veins.

She didn't ask questions anymore. It hadn't been her fault. It was his problem. He was somewhere, but she didn't care where. What mattered was the fact that she was where she was, and she was who she was. Not a blank spot. Not a nothing. She was Nanao Ise, and Nanao she would stay forever. A strong, willful Nanao; a woman that wouldn't back away when somebody she loved was in danger….Nanao, who loved Shunsui Kyoraku…the man whose life she would save, no matter what….even at the cost of her own.

Nanao jumped over a fallen tree, not paying any attention to the throbbing in her feet, as if a thousand needles were piercing her flesh. She tripped, she feel, she got up. She shook off the snow fallen on her hair, rubbed her hands together to keep warm, bit back the sighs of exhaustion. And then suddenly the trees made way for her.

She found him, lying on his side in the centre of a small clearing. The virgin snow around him was almost in tacked, Shunsui himself looked absolutely fine. His flamboyant coat had fallen off his shoulders and spread around him, creating the illusion of flowers, peeking through the frozen Earth.

Nanao approached him slowly, not like a desperate lover, but like a mother that wants to caress her child without waking him up. Her steps were eerie, soft, her entire presence was ephemeral, like a sigh, escaped a dreamer's lips. Slowly, she sank to her knees.

His breath came out even, short and shallow. His face was pale and crooked into a suffering mask. His eyelids twitched, as if he cried, and there was a strange flicker of his muscles, as if they were trying to embrace someone, but couldn't work together.

Nanao turned him on his back, took the shawl off her shoulders and wrapped it around him. Then she placed a hand on each side of his head and lowered herself. She kissed him slowly, but bravely on the lips, begging her breath to save him.

She pulled away just to take one small breath to whisper:

"I love you."

No reaction. His face remained impassive and sad, but his features seemed to soften up. Nanao felt a wave of emotions overrun her, she embraced him and held him close to her bosom. Hot tears streamed down, as she sobbed quietly:

"I'm sorry, forgive me!" her entire body was shaking, but it was for the best-that way her warmth might go to him. "I'm sorry, Shunsui! I…I…please, please don't die." She felt her forces leave her she laid him down, but she never let him go. She continued to cry quietly, her words dying out in her tired, frozen throat.

It was over-they were going to die in that forest, forever buried in a snowy grave. He was disappearing now, she knew it. When he left, she wouldn't have the will to carry him back. It was better to stay with him there, and follow him wherever he went.

Whether it was a dream or a product of her feverish sub-consciousness, she saw that same dream-the hill, the storm, the blankness…then there was light, warm, pulsing light, a loving light that made her heart leap a thousand times and Nanao knew it-there was happiness somewhere. There was love. And they would find it.

Suddenly, something touched her. Nanao's eyes flittered open, but she could hardly see anything. Dizzily, she became aware of something moving, of two strong, familiar arms wrapping themselves around her, one of them supporting her back, the other-cupping her cheek and brushing some locks of hair behind her ear.

She didn't want this to stop. Instinctively, she pressed closer to that person, craving his caress, his warmth, just to make sure he was alive. If happiness could be used to produce energy, Nanao would have kept a metropolis running for one thousand years.

"Nanao-chan…" his voice was horst, desperate "NANAO-CHAN!"

"I'm here…" she said, faintly and barley smiled "You're alive…I'm so glad…"

"But, Nanao-chan…you're shaking. How didn't you freeze?" Shunsui's eyes were scanning every inch of her, seeking a visible injury or discoloration. No. She just seemed deliriously happy. "Nanao-chan…are you alright?"

"I am now…I'm so happy…I found you in time…Shunsui…" she whispered quietly

"Does my Nanao chan not stand the thought of living without me?" he joked, breathlessly. For his surprise, she let out a small laugh and smiled sweetly.

"No, I couldn't. And if you didn't…" she couldn't continue-it was sucking away all the powers she had left. She contented herself with holding him tightly.

"Nanao-chan…" he whispered, holding her closer. "Nanao-chan…"

They stayed like that a little, before Shunsui remembered they were in the middle of the forest, and very lightly dressed too. She could get sick.

"Can you walk, my sweet Nanao-chan?" he asked gently. She shook her head. "Then let me carry you, Nanao-chan."

He wrapped her in his coat and threw her shawl over her shoulders, before picking her up bridal style and breaking off in a dead run towards the castle.