PREFACE
So, I'll admit it. This chapter, and some chapters to come are probably going to hurt. And I am sorry for any feels. But I promise there will be a happy ending, so please stick with me! Things have to get worse before they can get better, after all. I know you wanted this chapter ASAP, so I'm sorry it's late, I couldn't write because I was so ill, we think it's due to my wisdom teeth growing. (It's weird because I'm only 15 so they're early. I say it's because I'm just so wise I need them early.)
Author's note: This is the chapter after the RF style chapter, so there's references/talking about suicide, so I'll just mention that as a trigger warning and if you don't want to read you don't have to.
REVIEW ANSWERS
magirl0413: I know it's so saaaaaaad I'm sorryyyyyyyy but it'll get better eventually!
haleycat1120: Oh god I'm sorry I made you cry! *hands tissues*
TheRebelFlesh: I. Am. Sorry.
Oh I'm glad I created such engaging characters and such a unique story! Sorry it's not ASAP!
AussieTayla: I'm happy with a love/hate relationship. And happy will come, I can't make it too soon though because it has to be realistic
Nerdyindividual: All I can say is sorry.
lil28: *standing in the corner thinking about what I did, throws fluffy things and tissues to you as well* This chapter isn't niiiiice how can it all be niiiice after thaaaaaat?
iamthedaisyqueen: I am sorry I destroyed your feels! *sticks them back together with super glue* There will be a happy ending I promise! xxx
Feebleplatypus: I DON'T WANT TO KILL YOU I AM SORRY
Drunken Strawberries: I'm not sure how far away the happiness is actually, but it will be here at some point! And thank you for sticking around!
Teshka, SJBHasADayPass: SORRY.
Laberdipaber: I am so sorry. This is not fluff and I am sorry I intend to do other fluffy fics or something idek *flails*
creative title: (OMG I love your reviews they're so cute) I AM SORRY (does that cover them all?) Oh you stopped receiving emails? D: well, leave me your tumblr URL in a review, I'll follow you, and when I post a new chapter I'll send you the link in an ask! Because I'm such a nice (and wise, that's why I get my wisdom teeth now mwahaha) person. ;DD
Sir Conan Doyle created all the wonderful characters, and the BBC gave them their good looks.
Enjoy!
Silence
John watched his ex-boyfriend's figure falling as people in the class screamed, he spoke numbly "Sher..." They couldn't see where the boy had fallen.
There was a few seconds of stunned stillness before John and Mr Smith began to run back towards the school.
John ran numbly in the direction of where he'd seen his ex-boyfriend jump. He stared straight ahead as he ran, not caring for the out of bounds areas.
He was nearly within viewing distance of where Sherlock landed when Mr Smith grabbed him and stopped him "John listen to me." John struggled to get away "Look at me!"
The short boy snapped his head to face his teacher, showing his eyes of fear and scared face. He whispered "Sherlock.. Sherlock.. I need to get to him.."
"No listen. You don't need to see that John just.. Come with me.." The sports teacher started guiding him away "Another teacher will sort it.."
"No!" John kicked hard and broke free from the teacher's grip. He ran towards the area.
John stopped and stared. There was a pool of blood on the floor. But no Sherlock. "Where- Sher-" he looked around to try and find evidence of someone taking him away but no one had been here.
Mr Smith caught up and grabbed John again before looking up and seeing the same scene.
"Where is he?! Where is Sherlock?!" The sandy haired boy started crying and hitting the teacher in exasperation.
"I don't know John.. I don't know.." Mr Smith frowned at the pool of blood with no body.
"Where is he?! Where where where where!" John's face was streaming with tears as he balled his fists up and was half heartedly hitting the teacher on the chest.
"John calm down please calm down ok" The teacher took hold of his arms and restrained him.
"I can't calm down Sherlock jumped and now he's gone and I need him and he needs me and and and" The teenager was starting to go into shock, he was losing the energy to keep struggling and hitting so he just collapsed against the teacher as he cried.
"Mrs Watson?" The teacher had his head in his hand as he lent on the desk and called John's mum.
"Yes?" John's mother rested her mobile between her head and her shoulder as she organised some papers on her desk.
"Could you come and collect your son from school please?" The teacher glanced at the boy sat in the chair. He was pale, shaking and just staring straight at the ground.
"My son isn't at school, I told him not to go." The mother frowned, maybe they'd called the wrong number?
"Oh, well John is sat here with me so I think he did come to school. But can you come and collect him please?" Mr Johnson frowned at John.
"Ok.. What's wrong?" Mrs Watson left her papers on the desk as she focused on the conversation.
"There's been an.. Incident.." Mr Johnson thought about what had happened that day and shook his head a little.
"Just tell her." John spat. He looked up and straight at the teacher and shouted "Just tell her what he fucking did!" John's mother raised her eyebrows at the shouting she heard. Wait, was that John?
"Ok John calm down.." The teacher swallowed a little before taking the phone in the other room and closing the door. "Mrs Watson I regret to inform you that.. John's ex-boyfriend, Sherlock, he uhm.."
Mrs Watson frowned, this was serious "Did he hurt John?" She hoped not, her son would be hurt both physically and mentally.
"No not exactly, he.. Took his own life, at school." Mr Johnson swallowed, he hated saying those words.
Mrs Watson stopped silently before speaking slowly "What?" This couldn't be right, maybe this was all a joke.
"He jumped from the roof of the school, and John witnessed the whole thing." The greying teacher looked out of the window at the police cars, ambulances, CSI's, news vans, parent's cars, general public, basically just the chaos outside.
"Is this a joke?" John's mum swallowed as she started to imagine what it would be like if it was true. How John would be hurting, how Sherlock's family must feel, that such a boy took his own life like that.
"I wish it was, Mrs Watson.. So you see, John is shocked and upset, can you pick him up? We'll have to arrange where from, because I'm pretty sure you won't get access to the school." Mr Johnson sighed a little, John was the main person they needed to keep safe right now, and none of them were making it easy for them.
John's mum let it all sink in before swallowing and speaking slowly "Ok.. Yes of course.. I'll get as close as I can"
"Thank you. I'm sorry Mrs Watson, you must have known Sherlock well too" Unfortunately, as bad as it sounded, Mr Johnson could only wish she had met him, just so she could understand John's pain more and help him as much as possible.
"Yes I do.. It's a sad loss, tell John I'm coming as soon as possible" The mother was already heading to the exit of the office.
"Ok, thank you Mrs Watson. See you soon." Mr Johnson hung up and sighed as he went back to the other room with John in. "Your mum's coming John, ok?"
The sandy haired teenager didn't reply, he was just stood staring silently out of the window at all the chaos.
The teacher went over and gently patted his shoulder "I'm sorry John."
John spoke numbly, like a robot as he didn't blink "You don't need to be, you didn't do anything wrong."
"Well I'm sorry for your loss." Mr Johnson tried to smile reassuringly "He'll be missed."
"You won't miss him. No one will. Only me. You'll all say he's a murderer, a liar, and that he topped himself because he couldn't cope." John looked at the teacher beside him.
Mr Johnson looked back quietly. He wasn't going to deny that people would think that, he thought that if he was honest. "We'll miss him."
The teenager sniffed "He's gone. He's gone and I can't have him back. I love him and he's gone. I'll miss him, I need him, I'm not going to be ok again, I really need him sir. People will pity me or whisper or they'll avoid me or bully me." John closed his eyes for a second before opening them again "I need to be with him."
Mr Johnson registered what the boy was suggesting "John." The teacher took him by the shoulders and turned John to face him and spoke seriously "You listen to me right now. I refuse to let you waste another life."
John looked up at his teacher "But I want to be with him, I need him and he needs me." He looked into the man's eyes as his own were red raw from crying so much.
"No John think about your family, you'd hurt them so much. You have people that love you, good grades and a future, don't waste it." Mr Johnson frowned a little "Promise me you won't do it."
The sandy haired boy swallowed slightly before nodding a little "Ok sir." He didn't know why he was promising to just his teacher, but he did anyway.
"Good. Thank you." Mr Johnson let go of John "You're still shaking, you should sit down and have some water." He led the boy back to his seat, sat him down and handed him a plastic cup of water.
John finally managed to sit in the car and they headed home. He was still shaking, pale and in shock.
"Sweetie, I don't know what to say.." John's mum was trying to drive through the traffic.
"Don't say anything then, it's fine." The short boy looked straight ahead, he just wanted to go home, go to his room, and cry.
"I know how hard it must be for you, just remember we're all here for you, ok?" The mother glanced at her son, he looked bad.
"You don't know. But ok." John took his phone out and looked at the wallpaper of him and Sherlock kissing.
John's mum didn't say anything else for the whole journey. It was agonisingly quiet, and so hard. John was putting all his effort into not breaking down right there, and his mum was constantly searching for something to say, but to no avail.
Harry looked up as John and her mother walked in "Hey why does Johnny get a lift, he-" She stopped as she looked at her brother. Something bad had happened. Really bad.
The sandy haired teenager forced a smile "Hi." He threw his bag on the floor and went upstairs, running for the last few steps so he got to his room quicker.
Harry looked at her mother "What happened with John?" She put her pen down on her essay.
"Sherlock." Mrs Watson took her coat off and hung it up before going over to her daughter "He took his own life, at school."
Harry stared at her mother. She covered her shocked mouth before whispering "Sherlock as in... John's Sherlock?"
"Yes, John's Sherlock." The mother sat down and put her head in her hands "I don't know what happened, I can't talk to John, but I know he saw it all.."
"Oh god.. Oh god" Harry bit her lip "He was like an extra brother to me.." She could feel tears building, she'd gotten rather used to Sherlock just walking down at breakfast in just his pyjama trousers on a Saturday. Or him snuggling up with John on the sofa to watch TV.
"I know, Harry" Mrs Watson sighed "I know." She was just imagining how they'd have to care for John now, make sure he was ok, but don't overbear him, go to him when he needed them, but not bother him.
John didn't even know how many days past since then. He didn't even want to know if he was honest. Knowing how long he'd been hurting and numb would just make it even worse.
He sat silently in his room, like he'd been doing for a while now. Harry had given up trying to get him to talk, have fun, play, read, anything. Just silence.
He stared at the carpet, and when that got even more disinteresting than normal he stared at his duvet beneath him. Everything reminded him of Sherlock.
This duvet for instance. Sherlock had sat here. Sherlock had laid here. Sherlock had slept here. But now Sherlock wasn't here. Sherlock was gone. Even though John refused to want to believe that, he'd have to eventually.
He heard his phone receive a message, and like an idiot, like every time, he hoped it was Sherlock. He jumped and grabbed it, it wasn't Sherlock.
He frowned as he opened the message from the unknown number.
Look what you did.
With the message was the video clip of Sherlock and John talking on the phone until Sherlock stepped off. On a loop.
The boy stared at his phone as he felt his heart cracking even more every time the clip restarted, and showed the fateful moment a part of John had died.
He couldn't turn it off, he was just so numb. He stared and stared and stared. Each time hoping that this time the video would be different, maybe in one Sherlock was joking and he just came down and came over and kissed John. Maybe in another it was John on the roof and Sherlock wasn't wasting such an amazing life and brilliant brain. Maybe in another, it had never happened.
Time passed quickly without John realising as he just watched the phone over and over. Before he realised, it was dark.
John's mother carefully knocked on the door before coming in, she tried to smile as John looked up at her "John sweetie, your dad and I are going to bed now, ok? It's pretty late honey so maybe you can go to sleep too?" She walked over.
The sandy haired boy nodded and paused the video, he locked his phone and went to the bathroom.
John's mum sighed. To see her son hurting so badly made her so upset, she looked at his phone on the bed. She had never been a mother to invade her children's privacy, but this was a special circumstance, she should probably check just in case.
The mother picked up the iPhone and pressed the unlock button, instantly a photo of John and Sherlock laughing together filled the screen and John's mum held back her tears. They were so perfect together.
She slid the unlock so the password came up. She sighed, Harry knew John's password, she'd invented it after all, and Harry had told her mum in case. John had liked the ring to it and it had been his password ever since. The mother typed in 'johnlock' and the phone unlocked. The wallpaper then changed again, now there was a collage of many photos of Sherlock alone, Sherlock and John together and stuff they'd done together. She gently touched a couple of the photos, that poor boy. It was hard for her, she just wondered how Sherlock's family were bearing.
The caring lady opened the last app and frowned at the paused video, cautiously she clicked play. She stared with wide eyes as she realised what it was, and as the video went on and on she began to sob, putting her hand over her mouth in shock and sympathy for the boys.
John came back and stopped "Mum?" He realised what she was doing and came over and snatched the phone from her hands "Mum that's my private phone!" He paused the video and glared at her.
She looked up through her tears "John I was checking because I'm worried about you, you can't watch this!"
"You shouldn't be checking up on me when I'm fine!" John threw his phone on his chest of drawers.
John's mum sniffed and wiped her eyes, she spoke softly "You're not fine, sweetie"
The sandy haired boy went closer and demanded "What did you say? Say it louder."
The woman was scared, her kind and gentle son had never been like this, and this was wrong. She spoke quietly again "I said.. You're not fine John."
"Not fine? Not fine? Of course I'm fine!" John threw his hands up "Why wouldn't I be fine!" He plastered a manic smile on his face as the tears began "Well I guess Sherlock, who happened to be the love of my life, killed himself not long back but hey ho, life goes on!"
John's mum shook her head "You're not fine John, look at you! You need help! Let someone talk to you! Me, your dad, Harry, anyone, just let us talk!"
"How dare you say I need help!" Before he realised what he was doing, he'd grabbed his mother by the collar with one hand and was glaring dangerously into her eyes.
"John please!" His mother begged and squeezed her eyes closed, she hate to see her son this way.
"John!" The teen's dad appeared at the door and stormed in.
John's eyes widened with fear at what he was doing, what he'd become. He let go and backed away and turned around as he began to cry harder "He's not dead, he can't be dead, I love him too much"
John's mum let out a shaky breath as she held back her tears and looked at her son, something had to be done, she looked at her husband.
John's dad nodded "John. We need you to see a therapist." He put an arm around his wife protectively as the looked at the back of their son.
The sandy haired teen looked at the floor as he thought about it as he was sobbing. A therapist. That was how fucked up he had become. Great. "Ok."
Thank you for reading! Stick with it for now, and we'll get to the happy bit eventually! Leave a review please? :)