JPOV

I never cry. Never.

When I was a kid, I didn't cry if I fell. Once, I almost bit off my tongue. It hurt like hell, but I didn't cry.

I didn't cry when Grandma died in her sleep. I guess I knew that she was happy and safe now.

I hadn't cried the morning we found her face down in bed. Not when my dad read the note she had left for me.

So why was I crying now? Why couldn't I hold back the tears?

I thought back on my mum. She had never seemed sick. My dad had told me after her passing that she had been very sick, that there was nothing we could have done for her. He told me that she loved me very much.

My mum had been one of the sweetest people to walk this earth. No matter what, she always knew what to do to make you feel better.

Sometimes, she didn't get out of bed in the mornings. She often had bad headaches and went to bed early.

But she had never seemed sick. It never occurred to me that she was sick, and that she would die.

I tried to be strong for her. Part of the reason I never cried was that I had never seen her cry. She always put on a brave face for me; she never let it show that she was having such a hard time. I had to be strong for her, had to show her that I could stay strong too.

I felt Lily put her arm around me, and I cried harder.

We stopped crying around the same time.

"James?" She said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for being such a jerk to you." Her voice was a little ashamed.

"Well, I did deserve it after the way I've treated you over the years. Really, I should be apologizing for all the stupid pranks I pulled on you." I laughed humorlessly. "I liked watching your reactions. They were always so . . . energetic. Then Sirius dared me to ask you out. Somehow, he knew that would bug you more than anything. That was when I noticed how pretty you were when you were angry. So, I still loved your reactions, but for a different reason. You were so beautiful when you were mad."

"Please," she scoffed.

"You are!" I said defensively. "But it's not just appearances. You're smart and funny and you don't take crap from anybody, especially me."

We both laughed at that.

"If you don't know that you're beautiful in every possible way, you don't see yourself clearly enough. You are beautiful, Lily." My voice was gentle, and she looked at me in disbelief.

Her eyes were wide as she looked up at me. How was it even possible for me to love her more than I already did?

"James. . ." She said softly. "Why would you think that? What makes you so sure I'm beautiful?" Tears filled up in her eyes.

"When you're crying, you're beautiful. It makes you look vulnerable, but in a good way. When you're mad, your eyes get all fiery, and I know I'd better watch my step, or I'll get burnt. And when you're happy, when you laugh your eyes light up and it's beautiful. When I see you laugh, I wish it was me who made you laugh. Lily, I wish that I could be the one to make you laugh. I wish that I could be the one to make you so mad you can't see straight, but you forgive me anyway. I wish that I could be the one to hold you when you're broken, and feel all alone in the world. I wish I could be the one who makes you happy. I wish you would give me the chance to be that one. I wish you would let me love you."

Excuses.... I have none. I suck.

You guys rock, and I totally understand if you hate me until the end of the earth.... but I will miss all of your awesome reviews!

So, in case it wasn't clear, James's mom suffered from depression.

Hmmm, let's see if I actually get the next chapter out in a reasonable time-frame.... but I wouldn't hold your breath on it!