Characters: Cain, DG, Lavender Eyes, the Robo 'Rents, OCs by the barrel

Pairing: Cain/DG

Rating: R

Summary: When DG returns to Reality for her friend's wedding, the new Head of the Royal Family's guard is the perfect choice to accompany her. Multichap fic.

Warning: I guess you shouldn't read if you haven't seen all three parts.

Disclaimer: It's routine by now, right? La la, was L. Frank Baum's, da di da, Sci Fi's adaption. Do be doo don't own, just play with. New characters are mine.

Word Count: 2,334

And right after that wonderful sentence, Emmett Cain continued on, greeting Mona and Jeb. Wyatt was sporting an expression which reminded DG of the one she wore the first time (and first time she had ever tried) to sneak out of her house: it was equal parts, surprise, fear, and wonder at how the hell parents are so good at that sort of thing.

"You know, on the Other Side, ranches are usually these one floor homes, or, you know, within visible distance of their property borders, but I like this version; I could get used to this," said DG as they walked inside through Maplewood double doors.

Cain Senior was a born diplomat, and DG was thinking of stealing him to take with her on some of the Goodwill tours her parents and advisors had been threatening about. Brandishing this man who did not seem to know how to age properly would probably be a good weapon.

He showed them everything they would probably need while staying there, and then took them onto a balcony on the back of the house. Though you could not tell it from the other side, there was a well-manicured lawn with gardens, and past a few dogwoods, DG could make out a maze.

"Can your Dad adopt me?" gushed DG, in a whisper to Wyatt. "Wait forget that."

"Because then we'd-"

"Exactly."

"And although you cannot see it, the Gulch Estate ruins are to our left. They were wonderful neighbors of ours before the last Gulch, Benjamin, disappeared. Longcoats ransacked the place early on."

"Gulch? As in, Judge Gulch?" asked DG, scoffing. Cain, biting the inside of his lip to keep from laughing nodded. "Now that explains things, like…just about everything, really."

The Gulch family was quite close to Henry and Emily, and of course, DG. It was only the son that hated her. At Christmas parties, as the youngest, she had been showered with gifts and presents, just like him. But the affection she had received as well was what probably ticked him off.

Emmett Cain concurred, knowingly. "Yes, rumor has it that Gulch traveled over to the other side, though we did not know what became of the court official. You say he is a judge over there, too?"

"And his son tortured her, up until recently," Wyatt said, although it did not sound like he believed it, before DG could respond. "He is one of their Tin Men."

She really wished she could go back, at that second, and do something to taunt Gulch. Like what, she wasn't sure, because she hadn't planned anything, but DG was too busy trying to, well, not get married.

"I like this. I could really get used to this," sighed DG, breathless as she fell back into the pillows, barely caring about how sweaty she was. Wyatt fixed her with a lazy smile from where he had rolled to before kissing her again.

"I can't believe you haven't passed out yet, darlin'."

DG arched an eyebrow, and turned her head. "The day is young, Wyatt Cain. And I used to ride horses back in Kansas."

He sat up, and after a moment of studying DG, went back to unpacking. "Sure didn't look like that to me, what with the almost falling off and then the insisting you would only feel safe riding with me."

"Did I mention they were ponies? At a county fair? Being led in a circle?" DG batted her eyelashes, demurely. "I promise next time I will keep my dirty, dirty hands to myself, and remember that the duster does not cover the front of you as much as the back, so people can see where my hand are. On you."

"We nearly got thrown off of the horse, I yanked those reins so hard. Poor thing can't tolerate a hormonal princess."

DG looked up at the ceiling, brightly saying "Sure thing Captain Tightpants."

And then he was leaning over her and staring down, and she was pushing the wattage of her smile. "What?"

Um. "Can you give me a second, I'm trying to think of a reason to say that you misheard me and I really said 'typecast'. Nope. Nothing." She sat up, which caused him to have to straighten if he didn't want a face full of princess. "It's from a show, and before you ask, yes, your pants are sort of on the tight-ish side, and no, it's not bad. In fact, I like you and your little pants, prancing around with me and-"

But then she being kissed within an inch of her life, and if only that hand at her waist would just move up a little more than it ever did, then the occasional brush of the underneath of her-

He was laughing into their kiss. "Great Gale, I love you," he said, suddenly, and sobered. "That's why we need to discuss what we're doing about the contract."

"No, we can do that later. Right now, I'm making out with the O.Z. equivalent of a Ken doll genetically spliced with some pure version of sex appeal, and am doing the avoidance dance. At all once. See?" She twirled a pointer around, and wiggled a bit.

"Let's stop that last part, shall we?" he asked in a tone that did not bode well. "I've been thinking about it, and I think we should tell your mother about us. About being Intended."

"Wyatt, she knows. And yet she's still pushing one of us onto some guy, and if that ambassador is any sign, one wearing plaid. I don't look good in plaid."

"You look great in anything."

"I'd look better in nothing."

He sighed and helped her up. "I really don't think the bed is the place for this conversation." And she had to admit that he was right.

"Wyatt, she doesn't care. Why else would she be going through with this? And we don't even know if it was for me. It could be for Az, in which case she'll pretend to go mobat-shit crazy, there will screaming and crying on the suitor's part, and then he'll leave and all will be well. Or maybe it's for someone else in the city?"

He gave her the look. The one that said 'you and I both know you are trying to act like the situation is fine, when it really isn't'.

Not quite sure what to say to quell it, DG shrugged. "If you need me, I'll be unpacking my things."

"Wait, Deijhi." He caught her around the waist and pulled her towards him, and DG could only give him a miserable look as she felt the tears start.

"I just want to enjoy the time right now, okay? Because I need it to figure out how the hell I'm getting out of this, and what to do to finally make you remove your little moratorium on the fun."

But then he embraced her, and she sighed, enjoying the feeling for as long as she could. This certainly wasn't going to ever happen within the palace's walls, and in truth, she needed it.

"Two months ago, I was dreaming of having a guy like you while serving cheeseburgers to the morbidly obese travelers of Kansas, and trying to pass College Calculus so I could move ahead to still not knowing what I was getting a degree in. And now it's like some one is trying to fast-forward through my H.E.A. to some sucky, unknown part past that."

"Your H-"

"Happily Ever After," she said quickly. "I am not marrying anyone else, Wyatt. I'll go back to being a waitress at the Hilltop and live on the Other Side if I have to, but I am not doing it."

Wyatt was quiet, and DG simply listened to his heart below her ear. "Would be pretty hard to marry 'em anyway, because necrophilia is pretty much frowned upon in the O.Z., and that's what it would be when I was done with them."

So perhaps he wasn't particularly elegant, but her Tin Man could get his point across.

By the end of the second day, DG could mount a horse. That did not mean she could stay on it after doing so, or properly spur it to go anywhere, but she could get on. And every time she turned around from trying to do so, Wyatt was checking out parts of her that he hadn't up until then, and then the situation would be deemed futile and she would get to ride with him. Win-win situation.

Emmett was so wonderful to be around. She was amazed to find out the morning after arriving that the delicious food she was eating was, in fact, partially prepared by the owner of the ranch himself.

"Get bored with my boys off risking their necks," he explained. "If it weren't for the walk to the barn, I wouldn't be able to see my feet over my stomach."

He seemed to be just as at home at the barn as in the drawing room, one of the many in the house, playing an instrument. And then something that left DG dumbstruck happened.

Emmett, who had been playing some of the most beautiful music she had ever heard in her life, gave his son a smug look and said "Well if you're going to try to win her, you might as well prove you've got some talent other than running around and shooting things."

Looking uncomfortable, Wyatt rose from his spot on the settee next to her and picked up a guitar before sitting on a chair next to his father. "I haven't played in-"

"Nonsense. You're a Cain, boy, you've got instrument strings in your veins."

Wyatt gave him an impatient look before sourly saying "That might lead to circulation problems."

Mona leaned across Jeb to whisper to DG. "You two are such smartasses; I see the attraction now."

Cain Senior smirked. DG would have called it snarking, but no one present would know what that meant. All he needed was a twinkle in his eye and DG would be hunting down a scraggily dark haired boy with a scar so that they could just get it all over with. "Now play the princess that lovely tune you wrote when you were a child."

Her Tin Man cleared his throat, still looking as if he'd rather be somewhere else, and started to deftly play.

Mona said it before she could. "That's DG's song! She used to sing it, like, all the time when she didn't notice."

DG decided that someone must have pushed 'The Button' on the Great Glass Elevator of Weird and they were now accelerating past all levels known. "My sister and I sang it. My mother sang it."

"Because a young advisor to the Queen heard me playing it, and being a genius, he memorized all of it, played it for the Queen on the harp, and added words for two little princesses when they were born."

"I know that song!" came a voice from the foyer area. Then there was a thud. "Oh, that was a wall. I can't walk through those, can I?"

"Advisor Ambrose and Viewer Raw, how wonderful of you two to visit" Emmett greeted the two visitors warmly, as if men with a head covered in gauze and a viewer were the most normal sights he had seen. With a small, barely noticeable twist of his hand, a servant swept in. "Please go get-Glitch, is it?" he looked over at DG, who nodded. "Get Glitch some ice in a cloth, please."

The two were as delighted with the grounds as DG was, and it only took Mona a little longer than DG to get used to Glitch, who was still misfiring occasionally-the doctors wanted him back within a week for therapy-and Raw in all of his furry glory.

"Mona very brave, very strong," said Raw simply, and her friend looked at him in wonder.

Realizing that Mona was distracted, and Jeb was off to the side, she made her way over to him and plucked at his shirt sleeve. "Hey, Jeb, want to walk with me?"

There was reluctance for an instant, but then he unfolded himself and pushed off of the fence. "Sure, Pr-DG."

The lane leading to the Gultch ruins was shady and quiet, and her friends' voices drifted down the dusty road. Next to her, Jeb jammed his hands into his pockets. DG was twisting a daisy-well it looked like one, but a peculiar pink tinged its petals-into a ring.

"So you and Mona are getting along rather well," she started. When he didn't say anything, merely blushing, she continued. "I just want to remind you she doesn't really have family here, and as her best friend, it's my job to tell you this. Just keep in mind it's sort of customary on the Other Side: I will totally kick your ass if you break her heart."

"I'm not planning on it."

She put the ring on her pinky, where it sat for a second before breaking off and falling to the ground. "I know you aren't, Jeb; you're faithful and loyal and everything I could want for my Mona, but I still just felt the need to say that."

And then she took a deep breath. "And I think that you and I have other things to talk about."

Jeb kicked at a stone. "I already got a lecture from my mother about the birds and the bees; when she got pregnant the second time."

It was a difficult subject, and they both swept past it. DG swung herself up onto the fence, and padded the spot next to her. She arranged the folds of her skirt so that they did not take up the entire length; it was the petticoat from one of her dresses, but it wasn't sheer and hell, if she could look like she belonged in that Shania Twain perfume ad, with the fields and the dreamy softness, she was going to do her best. They were across the path from a stream and some foliage, and it was pretty, so it would give them both an excuse to not look at one another, if they needed it.

"So it's that here, too? Good to know something is the same on both Sides. But, well, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. It's about your father. And me."

He gave a curt nod, lanky blonde hair a curtain to DG.

"I wanted to know how you felt about it, but let me just say this, first, okay? I will never try to be your mother, or make your father forget Adora. She was a wonderful, kind woman whom your father loved, and who gave birth to you, and raised you. I would never want you to think I'm taking her place-or trying to."

Jeb stared at her, and she found his eyes were quite a bit like his father's, but there was something about them, a bit starved, a bit lacking. She could only hope that Mona could help him with that emptiness. "I-that is to say. Damn, Princess, you certainly know how and what to say to make a guy feel right stupid."

Guilt flooded her heart. "Oh, no Jeb, that wasn't my intention!"

"Not like that, DG. I just never thought you would be so kind; my father says you've got the biggest heart he's ever seen, but I didn't believe him until now."

Relief settled onto her shoulders, and she bumped his. "So do you want to talk about it? Say anything. I'm slowly coming to the understanding that you two don't discuss feelings an awful lot, but I'm here to listen."

It took him a moment to gather what he wanted to say. "You and I are two years apart, and that is one of the things that I just find sort of strange about all of this."

DG gave him a crooked, tragic smile. "Yeah, well, I subtract ten years from your father's age, for obvious reasons, and my family on the Other Side always called me 'an old soul'. But it is a bit socially scandalous, and there probably will be talk about it, in time. It would be great if you and I could be friends, though."

He considered this. "Alright. Okay."

She patted him on the back, and kept an arm draped over his shoulders in a sign of camaraderie on the way back. When they reached a high spot on the walk, and they could both see Wyatt, DG flashed him a large smile.

"You do realize that my father has probably used this Mushy Time to get embarrassing information about you from Mona, correct?" Jeb asked, in a low voice as they made their way over, and DG shrugged.

"As long as you and your grandfather have dirt on him, I'm prepared. And as long as she tells him about that ring I always wanted," she raised her voice at the end. "Then it's all swell and shiny."