Thank you all so much for staying with me on this story. I started this story back on Sept/Oct of 2008. I had finished Eclipse and couldn't buy Breaking Dawn due to the holidays looming. I sat thinking about what things would be like if these characters were older - out of their teen years (and of course, human) and more like twenty-somethings facing the eve of their thirties.
Two plus years later, I am so happy to say this story is almost finished. Huge thank you's go to kherisma and devilsgenie for their unending support with this story. And a massive thank you to all of you who have patiently waited for this story to update. Thank you for trusting this story wasn't abandoned and still reading it even with shotty updates. I wish I could hug each of you!
I dedicate this chapter to kherisma who loves the angst and helped so much more than she is aware of with the writing and rewriting of this chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, but I thank SM for letting borrow then to write fanfiction about.
I left the front door open; it wouldn't take long for Edward to climb the stairs to the front door and walk into the house.
Standing still, I waited for him in the living room just to the left of the door. My heart pounded in my chest in anticipation of his arrival. I had expected him to call before coming over so seeing him on the walk was unexpected. It wasn't out of character for Edward to just come over, he'd done it plenty of time in high school but there was something graver about the action this time. The sullen look on his face, the depth of sadness I saw in his eyes – even at a distance – told me more than anything Jacob ever could have. He was beat down and slowly dying inside. Just as I was.
Hearing the door click shut, I turned to face him. I begged my heart to stop hammering and to leave my throat where it had taken residence at the sight of him in my home. Our home. "So you got my message then?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly.
His brows twisted in confusion. "Message? No. I didn't."
"Oh."
"You called?" he asked, his voice cracking as well.
Talk to him, Bella, I chastised myself. The familiar drop kick to my gut resonated throughout me, the fear of actually having this conversation with him becoming real. I couldn't hide behind Alice or Jacob any longer. "I did. Um . . . we have to talk. About all of this."
He licked his lips nervously, his eyes almost taking on a distant look. "I know. Would you like me to start?" It was evident on his face how much those words had cost him.
Did I? Did I want him to start only to end up hearing the same song and dance once again? Well, that wasn't fair. It wasn't the same song and dance to Edward; it was how he felt and right or wrong, I had to hear him speak the words again. However, I knew if I didn't talk first, I never would. He would never know the truth about the dream that ultimately tore us apart if I didn't head first in the depth of our personal hell.
"No, I need to, Edward. There are things that you need to know and if I don't tell you now, I never will." I took a long breath, closed my eyes, and willed the courage to continue to arrive. "Maybe we should sit first?"
Wordlessly, Edward agreed and moved to sit in the same armchair he always had sat in while I sat on the edge of the sofa just a few feet from him.
My heart raced, my palms started to sweat, and I felt the unmistakable prick of tears forming behind my eyes. "I never wanted Jacob. Not in real life or in any dream. It took me a long time to remember what I was dreaming about, but I finally did and frankly, Edward, it made me sick. Sick to think you left me over it and sick to think my mind could think of Jacob the way it did." I struggled to breath, to fight the tears, and against myself to stop talking but I couldn't stop – not now. "You thought I was making love to him, Edward? I wasn't. He was attacking me."
The words took a beat to sink in; I knew they would. As Edward processed what I had just said, I could see the realization and a fresh wave of pain hit him. It looked as if all the air and life slipped away from him; his skin turned white, and if it was possible, all the blood drained from his body. "Bella," he hushed in great pain.
I had opened the gate and the monster was out. Not even the hounds of hell could call this one back. I had to tell him everything, whether either of us wanted to hear it or not. "At first, it was just . . . normal. We were talking and it was like how things were back in school. Then it changed. There was kissing and he was trying to do other things, but I was able to stop him. But then it just went too far, too fast."
I went into the details I had shared with Alice and Jacob, and watched every word take their toll on Edward. I hated having to relive that horrible dream once again, but I had to. Edward would never know if I didn't tell him. However, there were parts of the dream that I hadn't even told Alice. Darker parts that I feared if Edward ever knew about, he would never want me back.
"Edward, I was fighting him off but he wouldn't stop. He kept . . . moving on top of me and trying to . . . . I didn't want him near me. I tried to fight him off, but he was too strong. I kept trying to push him away but - and then I saw you. I couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not and it scared me. I didn't want you to see me with him – not like that. And it wasn't a secret how much you hate him."
"I don't hate him. I never hated him."
"Yes, you did."
"No, Bella. I disliked him. I didn't like how he seemed to have no regard for our relationship, but I never hated him." Edward answered softly.
"He was my friend and you made it very clear that you didn't want me around him. You shut down when I would talk about him. You hated it when I would go over to his house and spend time with him."
Edward lifted his head, his eyes lit with determination. "You're right. I did act like an ass about that. Can you blame me? He would sneer at me the second you got on the back of his bike and wrapped your arms around him. He would glare at me every time your back was turned. He was the one that instigated it, but you only ever saw my reaction to it. He made sure of that."
"So you're going to blame him for all of this?" I answered quickly, irritation clear in my voice.
"No. Not all of it," he said, his voice gravelly. "But for as much as you blame me for the issues in school, you really need to see my side."
I knew he was right. I had seen some of the sneers and glares, the obviously antagonistic action Jacob threw down. Edward had voiced his concern about them at the time but hearing about them again, reminded me of just how deeply Jacob's actions had affected Edward. "No, you're right. I did see some of that from him."
"I tried to understand you and Jacob, I did. I knew that you grew up with him, that you'd see him when you came to visit your dad over the summer. But once you were here, and I was with you, and he wanted to be a full-time part of your life – well, I couldn't compete."
He hung his head as I tried to process his words. "What do you mean, 'you couldn't compete'?"
He ran his fingers along the small fade on the knee of his jeans as he steadied himself for explaining. "I couldn't compete with someone that every time you were with him, you gushed about how great he was, how much fun you had with him. You stopped saying that about us after a year of dating. How could someone that always left you in a great mood not threaten me? You would come back to me and be so serious. I made you serious. With me, it was always talk about the future and trying to convince you that you needed to do things, but him? He never did. He acted like a seventeen year old and I acted ancient.
"You never saw the way your face lit up after you would spend a day with him. It was as if you spent the whole day in the sun; there was such a brightness to it. It hurt to know that I couldn't do that for you; that I couldn't be your sun. When he left, I thanked God for it. Believe me, and you can ask him if you doubt me, he did try to take you away. But it was never around you. It was a phone call or a comment when my dad would visit his on the reservation. He was always careful never to let you hear it. He even admitted this to me a few weeks ago."
"What?" I asked, shocked.
"He did. When he left, I was so grateful to finally have you alone again. No weekend trips the Rez to worry about, no competition for your love. It was just us. Everything we had was clearer after he left. I knew we were always solid; that it I wasted hours worrying that you could fall in love with him and leave me. I knew you never would. You'd already told me a thousand times over that you weren't ready for marriage, and well – I was. I was ready after that first day when I brought you home from Port Angeles. Being that close to you and having you in my car after pining for you for months and you chose to be with me. I knew I was a damn lucky man. With Jacob gone, I knew no one could stop us or get in our way.
"When you thought you were pregnant, I was thrilled. We were going to have a baby, you and me, and in some selfish way, that would mark you as mine forever. But you- you acted like it was the worst thing that could ever happen to you. As if carrying my child was -"
"I was scared," I defended heatedly.
He lifted his head and looked deeply into my eyes. His eyes were rimming with tears and it killed me. "Bella, so was I. But just like everything before then, I knew we could get through it … together. When it turned out that you weren't, you seemed happy. Elated. I was crushed. It felt like a stake being through my heart. But I put myself in your shoes. You wanted to finish college; you didn't want to repeat your mother's mistakes. The timing … it just wasn't right for us. I understand that now. It just hurt me, it damn near killed me, and yet you seemed so happy you weren't having our child- a piece of us both.
"I never brought any of this up because, well . . . because I loved you, Bella." Edward's voice cracked and my heart tore slightly hearing it. "I still do," he said, his voice soft, low, and cracking again.
"Edward-" I stared. My throat was tight and I could feel my eyes start to sting. Though I was angry that he thought I didn't want to have a child with him, I couldn't help but see how hurt he was.
"I am so sorry, Bella. I should have asked you about those dreams. I never should have assumed anything but it seemed so clear based on what I saw when Jacob did live here and how I saw your body reacting to your dream – making me think that you wanted him. I tried to tell myself that I knew you loved me but doubts and fears took over. Even when I walked away from you, I knew you loved me, and I fucked it all up." There was a tremble in his voice as he spoke.
My eyes dropped to the floor, the pain in my chest spread throughout my body. "Yes, you did," I said as I looked back toward him.
Edward's shoulders shuddered, his body crumpled forward as he arms rested on his thighs. He looked broken and defeated, and completely in pain. I couldn't help but feel both sorry for him as well as slightly happy that he finally got to feel what I had for so long. I knew he was hurting, but I couldn't help but retain my hesitancy to forgive him. He hurt me deeply, bottom line. He walked away . . . bottom line. "I am so sorry, Bella."
"I don't know that that's enough, Edward. How can it be? How can I trust that you won't leave or that you really are sorry?" I hated saying the words but how could his words possibly make this better? I knew where my heart was, but the pain and fear that lingered – that I had managed to fight for so long - were so close to the surface, I was starting to struggle to breathe.
He looked down at the floor, his eyes pained, and his mouth eased open. His eyes were clouded in pain and suffering. "I thought if I left first instead of you leaving me, then the pain would have been . . . I don't know. I hate myself for leaving you. I was so sure that you wanted Jacob. I was so afraid of losing you but I lost you anyway. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done. If I lived a hundred years, it would still be the hardest thing I've ever done, as well as my biggest regret. But I promise you, I will never leave you if you take me back - I will never fail you again."
My eyes pricked with tears, my throat was tight, and my heart ached. I felt my sob fighting to escape. I held it back as long as I could before it broke through. A strangled noise passed my lips causing Edward's head to shoot up and he looked at me, the pain more deeply etched in his face than ever before. He got up from the chair and crossed to me in less than a second. Kneeling down, he tried to take my hands in his, but I refused. I pulled my hands to rest beside my hips and turned my head slightly away from him. "No," I said, curtly. "I can't."
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Edward's brows pinch, and sadness and rejection fixed in his face and body. He was shaking slightly, his fingers nervously rubbed back and forth over his brow. After a few harsh, shallow breaths, he spoke. "Bella, please. Don't do this. I will do whatever I need to make this right. Please, please God, please don't push me away. I need you, Bella. I love you. I can't live in a world that you aren't a part of my life," Edward said as his voice broke.
"Stop, Edward." I couldn't handle this – I couldn't watch him fall apart. I just couldn't. Yet that was just what he and I were doing.
"Oh, God. No. Please, no!" he pleaded with me; his words almost strangled in his throat. The pain and loss he was feeling were radiating off him and I held back my tears trying to be strong and not absorb what he was feeling and showing.
"It's done. I just can't."
"No," he whispered as he dropped to his knees at my feet. I looked up at the ceiling, fighting with everything I had left not to break and fall apart.
"I won't do this anymore. It's not right. It's not fair." I shook my head and tried desperately to hold on to my resolve. My anger was at its breaking point. I could feel my resolve slipping away. The decision I came to about what to do, the one that seemed so clear and right and absolute, seemed to slowly fade as my anger rose.
"Bella," he said, looking up at me. Tears streaked down his beautiful face and the sight was more than I could bear. "Please. Don't do this. Not to us. We were perfect once – we can be again. Just – please . . . don't end this completely."
"Damn it! Edward, you ended this when you left me or have you forgotten that? We were perfect –were! There is no us anymore. You made sure of that before you left and started a new life for yourself. You sit there and tell me how much you love me and how you always have. Did you even once care about what you destroyed when you left? Didn't it cross your mind at all what kind of shit storm you had caused?"
Edward sat at my feet, his chest heaving in pain. "I did care, believe me. I did. But I thought calling you would have made it worse. If what I believed were true, you needed not to have me bothering you so that you could start your life with Jacob. I knew what I did hurt you but-"
"But what? You didn't care." I spat at him. Gone were the tears of anguish and my body coursed with the anger and venom his leaving me had caused me. "So you were happy when Jacob left? Well, I was happy when he came back. I know you two didn't get along. I did see the looks he gave you and even heard a few of this comments when both of you thought I wasn't listening. But I thought it was clear to both of you who I wanted.
"It wasn't until after you left, months after, that he came back. He was there when I needed a friend. A friend, Edward. He stayed with me because I hurt myself, but he stayed because I didn't want to be alone. I was scared that if someone wasn't here, that I would just drift away and lose myself altogether. Jacob made me feel again. He made me feel as though I had some value left to my life and me. That someone actually cared.
"Even if I wanted Jake, I couldn't even have him. You called right when things were at a point where I almost could have gone on without you. So for all your words and so-called 'good intentions' about letting me have a life you thought I wanted, you even fucked even that up."
He looked shocked. The deeply etched lines around his mouth, eyes, and forehead eased slightly as he took in the weight of my words. "So you did want him?" he asked, his voice tight with emotions.
I had thought about my answer carefully over the past weeks. I thought about my conversation with Jacob at the cliff and how even if I wanted him, he had already let me go. How easy was it for the men in my life to do that? That thought slammed into my chest as though a thousand knives were stabbing me. Just as I had been for so many months after he left. I knew it was selfish and petty of me to think that way, but I couldn't help it.
"Yes, Edward. I did." I answered him so coldly, my voice shocked even myself.
His breaths ceased momentarily as it all registered. What little color he had left, drained quickly, leaving him paler than I had ever seen him. "You wanted him," he repeated flatly and softly as he ran his hand through his hair.
"Yes. I was just about to fuck him when you called that night. Is that what you wanted? Me fucking Jacob? Is that what you thought I wanted all along? Because it almost happened."
"I never wanted that. I only wanted you to be with me. To be mine. I foolishly wanted to be the only man that ever knew that part of you," he quietly said.
The bitch inside me rose to the surface. "Then you never shouldn't have left, Edward," I sneered.
"So you did sleep with him." Edward's statement hung heavy between us. I could lie, yes, but he would be able to prove me wrong with one phone call.
"What does it matter? You cast me aside. You threw me away."
"I never did," he argued, finally finding his voice and fighting back. "Yeah, I was wrong - horribly wrong! But I'm trying to make it right. I kept pictures of you in my wallet and in my apartment. I called my parents to find out how you were. I have a file on my laptop of letters that I wanted to send you but never did because Alice told me you said you would have returned them unopened. I never threw you aside, Bella. I just removed myself as the obstacle between you and what I thought you wanted."
"And you call that love," I scoffed.
Edward's eye cast to the floor once again. The look on his face damn near broke me. His eyes were almost dead, his skin ashen, his body slumped like an old rag doll. "Yes, I do."
"I never should have answered the phone that night," I muttered. "I should have let it ring and let Jacob fuck me. Would you still be begging for forgiveness then? Would you still love me if I had slept with him?"
"Yes," he answered with a gravelly voice. "I would still love you and want you back in my life. I would still be fighting with everything I have to have you and your love back."
I looked at him dumbfounded. "Jesus, Edward! How – why? If what you wanted was for me to be with him, why would you still fight for me? Why put yourself through this – this fucking pain when you pushed me to him?"
"Because I love you - that never stopped! I was stupid to do what I did. I was a failure as a man to bring this pain and confusion to you when I was so clearly wrong to do so. I have no excuse for my actions, only the truth. I'm sorry," he said with a much stronger voice.
"I don't care, Edward. You hurt me. You betrayed me. You left me!" I spat out. The hurt that had been tucked away for so long was finally breaking free. I had thought I had said all I need to say to him, but that simply wasn't true.
"I did and I'm sorry. Had I know for half a second that you were being mauled in that dream – but I was so afraid of you telling me we were a mistake. That you had always-wanted Jacob and not me – it would have killed me, Bella. It would have killed me."
"So you decided killing me would have been better? What the hell, Edward? I hate you for leaving me! I hate you for breaking me!" I almost yelled. I stood up and walked a few steps away from where Edward was.
Edward's face twisted painfully as he absorbed the words. Slowly, he stood up and took a single step toward me. "I hate myself more. I never should have done it, Bella. Never. I should have talked to you, but I was so sure. Do you remember the conversation we had about Jacob? The one where you said if it wasn't for me, you were sure Charlie would have married you off to Jacob the first chance he got?"
I nodded. I remembered that conversation, and so did Charlie. I had lashed out at him shortly after Edward left about the inappropriateness of the comment. My further mistake was telling Edward about it. My dad hadn't meant anything behind it, he loved Edward. He was joking, but neither Edward nor I took it that way. I was fuming when I shared the comment with Edward. Edward, as he always did, internalized it. I knew my friendship with Jake was hard on him, and after Charlie's comment, I started to distance myself from Jake and all things La Push. It hurt like hell to lose my closest friend outside of Edward, but I had to. And really, Jake was leaving town and I never did great with goodbyes, so I never really saw it as a terrible thing. Sure, we emailed and texted, but it was never to the same level as before our "friendship break-up." At least not until he moved back – Post Edward Apocalypse.
"I was so sure that it was him you really wanted. Hell, you grew up with him. And who was I? Just some guy you knew in high school that pursued you and didn't give you a choice in the matter." His voice was edged with doubt.
"What? There was always a choice, Edward. Neither of us can help that we just fell hard. Because that is what we did. We fell in love – who's to say it was wrong to find your soul mate in high school?" Thinking of how we had met and fallen in love caused my chest to tighten; a hollow ache filled my heart.
"But that isn't the case anymore, is it? I'm not your soul mate, am I? Is it him?" he asked, every breath he took, every word he spoke, rocked his entire being and started to break me.
"Edward . . . I loved you but you betrayed me. You broke my heart when you left." I could feel the dam slowly breaking; my voice and tears were seconds away from betraying the tough resolve I'd been fighting to keep.
"Bella, I will keep apologizing for that until my last breath. I never, never wanted to leave you. But it was so clear to me that staying if you were in love with Jacob, would only hurt you. And I vowed a long time ago to never let anything hurt you."
"Everything except you, that is. Don't you get it? The only person that could ever hurt me is you. I lived for you, Edward. You were my reason for everything. I know I shouldn't say that, but it's true." I felt my tears begin to well in my eyes. My lip started to tremble. I turned away from him, trying to hide my emotions.
I heard him take a step closer to me and could almost feel his presence behind me. "Even being half way around the world, just thinking of you . . . you are everything to me. I never should have left. Never."
There was a long pause. I was convinced neither of us was breathing. Edward stood rooted to the floor as if he was made from granite. My chest started its unsteady rise and fall as my pained breaths became stronger. I wasn't sure what to say to him. We were at a cross roads – he could only apologize so much, I could only be strong so long. Yet, I didn't know what to say or to do. I knew what my heart was telling me, and I my thoughts demanded to be heard, as well. It was all so overwhelming.
"Bella, I may really be pushing things here, but you need to hear me out. I made the single biggest mistake of my life leaving you, but I did the single greatest thing in my life by falling in love with you. You have been a shelter from every storm life has thrown at me. You have kept me safe when I wanted to close myself off. You showed me there was so much more to me than I ever thought there was. Leaving you was wrong; it was the cruelest thing I could possibly do to the one person who loved me to the depth of my soul. I should have talked to you, yes, but the fear of losing the most perfect thing in my life scared me. It rocked my foundation, and as it turns out, without you I'm pretty much built on quicksand. I sank into an oblivion that only one person was ever strong enough to pull me from. How could I ask you to save me when I destroyed you?
"I wanted to marry you, Bella. I still do. I want to live in this house, raise a family together and, god willing, watch our grandchildren play in the yard. I realize now that the relief you felt when you realized you weren't expecting before wasn't because you weren't pregnant with our child, it was because we weren't married and as far as you knew, I wasn't going to ask you. I realize you were just not ready then to be a mom. It was wrong of me to assume that it was because you didn't want to have children with me.
"I have been wrong so many times, and I'm sorry. I will beg for your forgiveness the rest of my days. I will walk out that door and watch out for you no matter what, know that. But I will never interfere in the life you will create after me. I only want you to be safe, happy, and loved.
"Bella, I will draw my last breath thinking of you and speaking your name. I love you. For eternity, I will love you. "
Everything hurt. Every part of me was raging against his words and my thoughts and emotions. The anger I felt couldn't be contained once it slammed into the love I knew I did feel for him. I wanted him to hurt as much as the past year had hurt me. I wanted him destroyed and beaten, doubting his every day existence, and just wanting the world to swallow him whole. Then it hit me. I wanted for him everything his leaving had done to me. However, more than anything, I wanted one thing.
Spinning around, I looked him square in the eyes and said, "God, Edward, I was so alone. I couldn't sleep at night thinking of what I could have done to make you leave – to drive you away so harshly. I thought we were perfect, that nothing could touch us. You said you would always protect me, and yet you are the one that threw the cruelest blow. Who the hell was there to protect me then?
"I tried, God how I tried, to get up every morning knowing you weren't there. I kept thinking one day you would call or write, or even email me. I held on to that hope for so long. When it never happened, I died all over again."
"I just – I – I never meant to hurt you, Bella. I wish like hell I could take it all back." He hung his head as he spoke the last word.
"This whole thing with Jake was just wanting someone to care about me, to love me. I needed to know that I wasn't the horrible person I believed you thought I was. Jake was there for me the way I needed you to be, but you left. All because of a fucking dream, Edward!"
"I did, and I'm sorry! Had I known for half a second that you were being mauled – but I was so afraid of you telling me we were a mistake. That you had always wanted Jacob and not me – it would have killed me, Bella."
"So you decided killing me would have been better? What the hell, Edward? I hate you for leaving me. I hate you for breaking me!"
My resolve conflicted with my heart, my throat tightened, and I could barely breathe. "I never loved him, Edward - not like I loved you. I would trade my life for yours if it were asked of me. Even now. And I hate you for that. I hate you!"
"Bella," Edward whispered as tears streamed down his face.
"NO! I hate you, I really hate you," I said, the tears burst through and I was helpless to stop them.
"Bella," he whispered again, his face in anguish.
"I hate you. I can't breathe when I'm around you. I can't feel anything but . . ."
"Bella." He was speaking barely above a whisper and was so close, I could feel the heat radiate off him.
"I hate you, I hate you," I said, completely drained and through heavy tears. "I hate you."
He nodded slowly. I saw him in perhaps the rawest form of pain human can suffer reflected him his face. I knew what I felt for him and it was wrong to keep him standing there in this much pain. I needed to end things. I just prayed I was strong enough to.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. Just . . . so . . . sorry." He paused as he spoke, his voice becoming softer with each word.
"I hate you, Edward. I hate you for what you did. I hate you . . . God, I ha-." My voice broke; my tears fell harder and faster.
As if knowing I was falling over the edge, I felt Edward's arms wrap around me. I wanted to fight against it, but I couldn't. I longed for these arms to hold me countless nights as I cried myself to sleep. I even convinced myself that I could let Jacob take his place though I knew it would never be the same. Feeling his arms holding me tightly, my sobs broke free as the wall crumbled.
Through my sobs, I said, "I ha- I love you." I stop fighting myself to be strong and to push him away. I wanted him to hold me, to make it all better, to make me feel safe, protected, and loved.
Edward nodded again; the slightest up and down motion of his head was all I could see through my tears. I silently prayed he heard me and wasn't holding me this way for fear it was his last chance to.
"I can't do this anymore. I love you," I whispered softly through my tears, my voice breaking as I said it. "I can't do this without you. I need you. All of you."
Edward didn't move. As my hand touched his arm, his eyes dropped to where our bodies connected and yet, he didn't move. Clearly, he didn't believe what he was hearing. Suddenly, his body went stiff and rigid. "What? Bella?" he asked stunned, but hopeful.
My heart was thundering in my chest, and there was an intense nervousness in my stomach. My eyes pricked with fresh tears knowing the wall had just tumbled down. "I can't live without you anymore. I tried, and I can't. It hurts too much to try. I belong to you and with you, I always have," I said pressing my hands to his cheeks.
He said nothing, his eyes searched mine, and for the first time in what I knew was a long time, his stunning emerald eyes sparkled.
"Edward?" I asked; fear and hope filled my voice. "Did you hear me?"
He nodded slowly, his eyes moving to mine just as slow. "Yes. I just can't trust myself to have heard you right."
"Edward," I said as I stroked my thumb over his cheek. "I love you. I need you, and want all of this behind us. I want to try to see if we can fix this." I watched him for a moment, hoping he understood what I was saying through my tears.
He held his breath and then all the strength he used to hold me up left him. As he collapsed into my arms, I moved mine quickly to catch him. "Jesus, Bella. I love you. I meant what I said . . . for the rest of my life."
"Mine, too," I said, breathlessly. I couldn't believe how fast all the pain and fear had lifted from me. Edward's tight hold on me returned and it felt wonderful to be in his arms again, knowing I loved him and wasn't afraid to say it. He pulled me to him in an impassioned hug.
"I love you," he breathed against my cheek.
"I know. I'm sorry," I confessed as I pressed my cheek against his lips finally feeling complete again. He was my other half, my soul mate and I was wrong to keep us apart.
We held each other tightly for what seemed like hours. I didn't want to let go of him. We let what remained between us fall away. I let Edward back in, forgiving him and let myself love him again.
Edward broke our embrace first, cupping his hand gently on either side of my face. "Bella, I've wanted to do something for a year. May I?" His eyes were fixed on mine and were so deep and honest.
I nodded. "Please."
A small, faint smile glimmered nervously. "Okay. Jus - don't move," he said breathlessly. It was clear how nervous he was. My heart hammered in time with his as he moved closer to me; his eyes searching mine briefly, before they drifted to my lips. Slowly and softly, his lips touched mine. Immediately, I remembered how soft and firm his kisses were. How the natural heat of his body would seep into mine with the softest touch of his lips. I remembered all-to-quickly and easily how just one kiss from Edward could make for forget everything. It was bliss and it was him, and I missed it terribly.
There were issues we needed to work passed, true. After all that we had already spoken about, one thing was clear. He loved me, I knew that, and even after all the pain and tears, I still loved him.
As I stood in my family room, Edward softly kissing me, I knew everything would be okay.
Two more chapters left! They are completed and will be posted soon!
Kherisma found a song that she felt really spoke to and about this chapter. "Bound To Break" by Harper Blynn. If you would like to hear it, here is a link to the video: http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=VOJ06wESWMs