A/n: Thank you a million times for the kind reviews

A/n: Thank you a million times for the kind reviews. I'm always touched by your feedback, really.

Read and comment on, if you want… :) Sorry if anything's wrong.

Chapter 14

Make it through the night

Surprised by all that love is


I remain alert in stillness


Hurt by all that love is


I yearn for tenderness

Defeated by all that love is


at the truthful mouth of the night


Forsaken by all that love is


I will grow toward you.

- Frantisek Halas

Pain in her hand. Her knuckles crackled, squeezed together so tightly that more pressure could only drive them into each other.

"It hurts," complained Aerwain in whispers, hoping it wasn't too late when he finally realized she wasn't made of stone.

Slowly the Warden shifted his gaze to his fingers, which closed down hers in iron circle. Her weak remonstrance appeared to remain unheard – the grip was as hard, if not harder.

She was seriously alarmed now.

"Haldir."

With a slight wince he let her go, motions sluggish and uncertain, like those of a blind one. A biting cramp swept along her palm as she attempted to straighten her hand properly.

"I'm sorry," uttered Haldir unevenly, "I didn't want to… I'm sorry."

The half-a-smile, which Aerwain braved, was more than insincere.

None of them moved away from each other. She couldn't speak until he spoke himself, and he didn't.

Thankfully, rather soon the Warden broke the tedious silence.

"You say you … love someone," the words obviously refused to leave his mouth, and still he took hold of himself. The end of the phrase sounded almost calm.

"I did say that," confirmed she, never ceasing to watch him. How pale he suddenly became… Pale and taut, bewilderment fighting through the mask of self-control, which had not so long ago seemed to her to be glued onto him for good.

He pulled back for an instant only to step closer again, close enough to send Aerwain into the shiver of anxiety. She had expected that he would react violently, but this cold resolution scared her.

"Beleg told you everything," the Warden exhaled, chilly blue eyes fastened upon her, "Didn't he, Aerwain?"

Aerwain shrugged back, losing her breath of astonishment. How could he guess? Was her plan that obvious?

Oh, she should have known better than to play with him.

She didn't dare to look up at him – too well she knew how easily she could betray herself with one single glance.

A stiff hand, which a moment ago nearly crushed over a dozen of her bones, lay on her chin and tilted it up more insistently than carefully.

There was something about his troubled look that reassured her. He was disturbed, but the emotions, of which his unrest was weaved, were not of the kind she could fear. His posture, his expression, his glance – everything screamed out a blatant plea to take back her avowal and readiness to forget that he had ever heard it. As though he compared the two evils and was eager to jump at the least of them.

He didn't accuse her of anything.

He implored.

"Beleg?"

She didn't manage to put enough of surprise into the question and stood frozen and prepared for an inevitable denunciation, but none came. Oddly, it was exactly the catch in her voice that did it. Animation vanished from Haldir's features.

"I'm sorry," repeated he in a dull undertone, "Don't pay attention. It's… about nothing."

She responded with a weak nod.

Once again he seemed to have decided that it was much better for him to keep distance. Aerwain did nothing to stop him. It wasn't time yet.

Going by Haldir's nervous shifting, he didn't exactly realize what to do with himself. First he headed to her bed, where the tunic was still lying, well forgotten, then motioned to return to her. Aerwain observed this tossing almost serenely.

A good hostess would offer him a seat.

She - wouldn't.

"I am flattered that you trust me so much, milady."

Aerwain wondered whether it was as new for the Warden to utter such an outright falsehood as for her – to hear it from him. His words dripped with mortification and barely restrained despair.

"Aerwain," corrected she mildly.

"Oh yes," Haldir smiled a harsh, crooked smile, which disappeared at once, "Aerwain."

She smiled back, pretending not to have noticed how strained his mirth was.

Each new pause was longer and heavier than the previous one. The clearer it was that this time she wouldn't allow him to hold his tongue, the less tranquil the Warden grew.

"I don't ask who he is," dropped he in the same abrupt manner.

"It's of no importance," she shrugged a little.

The Warden nodded a dismal assent. Luckily for Aerwain, he, indeed, had no intentions to interrogate her, for he presumptuously concluded he had guessed it all without her help.

As though suddenly weakened he reclined against the window jamb - face towards the room, shoulders down like under a heavy burden - and stared past Aerwain unseeingly.

Wicked. It was a wicked thought to be let in, but she suddenly craved for knowing what his jealousy was like. Did he picture her in the arms of Tarlangion, breathless of a passionate kiss they shared?

Did he recall how she used to freeze in his own embrace or to banish him with a cold word?

Was it anger or sadness that made him frown now, drawing those hard and deep lines between his fine brows?

"I cannot and I will not deceive you, Haldir. I have an opportunity to be with him. There's only one thing that stops me."

It took her a long time to learn that half-truth was better than any lie. And it came to her much easier. The most skillfully crafted story wouldn't sound as natural as a frank confession she pronounced. She said everything. Except for the name. He was quite free to think it up himself, and, judging by his gloomy silence, he chose the wrong one. Just as she had expected.

"Do you remember the thing you promised me? That I'd be free to act as I desire if I…"

"…if you gave your heart to another," ended Haldir blankly, "I remember it. Do you want your freedom, Aerwain?"

A limpid, matter-of-fact intonation. If only his face was as expressionless as this feeling-deprived voice. Did he forget to watch himself or did he simply believe that the half-darkness, warm and deceitful, will hinder her from reading the story of his grievance off those hard lineaments?

"Yes. And no."

He had a full right to raise a brow at the inconsistency of her reply. However, there was no real feeling behind the expression, as if he did so because it was a customary reaction – not because she surprised or amused him.

"I thought a lot about it," Aerwain approached to stand by him. The position had its disadvantages, for now she couldn't keep an eye on him as freely. But her role demanded to be as near the Warden as possible and thus she chose hearing over vision, "No matter what's happened, I respect you deeply, and I care for you… What is it, Haldir?"

The sound he produced could be born both by temper and hopelessness.

"I never deserved it," demurred he with sharpness that bordered upon animosity.

"How can you say that?" she was gentle, reproachful, "You tried to protect me. You practically destroyed your reputation. I cannot bring you into more shame. You won't be ridiculed through my fault…"

Aerwain cut off, unsure whether she was saying too much to be believed. A sidelong glance at the Warden was of some comfort – he showed no signs of suspicion whatsoever.

"But I love him," she went on hushfully, "And I am not sure I'll manage to fight it on my own. It's been too much already."

No reply came. He withdrew into himself, having at last realized that there would be no mercy for him.

"Haldir?"

"I'm listening to you," responded he impassively.

It was so easy to imagine…and so hard to pronounce.

"Haldir, am I…"

Couldn't she go through without stuttering?!

"Am I desirable?"

She could congratulate herself on managing to astonish him again – and twice within an hour now.

Haldir swung to her promptly, the vacant look slipping off him in a blink of an eye. She was serious, waiting for the response in complete silence. After all, shrewd as he was, he still wouldn't see through her. It was only her secret how hard she was trembling inside.

"Do you doubt it yourself, milady?" asked he on a quiet note.

Oh no, he wouldn't leave her with that.

"How would I know?" Aerwain's throat was drier than a dead autumn leaf, but she still kept a determined air, "Nobody told me. Am I?"

It wasn't at once that she received her answer. The Warden temporized, his mind of a strategian in search of a possible reason of her interest. If she could, she would advise him not to try in vain.

"Much so," admitted he after some moments of hesitation.

"Desirable enough for you?"

That was when something in him finally gave way. He flinched and looked away quickly.

"I do not…"

"Haldir!"

He shook his head, perhaps hardly aware that he was doing it. It didn't even occur to Aerwain to interpret it as a reply, so clearly his unrest testified that this silent denial had nothing to do with his opinion of her. He was simply driven into corner. And she had to do all that depended on her to keep him there.

Against her expectations, no wall grew between them, like he completely and irrevocably forgot how to defend himself. It appeared he'd rather kneel like he had promised instead of uttering a plain "yes" or "no".

If he lied…If he only lied…

As if she had thought of something to do in this case! All her plan was built on a truthful answer.

If he lied, she would probably be forced to end this talk on the spot without any delay.

It was a relief to hear him sigh in defeat. Alert and reluctant, the Warden raised his head to meet her inquiring stare.

"You are truly a temptation, Aerwain," said he unsteadily.

She couldn't help smiling, enchanted by the way her name slid down his tongue. Regardless of the strain in his voice, regardless of his reserved manner, the confession was sweet to her, sweet and heady like a draught of old wine. What did it take him to be always that sincere? That impassioned…

Well, temptations should be persevering. If she was a temptation, he would have to resist her.

With that thought Aerwain unleashed herself fully, waving off both shyness and the pangs of conscience. He wasn't likely to judge her.

The Warden drew in a sharp breath, when her fingers ran against his skin lightly – up from his abdomen to his chest. She did it with pointed gentleness, so that there left no doubts that she was stroking, not just touching him.

"Aerwain…"

A stifled moan… He shuddered under her palm, but didn't attempt to draw back, and she ventured further into this whirlpool. With a free hand she cupped his cheek, forcing him to bend down to her. He followed the compelling gesture eagerly, his eyes two drops of liquid blue fire.

The Warden's arm stole around her waist and tarried before pulling her closer to his naked torso. Yet even now there was no certainty in the embrace. Aerwain perceived, divined that he tarried in want of encouragement, prepared to jerk back at the first sign of her resentment.

Well, there was no reason to deprive him of what she was going to give him anyway.

Gingerly she brought her mouth against his one, putting all her pent-up tenderness into a kiss. Too benumbed, perhaps, to react properly, Haldir didn't attempt to return the lingering, soft caress, but his breathing was jumpy as she stopped and his eye-lids tightly shut. He didn't let her go, nor did he mind it when she clung to him on her own, having decided that it could do no harm if she savoured the moment a little.

He bent even lower, giving another shaky sigh to welcome her hand which buried itself in his hair.

"Aerwain, what are you doing?"

Husky whisper this time. The touch of lips felt kiss-like on her neck. But no, he was not kissing her. It couldn't be called a kiss, for his mouth never stayed at one place, travelling up almost to ghost against her ear and coming down again to brush over the curve of her shoulder.

"Not letting myself escape. I don't want to betray anyone, Haldir."

He growled an incoherent protest into her collar-bone. Aerwain felt, or rather guessed that another motion of his will take away the last drop of her resolve.

She had to say it…had to…

"Will you…will you make me your wife?" murmured she into the fair strands at her face, "Now…here… Don't give me a chance to leave with him. Please, help me."

A harsh, violent fit of shiver shook his whole body. He stood still, as if she had suddenly hit him.

One heartbeat. Two.

The Warden came to life to back away from her – releasing her body with painful slowness. Three steps. Four.

At the count of six he stopped. Raised his head. Glanced up and away immediately after his stare stumbled upon the triangle of bare skin, which her crumpled dress revealed.

"Haldir."

Seemingly unable to fight the mildness of the appeal, the Warden looked at her again, and must have regretted he had, seeing her push the green silk off her shoulders slowly.

His hand flitted up in haste to cover his eyes.

"Stop," begged he in a cruel, raucous voice, totally alien to Aerwain's ear, "For your sake."

Holding in a smile, she pulled the dress back obediently.

Haldir dropped the hand down again. He had been pale at the start of their conversation, but that pallor couldn't in the least compare to the ghastly whiteness that poured over his face now.

"Why do you hold me in such contempt?" demanded he in an accent of a deepest offence.

"But I do not…I value you highly and…"

"I'd rather have you love me," interrupted he, his tone low and desperate.

…She'd clap her hands in delight, like a little girl. If only she could.

Watch yourself, Aerwain.

Deliberately uncomprehending, she moved towards him.

"No," with an abrupt gesture Haldir beckoned her to stay where she was, "No, be kind. Don't come up."

"I thought…I hoped you were not completely disillusioned with me. I wanted to ask for forgiveness when you finally discovered that I had yearned for our wedding...," the Warden stretched his lips in a mirthless smirk, "…for you. But what's the use admitting I'm a selfish wretch if you already think me to be one?"

She was obliged to conjure a reply. Her silence was starting to drag for too long, while the situation called for at least some reaction on her part. She had to speak - not just to speak - to be surprised, unbelieving, indignant.

Yet was it possible to feel such elation and to keep it in?

"You yearned for me?"

"Yes," acknowledged Haldir without further wavering, "Ardently. With how much trust will you grant me now?"

He didn't avoid her glance, didn't halt to choose words anymore. She guessed that it gave him relief to give up struggling and lying.

"Do I sound insane to you…my heart?" smirked he bitterly, with infinite spite mimicking the one whom he had to blame for his misfortunes, "My love. My own one. I know I never told you anything like that. I've been too listless for you. But it wouldn't please you to hear it from me, would it? It doesn't now. I will leave it to him."

He broke off, may be, to give her a chance to speak her mind, but she didn't catch at the opportunity.

"Won't you say anything? Won't you ask how I could do this to you?"

She would never have believed he could ask for more humiliation freely. And still, there he was. Haughty as ever, and yet so fully resigned, his heart ripped up and exposed to her. His pride in shreds. Where did he find strength to practically put a knife into her hands and invite her to continue the torture?

She would hate herself for giving him so much pain.

Later.

"It doesn't matter now," replied she, carefully taking every bit of satisfaction out of her tone to replace

it with a more appropriate feeling of despondent resolve.

The anguish, splashing in Haldir's eyes if for a moment, manifested that her reaction grated upon him to the right extent.

"May be," agreed he with a weary nod, "Will you order me to go?"

With every moment Aerwain found it more and more difficult to adhere to the role she had written for herself.

"You are silent," said the Warden, not having received a wished-for - or rather dreaded – reply, "Send me away, I'll accept that."

It was her turn to shake her head.

"It will not change anything. It will still be a betrayal on my part. If what you say is true… Of course, I cannot treat you as I did. And of course, you … you could be more honest with me. But it doesn't mean a thing now. Perhaps, it's for the better," despite his pleading look, Aerwain drew near again, "If you love me, you will make it more …agreeable for me."

The last phrase was pronounced in timid undertone, just like the question that followed it:

"Don't you want to have me all for you?"

"I cannot," uttered he with difficulty.

"No one will come here," insisted she, "I took care of that."

With a deep breath the Warden held at her wrist to place a slow kiss on her hand which was tracing the outline of his stern mouth.

"What will happen, Aerwain?" whispered he against her fingertips, "If I refuse?"

"If you do, tomorrow I will be with the one I love," claimed Aerwain plainly, "Whatever it will take."

And again she said the very truth. She could add, of course, that she would also marry that certain "one". The one that was now all downcast and subdued before her. But no, not yet.

Patience.

Haldir chuckled sadly.

"Then…Thank you for making me believe you would agree to be mine."

"I can still be yours."

"No," steel resounded in his voice, as he shook off the veil of chagrin and tenderness to return to his usual unfaltering self, "I will not fall that low. Shall I warn everyone that we're cancelling the wedding?"

Aerwain let out a short sniff, in a blink of an eye tuning herself up for his prosy manner.

"In the middle of the night? We can do it when they gather tomorrow."

"I see," muttered he knowingly, "I will have to do it alone, won't I, Aerwain?"

So he thought she would elope right after the door…the window…was closed after him, and would leave him to deal with the embarrassment, that the wedding without a bride was, all by himself?

And he was ready to let it come, too…

"I don't know what you are talking about, milord Haldir," answered she. The effort she put into remaining self-protective, resulted in far frostier a rebuff than she had wanted.

"Take the tunic I sewed for you," added she before he managed to say a thing, "I still want you to put it on tomorrow."

He tried to nod, but the motion ended in nothing, not having started.

"As you say."

Aerwain watched the Warden clothe himself in silence. She didn't help him to fetch the tunic, so he picked from her bed himself and bowed a little by way of his appreciation.

"Haldir!"

Almost at the window he turned to her hail. Perhaps, it was a wrong thing to do, yet she just couldn't resist this urge.

Having cast aside the fake severity, she leaned into the silent Warden and wound her arms around him for an instant.

"Thank you for everything," she was quite sincere this time – in her gentleness, if not in her gratitude, "You are-"

Aerwain didn't finish, as her breath was caught in her chest all of a sudden. The exclamation of surprise hanging on her lips, she tried to move away - and failed, finding herself clasped in a fervent embrace.

A hot cheek lay against her head…

"Aerwain, have pity," he throated beggarly, sounds broken as if someone's rough hand was clutched around his neck, "Have pity, how will I let you go?"

Aerwain didn't stir. Neither did she say anything, secretly relishing her joy, but not yet eager to share it.

The shutters closed after him with a soft rustle. The last thing she saw was a glimpse of a hard and grim smile playing upon his mouth.

In the hush of the now empty chamber Aerwain allowed herself to smirk at last.

As a temptation, she was miffed. But as a soon-to-be bride…

…Patience.