You are Karkat Vantas; loud, obnoxious, and almost always yelling. Although lately it's been different, your friends don't have to tell you to shut up as much anymore. You don't want to admit it but that big lump of sweat makes your heart flutter and your mind go crazy. You don't know how on earth you got to talk to him, how you worked up the courage all these years to tell Nepeta to bring him to the party. You've liked him for too long, at least you think that, it started in third grade. You made fun of him with Eridan and you didn't think you would get to him but then, fuck but then, he stopped talking and he lost weight and he was quiet and strict and you watched him. You watched him turn into a funny, loving, cutie pie and into the shy, strong, stunning fellow he is now. You didn't think it would affect him, you were young and every day you regret it. You want to say that you were just young and goofing off but that's not a fucking excuse.

And Damn, Equius has barely ever left your mind, and honestly you don't even fucking care. You broke up with Terezi because it just didn't feel right, and you were right because every waking moment with Equius feels so fantastic. And you don't just fucking mean kissing him or holding his hand but just being with him, you feel so comfortable. You felt happier, you didn't feel like you needed to yell or shout or even raise your voice; for once you were happy with being quiet.

But seriously, can you fucking talk about how kissing felt with him? Because. Oh. My. Fucking. God. You knew that heaven tasted like his kisses, you want to do it so much but he doesn't like you. You hated this but at least you two were friends. You wanted to kiss him so badly, sometimes it kept you up at night.

Oh wait, that's every night.

You fucking wish he liked you. Every 11;11 he is your wish, every fucking shooting star, every luck penny, every four left clover, every single day you hoped he would see something in you that he hadn't seen in you before. You wished for him.

And you know it was silly for you to wish for him so much, but it was better than forcing yourself on him and tell him everything now and making him run away with so many flirtation actions. You didn't want to lose him again. Losing him hurt, it hurt more than you expected. Not being able to talk to him or look at him or- oh god, just thinking about it brought you to tears, you couldn't lose him again, he was so much more than just a person to you. He made you better on your bad days and flat out perfect on your good ones. You never thought you could be this happy.

You sighed, picking up your phone and checking the time, one hour before you had to go to his house. Your heart was racing and if you thought about it for too long you would burst out into a giggle fit; this wasn't just another crush. He felt like so much more than a crush, he felt like a happy ending. You know it sounded cheesy but you couldn't help it, he made you happy and it's been awhile since you've even thought about happiness.

He made you feel like you could do anything.

And it wasn't just do anything, fail and then hate yourself like you normally did. This time you didn't care if you failed or not, at least you tried. And this time you thought there was a chance that you could win and who cares if you didn't; you were having fun. You haven't had fun in a while. You missed this. You were having fun now too, he had invited you over and even though you were nervous, you knew something good would happen; You just had a feeling.

Like today, you had a good feeling about today, because today was the first time you would go over Equius' house. You were so excited, you had your brother drive you; you were that excited. The whole *FUCKING* ride over he talked about how you needed to be safe and that you didn't know this person too well and you needed to be careful you kept groaning and you wanted to punch him, at the stops you did. You had to admit you were blushing horribly and you really wished he would just stopped, Kankri drove you up a wall and you were pretty sure that he only did it to piss people off.

Once he stopped the car in front of his house, you just stared at it, you were so nervous. It was such a nice house, almost as nice as Gamzee's, you didn't think it would so nice. What did he think of your house? Jesus fucking christ. He probably left so early because of your house. You felt so fucking stupid he is probably only friends with you because he pitted you. Fuck, now you weren't nervous. He probably wanted to show you what a real fucking house looked like. You sighed and got out of the car, slowly walking to the door. He opened it before you even got there, he was smiling.

What if he wanted you here for other reasons? What if he actually like you as a friend and this wasn't him being an ass? Fuck, now you were thinking about what Kankri was saying. Okay, maybe it wasn't all because of what Kankri say, maybe you were blushing from his cute smile. Fucking god, you were so fucking stupid. Why were you like this? He was a sweaty gross asshole and he didn't even talk to unless you talked to him first (most of the *FUCKING* time). Although yet you were here in front of his house, blushing horribly and wanting to die or kiss him maybe you don't know.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, he voice was deep and it was intimidating and you get scared sometimes when he said certain things. You always wanted to talk to him but you were also afraid he might hate what you say. You didn't want to lose him as a friend.

"No." You said as looked at him. He was wearing his tank top and it really showed off his muscles and you just wanted to touch them, like, all the fucking time. How was he this fit? He was only in high school. He had the nicest legs too, like holy fuck, if you ever saw him in his boxers you would probably faint. Shit, him in boxers. Tight boxers.

Wait, fuck, shit. Stop thinking about him in boxers, you don't care if they would fit his ass so perfectly that you would just have to touch it; he was right in front of you and he could probably see your boner arise.

"You stop walking." Fuck, you now realized that you were standing halfway up his driveway, blushing hard enough that your face was red. You needed to calm down. You were only going over his house, probably going to play some video games and talk or maybe you were just going to run away because then he wouldn't have to deal with your shit self.

No, you needed to stay. You started to walk up to him, your face still red and your pants still tight. you fucking hated yourself. "Hey Equius," you said giving him a small grumpy smile, you don't know why you were grumpy now, maybe it was because you couldn't take care of your pants issue.

"Hello Karkat," Holy shit, your heart fluttered at the sound of him saying your name. You *HATED* your name but him saying it made it better. It wasn't so bad if he was saying it; you didn't know what it was but it sounded right coming out of his mouth. It probably sounded really fucking hot as a moan. Fuck, stop thinking about that stuff, you wouldn't have a good time if You looked up at him and noticed he was blushing. Why the fuck would he be blushing? He was cute when he was blushing. Who were you kidding, he was always cute.

"How are you,"you asked as you looked at him. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail and holy fucking shit. you can't even describe how cute this big muscle horse freak is, you just wanna kiss him all over. This kid. You couldn't be happier with him, wait you fucking could; you wish you could call him yours.

"I'm good," he took your hand in his and dragged you inside; you tried your best to close his door for him. You stared at him as he took you down a flight of stairs, he looked relaxed and calmer than his normal self. You could really tell he was calm because his palm wasn't sweating. there is a fucking first for everything.

"What are we doing?" you asked as you made it to the end of his stairs, you looked at his pale wall in front of you before looking to the rest of the room, he had a small tv on a table, a closet off to the side that a line with the bed, weights and work out things that you could never fucking use because you are so fucking weak that babies are strong than you by the stairs taking a small amount of room in little bit over average size room, there was posters all over the wall, some of My Little Pony and others of just horses, and then you noticed the most important thing. Right the fuck behind the closet was a bed. A big bed for him, that could probably eat you alive; part of you was actually scared that could happen. The bed was made, it had dark blue sheets on top and to cover the mattress it had light blue sheets, it was cute.

But more importantly you were in his bedroom. This did not help your boner.

"I figured we could talk,"he said as you raised a brow at him before he lead you to the bed, sitting down and letting go of your hand and removing his shades. You slowly sat down next to him and stared at him. This wasn't like him, what was he doing? He looked at you and smile and you could hardly breathe, he took your breath away. His light eyes shined like a misty sky on a cold winter day as a clouded passed and the sun was slowly showing itself; it gave you chills. You never thought you could see his eyes again. You never thought he would let you either.

Then his smile, whoa, his teeth were so straight and white and you didn't even know that he had straight teeth… although one or two was chipped, somehow it suit him. You liked his smile. You really like him, he made you happy and calm and quieter and you felt more like yourself with him.

You really really loved him.

"Karkat?" He asked as you looked at him a bit, blush covering your dazed face. Fuck, how long had you been thinking about the perfect boy in front of you. God damnit. You were so stupid.

"What?"

"Why are you so red?" You stared at him for a moment before trying to think about what to tell him. You couldn't tell him that he was thinking about pressing yourself against him and make him feel things he can only dream of… You didn't know if you could actually do it but you would fucking try. You fucking felt like your pants were about to explode, you needed to leave and just take care of yourself, then you could be around this sexy beast. For now though, you could talk about Kankri.

"Well…" You sighed, trying to calm down, "fucking my brother Kankri was bitching to me in the car about how i don't fucking know you." You turned towards him more and looked him in the eyes as you talked to him. He was smiling at you, like he was happy you were here. "He thinks that just because you have only been over my house once and it was a small amount of time that i couldn't have learned everything about you to make a decision if you are good for me or not." He had this look in his eyes when he talked to you, like he was happy to hear you talk to him about this, about your brother. Or maybe he was happy you were just here, you knew he didn't have a lot of friends but like it can't be that bad right? Fucking he probably had some, you hoped. "Like seriously, I think I know you fucking well enough." Although it seemed like something different, like, he wants you. You didn't know, you were probably just crazy (and honestly you can't put it into words). "I think i fucking know you pretty well but yet that doesn't stop him from fucking lecturing me about how he knows i'm fucking gay so he starts tell me how I should-" oh.

You stopped talking, you couldn't say anymore actually because well.

He kiss you.