"What if I told you that it was all in vain?
Would it still hurt you?
Would you still feel the same?
Said it's impossible,
So impossible…"
Chapter 14:
Three unsteady heartbeats filled the silence before Clarke managed to speak, "You aren't supposed to be here." Clarke knew the risk of coming into the Medical Bay in the first place but she had a fraction of hope that her mother would stick to the routine she and Kane fell into months ago. They were supposed to be having lunch together as usual. Thinking on it, she hadn't seen Kane the entire day. If she hadn't been so caught up on completing the mission, she would have questioned his absence more but they were on a time limit. Now, she felt extremely stupid for not bringing it up in the first place. "Where's Kane?"
Abby Griffin cleared her throat, obviously wanting to talk about Bellamy instead of Kane. "He's leading a mission." There was something in her mother's confession that sent a shiver up her spine. Abby's eyes darkened, shifted away from her daughter's prying glares. For a moment, Clarke thought it might be shame. But for what?
"What?" All mission had to be sanctioned. People were supposed to be informed. How could he be leading a mission no one knew about? Clarke's eyebrows pulled together with momentary confusion until she remembered the type of people who graciously led their camp. Miller's comment concerning Monty's joke registered in her mind once more. Corrupt. "What type of mission?" She begged her mother to say something foolish like hunting, or resource scouting. She could live with the minor corruption in their system if it was something minuscule but necessary for survival. But she knew it wasn't either of those things. She knew it wasn't something small.
"I'm not a liberty to say." Abby said quietly, turning her body away from Clarke.
"What type of mission, mom?" Clarke raised her voice as she gripped her mother's shoulder, turning her around so she could see her. If Abby was going to lie, she wanted Abby to lie to her face. Her heart stopped. It felt like a sinkhole formed beneath her feet and the only thing keeping her up was a cartoon pause. Then, her heart started to beat again and she didn't know what was worse:
Resilience or the wait…
Clarke made the necessary leaps, knowing that Kane only had one topic that her mother would be so secretive about. The grounders. She decided within seconds of Abby's response that whatever was about to happen, or whatever was happening had to be her fault. No matter what it was, she'd let someone down. She let Lexa down.
I let this happen.
Abby exhaled, "Clarke, honey, there are things you don't need to know." Clarke was running through calculations and possibilities. The majority of guards—the expert guards, the trigger-happy guards, the experienced guards—were still in camp. For the first time, the heavy presence of people who would love to arrest or kill someone calmed her. The calming feeling only lasted briefly as her mother moved closer, letting her in on Kane's mission. "Have you ever heard of the Bay of Pigs?"
"What?" Clarke knew exactly what the Bay of Pigs happened to be. Her question was one of shock, one of raw emotion.
"John F. Kennedy wanted—"
Clarke breathed heavily on the verge of tears, "Kane's trying to kill—" don't say Lexa, don't say Lexa, don't say Lexa… "—the Commander?" She pushed back her tears because she did not need to look sympathetic. The plan must go on.
The plan must move forward no matter what…
"I'm worried about him, too." Abby misread her distraught expression, "Oliver volunteered to go with him. I don't mean to tell you this to upset you… he's your friend. I suppose you have the right to know not that I've told you of the mission."
"I—I have the right to know? They—" She motioned towards the entrance of the Medical Bay to indicate the citizens of the camp. "—have the right to know. You should have informed the people!" So I could stop it…so I could warn Lexa…
Abby shook her head, "This is wartime, Clarke. We don't have to inform the citizens of this camp before we make an executive action. The grounders will be subdued without their leader. We're saving lives, Clarke. You can save lives, sweetie. The Commander's death is a good thing."
She felt the sting of tears running down her face, suddenly recalling her dream from nights ago. There she was, split between being a grounder and being an Arker. Who am I? There were shattered remnants of hope in her heart that Kane would be unsuccessful. But if he was successful—if he managed to kill Lexa—everything would change. Her sobs picked up as she imagined the grounders in cages once more, as she imagined her dead friend, as she imagined her people being trapped in this camp because of her repeated hesitation.
Her mother pulled her into a hug and whispered, "It's going to be alright. Everything's going to be fine."
I hope so…
"Do I have to worry about your friendship with Bellamy Blake, Clarke?" Are you planning something dangerous with him, Clarke?
"No."
Yes.
Review, please.
-Brooke.
(Not my best chapter, I have to admit that I struggled with this one!)