"Where are we going?"
Dean glanced over, striding at a fast pace. Cas struggled to keep up with him.
"To a safe place." Cas looked at the inscrutable face. "Safe from whom?"
Dean shook his head almost imperceptibly. He turned into a narrow street to the left, and finally stopped in front of a small tea house. It was early afternoon, people were hurrying around them, and when they entered the tea house, the front room was pretty crowded. Dean nodded at a Japanese man – the owner, probably -, and they were led to the back, through another room, across a backyard, and into the a low building at the back. Dean ordered tea, and entered the small room. Cas saw it was a private tea room, beautiful in its simplicity, the only embellishing object being a twig full of cherry blossoms in a painted vase. He went over to the low sideboard it was placed upon. The vase was old, very old, it showed scenes of the life of some samurai ...fighting, riding a horse, squashing some enemy.
"Samurai Masashige", Dean´s voice ripped him out of his musings. "The most loyal of all...devoted to his emperor until death."
Cas glanced sideways. Dean stared at the pictures, following the line of a painted sword with his finger. "He fell by the hand of a fellow samurai, and traitor ...following his emperor´s orders to fight openly, against his better knowledge."
"Undying devotion in the face of death", Cas murmured. He thought of Sam...his devotion to a brother he barely knew, maybe even couldn´t remember well.
"Loyalty exceeding personal wellbeing, or even survival", Dean said, voice flat. "Of course, Masashige was used for propaganda during the war. Seems like one more betrayal..." His voice was far away...then he shrugged. "Old stories. We should come to some results here, or we'll both be the scapegoat for our respective sides."
Cas needed a few seconds to adjust to the new tone. "OK...where do we start?"
Their tea came, and Dean nodded to the waiter, a quiet message passing between their eyes. He must use this place regularly...I wonder what for?, Cas thought.
The next hour, Dean summarized the Japanese companies´ point of view in very clear words; pointed out where there would be no room for manoeuvre; listened to Cas´ depiction of the official US side, and raised his eyebrows when he had finished.
"And..the unofficial version?"
Cas turned the delicate tea cup in his hands. Dean´s eyes had been on him all the time, intense, focused; and as business-like and matter-of-factly as he´d ever seen them. The fire he´d noticed in them earlier, it had been gone...until now. When Cas looked up, he found the spark in them again, the suppressed hunger of a man willingly starving himself to death. It vanished within an instant, replaced by the cool mask once more; but Cas had seen enough.
"Unofficial...?"
Dean huffed. "That´s what we are here for, right? To find out where the soft spots are...the points where each of us can put the hooks, and pull some big fish out of the water to impress our bosses...right? Make them feel like winners, and go home with their heads held high." Cas stared at the man, honestly surprised. He hadn't expected this kind of ... detachment? Serenity?
Dean obviously had read his mind. He chuckled. "Well, you didn't expect this" – he indicated themselves, and the room- "to be some honest-to-God `secret mediation´- thing, right? We figured your side would come up with something like that...and let´s face it, America has a lot more to lose than we do. And with this geisha murder story, nerves are lying blank already...So – what do we present them so they can keep their faces?"
After two more hours, they had something put together that actually sounded pretty convenient for both parts, both scribbling on their notepads, discussing small details, coming back to the big picture, heads sticking together, hands almost touching, no, touching for real...the hairs on Cas´ arms rose, sending shivers up to his shoulders, down his back. He put his hand on the table so it would make contact with Dean´s the next time he reached for one of the sheets that littered the surface; but when it did, Dean´s hand twitched back. And Cas, without thinking, reached for it, and grabbed it.
He sensed the tension that filled the other man´s body within an instant, all muscles on alert, ready to strike; the green eyes bore into his, darker than he'd ever seen them, and dangerous, deep, bottomless abysses to get lost in, filling with something else now...want, and lust, struggling with something that could only be guilt, or fear, or both, but how could that be? Why would he feel guilty?, Cas wondered, staring into Dean´s face, so close, even closer now, leaning forward, closer...and then Dean grabbed his hand, too, grasped for his tie with his free hand, and jerked him over the table, their faces met, finally, but then Dean stopped, staring into Cas´ blue eyes, darkened too. For a moment they just remained like that, their eyes locked...and then Dean closed the gap between their faces until their fronts touched, and pressed his lips on Cas´, those plush, full, delicious lips...and with a move Cas couldn't quite see coming, he was pulled over the low table, and somehow landed on the floor at the other side, Dean´s face above his, the other man holding him down with the weight of his well muscled body, hands pinned down above his head by one of Dean´s strong, broad hands, their bodies locked at the thighs, groins pressed together...and Cas could feel his cock respond, to the pressure, to the pain in his arms, the violent want in Dean's eyes, the way he was pinned down, helpless, vulnerable, unable to move; felt the matching bulk in Dean´s trousers, rubbing against his groin, and dammit, the man started moving now, excruciatingly slow, a few inches up, a few inches down, the idea of movement only, and Cas wanted it, no, he NEEDED it, right now, and he jerked against the other body as good as he could, arching his back to get more friction where their groins locked, and moved, too, rubbed and pressed against the hard bulk, and saw the smile on Dean´s face, dark and dangerous and...needy, yes, the other man needed that as much as he did, he could see it, feel it, I wonder what his dreams looked like during the last days, did he have those pictures in his head, too, he thought, but then Dean started to move his hips for real, slow, fluent movements, and Cas forgot what he was thinking, his whole body taken over by need ... at some point, he felt like he couldn't live one more minute without feeling Dean´s lips on his, and licked his own lips, staring up into the beautiful face above him, even more beautiful now that it was filled with pure want, and lust...eyes the dark green of a stormy sea...and Dean understood. Another smile, satisfied, predatory, and then Cas´ lips were devoured by that gorgeous mouth again, a tongue worked its way in between his lips, claiming him, digging and pushing and licking, and someone moaned, loud, embarrassingly so...and with a shiver, Cas realized it was his own voice, needy and wanton like he´d never heard it. And he found he didn't care.
He knew he wouldn't last for much longer, his cock painfully hard and pressing against his all too narrow trousers, and he could tell Dean wasn't far away, too; if this shouldn´t end in a big mess and sticky trousers, they´d have to...do something... do...stop...
"Stop", he panted, tearing his mouth from Dean´s, "Dean...stop!"
Strangely enough, Dean did, and looked at him questioningly, through a haze of lust, a little dizzy even, not quite himself...
"Dean...trousers", Cas pressed out, the other man´s weight and the heavy pulsing in his cock taking away the air; Dean looked...confused, until realization hit him, visibly. Something else crept into his eyes, it was as if he was waking from a dream, and Cas saw it, fear, and shame, the blissful pressure on his dick started to vanish...and suddenly he knew...Dean wouldn't go on, he wouldn't – pull through with it.
It made him angry, for some reason. Angry was good...because it made him act without thinking. He used the room between them, and the still slightly dazed state Dean seemed to be in, to grab for Dean´s belt, and opened it with a violent jerk; fumbled for the buttons on his trousers, while at the same time, he wriggled his other hand free, Dean obviously too surprised to keep him pinned down longer, and pulled his face down, pressing his front against the other man´s for a moment, and then ...kissing him. Full of passion, and calming at the same time, telling the other man it was OK, he could..they could trust each other with this, they could...three buttons, four..and finally he had the trousers opened, and pulled them down with one hand clumsily, pulled the panties down with them, and felt Dean´s ass, wonderfully firm and muscled and the skin so smooth...a new wave of lust ran through his body, and from the sound Dean moaned into his mouth, the other man felt it, too...his cock sprang free, full and hard and glorious, and Cas used the moment, pushed against Dean´s shoulders with both his hands, and turned them over. Now it was him on top, straddling Dean, one hand pressing down the other man at the chest, the other closing around the full cock – and Dean jerked, almost throwing Cas off his lap.
"Whoa, easy there...easy", Cas murmured, and bent down to kiss the already swollen lips, biting the full lower one; his fingers stroked the twitching cock in his hand; he released Dean´s lips for a moment, and his dick, too, and staring into Dean's eyes with deliberate frankness, he raised his hand to his mouth, and licked it, licked his fingers and the palm until it was wet with spit, and Dean´s eyes darkened even further, pupils almost blown...and when Cas brought his hand back down between their bodies, finding the hard, hot member, and started to stroke, up and down, up and down, mixing spit and precome and finding the sensitive spot right beneath the head´s rim, the slit, the whole swollen head, he saw what he'd hoped for all the time, without knowing it...without even admitting it to himself in his dreams.
Because Dean...Dean lost it.
The cool, controlled business man – he was gone. What Cas found under his own shaking body now was a writhing, squirming body, and body alone, nothing but need and a hoarse rumbling voice moaning for more, more, in a weird mixture of Japanese and English...no thoughts, no mind, no emotion aside from sheer want... no guilt, nor shame, nor fear, not even the danger the man had emanated just minutes before – all gone. This was ... a wild animal, buried in a cage for a long time, almost too long, remembering its instincts: realizing it carried all this in itself, this pleasure, beyond everything else, pure, unhindered, uncontrolled, lust. And for once, the man forgot to control it... the animal dived into the new freedom. Cas panted, barely keeping Dean down, he thrusted against his hands, his hips, with a force Cas couldn't hold against, Dean´s hands digged into his sides, his back, sure leaving dark marks and bruises, nails cutting the skin, and Cas still didn't care, because...he was falling, too, falling and rising high into the sky at the same time, he´d lost all sense of time or place, and had you asked him who he was at this point, he´d have had no answer, no answer at all, no name, he wasn´t anyone, he was just...he WAS, his own body and the other one jerking under him, both shaking and trembling and moaning, fingers bruising flesh, teeth biting into soft skin, and still Cas´ hand was closed around the swollen cock, fingers feeling the pulse in the veins, racing, racing, just like the heartbeat under his other hand, still pressing down the fighting body ... Dean´s eyes were blown, wide, not seeing, head bent back as far as it would go, in a painful looking angle, their mouths had broken contact as both were gasping for air ...and suddenly Cas knew what he wanted, knew he had to take Dean in, taste him fully, and he let go of his chest, and his dick, and slid down his body until his lips were just above the erect cock slapping against the flat tummy, and Cas licked his lips once, held Dean down at the hipbones with all his strength, and swallowed the cock´s head, pressed his tongue against the leaking slit, and sucked.
Dean´s whole body arched up, a bow ready to be fired... his mouth opened in a voiceless scream, producing only a hoarse, gurgling sound that didn't even seem human...and he came in Cas´ mouth, filling him with spurt after spurt of come, thrusting upwards into the mouth, so willingly offered, and Cas swallowed and took, and sucked... Dean was all that mattered, the salty taste in his mouth, hot and creamy, tangy, musky scent filling his nose, the feel of Dean´s skin under his hands, the strong leg muscles playing under his chest...he sucked, and swallowed, and sucked, until the thrusts became shallower, the breathing hitched, and rattled, and the movements slowed finally down.
Cas released Dean´s soft cock, pressing his front against the man´s tummy, his seductive scent so strong it made him dizzy; his own penis was still waiting for relief, painfully stretching against his pants, aching, pulsing. He fumbled for his belt, the buttons, and finally managed to open the fly, almost crying with need now; he pushed himself up until he knelt over Dean, who just lay there, still shivering and panting, legs shaking, eyes closed, hands pressed against the floor. Cas looked around, desperate to find something he could jerk off into, a cloth, anything, and a whining sound escaped him; Dean´s eyes jerked open. He looked confused, like woken from a dream, staring at Cas like a lost kid; but then Cas saw the wheels click into place, saw realization hit the other man, saw him recognize his overwhelming need. Dean hesitated for only a moment; then he grabbed Cas´ buttcheeks, and shoved them closer to his face, grunting, locking eyes with him. Cas stared at him, and then he understood. He fell off Dean, rolling on his back, and Dean was there, bowed deep over his aching cock, just eyeing it for an instant, as if contemplating its form and size, the swollen red shaft, the almost bursting head, precum leaking from the slit; again, he locked eyes with Cas, and Cas found wonder in the deep green, curiosity, and a hint of insecurity; and for the first time, it hit him that maybe this – that maybe Dean had never done this before. He didn't have time to ask, though, because the next moment, Dean´s lips closed around his cock´s head, and a jolt of pleasure shot through his body, head to toes, and when Dean´s tongue whirled around the rim once, twice, he was gone, exploding in white light, and there was nothing , nothing but pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, and the only thing he was still capable of thinking was that he might actually faint there and then.
He didn't, though. When his senses started to kick in again, first thing he noticed was the heavy weight on his stomach, and he grasped for it, feeling Dean´s hair, short and stubbly at the neck, like sand paper, or shark´s skin; he let his hand wander upwards to the back of the head, where it was longer, soft, his fingers dug into the already tangled hair, messing it up further; finally, he rested his hand on the side of Dean´s head, feeling his ear under his palm, the smooth skin at his temple. They lay like that, chests still heaving, bodies trembling from exhaustion. The air felt cold on Cas´ spent cock, wet from Dean´s saliva, and the floor was cool against his bare ass; but he felt like he could stay like that nevertheless, all night if necessary, just feeling the other man´s skin and warmth and his pulse on his own body.
Eventually, Dean stirred, and rolled off Cas´ body, unto his back. Cas turned his head so he could see him. The other man was staring up at the ceiling, his face reddened and sweaty, lips swollen, even a little bruised.
"Dean", Cas said after a minute or two. His voice sounded rough. Gravelly. Dean closed his eyes. A few seconds passed, then Dean turned his head, opening his eyes.
His lashes...so unbelievably long..and curly...I wonder if they turn blond during summer, he thought. I wonder if I´ll live to see it. If we all will live that long...Sam, and Dean, and me.
Cas remembered the question that had sparked in his mind earlier, wiped away by Dean´s lips on his cock.
"Dean, did you – did you ever have sex with a man before?"
Dean looked at him for a moment, then he turned his head away, facing the ceiling. His body was unnaturally still. Then he closed his eyes.
"No", he said.
This is a known member of one of the most dangerous and best organized mobs in the world – not any member, but a rising star, a man who could kill you personally with his bare hands, or have you killed whenever he deems it necessary. And this is also the man for whom you will forever be his first. And with whom you experienced something yourself for the first time...that giving pleasure can be even more satisfying than taking it.
Only thinking of what Dean was capable of...it turned him on again already.
"I want to give you...more", Cas whispered. Just go on, say what you have to say, if he kills you, let it at least be worth it. His mind raced, thoughts whirling around in his head, driven by fear and the need to get this off his chest alike.
I must be on some after-sex high. Or I've lost my mind completely now.
"I want to touch your skin", he went on, voice a rasping whisper only, "want to touch every inch of your body, with my hands, and my lips, I want to lick my way up and down your spine and swallow your cock down, feel it harden inside my mouth, and I want you to take me, to bury yourself in me as deep as it gets, and deeper, I want your cock so deep in me you become part of me, and I want you to ride me so hard I bruise my back from your thrusts", he could hear Dean´s breathing fastening, and felt his own cock twitch, he didn't understand what had hit him to talk like that, he never had, whenever he had had sex with other men – aside from Sam – it was furtive moments in dark back rooms or toilets, a story of minutes, sucking someone off or getting a blow job himself, and even the rare cases of real actual sex had been like stolen pleasure, hidden and with precautions beyond measure.
And now, with Dean, a killer as far as I know, ruthless and brutally trained and probably brainwashed by Yakuza, his mouth seemed to be talking by itself, spilling his secrets as if a floodgate had been opened...Sam had talked dirty, too, and Cas had thrown in some sentence now and then, encouraging him, but this...this was new.
"I want to straddle you and want you to thrust your gorgeous dick into me from beyond as hard as you can, and bite my nipples as you do it, bite my throat until I bleed, I want to leave marks on your skin from sucking at it hard", Dean was positively panting at his side, and he could feel his hands twitch, and ball to fists, "I want your lips around my own cock and suck it down to the base, and I want to thrust into you until you gag on my length, and I want you to shoot your come all over me right into my face and I want you to lick it off from there, taste your own come on me, and then I -"
And then Dean was above him, panting, pushing his shoulders hard into the floor, his eyes were wild, fear shot through Cas´ body, only for an instant, and it was enough to make his cock harden immediately again, yes, that´s what I want, Dean, lose it with you here on the floor in this cold room, messy and –
Dean bared his teeth, like in the office room at the embassy. He shoved Cas´ shirt up to his armpits with one swift move, and then Cas groaned, cause the other man had his teeth clamped around one of his nipples, and dug into the sensitive flesh.
I might die from pleasure here, just like in my dream, he thought. And I wouldn't even mind.
He arched up and raised his head so his teeth could find Dean´s flesh, too, just where the neck and the shoulder met, his hands pulled away the already crumpled shirt, and then he bit the other man, buried his teeth in the smooth skin, and Dean released his nipple and cried out in pain...and Cas rolled them over, sucking at Dean´s flesh now, tasting blood, and there was the growl again, deep and throaty and so hot it made Cas shiver, and then he was on his back, Dean pressing unto him with his full weight...and he grabbed Cas´shirt, and actually tore it, ripped it off his body, Cas heard a button hit the vase. Dean stared down at his pale chest with darkened eyes, wolf´s eyes, Cas thought, and bite me, Dean, mark me, make me yours, and he might have actually said that aloud, because again, Dean bent down, and then Cas gasped when the teeth tore into his skin, pulling blood, he writhed under the hard mass of muscle that pinned him down mercilessly, squirmed to escape the pain, and craved it at the same time, wanted it so badly he grabbed Dean´s broad shoulders with both his hands and pulled him closer...
He buried his hands in Dean´s shirt, pulling, desperate to get his fingers in contact with his skin, and Dean straightened up, straddling Cas, and struggled out of his shirt, and undershirt, and Cas gasped, because that – he hadn't expected THAT, arms covered in tattoos, shoulders to wrists, he stared up into Dean's eyes, widened, and then he had to know, he raised his upper body until their faces were almost eye to eye, filed his arms under the backs of Dean´s knees, and threw him off his groin, following him with one swift move, turning him on his stomach with a grunt, and pinned him down, hands arresting hands, groin pressing down Dean´s ass.
Dean buckled against his weight, and moaned at the same time, no, whined, like a dog in heat, needy, needy dog, and Cas moaned too, because Dean´s back was the most erotic thing he´d ever seen, one big tattoo covering the skin from the nape to the small of his back, Yakuza tattoos, he already wears them, which means...no, he didn't want to think about what that actually meant, his hard cock was rubbing against Dean´s cleft, the muscles on Dean´s back moved, and so did the pictures, a large beautifully scaled carp, and flowers, blossoms, writing, all melted together, and Cas stared down at it, and started to rub, to slide, cock against ass, he felt Dean respond with pressure, more pressure, he raised his hips, heaving Cas up as if he weighed nothing, and Cas took the chance and glided down, kneeling behind Dean now, he grabbed his hipbones and pulled his ass up and close until it touched his cock again, and then he slicked his index and middle finger, sucked them in two, three times, found Dean´s tight hole, and just put his wet fingertips to it.
Dean jerked. Cas kept his left hand on his hipbone, forcefully pressing him back against his groin, and then, he pushed his fingers in, without further warning.
Cas had never heard a sound like the one Dean produced. Something between a cry, a growl, and a keening howl...Dean was panting fast, but Cas didn't give him time to react...he pulled his fingers almost out, almost, and pushed in again, pulled out, pushed in, and this time, he scissored them inside the tight hot hole, and pushed once more, deep, deep into Dean, until he found the spot, and crooked both fingers – and Dean cried out for real, a hoarse breathless sound... and pushed his ass against Cas´ fingers. Cas pulled out, getting a whimpering moan from Dean; he grabbed his hips, positioned the tip of his hard cock at his reddened hole, breathed in shakily, and pushed, pushed , pushed, his hands in an iron grip holding Dean in place, writhing, squirming, panting Dean who had his head buried in his arms on the floor, ass sticking out for Cas, mine, he´s mine and only mine, Cas thought, confused about his own thoughts, he´d never, never thought about anyone like that, not even Sam, "you're mine, Dean, mine, you hear me? Your ass is for my cock only, I will ride you until you scream with pleasure, you hear me?" He started pulling out slowly, and pushed back in faster, pulled out again, Dean whimpered and trembled under him, but Cas went on, pushed, pulled, and all the time, he was talking, "I´ll fuck you until you lose your mind, Dean, fuck you, fuck you, fuck your stupid beautiful ass, fuck your hole until you´re screaming, you hear me? I´ll fuck you against the floor and against the wall, and I´ll bend you over a desk and fuck you some more, and maybe I even take you on a bed, I´ll make you spread your legs so wide it aches, and then I´ll thrust into your hole so deep you'll forget your name and everything you ever knew..."
He was delirious. Gripped by a fever he´d never felt before, a frenzy unknown, a madness never experienced. He thrust, and talked, and panted, and thrust, thrust, thrust, and grabbed Dean´s hard cock and jerked in rhythm with his thrusts, until there was no rhythm any more, only violent, deep jerks, and cramping legs, shaking arms, and their grunts and moans, he couldn't even tell whom they came from.
When they finally came, at the same time, it was like a fever dream, vision blurred and all senses magnified a hundredfold, all nerves burning and screaming, and they were rutting and shaking and trembling against each other like people having a seizure.
And then, it was over. Dean sank down to the floor, and Cas just fell on him, covering warm, smooth skin with his own, the scent of sweat and sex heavy...he rested his head between Dean´s shoulder blades, his ear above the still racing beats of his heart, matching his own...calming down eventually...he heard Dean´s breathing deepen and slow...slow down...
"Dean..."
"Hmmmm..."
"We can't fall asleep here...not like that." They both didn't move, though. Just stayed. Listened. Felt. It was strangely comforting to have someone´s heartbeat and body warmth and scent fill all perception ...as if there was no reality beyond this, as if they were in their own world, no sides and parties, no negotiations, no cruel past tarnishing the present, no mission, just two human beings enjoying each other´s existence.
That´s how it could be, Cas thought. It filled him with melancholy...and then anger. How can there be a God or fate or anything caring for what happens to us if it comes down to this – bad things happening to good people? Messed up lives, lost possibilities...pain and hate and cruelty and greed. But then, there was the other side, too, right? A brother literally going to the other side of the world to try and save his next of kin. Purity and gentleness, like in the girl Sam had talked about... or two people giving each other pleasure, and finding comfort in each other´s arms.
Life is a complicated, intricate pattern we don´t understand, and can´t read until the end has come, and we see it whole...maybe not even then, he thought, his head rising and falling with Dean´s deep breaths under him. A gentleness filled him all of a sudden, the anger had dissolved, and he raised his tired, heavy arm and caressed Dean´s skin, traced the pictures on his shoulder blade, the shoulder, followed the lines down his upper arm to the elbow.
I could love this man, he thought.
Save him. Love him. Heal him.
"I´ll save you", he whispered, eyes heavy, mind already drifting.