Shawn and I have grown closer as father and daughter but I still can't bring myself to call him that. Shawn and Hunter thought it was only fitting to make me a full fledge member of DX and Vince agreed. Vince should be worried. He thinks we were bad before, just wait. I am ruthless.
One morning, I wake up during John and my vacation week while in Australia, and I am just sick as a dog. I mean the look, smell, and thought of food make me nauseous.
"Do you want anything to eat?" He asks not thinking. I am laying on the bed covered from my neck down. I just give him an evil stare. "Sorry. I could run you a warm bath."
"No thanks. I just wanna lay here."
"Want me to come cuddle with you?"
"No. Please just leave me alone right now."
"Riles, are you sure you are okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I finally fall asleep and take a couple hours long nap. When I wake up, I feel a thousand times better. I get out of bed and get dressed before walking into the living room "Hey, I'm hungry. Wanna grab a bite?"
"I thought you were sick?"
"I feel a lot better…now I just want some food."
"Okay…let me get dressed."
We go to eat and have tons of amazing food. It was all delicious. He drank quite a bit; I just had some water. After eating, we head to the beach and walked along the shore as the sun was setting. It was so peaceful. He decides that we need to set and let the gentle waves sweep across our feet for a little bit. What really worries me is he is just sitting there silently with his hand on my knee, his thumb caressing over the surgery scar.
"John?"
"Yeah, baby?"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Really?"
"Yeah…why?"
"You aren't looking at me, barely talking. And I am lucky you haven't rubbed my knee away." He looks down.
"Oh. I'm sorry. I guess I am elsewhere."
"Uh-huh. Whatcha thinkin' about?"
"Our future."
"Uh-huh…?" this is really making me nervous.
"We need to talk about what we are going to do if you do end up pregnant."
"Wait, what?"
"I mean the way you have been sick off and on—"
"Off and on? I was ill this morning. That's it."
"The way you were sick and now you are okay…and you eat a lot anyway but damn you sure ate like I did. I'm not complaining, I am just pointing out. And when we go out, I tend to drink and you have like half of one. You didn't today."
"Maybe because I didn't want any…?"
"I just think maybe it is a good idea to talk these things out. I mean, the way we go, we are lucky we don't have at least ten kids now. I think we need to have a game plan set or a change in the play."
"'Change in the play'? What the hell?"
"I mean, we can either start using protection or plan an idea if you ever get pregnant."
"One single morning of sickness has made you this worried?"
"Well, it was you."
"Right…me being sick." I say rolling my eyes not understanding what he is saying.
"No. While you took a nap."
"What do you mean?"
"You were talking."
"I was?"
"Yeah. You kept rubbing your stomach saying 'I don't know what to do' and 'I am not ready for this' and shit."
I just sit there. I don't know what to think or say. "And that makes you think of a baby? It could have been anything."
"Well, that's what I thought too. But then, I thought about it. We fooled around every single day."
"So…? "
"For the last four weeks. You never….not once." I was late. I never thought about it until now. That part of me was always on a perfect schedule…always. Apparently not anymore. "Do you want to go buy a test?"
"Uh…yeah. I think we should." We stand up and walk back to the hotel. There was a small store beside the gift shop. I was lucky they even carried them there. I grab one and walk away. I sat the test on the counter just as John drops a handful down as well. The cashier and I look at him to which he responded, "I just want to make sure." While shrugging his shoulders.
John and I get back into our hotel suite and I immediately walk into the bathroom locking the doors behind me. I can hear John outside of the door.
"I can't pee with you breathing on the door like that!"
"Sorry." I hear him sit on the bed and turn on some music on his phone. Once I finished peeing on a stick, I walk into the bedroom and sit beside him on the bed. I begin timing with my watch.
"How long?"
"Three minutes."
"Our lives could change…"
"Yeah…I know."
"Are you ready?"
"Honestly? No, I'm not. But if it turns out to be positive, we don't have a choice."
"Adoption."
"That's still nine months of carrying the baby. You wouldn't have to change a damn thing but I would. Plus at least six weeks to heal depending on vaginal birth or c-section. I don't know if I am ready to even change for that long."
"Abortion?" I just stare at him. How could he think such a thing. "What?"
"That's not funny, John."
"I wasn't trying to be."
"If there is one thing that i am passionate about, it's being pro-life. I can't fathom having an abortion."
"I'm sorry. I was just spitballing."
"Don't ever bring that up again. Please. There are enough murders in the world." He just sits there quietly. I look at my watch. "It's time. Are you ready?" He just nods. I stand up and walk back into the bathroom. I study the test for a good couple of minutes before walking into the bedroom. He just looks up at me with a curious stare. "It's negative." I breathe. He again, only nods. "John? Talk to me."
"I shouldn't have said anything about an abortion. I mean even if that was what you were thinking about I still would have done whatever I could to stop you."
"Well, we aren't having a baby anytime soon so let's just forgive and forget. We will be more careful and maybe after some time we can take the time to sit down and talk about what we would want to do and come up with a game plan. We can just lay back and relax tonight."
"You? Relax?" He smiles."
"What do you have in mind?"
"I know you. You do like the gym….as do I."
"You are a friggin' genius!" I say kissing him hard.
As the next few months pass by and John is on the top of his game…as am I. Vince decided that I would be in a triple threat match against Shawn and Hunter. We have been riding Vince and Shane's backs for months now and we are getting our payback. For the main event tonight, Hunter walks out first, then Shawn, then me. Vince walks out and signals for the match to begin. We just look at one another not doing anything, causing Vince to demand a match or else we were all fired. We start to lock up and the guys push me away. In fact, each time I would try to get in on the action, they push me away. I just stand there. What am I supposed to do now? Just punch the hell out of them? Works for me. They are laid out in the ring. Next thing I know someone's leg sweeps my legs out from under me and I land hard on the back of my head. We all just lay there, the referee counts to ten. We fought. It was a terrible outcome but we get to keep ours jobs. Later that night, I was lying in bed when my knee just starts hurting beyond anything I have ever felt before. I get out of bed and walk into the bathroom where I lock the door behind me. I sit on the side of the tub, trying so hard to not cry. I very much just want to cut my leg off from the knee down. I sit there in so much pain for at least 30 minutes before John knocks on the door.
"Babe?"
"Yeah, John?" I winch
"Baby, are you okay? You have been in there a long time."
"Yeah. Just go back to bed."
"Let me in."
"GO BACK TO BED!" I clear my throat. "I will be there in a minute, okay?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Get some rest." I can hear him walk off and climb into the bed. I look down and see my duffel bag sitting by the door. I open the front pocket and notice the bottles of painkillers the doctors prescribe after my knee surgery. I never take any kind of medication…ever. But right now, I think it will be my only savior. I pick up the bottle and open the lid. I take a pill out and quickly pop it into my mouth and swallow before I could change my mind. I lay down and eventually the medicine takes effect. By morning, I regret taking it but loved the feeling I felt when I took it. Now, I am nervous.