Woeful Wizards Goblet of Fire Episode Fourteen
AN: Sorry for the late late late upload but we are back on track! Yay!
Scene 1:
[Harry and Ron are sitting and eating breakfast in the Great Hall.]
Ron: Hey, Harry?
Harry: Hmm…?
Ron: Does everyone hate or love you right now?
Harry: I- I don't know.
[Hermione comes storming in.]
Hermione: (sassily) Look at THIS.
[Hermione throws a copy of the Daily Prophet onto the table. On it says "Melodrama and Teen Romance in the Life of Harry Potter".]
Harry: (stands up) What slander! What (s) surprisingly accurate but still intensely infuriating slander!
Ron: Am I mentioned in it?
Hermione: No. Only me (s) and Harry.
Ron: HOW DARE (s) THEY!
[Dramatic music.]
Scene 2:
[Draco and the gang are walking out of Potions.]
Draco: So, did I miss (s) anything in Potions?
Goyle: (confused) But we were just in Potions.
Draco: Yeah, but I was (s) asleep.
[Dramatic music.]
Crabbe: Uh well, Snape just read that article Rita Skeeter wrote to the entire class. It was about (s) Potter.
Draco: Really? What was it (s) about?
Goyle: Potter's love life.
Draco: Am I mentioned in it?
Crabbe: No. Only Granger-
Draco: (s) Dammit.
Crabbe: - and Potter.
Draco: (s) DAMMIT.
[Snape and Karkaroff appear, walking out of the closet.]
Goyle: What were (s) they doing in there?
Snape: … you need to read this, Iggy, it's hilarious. She's such a dumb b…
[Snape and Karkaroff leave.]
Crabbe: What could this (s) mean?
[Dramatic music.]
Scene 3:
[Harry and the gang are with Sirius in his cave.]
Harry: Looks like you might just have a (s) dark night ahead of you.
Sirius: If the authorities find me I'll be like (s) a bat out of hell.
Hermione: Can we please (s) focus?
Harry and Sirius: (shouts) NO.
Sirius: I mean, (s) yes. Crouch has disappeared.
Ron: The green guy living in a trash can?
[Everyone stares at Ron intensely.]
Ron: I'm just going to go stand in a corner…
[He does so.]
Sirius: Anyway, Crouch was up for Minsister of Magic but then his son was a Death Eater blah blah blah lost everything… who wants tea?
Harry: (s) I do!
Hermione: But what about (s) Snape and Karkaroff?
Sirius: (s) What about them?
Hermione: They came out of the closet today (s) together.
Sirius: Well, that's no surprise.
Hermione: No, but they were-
Harry: (angrily) Where's that tea?
Hermione: (s) But they might be-
Sirius: Coming!
Hermione: (s) DEATH EATERS!
[Dramatic music.]
Scene 4:
[Draco is locked in his room, sobbing. Crabbe and Goyle are outside his room, worried]
Crabbe: Draco, are you (s) okay?
Draco: (s) NO.
Goyle: Would you like some (s) pie?
Draco: … what type?
Goyle: Uh, apple.
[The door bursts open. Draco rushes forward and grabs the pie.]
Draco: Oh, I (s) missed you baby.
[Romantic music.]
Crabbe: Again? Really?
Scene 5:
[Harry and the champions are with Bagman and Percy. They are at the Quidditch pitch.]
Bagman: And look! See! It is a maze.
[The champions stare at the ground.]
Bagman: Pretty a-maze-ing, eh?
[Silence.]
Bagman: (upset) Anything to add, Percy?
Percy: (angstily) I never have anything to add.
Bagman: … right. Well, may the odds be ever in your favour!
[Percy and Bagman turn around and leave.]
Fleur: Cedric, would you like some, 'ow you say, casual sex?
Cedric: (winks at her) As long as I get to suck your blood!
Fleur: Quoi?
Cedric: What?
[Fleur and Cedric leave. Harry and Krum stand together in an awkward silence.]
Krum: Harry?
Harry: (amazed) You can (s) talk?
Krum: I mean to declare my intentions on pursuing my romantic relationship with Hermione Jean Granger. I understand that that article is a farce and that it is not true. Hence, I require your word that this shall never occur again.
Harry: (takes Krum's hand and puts it on his face) You have my (s) word.
Krum: (grunts) Humph.
[Suddenly Crouch bursts out of nowhere.]
Crouch: Oi, you lot! Come over here!
Harry: (astonished) Mr Crouch? Are you (s) alright?
Crouch: G'day, mate! I was just having a walkabout when I thought to meself better go check on Wetherby, the old bugger.
Harry: He's speaking (s) gibberish.
Crouch: (starts to sing) WALTZING MATILDA, WALTZING MATILDA, I BETTER GO WARN DUMBLEDORE BECAUSE THE DARK LORD IS ON THE RISE PLEASE HELP.
Harry: Krum! (s) Stay!
[Harry runs off. Krum is left with Crouch, who he stares at.]
Crouch: Bleeding hell, I'm out of VB. HEY SHARON. SHARON. GO TO THE CORNER SHOP, WILL YA?
Krum: (touches hand to brow) I am surrounded by imbeciles.
[Suddenly Krum is knocked out by Moody, who is holding a tubular device that is glowing blue.]
Moody: Well, we can't have that, can we?
Crouch: Well take my babies away by a dingo! It's you.
Moody: Hello, Dad.
[Dramatic music.]
Scene 6:
[Draco and the gang are in the Slytherin dorms. Draco is hugging his pie.]
Crabbe: So are you ever going to (s) eat that?
Draco: Huh?
Goyle: Because it is food.
Draco: (s) DON'T BE SO DISGUSTING.
[Draco continues to stroke his pie. Crabbe and Goyle watch. Dramatic music.]
Scene 7:
[Harry is with Dumbledore, standing over the mangled corpse of Crouch. Krum, Hagrid and Karkaroff are there as well.]
Harry: Ouch.
Karkaroff: (s) You attacked my student, Dumbledore!
Hagrid: HOW DARE YOU!
Karkaroff: Come and get me, Tree Trunks.
Hagrid: What the phantasmagoria is this?
[Moody runs in.]
Moody: I can explain.
Dumbledore: Who could've (s) done this?
Moody: .. yes. Who? Or more specifically, Doctor Who? (laughs to himself).
Karkaroff: I'm (s) leaving. Come, Vicky.
[Karkaroff and Krum disappear. Hagrid shrugs and then follows them.]
Moody: Nothing suspicious about this. Obviously Crouch commited suicided. See? See? The, uh, residue of the magic photons have, um, dissolved the uh-
[Harry and Dumbledore stare at Moody]
Moody: What's that? Someone's calling me!
[Moody runs off.]
Dumbledore: (s) Harry.
Harry: Yes?
Dumbledore: (s) Nothing.
[Dumbledore canters away.]
Harry: How (s) secretive of him.
[Ron and Hermione join Harry as he walks up to the castle.]
Hermione: We heard about (s) everything.
Ron: (s) EVERYTHING.
Harry: Guys?
Ron: Yeah?
[Harry turns to face Ron and Hermione, his face glistening with tears. The wind picks up dramatically and storm clouds appear. Ron and Hermione gasp.]
Harry: (whispers) This just got personal.
END OF EPISODE FOURTEEN