Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt
Chapter 14
"I... I hate to think that you're mad at me. I... I just couldn't let her go to a shelter but if you don't want her here, then I will. It's your home, your apartment and I can't just bring a dog back without talking to you about it first, I know that. God, I'm so stupid! I... I never should've..."
"Amanda, sit down please, you're making me dizzy with your pacing back and forth like that." Olivia was seated on the couch, Amanda talking and pacing so fast, it almost made her sick to her stomach and the dog was lying on a blanket on the floor, a set of dark round eyes watching them with interest, her tail lazily slappimg against the wooden floor on occasion.
The brunette had come home about ten minutes ago to a frantically apologetic Amanda, saying how sorry she was over and over, close to tears and Olivia didn't know what had happened or gotten into her before a wet nose suddenly sniffed her left hand and she yelped in surprise, taking a step back. Her eyes grew to the size of two saucers as she looked down at the canine, wondering how the hell it had ended up in her apartment. Amanda had explained the whole situation with such vocal speed that it was difficult for Olivia, or anyone for that matter, to keep up or understand but, after some gentle coaxing, she had managed to get a nice and calm explanation.
The sincere but anxious expression on Amanda's face, as she blurted out apology after apology, tugged at the Lieutenant's heart strings and she simply couldn't be upset with her for doing something good, something so selfless and pure of heart. How anyone could feel anything but admiration and pride in such a kind and compassionate act was beyond Olivia and she was indeed proud and secretly happy about the current situation as she had always wanted a dog in her young teenage years but was unable to get one due to her mother's allergies. Of course she was shocked and put on the spot but she didn't have the heart to say no, plus she didn't want to.
"Honey, sit down." Olivia repeated in a louder tone as her previous attempt to get the pacing blonde to sit didn't seem to work. However, this time, it did and Amanda immediately came to a halt, bit her lower lip in worry and quietly took a seat next to Olivia, leaving a few inches between them, not sure if the brunette would appreciate close physical contact right now in case she was mad.
"Hey, don't look so worried, honey. If it means that much to you then she's more than welcome to stay." she looked over at the dog, who let out a cute squeak as she yawned, and carefully studied the furry creature. "We do have to fatten her up a bit so tomorrow we'll get some dog food, a bed and some toys for her to play with, what do you say?"
It didn't take long, probably less than a second, before Olivia found herself with an almost crying Amanda in her arms. The blonde had flung her arms around her neck, hugging her so tight that it felt like her eyeballs were going to pop out. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" she squeaked in delight.
Laughing, Olivia returned the strong hug, running her hand up and down Amanda's back a few times before gebtly pulling away. "Do you have a name for her?"
"Oh my god!" Amanda gasped and turned her eyes towards the dog who was now silently studying the human duo sitting on the couch. "She doesn't have one. Any suggestions?"
Liv kissed her cheek while smiling softly. "You should have the honours of giving her a name, sweetie. I'll leave it in your capable hands. I'm gonna start dinner while you two get more comfortable with each other. Lasagne sound good?"
"Sounds amazing. Thank you so much, Olivia. I mean it."
Almost two weeks had passed since Frannie- May, Frannie for short, had come into their lifes and she was doing remarkably well. She was a very aloof and calm dog who enjoyed her sleep and pamper time but also made the most out of her walks and play time in the park and socialize with other dogs. Olivia had even bought her a bandana and a winter coat to keep the cold out for when they were outside for a longer period of time.
She had settled in very quick and it was as if she had always been there, licking their faces, demanding rubs and scratches and sleeping at the foot of the bed even though she had her own little bunk to sleep on. Neither of them didn't really mind since there was still plenty of space for the two of them to cuddle up or stretch out if they wanted to. She was a part of them now, a part of something beautiful.
Amanda wanted to bring Frannie to the shelter, to see the woman she had met that day, to show her the remarkable physical improvements in the dog; her ribs were less noticeable, her fur and skin looked shiny and soft and her tail was no longer between her legs but instead it was constantly wagging and, at times, spinning round and round like a propeller. She was precious and very much loved by both Amanda and Olivia.
"I didn't think I would see you again. Did you have a change of heart?"
As soon as she stepped into the shelter, she recognized the voice of the woman she met two week ago and even Frannie perked her ears up as she heard the voice of the person who had tried to snatch her from the streets earlier, however, her tail was wagging this time and she seemed happy.
"Oh no!" Amanda informed, suddenly feeling slightly shy. "I... I just wanted to come by and show you Frannie's amazing progress and thank you for the opportunity to take her in. She's doing very well."
"I can see that." smiling, the woman crouched down and began to rub the dog under her chin, earning her a wet sloppy lick across her cheek. "Hi girl, I'm sorry for scaring you earlier, I was just worried about your safety, sweetie. Seems like you've got a forever home, ugh? Good girl." getting back to her feet, she reached her hand out to the small blonde. "I'm Nicole, by the way, Nicole Sutter or Nikki for short."
"Amanda Rollins, nice to meet you." she greeted politely.
"So, your house mate was okay with an extra addition?" Nikki asked as Frannie sniffed her legs, smelling other dogs and animals on her clothes.
Blushing, Amanda began to fidget with the lead in her hand, turning her gaze to the floor. "Actually, the house mate is my um... my girlfriend." as soon as the word 'girlfriend' came out of her mouth it surprised her as it sounded strange but yet right and suitable somehow, like she had longed and dreamt about saying it for a long long time.
"Good for you." Nicole chuckled and nudged her arm playfully. "See that gorgeous hunk of a woman over there?" Amanda followed the direction in which the black haired woman was pointing and spotted a woman, about the same age as Nikki, trying to control a huge German Shepherd that seemed to be way too eager to play instead of listening to commands. "That's my girl, Sharon. She's one of the trainers here at the shelter, one of the best if you ask me. She trains them before they're put up for adoption. I'm a trainer too but not full time. I'm more into the action packed drama of chasing down the animals or dealing with their usually neglectful and disrespectful owners. You have no idea what some people do to their pets or life stock. It's sickening. As for permanent staff, we have five full time workers and some volunteers on the weekends and evenings. They'll take the dogs for walks, feed them, clean out their cages and just spend some time with them."
Amanda did have an idea. If people, parents, her parents, were capable of being so cruel to their own children and their own families, then she could only imagine what some people would do to their animals. "Some people shouldn't be allowed to have pets or any type of animals." she stated sadly, letting her gaze slowly wander over the metal cages in different sizes with dogs in various breeds inside them, barking, crying, sleeping or jumping excitedly up and down, hoping that the blonde newcomer would take them home. "How many dogs do you have here?" Amanda wanted to know.
"We have about seventy dogs at the moment, and that's good. We have the capacity to hold up to one hundred and fifty, which we have had on several occasions and the whole place is mayhem. We also have around thirty cats, they're in a separate building away from all the barking, and we have seven horses, two donkeys and two pigs."
"Wow, you've got a full house."
Nikki chuckled, agreeing to the fullest. "You have no idea. Would you like a tour?"
Amanda got to see all the animals in the shelter and the two pigs, Wilbur and Wilbert, were her favorite. Two cats had recently given birth to a litter each and the kittens had not yet fully opened their eyes and Amanda could stand and look at them all day long if the opportunity was given to her. The horses and the donkeys were all together in a big enclosure, all friends and getting along with one another which was delightful to see as Amanda had never seen a donkey close up before and she even got to pet them which made her feel like a little girl at a petting farm. Frannie also seemed to enjoy the tour, especially the cats. She had been very curious about the tiny balls of fluff that made such small and squeaky noises as they unsteadily crawled around their mother, trying to get a good spot close to a nipple. Her ears had shot up, tail wagging profusely and she had laid down in front of the cat's bed, watching them intensely, wanting to play.
"Listen, if you're interested in a job opportunity you're more than welcome to come in for a trial, maybe tomorrow at noon?" Nikki suggested happily, getting a good vibe of Amanda as she seemed to really like animals and she also came across as a responsible and down to earth kind of girl who would walk that extra mile for the sake of an animal.
"Really? That would be great!" she beamed in delight.
"It's only minimum wage and it'll be around thirty hours a week but if you're interested I think you would be perfect for the position."
"I'll see you tomorrow at noon then."
The dinner was just finished cooking as Amanda heard the key turn in the lock. She had made spaghetti, meatballs, with a tomato and oregano sauce, and garlic bread and the apartment smelled wonderful. "Wow, I smell something delicious. Is it you or the food?" Liv joked as she entered the kitchen and stole a kiss from the woman who was slowly but surely worming herself into her heart, causing her chest to swell with an array of emotions and feelings she didn't know was possible.
Amanda smiled into the kiss and visibly relaxed as she felt the soft pair of lips press against her own. "It must be Frannie." the blonde chuckled and watched as the dog's head popped up as she heard her name being called.
Liv had bought a bottle of wine on her way home from work and it was now empty and so were the plates in front of them but their bellies were as full as they could be. They were snuggled together on the couch, watching a goofy movie, when Amanda decided to break the good news. "I got a job today, down at the animal shelter where Frannie would've been taken to if I... well, we hadn't taken her in. I'm starting tomorrow."
Olivia raised her eyebrows in surprise and a huge smile spread across her face, causing her eyes to light up. "That's wonderful, sweetheart. I'm so proud of you." she enveloped the small body in her arms and gave her a tight hug, kissing her temple and then her lips. "That's great news, honey."
"Yeah, it is." she said, suddely feeling a bit shy and insecure. "It's only minimum wage but... at least I can contribute to something if I'm going to be staying here. I... I don't want you to think I'm using you or being..."
Amanda was interrupted by a soft and loving kiss, stopping her from continuing. "Shh, I don't think that. I would never think that. Your cooking is all you have to contribute. I must say that you have spoilt me with your delicious culinary skills and I would miss you if you weren't here."
"So you're the one using me for my cooking, Lieutenant. That hurts my feelings." Amanda gasped dramatically as she placed a hand on her chest in a theatrical wave.
"Aww, my poor baby, I didn't mean for you to get your feelings hurt." Liv cooed in a childlike voice and pulled Amanda close to her side, kissing her cheek softly. "Would a kiss make you feel better?" she asked flirtatiously.
The young blonde pursed her lips, thinking soundly. "Hmm, I guess you could give it a shot."
Leaning forward, Liv gently captured Amanda's waiting lips with her own, moving them slightly against the warmth so the younger woman could get use to the feeling and pull away if needed be. The kiss deepened and tongues began a sensual dance of dominance and passion, breaths heavy and mingling, cheeks flushed and hearts beating fast. A moan accidentally slipped out from between Olivia's lips and that's when Amanda pulled away, her eyes a shade darker than usual with a hint of uncertainty and something else that the brunette couldn't clearly identify, maybe a flicker of fear and hesitancy.
"I'm sorry." Amanda whispered, feeling as if she had let Olivia down by teasing her and then moving away so abruptly.
"No need to be sorry, sweetheart." she hushed and cupped the beautiful face between her hands, her thumbs stroking the delicate skin under her eyes, relishing the softness. "There's no rush and you set the pace, remember? I'm the one who should be apologizing, I admit that I got carried away and I should've known better. You're okay, honey, you're okay."
"It's not your fault. I'm sorry if I'm being a tease, it just felt so good, so right and I didn't really want to stop but I..."
"I know, baby, it's okay." a line of soft kisses were placed along her forehead and Olivia rubbed her back soothingly. "Why don't we call it a night and snuggle up in the bed, hmm?"
There was nowhere else Amanda would rather be other than Olivia's warm and secure embrace and they found themselves intertwined in each other's limbs, arms wrapped so tightly around one another that even air couldn't pass through between their bodies. They talked and giggled for a bit, sharing stories, good and bad, from their childhood, their most embarrassing moments, that they never thought they would tell anybody as long as they lived, and secrets that they trusted each other with. Frannie had fallen asleep at the foot of the bed and the two women weren't far behind as they all drifted off into the land of dreams.
However, pleasant dreams didn't come to Amanda and, about an hour after falling asleep, she was trapped in the midst of a very vivid nigtmare, her legs getting caught in the blankets, restricting her movements and her head tossed from side to side as sweat bloomed on her forehead and upper lip. Her father was on top of her, pinning her down with his bodyweight, his stale breath panting over her face, hovering above her with a grin that looked like the devil himself, forcing his way inside of her, ripping her apart.
"Ouch, you're hurting me! Please stop! I beg you, please stop, it hurts so bad. Please!" her arms began to flail and she accidentally hit Olivia right in the face, not too hard but enough for the brunette to awaken fully, confused and startled at the same time, wondering what had happened. That's when she saw and heard Amanda whimpering and crying in her sleep, head turning left and right, tears coating her cheeks, chest heaving and legs desperately trying to free themselves from their confinement.
"It hurts, please stop! No more, please, get away from me!" her voice was louder this time, more frantic and fearful in it's tone and it made Olivia's heart ache with sadness.
"Hey, sweetie, you're dreaming. It's me, Olivia. You're okay and there's no one here that wants to hurt you. You're safe, baby, you're safe." Liv ran a cool hand over a heated forehead and uttered sushing noises into her ear, hoping it would settle her down some but it didn't seem to work as Amanda kept on trying to kick her legs to defend herself. "Amanda, wake up, sweetie! There's no one here except for Frannie and I. No one is hurting you, baby but I need you to wake up now. Wake up, Amanda, wake up!"
Blue eyes snapped open and she gasped for air, hands came up to cover her face to protect herself from an invisible intruder and her legs kept on kicking and kicking. "I'm stuck, I'm trapped! Please, let me go! Let me go, let me go, let me go!" she wailed as she violently fought against the restraints.
"Okay, baby, hold on!" Liv soothed as she quickly sat up and began to frantically free Amanda's legs from the tangled mess of sheets and blankets. "Easy, sweetie, I'm almost done."
When the blankets were pulled off and tossed onto the floor, Amanda sat up immediately, scurried back against the headboard, pulling her knees up to her chest and hid her face in them, crying and shaking forcefully, the horrible images still fresh in her mind.
Olivia felt her own eyes burn with brimming tears and her whole being ached for the distraught woman. She wanted to touch her, to pull her into her arms and offer all the love, warmth and kindness into the battered soul but she was afraid that her physical closeness wouldn't be appreciated. However, after watching Amanda struggle to calm down and take a deep breath, she could no longer just sit there and do nothing.
She gently eased herself forward and slowly brought the sobbing woman close to her chest, glad when Amanda seemed to accept the contact. "Come here, sweetheart. Shhh, shhh, easy baby, everything is okay, it was only a bad dream. Just a really bad dream. You're safe here, you're safe with me. Shhh!"
She tightened the hold around the shuddering form and pulled her all the way into her lap, cradling her like a mother would do to a child, and began a soothing rocking motion from side to side while continuing to reassure with gentle and comforting words and touches, letting her know that she was safe and protected.
Amanda laid limp in her arms, still crying, but not as hysterical as before, and she turned her head upwards to meet Olivia's gaze, her eyes full of tears. Then she brought her arms up and shakily wrapped them around Olivia's neck, pressing her face against Liv's pajama clad chest and held on for dear life.
"Oh, baby! I'm right here, sweetheart, I'm right here with you. Just let yourself cry, it's okay. Don't hold back, honey, just let everything out. It needs to come out now."