Alit, while wearing an army helmet and uniform, held up a piece of chalk and wildly began doodling and outlining his plan on a chalkboard on the wall, "Okay! So we start by feeding Cori some bad sushi and blame it on Vector. When she's hurling her liver out, we give her a trash bag to throw up in that has a live skunk in it and also blame it on Vector. Then she would go to take a bath to get rid of the skunk smell but we will have already filled up the bathtub with sewer water but we blame it on Vector! If all of that doesn't break them apart, we think of more things to blame on Vector."

Dumon and Misael facepalmed in synch with each other. "That. is. The worst. Plan. EVER." Misael said.

Dumon straightened his glasses, "I agree with Misael. That plan has a 9% chance of being even remotely effective, a 2% chance of making them break up, and a 94% chance of backfiring on us."

Vector and Cori had been a couple for almost a week now and already the other emperors were sick of it. Vector had been almost worse with Cori by his side and Cori, being almost as messed up as Vector, was making life just as much of a hell for the emperors as Vector did. Eventually, the emperors decided if they didn't do something, Vector would be announcing that he and Cori were engaged any day now. And the emperors liked to keep their sanity, thank you very much.

So on Alit's idea, they founded the B.U.C.A.V. Club, which stood for,

Break

Up

Cori

And

Vector

Misael, after his initial fit of even naming their movement anything, wanted to call it the 'Break up the f*cking carrot-headed psycho bastard and his freaking insane pathetic weak human b*tch of a girlfriend' but that was voted out due to swearing, specism, and the fact that the acronym for it wasn't pronounceable and was way too long.

As to why Alit was wearing a military outfit, he just wanted to and the other barians had more important things to worry about than Alit's fashion choices. So they didn't argue as long as they didn't have to wear it too.

"Okay, you come up with a plan then," Alit pouted.

"Gladly," Dumon sighed. He took the chalk from Alit and began sketching out his own plan of attack, "We invite Cori over for dinner, then casually ask her and Vector some questions designed to cause strife and discord between them. i.e. 'Which one of you is crazier?', 'Who is the dominant one in this relationship?', and 'Who is smarter and/or more maniacal?'. They both have a fierce and psychopathical nature so they'll naturally fight for their own opinion. Then we'll offhandedly bring up some of Vector's... 'lower' moments. Like when he wore that dandylion costume and show her a picture."

The other barians all stared at him in amazement. "Woah..." Gilag said.

"That plan is about 5 million times more effective than Alit's and actually has a chance of working," Misael commented.

"To be fair, Alit's ploy did have a chance of working," Dumon said. 'A really really low and near impossible chance of succeeding and a much larger and more probable chance of backfiring and making us all loose our sanity and cripple our future attempts at separating them but still a chance.' he added silently.

"Should we start with it now?" Gilag asked. Dumon nodded.

"Alrighty! Operation Questionnaire is a go!" Alit cheered.

"..." the other barians looked at Alit.

"...Operation Questionnaire?!" Misael asked.

"Yeah! We have to give it a name!" Alit said.

Misael looked like he was about to protest that point vehemently but Dumon held up a hand and gave him a look that said just let him live his secret agent/spy fantasies.

"Ooh, so so so glad Grandpa Dumon allowed me to stay for dinner, not that his permission is necessary for me to," Cori giggled as she sat on Vector's lap.

The knife Dumon was chopping vegetables with went through the cutting board and left a deep cut in the counter. He had to force himself not to snap at Cori's jab and suppress an uncharacteristic urge to throw the knife at her head, blade first. "I'm glad you could stay for dinner," Dumon said through clenched teeth, though, to his credit, he sounded rather friendly and hospitable.

"So are you cooking a meal you had back in the Dark Ages?" Cori snickered.

Dumon didn't answer because, although it was a joke, replying to that would steer the conversation into dangerous waters(aka the always fun(sarcasm) past life explanation). Instead he decided to put "Operation Questionnaire" into action, "So, are you two ever planning to have kids if you get married?"

"Yes," Cori said at the same time Vector said, "No."

"WHAT?!" Cori cried, glaring at Vector.

"I don't want to have to deal with some snot-nosed brat, no thank you. Plus, you're too young to even be thinking along those lines anyway," Vector shrugged.

"Excuse me?! I'M too young?! We're the same f*cking age!" Cori growled.

Vector giggled, "Yeah, sure we are."

"And what the hell is THAT supposed to mean?!" Cori snapped.

"Nothing, Belle," Vector smirked.

"My name is Cori!"

"Aww... I can't have pet names for you?"

"Shut up!" Cori snapped.

"Make me," Vector taunted. Cori grabbed the front of his shirt, pulled him towards her, and french-kissed him, effectively making him shut up.

All other attempts by Dumon to get their attention again failed miserably, mostly because he was too noble to physically rip them apart. In despair, he put the food on plates in front of them and took the rest to the other barians in the living room since the others had taken to eating there to hide from Cori and Vector.

Dumon looked in despair at the full wastebasket, filled to the brim with failed planning sheets. They had tried plan over plan and none had worked. They even got desperate enough to use some of Alit's plans. Even the ones that involved weasels on a sugar high, making the barians dress up like ghosts of dead ponies, and potato sandwiches. Saying those ones ended badly would be an understatement.

"What now?" Gilag asked.

"The only thing we have not tried yet is, calming and hopefully without much begging, ask Vector to break up with Cori," Dumon sighed.

"This is VECTOR we're talking about. He's not going to just dump her because we ask him to," Misael scoffed.

"We tried using eggplant puppets to break them up. If we tried that, we might as well try asking," Dumon said.

"I guess it can't do us any more harm," Misael said, looking at Alit who was crying and rubbing ointment for bee stings on his arm. For all you kids at home, NEVER wear a bear suit with limited visibility and cover yourself with honey when there is a bee hive nearby and absolutely never run around if you do find yourself in that situation. It won't end well.

"Do you need more ointment, Alit?" Dumon asked. When Alit tearfully nodded, Dumon got out the extra jar of ointment and gave it to Alit as well as helped apply some of the salve to Alit's neck.

At that moment, Vector came in skipping, thankfully Cori-free. Dumon turned to look at him and said, "Vector, sit down. We need to talk."

Vector smirked and flopped down on the couch using the back of the seat as a footrest. Looking at the grey barian upside-down, he said, "So what do you need to direly to talk about, Grandpa?"

Dumon struggled to keep his eye from twitching, "Again, we are the exact same age. And it's about Cori."

"Isn't she the best? She's such a unique human. She actually seems competent considering her species," Vector giggled.

"You need to break up with her," Dumon said.

Vector rolled around so he was looking at Dumon right-side up. "What?! But she is the love of my life! The Juliet to my Romeo, the bee to my flower," Alit flinched and whimpered at the mention of bees, "the butter to my bread, the blood to my knife, the entrails to my torture victim, the-"

"Seeing how these metaphors are growing consistently darker in nature, I'm going to stop you there," Dumon said, "The fact is, the rest of us are not quite as taken by her as you appear to be."

Misael let out a loud snort, "What Dumon is saying using the polite terms, is that we all absolutely detest that f*cking she-demon b*tch and you had better dump her immediately or so help you God, we will end you because WE CAN'T F*CKING STAND HER!"

Dumon sighed, "Thank you, Misael for that summarizing of our situation."

Vector pouted, "So you all want me to sacrifice my own personal euphoria for your own peace of mind?! Just because you don't like her you want me to leave her out in the rain while my crystal heart slowly breaks open. And you all call me heartless and cruel."

The other barians looked at each other, feeling slightly ashamed but still wanting her gone. "I'm sorry, Vector. But we cannot stand her being near us. I hate to say this, but it has to be her or Barian World." Dumon said.

Vector looked down and sniffled, "Then.. you guys really leave me no choice, I'm sorry but... Barian World for the Win!" Vector suddenly started laughing maniacally causing all the barians to gape at him.

"What?" they all said in unison.

When Vector had recovered enough to talk, he gasped out, "I only became her boyfriend because I thought she would scare and piss you all off! Why do you think I didn't take her on dates but instead hung around here?! Oh God, your expressions were PRICELESS!"

The other barians' eyes widened as they realized they had been duped, "Wait, you were just using her?!" Dumon gasped, that went fully against his knight honor code but he had to admit Vector probably didn't go by the same honor code, if any at all.

"Yep! I'll dump her later today but, oh God you guys totally fell for the whole thing!" Vector started cracking up all over again.

Misael, seething, managed to snarl out, "Dumon, permission to beat the living crap out of him."

Dumon hesitated for a moment, before, "Permission granted. Have fun." Dumon turned on his iPod and put his headphones on to drown out Vector's screams and strings of profanities.

Later that day, Vector returned alone from his outing with Cori with a satisfied smirk on his face. "How'd she take it?" Dumon asked.

Vector, still smirking, replied, "Not very well. Though that might have been how I broke it to her."

"What did you do?" Dumon asked, uneasiness growing.

"Oh, I pushed her off a cliff into the sea. When she came up sputtering, I yelled down that I was dumping her, and left. I was impressed with her vocabulary, she really knows her curse words," Vector giggled.

Dumon put his head in his hands and sighed. "I really don't know what I was expecting." he muttered.

Vector patted him on the head, "Aw, don't be sad, kitty-cat," he drawled then ran to his room as Dumon tried to smack him.

When he got up to his little bedroom, he locked the door, pulled out a picture, and tacked it to his wall. He stared for a moment at Cori's face, sadistically smiling at him through the photo. "Well, my little belle, hope you finally get to be a dictator of some third-world country like you want. I wasn't lying when I called you a remarkable human, you truly are. You will always have a little place in my heart," with a smirk, Vector sprawled out on his bed and began planning his next evil scheme.