"Duke, next year we're installing an air conditioner," Red said to the medium size golden retriever she had on a leash, as she stood on the front steps of her apartment, rummaging for her keys, under the porch light. She had gotten home from work at a reasonable time, by some miracle, and had immediately taken her dog for a walk around the block. Summer had come and Red had now been out of prison for long enough that freedom had begun to feel normal. "It's not for us," Red spoke aloud to the dog, who wagged his tail as he listened to her, "it's for Gloria. She'll be released in the summertime, and the last thing I want to have to do is listen to her bitch about how hot it is." Red didn't think it odd at all that she spoke to her dog like a person. Her golden friend made her feel safe and had become her constant companion since she had moved into her own rental. She only left him when she went to work, or to the prison, otherwise Duke went everywhere with her. She thought she had wanted to a cat when she had gone to the shelter to find herself a furry friend. But when she had laid eyes on the beautiful dog that had been surrendered to the shelter after his previous owner had died, Red knew that it was meant to be. It turns out she was more of a dog person than she had thought.
Moving out on her own had been a necessary step that Red had anticipated with both eagerness and dread. Even though her new place was less than a ten-minute walk from Vasily's house, it had been an emotional move that felt much more significant than it actually was. The hardest adjustment had been getting used to being alone. She had thought she would tolerate the solitude better than she had on that night she had camped out at a motel, after she discovered the news about Dmitri's girlfriend, but truthfully, she hadn't. Red had lain awake for two sleepless nights, jumping at every small creak and worrying about burglars. It was ridiculous, she knew, but Red simply was not used to being alone after living in an overcrowded prison for so many years. Even though she craved the solitude and relished in the privacy she now had, her anxiety was consuming her. It almost made her regret moving, regret not listening to Yuri's advice to wait until Nicky was out and could go with her, but Red knew it would be ridiculous to limit herself that way. She wanted her independence from her sons, even if it scared her to do so, and she was determined to live alone successfully, until Nicky came home. Less than a week after she moved in, Red had adopted Duke, and the difference in her had been immediate. Duke, slept beside her at night, followed her from room to room, and laid beside her on the couch when she read or watched tv in the living room. He might shed a little more than she would like, but the extra cleaning was worth it to have him there. Duke took away her fear.
"You never let us get a dog," Vasily had complained to his mother good-naturedly, squatting down to ruffle Duke' ears the first time he had met him. Red had walked him over to the park, where the family was meeting to watch Alexei's soccer game. Another benefit to being on her own, meant that she enjoyed her family even more than she had before. She no longer worried about imposing on Lida, or being too dependent on her sons, and this enabled Red to truly cherish the time she spent with them. Red hadn't encountered Klara since their impromptu meeting on Maxim's porch. Her family was careful not to mention her around Red, although she knew that her youngest sons, in particular, still spent a significant amount of time with their stepmother. It still hurt, but Red knew that it was a reality that she needed to live with.
"They've never called her Grandma," Lida had told Red out of the blue, one afternoon when they were together at the park, pushing Alexei and Vera on the swings.
"What?" Red had asked in confusion, her eyes on her grandson who was laughing hysterically and promptly high-fived her each time he swung forward.
"Klara," Lida had clarified, "she has her place, and they have a relationship, but that doesn't make her the grandmother. You're their Babushka! I just wanted you to know that."
Red had gotten the job cooking at the restaurant with Lourdes, and she worked long hours every day. Sundays were the only official day off, but she always booked an afternoon off on either Friday or Saturday, so that she could drive up to the prison to visit Nicky and Gloria. Even though her sons had laughed about it, they had each taken her out in turn to teach their mother to drive, and Red had gotten her license the previous month. She borrowed a car from her sons when she made the trek to the prison every week, but otherwise she preferred to travel on foot or take the bus. Red's life was busy, exhausting, and fulfilling. She was consumed with the intent and purpose of creating a good life for Nicky and Gloria to come home to. Being released first, had instilled in Red a great sense of responsibility. She didn't want to waste this time that she had been given, she wanted to make it count for something. She did that by working, saving money, and reconnecting with the family that meant the world to her, while preparing for the family that was coming.
The apartment she rented was a walk up that consisted of two bedrooms, a washroom, and an open concept living room and kitchen. The walls were stark white, and the floors a honey oak wood. It had a balcony, and to Red it was paradise. It would be cramped when Nicky and Gloria were both living there, and near impossible to make work if Julio and Benny ended up moving in with them, although that was seeming like less and less of a remote possibility. Red hadn't seen or heard from them in months, and neither had her sons. They had frozen them out too, although they once had been very close. Red received updates from Gloria and Lourdes, so she knew that the boys rarely visited their mother anymore, since they refused to go with Red or her kids, and Lourdes was not able to drive them very often. Benny had quit basketball, as Lourdes had predicted, and it was anyone's guess as to what he got up to during his free time. Everyone was worried, but everyone was also helpless to interfere. It was sad. Red wanted things to be good for Gloria, when she finally came home, but nothing could ever be good when your children were suffering and hated the person you were with. Red didn't hold much hope that things would be better once Gloria was there to intervene, she worried that their resentment of their mother might only amplify the already toxic situation. Time would tell.
Red unlocked the door of her home and flicked the light on to display the simple and cozy dwelling space. She had needed to purchase new furniture, as everything that had been in her and Dmitri's shared apartment had been kept by Klara, but her children had made sure to save all of Red's personal effects for her. They had saved her books and photo albums, and Red had decorated the walls with framed images of her favourites. Still, much of the apartment remained undone, which was exactly as Red intended. Some frames on the wall hung empty, half the shelves on the bookcase were clear, and the closet and drawers in Red's bedroom were only half full. The apartment was waiting for Gloria and Nicky to complete it.
Bone tired, Red walked towards the stove with the intent of putting the kettle on for a cup of tea before she submitted to sleep. Her hands were pressed against her lower back, which still troubled her as much as it ever did. Lida kept trying to convince her mother-in-law to visit a massage therapist and chiropractor, convinced they could make a difference, but Red was not about to allow people to feel her up in such a fashion. She'd survived this long without, and the firm mattress she had purchased to sleep on made a tremendous difference. While she waited for her water to boil, Red went to change into her pajamas and take her makeup off. She didn't have the energy to do much else. It was enough to fix herself a cup of tea, flick on the television, and lay on the couch with her dog.
Dozing, Red was startled awake by the sound of her telephone ringing. It wasn't nearly eleven, by that point, but it was not uncommon for Lida or Vasily to call her to chat once the kids had been put to bed for the night. They always said they missed her, and they always called if they hadn't seen her on that particular day. Red was so grateful to have them, and so appreciative of how they had helped her and gone out of their ways to constantly reassure her that she was wanted. Red preferred to live under her own roof, and not under theirs, but that was completely because of her stubborn pride. The truth was that she had loved living with them, and loved seeing her grandchildren first thing in the morning. Fortunately, she still spent a lot of time with them, and had even had the kids overnight a couple of times when Vasily and Lida had gone out. It felt good to be trusted, and it relieved Red that they always asked her, and not Klara, to babysit first.
Red answered the phone without looking to see who it was. "Hello?"
There was an awkward scuffle on the phone before he spoke, "Hi, Galina? Ms. Reznikov? It's Julio Mendoza."
Red was instantly wide awake. She hadn't heard Gloria's son's voice since that excruciating dinner they had shared at Lourdes' apartment. Red hadn't wanted to engage with them, and had only spoken to them through Lourdes, when she had extended an open invitation for them to accompany her to visit Gloria at the prison anytime. They had never accepted it. "Julio," Red stated, "I'm very surprised to hear from you. Are you alright?"
"Yes," said Julio, "my aunt gave me your phone number. I hope that's okay, I know it's sort of late."
"It's okay," Red told him, "you can call anytime. Can I help you with something?" She stood up off of the couch, and slid open the sliding door that led to her veranda. She liked to stand out there at night and look out at the lights of New York. The city always seemed endless, and night was Red's favourite time to appreciate it.
"Well, actually," Julio hesitated, "I was wondering if you were going to visit mom tomorrow? And if you really meant it when you said I could go with you sometime?" Red had invited them to join her anytime, back when there was still snow on the ground. They had ignored her offer. Red was curious why Julio was suddenly so willing to accept her invitation. Maybe he just missed his mom.
"I am going," Red leaned her elbows against the rails, "Of course, you can come. I can pick you up around ten."
"Thank you," said Julio, "I just sort of feel like seeing her, you know?". He sounded almost apologetic, as though it was unacceptable to feeling so sentimental about his mother. It was probably because of his age. Teenage boys never liked to admit they needed their mothers, especially when that mother was serving time in prison.
"You're going to make her very happy," Red told him, a smile playing over her lips as she gazed out at the city lights. She was a bit nervous to face him alone, but she could hardly wait to see the look on Gloria's face when she walked into visitation with her son tomorrow. Gloria had been depressed about their attitudes for months. Benny even refused to speak to her on the phone most days. He had become increasingly more bitter, as the reality of Red and Gloria had sunk it. "Are you having a good summer?" Red asked him.
"It's okay," said Julio indifferently, "pretty boring, actually."
"I guess," said Red, thinking that one thing her sons could never say that they had been, was bored. Julio did not elaborate, and Red was not sure what else to ask him or to say to him. "Well…" Red said slowly, "I'll be there in the morning to pick you up."
"Thank you," said Julio.
"I'm very glad you called," Red told him sincerely, "Have a good night."
"Thanks," said Julio politely, "same to you."
Red hung up the phone and looked down at the dog that was sitting by her feet. "Tomorrow is going to be interesting," Red told Duke, patting his head. They walked back inside, where Red flicked the lights and television off. She double checked to ensure that both doors were locked, and then she crawled into the Queen size bed with Duke. The dog was stretched out on beside her where Red hoped Gloria would one day lie. It probably was a mistake for her to let him get used to that. Red was exhausted, and she needed her energy if she was going to be in top form to endure the hour-long drive, to and from Litchfield, with Gloria's son tomorrow. The thought of it made her very nervous, but she was so glad that he had asked.
Red didn't know what to expect when she pulled up to the curb beside their apartment the next morning, wondering whether Julio would run out, or if she would actually have to walk up to get him. She was driving Vasily's car, and he had protectively offered to come along that morning, when she arrived to get the car and had told him who she was picking up. As much as Red tried to keep the goings on of her private life away from her children; Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily knew all about her problems with Gloria's children. They, too, had experienced the open hostility that Benny had been showing towards their mother, because he had lashed out at them as well. Julio was never so cruel, but he made no secret of his resentment and discomfort over Red seeing his mother, and also had made it crystal clear that he no longer wanted any association with the Reznikov family. It disappointed Red's sons, even though they did sympathize with what Benny and Julio were going through. So much of their lives had been beyond their control, and they had never received the security of being the top priority. Neither boy was capable of seeing Red as anything more than a barrier between them and their mother. They were hurting.
Red was relieved when she saw Julio making his way towards her. She really had not wanted to have to go up to the apartment to get him, and risk potentially having a confrontation with Benny. She unlocked the doors and Julio gawkily slid into the passenger seat beside her. "Hi," he said, slamming the door shut behind him.
"Hi," Red said back, watching to make sure his seatbelt was fastened before she pulled away from the curb. She turned on the radio to help make the silence between them not so unbearable. Julio spent the drive looking out the window.
"What sort of music is that?" Julio asked after a minute, giving Red the side-eye and chuckling lightly.
"I don't know," Red shrugged, "it's the radio station that Vasily had on. Change it if you don't like it."
"I'm good," he replied, pulling out his iPod and putting on his headphones, "I brought my own music."
"Good thinking," Red murmured, as Julio turned towards the window so that he wouldn't have to speak with her. He stayed like that for the rest of the drive, which was alright with Red. She had no more desire to sit through an hour of forced conversation than he did. It was better this way. Julio was only using her for a ride, but that was alright with Red. She wasn't going to pretend it was any more than that.
"We're here," Red said unnecessarily, when she pulled the car into a parking space and shut it off. She opened the glove compartment box and placed her cell phone inside it. "You can leave your electronics in there too," she told him. They wouldn't be permitted inside the prison.
"All good?" Red asked him, after he had pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and placed it, and his iPod, next to Red's.
Julio nodded, and unclipped his seatbelt. They both got out of the car and began walking towards the front doors of the prison. "I just wanted to tell you," Red said slowly as they walked side by side, "that I'll sit with Nicky and visit, so that you can talk alone with your mom. I know that you haven't seen her in a long time."
Julio looked over at Red in surprise, "but don't you want to visit her too?" he asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans as they walked.
"Of course, I do," Red responded calmly, "but it's okay. I know that it was a mistake before to think that you and Benny wouldn't mind if we all visited together."
"Well it makes sense now," Julio said, reaching the doors to the prison first and holding it open for Red to go in ahead, "at the time it was…confusing."
"I guess so," Red replied. They reached the front desk and were processed through by a young guard that Red had never seen before. She was used to the drill by now, and no longer felt like all the eyes were upon her as she went through the process that would lead her to Nicky and Gloria. Julio and Red were waved through the metal detectors and finally allowed to enter into the visiting room, where Nicky and Gloria would soon join them.
"We can sit together," Julio said to Red, pulling out a chair. He sat down in it, and glanced up at her for a brief moment, before turning away.
"Really?" asked Red in surprise and he nodded. Red gave him a big smile that expressed so much that she could not put into words. She had been sincere in being willing to sacrifice her visit with Gloria for him. It was not something she would do all the time, of course, but Red had wanted Julio to know that she was not trying to divide them, but deeply wanted to help bring them together. Maybe Julio had sensed that, and that was why he was willing to tolerate her presence. Red sat down in the seat next to him, and they waited silently for Nicky and Gloria to appear.
"What's this!" Gloria exclaimed with eyes wide in astonishment, that darted back between Red and Julio, as she entered the visitation room and hurried towards them. Julio had phoned Red so late, that there had been no possibility of Gloria learning that he was coming ahead of time. Red probably wouldn't have told her anyways. She liked the look Gloria got on her face when she was surprised.
"Hey, mom," said Julio awkwardly, as Gloria pulled him into a hug and squeezed him tightly. "Ah, Mom, get off," Julio muttered good-naturedly, "I can't breathe."
Gloria sniffled and pulled back, keeping her arms wrapped around his neck. "I'm just so happy to see you, baby. I've missed you." Gloria moved her hands from Julio's neck and ran her fingers through his hair, she was pleasantly surprised when he did not pull away. "I'm so glad you're here," she told him passionately.
"So, how much did you pay him to come?" Nicky whispered into Red's ear as the two embraced. Nicky had grown accustomed to being without Red, and she was doing okay. It was no longer incredibly emotional for them to see one another, there were almost never any tears anymore, just happiness. Red still hated to leave her there, but she knew that Nicky was thriving under Gloria's care. Nicky seemed more grown up than she ever did when Red had been taking care of her, and she had really come into her own during her mother's absence.
"I didn't pay him anything," Red whispered back, "he wanted to come." Red brushed Nicky's hair back and kissed her on both cheeks. "How are you?" Red kissed Nicky's forehead before releasing her, "are you behaving?"
"I always behave," Nicky told her hotly, glancing over at Gloria, who had released her son and was now eyeing Red with hungry eyes. "Isn't that right, Gloria?"
"What?" Gloria jumped as she spoke, snapping back to reality, "what did you say?" She gripped the top of the plastic chair tightly, turning to look over at Nicky.
"Never mind," Nicky laughed and rolled her eyes. They all sat down.
Red glanced over at Gloria who was staring at her with her chin resting in her hand. Gloria and Red had not embraced upon arrival, and now Gloria was irritated by it. She knew Red had purposely kept her distance because she was nervous about making Julio uncomfortable, but Gloria was craving her. It drove Gloria crazy to see Red sitting there, beautiful in a pain of black capris and a royal blue blouse that looked so good on her, and not be able to touch her. She discreetly stretched her leg beneath the table, difficult to do inconspicuously on an angle, and rested it on top of Red's foot. She tapped Red's foot a couple of times, before reluctantly moving her leg back. She didn't want to get in trouble from a guard.
Gloria turned her attention to Julio, who was slouched down in his seat looking wary of his decision to come. "So, how are you, baby?" Gloria asked him.
"Fine," Julio said awkwardly.
"Summer holidays going alright?" asked Gloria, trying desperately to find some ground to start with. Nobody had dragged Julio here, he had come of his own accord, and had probably really wanted to see her since he had been willing to drive with Red to come. So why wasn't he talking? Was he just that uncomfortable to be in such close proximity with Red and Nicky? Red and Nicky were chatting quietly with one another, attempting to give the mother and son some semblance of privacy.
"It's boring," said Julio, "nobody's around and it's too hot." He stared at his hands and bumped them rhythmically against the table.
"Tia Lourdes said you were working," said Gloria, "at an ice cream parlour." She had straightened her body so that it was angled right towards him, her right arm holding her head up, but also serving as something of a division wall between them, and Red and Nicky. She wanted Julio to know that he had her full attention.
"That's basically all I've been doing," Julio admitted, "but I'm off now for a week, though." He rapped his knuckles on the table, and glanced around the room, paying particular attention to Red and Nicky who seemed so in-tune with one another and just happy to be together. It might not seem like it, but Julio really wanted the same for his mom and himself. It was why he was here and it was why he took his mother's phone calls, even when he didn't think that she deserved it.
"So, Yuri's kids?" Nicky was saying to Red,"you think that will be alright tomorrow?"
"I think it will be strange," Red said, "Anna hasn't let him have them for a full week before. He picked them up yesterday afternoon and headed straight for the lake. We're all going up tomorrow, so that will give Yuri a few days to get them settled." Her nails dug into Nicky's hand, "I'm eager to finally meet them, but they're older. It's going to be much different that it was with Alexei and Vera."
"Ah, you'll be fine," said Nicky, "if they get cheeky, just remind them that you've been in the big house and that will scare them straight. You'll be fine."
"That wasn't what I was worried about," Red told her cynically, with a shake of her head, "I just want the kids to have a good time, and I want to get to know them. If it goes well, maybe Yuri will be able to get them more often."
"Sparkle tits still with that new guy?" asked Nicky.
"Yes," said Red, looking at Nicky closely, "you're losing. No new puppy for you."
"Hey, I've still got time," Nicky protested, "Yuri and her have broken up so many times, I've lost track, and they always get back together. I'm not getting worried yet. Besides, why are you so against me getting a dog anyways?"
"We've got a dog," Red said, "and the apartment is too small for another one."
"A small dog this time," Nicky persisted. Red rolled her eyes.
"So, what are you going to do if Sparkle Tits shows up at the lake this week?" Nicky grinned, referring to Yuri's soon to be ex-wife, Anna.
"That's not going to happen," Red told her grumpily, running her finger around her lips. She turned to focus on Gloria and Julio. They looked strained, as though they were trying to connect, but could find no common ground.
"You sure?" asked Nicky, "I don't know. Moms get weird about leaving their kids with somebody else, at least that's what I've been told. I bet she'll want to check up on them."
"Why do you want her and Yuri back together so badly?" asked Red, looking away from Gloria and Julio.
"For my amusement," Nicky shrugged, "and because it will be fun to go look at dogs with you." Red scoffed, but Nicky just smiled sweetly at her and stood up and walked over to the activities table. "Just think how nice it would be for us to walk our two dogs together," she said casually, as she picked up a deck of playing cards and walked back to her chair. "Duke could probably use a friend, maybe you should let me get one even if you are right that Yuri and Sparkle Tits are over for good." Without skipping a beat, Nicky began dealing the cards out between the four of them.
"What's this?" Gloria looked over at Nicky, raising her eyebrows, as she ran her index finger over the back of a card that Nicky had tossed at her.
"Slap Jacks," Nicky told her immediately, "we all take turns putting down a card, and whenever there is a jack or a matching set, you slam your hand down, whoever is the slowest, has to pick up the entire discarded deck."
"I know how to play," Gloria told her, smiling slightly as she looked over at Red. Nicky had a talent for bringing people together and putting them at ease. Nicky couldn't help but notice that Julio was barely speaking to his mother, and that the four of them had been divided into two distinct pairings. "Julio?"
"Sure," mumbled Julio agreeably, picking up the cards that Nicky had dealt him, "why not?".
"Alright, first things first," Nicky said squinting her eyes at Red, "lose the rings, Mom."
"Why?" asked Red, stroking the small, but beautiful diamond that had once belonged to her mother. Red didn't wear rings very often, working in a kitchen and all, but she always made a point to put her jewellery on when she came to visit Gloria.
"So, you don't slice one of our hands with it," Nicky told her, "no injuries allowed." Red begrudgingly removed the ring and slid it into her pocket for safekeeping. "Alright, Gloria you put a card down first," said Nicky, "since you're next to me and I dealt."
It was exactly what they all needed, especially Julio. No longer struggling to come up with topics to discuss, the four of them focused on the game, and even laughed a little bit together. The physical contact required was beneficial too. How strange it had felt, the first time Julio had slapped his hand on top of Red's, and then, realizing he was touching her, had shyly pulled away. Even though it was a struggle, Julio knew that there was nothing he could legitimately criticize Red for that day. She had driven him there, been kind, offered to keep her distance if he wanted her to, and it was obvious that Gloria was happy to see her. Nicky was entertaining, teasing, cajoling, and being way too competitive about such a silly game; but she had them all laughing out loud. She was the comic relief that was needed during such an intense visitation, and Julio had to admit to himself that he was having fun. It was the first time he could recall really enjoying a visit with his mother, that was not strained or uncomfortable. Everyone was relaxing, thanks to Nicky, and time passed much too quickly.
"Already?" Julio exclaimed, when the guards announced that it was time to say goodbye.
"Come here and just let me hold you," Gloria told him, standing up and holding out her arms, which Julio immediately went into, no holding back. "Thank you for coming," Gloria said into his ear, stroking his hair. "I hope you find something fun to do on your time off from work." She kissed his hair, "tell your brother that I love him, okay?"
Julio nodded, "maybe I can come visit again soon," he said hesitantly, glancing over at Red who was saying goodbye to Nicky, "if she'll drive me again."
"Of course, she will," Gloria said, speaking for Red, "that's not even a question."
"Well…. good," said Julio, "maybe I'll come next week then, if I'm not doing anything. This was sort of fun."
"When I get out of here," Gloria told him, "I promise we'll have lots of fun." She released him and looked over at Red and Nicky, who were watching them intently, still with their arms around one another.
"This was way more fun than last time we visited and I could barely lift my head off the table," Nicky joked to Julio, walking over to him with the intention of stealing his attention long enough to give Red and Gloria a moment to say a proper goodbye.
"Yeah, you were really sick," Julio replied, turning to face Nicky, "my mom said you had appendicitis. Did that hurt a lot?"
"Yep," Nicky said cheerfully, and launched into a detailed description of her pain and suffering. Red skidded around them to approach Gloria.
"I'm amazed," Gloria said emotionally to Red, as the two women hugged, their cheeks pressed against one another. "I don't know how you got him here, but today was so wonderful. You're wonderful." She pulled Red back so that she could look her in the eyes, hands holding tightly to Red's arms.
"Gloria, your son called me himself and asked to come," Red told her, gripping Gloria's chin in her fingers, a mischievous twinkle in her eye, "he wanted to see you. I did nothing to try and convince him."
"Really?" Gloria whispered, squeezing Red's elbows, and Red nodded. Their eyes were glued upon one another, and it than moment nobody else existed.
"Will you call me tonight?" Red whispered, her fingers still encasing Gloria's chin, while her other hand slowly tiptoed up Gloria's arm until it rested upon her shoulder, "we didn't get to talk very much."
"I call you every night," Gloria reminded her with a teasing smile, "you don't have to ask." Gloria rubbed Red's arms, back and forth, and then wrapped them loosely around Red's waist, pulling her in closer.
"I just like hearing you say it," Red admitted with a smile. She quickly stole a glance at Nicky, who had Julio's back turned to them. "I love you, Gloria," she whispered, gripping Gloria's chin ever tighter as she brushed her lips across Gloria's mouth. She moved away quickly, not wanting Julio to see, to feel embarrassed, or uncomfortable. Today had been a good day for him, a step in the right direction for all of them. Red did not want to risk diminishing that progress over a kiss.
"I love you, too," Gloria whispered, squeezing Red's hand briefly, before letting her go.
"So, then I was on this cocktail of painkillers for a few weeks," Nicky was saying brightly, to Julio, who's eyes were looking a little glazed, "and I didn't get to go to work either…."
"Well, I guess it's time to go," Red broke in, giving Nicky a grateful smile. Julio wasn't stupid, he knew what his mother and Red had just done, but Nicky had given him a way to pretend like he hadn't noticed. Julio had purposely turned away so that he wouldn't have to see.
"Fine, fine," said Nicky reluctantly, "have a good time tomorrow. And don't forget that I'm keeping a running tab of everything you do with the boys, because when I get out you need to do it all again with me, just to be fair. Otherwise, I'll thinking you like them more than me."
"You don't need to worry about that," Red kissed Nicky's cheek once more, "I promise we'll do whatever you want when you get out."
"Including getting another dog?" asked Nicky.
"Let's see if you win the bet first," Red told her wryly. It was time to go. The visit had been pleasant for all of them, and that made it somehow easier to walk away. There didn't seem to be too much hanging in the air left unsaid, as was usually the case when Gloria's sons visited, refused to speak, and left madder than they had arrived. This had been a good day, thanks particularly to Nicky. She had shown Julio that Red and her being there could be fun, that they could be people he actually could enjoy spending time with. Julio had seen how happy Red made his mother, and that made Gloria more fun to be around as well.
"So where was Nicky saying you were going tomorrow?" Julio asked Red conversationally, as they began driving away, the prison in the rear-view mirror.
"I'm going to the lake with my kids," Red answered, "we've rented a cottage there for the week. I'm only staying until Tuesday, I go back to work on Wednesday, but the others are going to stay longer."
"That sounds fun," Julio said, looking at her.
"I think it will be," said Red, "Yuri is bringing his two kids for the week, and I haven't met them yet." Feliks and Ivanna were both now ten and eight now, respectively. Yuri drove up to spend a couple days with them, every other week or so, but this would be the first time Anna was allowing him to take them for an entire week. Yuri was excited.
"I remember them," Julio said, looking out the dash, "I went to Ivanna's birthday party a couple of years ago. She was still pretty little then though."
"That's right, I remember hearing about that," said Red, glancing sideways at him, "you all went to an amusement park together, if I recall correctly."
"Yeah," said Julio, "Benny, Vasily, and I kept going on the rollercoasters," he laughed, "and Lida kept telling Vasily to stop because he wasn't young anymore and was going to get sick."
"And did he?" asked Red, raising her eyebrows in amusement.
"Yeah," laughed Julio, thinking back fondly at the memory of that wonderful day, "he puked in a trash can and made me and Benny swear not to tell Lida that she was right."
"Silly boy," Red said affectionately, smiling warmly as she thought of her youngest son, "he always goes too far, but he can be lots of fun." Red pursed her lips and glanced over at Julio, considering him. "I hope you and Benny will have fun like that with my sons again someday," she said, once she had gathered up the nerve, "I know they miss you."
"It's weird now," Julio said shortly.
"I know," Red said quietly. Silence fell between them, but Red did not feel compelled to try and fill it. She knew Julio was thinking about what she had said. She hoped it might have an impact. Benny and Julio had been rejecting any attempts Red's sons had made at contacting them, ever since Gloria had told them about their relationship. The boys felt betrayed, even though Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily had known just as much about their mothers' involvement, as they did. Julio and Benny did not seem to believe that. Overnight, they had pushed away the young men that had become something of older brother/father figure mentors. It was sad.
"You must be hungry," Red said, after awhile of driving. They were about halfway back to the city, and Red pulled in to a truck stop alongside the highway.
"I can wait until I get home," Julio said to Red lamely.
"Well, I can't," Red said matter-of-factly, "and you haven't eaten in awhile, so I'm sure you wouldn't mind something. Come inside and show me what you want." It was a suggestion, not an order, but Julio still felt forced as he got out of the car and followed Red into the small eatery. This was more personal that just using her as his ride, when he had no other option, and Julio was sure he didn't want to know Red on a personal level. She seemed okay, but it was weird for him to think of his mother as gay, and with this older woman. It just didn't sit right with Julio. It was hard enough being the boy at school who had a mom in prison, now Gloria had just given him another reason to be different.
They stood in line to order, both staring at their phones, but when they got to the counter Red turned to look at Julio promptly, "tell me what you'd like and I'll get it."
"I can get my own," Julio said awkwardly, not wanting to feel more in Red's debt that he already did, "and I can give you money for gas too."
"Absolutely not," Red said sternly, "just order your food." Julio did as she said, but still protested a fair bit when Red insisted on paying for him. "It was my idea to stop and eat," she reminded him, "you can save your money for something else." They sat in a booth, but Red kept her phone out, not as a means of blocking Julio out, he was quite sure she wasn't doing anything on it anyways, but just as a way of letting him know that she was fine with him not talking. The silence did not need to be filled, they were both comfortable with it.
"Thanks for lunch," Julio said politely, gathering up both of their garbage and trays so that Red would not have to do that.
"You're welcome," Red replied, surprised by his excellent manners as he returned her tray for her. He really was a sweet boy. Julio didn't seem to have his brother's anger. He seemed fine with Red as a person, just not as a person that was with his mother. He clearly did not want to think about that, but, then again, what teenage boy would. His behaviour was normal.
"Would you like to come to visitation with me again next time?" Red asked Julio cautiously, once they were in the safe confines of the car, and rapidly accelerating onto the highway.
"I told mom I'd like to," Julio admitted, "if you don't mind driving me, of course."
"Anytime," Red replied, "and that goes for anything, by the way, not just for drives to visitation. Your aunt gave you my number, so you have it now, feel free to use it if there is ever anything that I can do for you."
The tips of Julio's ears turned pink, "thanks, but I don't need anything," he told her shakily.
"I know you don't," Red agreed, her eyes on the road, hands holding tight to the wheel, "just keep it mind though, okay?" Julio nodded, his eyes cast outside the window at the majestic sight that was New York.
"And ask your brother if he would like to come with us next time," Red said, drumming her fingers on the wheel as she thought of Gloria's youngest, and infinitely more troubled, son. Benny had an anger inside of him, as though a demon had sucked away all his happiness and trust, and was still hanging around to ensure that nobody would make him vulnerable again. His anger was paramount, surrounding him in a protective coating that seemed impenetrable to Red, but she still felt that she needed to try.
"He won't," Julio replied, "and he'd get mad at me just for asking."
"Okay then," sighed Red, "that's too bad. Is it just because he wouldn't want to be around me? Or is he upset with your mother too?"
"He just hates everybody right now," said Julio, "he and Tia Lourdes fight a lot too."
"That can't be easy for you," Red said sympathetically, merging off of the highway at the correct exit. "It's hard to live with people who fight a lot."
"I'm used to it," Julio told her, blinking in surprise that she had thought about him. "my family likes to fight". Nobody had ever tried to understand how challenging it was to be him, living with an aggressive brother, who consumed all of the attention, and made home life sometimes unbearable. Julio had often been cast to the sidelines, and neglected because he caused no trouble, and so the focus became on the brother who did. Nobody, besides Red right now, had ever given him any sympathy for what he endured. Their regard was always directed solely at Lourdes, who was the martyr for taking in her criminal nieces troubled sons. It didn't matter that Julio tried to be good; even when he had a million reasons to act out, he was lumped in with his brother. The brother he loved.
"It's sad that you needed to get used to that," Red said, "but we all adjust to things that aren't really good, so that we can survive." She sighed, "I was terrified to be released from prison," she told Julio, deciding to share a piece of herself with him. "I almost didn't want to leave, as ridiculous as that was," she scoffed at her own stupidity.
"Why wouldn't you want to leave?" asked Julio curiously.
"Because that was what I was used to," Red replied, "and I didn't like depending on my sons to help me. Change can be scary, even when it's for the better."
"Changes have never been a good thing for me," said Julio, thinking of his mother being taken, the cross-country move to Florida, and the transformation in his brother.
Red looked over at him with pursed lips, "I'm very sorry that everything has been so hard on you," she said sincerely, "you've been asked to accept and cope with a lot of difficult things."
"Including you," Julio said bluntly.
"Yes, including me," Red said in agreement, sounding apologetic. "I'm not going to go away," she told him straightforwardly, "I'm just going to try and convince you, maybe, someday, that this could be one of the good types of changes."
"Good luck with that," murmured Julio.
"I'll take it," Red swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, "because I'm sure I am going to need it." She clicked her tongue in contemplation.
"What are you going to do tonight?" Red asked him, making a turn onto a road that would lead down to his neighbourhood, "I'm pretty sure Lourdes is working late today." Red usually was the one who closed, but on days she went to the prison, Lourdes had to stay until the end.
"Probably just sit a home," muttered Julio.
Red tapped her fingers against the steering wheel, "will your brother be there?" she asked.
"Probably," said Julio, "he usually only stays home when Lourdes is at work. When she is home, he tries to stay out of the house to avoid her."
Red pulled the car off to the side of the road, outside the Mendoza's apartment building. "Thanks for everything," said Julio shyly, unbuckling his seat belt. The day had not been as excruciating as he had anticipated. Yesterday, he had been convinced that he was making the ultimate sacrifice of tolerating many hours with Red, just so that he could see his mother. It had turned out to be a satisfactory day.
"I want to ask you something before you go," Red told him, "and you can't say no until I've finished speaking. Huh?"
"What?" asked Julio skeptically.
"I think you need a break," Red said, carefully, "a few days where you don't need to worry about your brother. Now, my sons miss you, and Benny, very much. They knew nothing about anything, hmm? I told them after your mother told you, so they found out even later."
"Yeah…." said Julio slowly, "I know, it's just…"
"It's just," Red interrupted, "that I think you should come with us tomorrow. Come for a day, or stay the entire time, I heard you tell your mother that you weren't working this week." She forced herself to look at him after she finished speaking.
"Come with you all?" Julio scoffed, looking stunned, "no, no way, I couldn't…" he laughed awkwardly, and his ears tinged pink again at being put on the spot like this. This woman was insane. He had only used her for a drive, and now she wanted to invite him on a vacation.
"I will take you home the second you ask me to," Red promised, "and I'll stay out of your way, the entire time we're there, if you'd prefer. I just think you would enjoy it."
"Mom took us to the lake one time," Julio said, smiling at the memory, "and when Tia Lourdes moved us to Florida, she sometimes took us to the ocean on her days off from work."
"So, you'd probably like it," Red said gently, "is there anything I can do that will convince you to come?"
"I don't know," mumbled Julio, "I don't think I could because going with you, and your family, would be like saying I'm okay with you and my mom."
"And you're not?" Red asked him directly.
"Honestly…not really," said Julio,
"I still would like you to come," Red said quietly, "you aren't going to owe me anything if you do. Please?"
"I guess, maybe, I could," said Julio awkwardly, "I'm not doing anything else", he laughed uneasily, "you'll take me straight home If I don't like it?"
"I promise," Red told him.